Unforgettable
by the.missing.marauder
Summary: The unforgettable tale of Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks: Part 1 of the most incredible love story ever told. Cannon Fic: Travels through Books 5 & 6 in the Harry Potter series. Rated M for mild sexual content/ adult situations language edited 05/09
1. Chapter 1: Swagger

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **The first couple chapters are going to be really short, but I _promise_ they'll get longer. R&R please!

Disclaimer: Hello and Welcome! I own nothing :) Some lines in certain chapters are taken directly from the texts of OotP and HBP only for the sake of keeping the story in a more proper timeline. The story is constantly being revised- huge chunks are being added and erased to make the story as wonderful as possible. I love love LOVE reviews as it totally makes my day *wink wink* lol. I try to get back to anyone with questions, or critiques, and if you'd like me to respond, just let me know! Please be nice- it's my very first fic, and I think the only one for a looong while :)

Enjoy!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **(04.08)_ WOTCHER!! _I have decided to revamp this story throughout the 2008 summer season and either add on or create a sequel that will travel through Deathly Hallows **:( **Hope everyone enjoys it!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **(03.09) Hello again all of you! It is now Spring of 2009, and I'd just like you all to know that your glowing reviews and helpful nudges are all that made writing this story possible. Many of you (to my flattery) have requested that I write a sequel that travels through Deathly Hallows… *deep breath* Here's the deal with that. I've read OotP and HBP till I had to glue gun and duct tape the spine together again, more times that I care to admit… and I've read DH once. I found it so heartbreaking that the little talent I may have could not possible touch the events of DH. For the time being, I will say this: I am going to re-read DH and see if I may take a shot at the end of our ship's story, but I do say this with a lot of love: keeps your hopes to a dull roar lol. Thanks again, and I hope that in the smallest of ways that this story will be further proof to all of you that read it that Nymphadora Tonks, and Remus Lupin will always remain if not alive, then at the very least Unforgettable to us all ;)

--- .Marauder

* * *

It was a normal night for London: slightly cool, with a light fog and a slippery street beneath the sprinkling drops of rain that softly hit the faces of it's many inhabitants. The dark alleys of the city were calm now and settling, ready to sleep before they were taken by the Londoners that wandered them at the crack of dawn the following foggy morning. The birds in the treetops were quite silent now, huddling together in a sleepy warmth in their nests, the mothers cooing softly to their young between the gusts of wind that rustled softly through their surrounding leaves.

The drizzle dropped softly on the rooftops as the young Auror skipped silently up the creaking steps and down the hallway to number 204. At the top of the wet stairs, Nymphadora Tonks put her bag down beside her feet and leaned against the door to her soggy flat. She sighed heavily, breathing in the thick air and brushing her long side-swept bangs out of her eyes while recalling the events of that evening. She had gone out with some friends after a long day at the office, only to find that she once again came home alone despite a particular Auror's numerous advances. She groaned in annoyance at the thought of Kingsley's drunken drawl, placing his arms around her, and cooing at her. He had even tried to kiss her goodnight when ex Auror Alastor Moody came to her rescue, and offered to help the wasted Kingsley home. Needless to say, she was glad Moody had met them at all. Tonks had always admired Kingsley, as well as Moody, but Kingsley hitting on her was just too weird. She knew facing him at work the next morning was going to be a ghastly experience- not just because of this night's events, but because the senior ex- Auror was never exactly pleasant when hung over. She moved to her couch to take off her damp socks and favorite boots, when she realized there was a tiny golden brown owl fighting the rain at her window. She walked over silently, and let the little owl enter and swoop around till it found a comfortable place on top of her kitchen counter.

"Now what" she grumbled wiping her tired eyes, heading toward the little creature. "A little over excited, aren't we?" she asked as the owl hopped in place, obviously pleased with itself for having arrived in one piece despite the 'storm'.

She began to untie the small envelope attached to the creature's leg while it continued to hoot and peck at her until it was free or her grasp. She glanced at the neat, loopy handwriting on the parchment and wondered who it belonged to. She had never seen the handwriting before, and examined the envelope as carefully as if dealing with a bomb.

The seal was gold and red; inside of it the silhouette of a phoenix in a grand heap of shining flames. She knew she had seen this symbol before, but when she realized that it was the supposed symbol to the legendary Order of the Phoenix, she froze.

_No way... _

She tore the envelope unceremoniously open, as if expecting to read over someone's idea of a practical joke. She had heard in the past about the famous Order from Moody's many drunken recounts, but had never believed half of the stories to be true. And despite the countless re-tellings from Moody that the Order no longer existed, she always had wondered... Her eyes scanned the parchment frantically as she read it, her eyes growing wider and glossier with every word:

_Dear Ms. Nymphadora Tonks_

_It is my duty to inform you that a mandatory meeting for the Order of the Phoenix has been called for tomorrow evening at headquarters. New initiates will first meet at the home of Arthur and Molly Weasley to receive further instruction unless otherwise notified. Sir Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore has had me send an owl to your superior, Kingsley Shacklebolt as he is also a member, to escort you safely to the Burrow, where we hope you arrive to our main destination safely. Further details as to where the official headquarters for the Order is will be released at tomorrow evening's encounter at the Burrow. Dumbledore insists you arrive promptly at 7:00 pm, and reminds you to take extra precautionary measures to uphold the safety of the Weasley family. The Order knows of your position in the Ministry of Magic, and understands if you are unwilling to accept the position you are now being offered in the Order. More details will be disclosed to you tomorrow afternoon, but I must ask that you mention this letter to no one, _especially _at your place of employment._

_Cordially,_

_Remus J. Lupin_

_Assigned representative to the Order of the Phoenix_

She read and re-read the letter over and over again, staring incredulously at it's lines. _Me? A part of the Order?!_

But there was another matter...

"Who the bloody hell is Remus J. Lupin?!" she spoke aloud to herself, thinking hard.

The small owl hooted softly as if in response to her question. She knew she had heard that name before, but for the life of her she couldn't remember where from. She gave the owl an old apple core as a token of thanks, and closed the window safely behind it. The clock struck 5:00 AM, and to her disgust she realized she had to be at work in three hours time. She groaned even more loudly this time throwing herself face first onto her bed, cocktail dress and all. The last thing she needed was for Kingsley to escort her anywhere, let alone to a house full of unknown people like Remus J. Lupin; Or well known people for that matter- she had known Albus Dumbledore since she was at school, and was quite shocked he had even remembered her at all! True, she knew of Arthur Weasley from the Ministry- in fact she would bet it was he who had recommended her to Albus Dumbledore in the first place, along with Kingsley and Moody. She tucked the letter safely under a weight on her bedside table as if to make sure it couldn't fly away during what was left of the night; she did after all upon awakening want proof that she hadn't just dreamed the whole situation.

And though she could not put her finger on why, she seemed very intrigued by the writer of her letter, dozing off to sleep with thoughts of who the unknown author could be.

Many dreams crawled into her head that night, most involving old faces of friends or relatives she had long not spoken to. Quite a few times her favorite cousin Sirius Black appeared, in his teenage form, shaking hands with a lanky looking boy with bright blue eyes. Visions of her school days and bittersweet memories continued through her mind for the next few hours until her brain had finally shut down for the evening. Little did she know that that particular pair of bright eyes would become more familiar than she ever thought, as would she also soon realize that there was much more to the name of Mr. Remus J. Lupin than what she had taken in at face value.


	2. Chapter 2: Locations, Locations

The excruciatingly long day had finally come to a close when the clock chimed six o'clock that evening. As grueling as the day was, Tonks could not keep her mind off the meeting that would take place later that night. She couldn't count the anxious hours as they went by, each time praying that every moment would go by faster. Twice she had wanted to catch Arthur Weasley to talk about the meeting, make sure it was not a hoax, but she knew she had to lay low. There was even a moment earlier that afternoon when she could swear she saw him send her a small wink from across the break room. She had thanked herself repeatedly for making sure her note was left in plain view for when she woke up, but was paranoid her reassuring winks at and from Arthur would just lead everyone at the ministry to think she was into married older men. Shaking off this thought, her mind went back to the meeting. This would be her first big meeting with the Order, and she couldn't think of anyone better to join her than Arthur Weasley or Mad-Eye Moody. She stretched her arms upward and stifled a mighty yawn, only to be startled by her boss's booming voice. Though his voice was usually quite calming, now was definitely not one of those moments.

"Tonks!" he barked briefly.

She jumped so high in her seat that she slid messily out of it and onto the ground, sending papers flying in every direction.

"Yes Sir?" she said hastily, scrambling to her feet.

He raised a thick black eyebrow in an expression of mixed pity and disgust. With a flick of his wand the mass of papers stacked themselves neatly on the center of her desk.

"You know I should have made you re-organize all of that yourself. _Without_ magic" he added with a wry smile.

"I'm sorry Sir, I know I'm extremely clumsy I just didn't realize you were coming and then Poof you popped out of nowhere, but I had no idea you see, so obviously what I'm trying to say is--"

"_TONKS!_"

"YES SIR!" She said frantically, her eyes wide.

"When you are done making excuses for being a klutz, I would like a private word with you in my office" he said with a squirrley smile.

She blinked, eyes wide and watery. Could this be what she thought this was about?

"Now" he boomed with quiet intensity.

"Yes Sir!" she exclaimed, flailing and running into his office without another moment's hesitation, tripping twice on her way to his door.

"Bollocks" she grumbled under her breath as she regained her balance.

He entered the room behind her, watching as she tried to collect herself and shut the door. He cast a small spell on it shortly afterward to make sure that nobody behind it could hear her. She was relieved to see Arthur had also apparated into the room, looking far more cool and collected. He offered her a warm smile as he motioned her toward a seat. _What she wouldn't give to have that kind of cool_, she thought feeling her face go pink.

"Tonks, how many times have I told you not to wear those pants to work…" said Kinglsey shaking his head and laughing at her.

"Right. Sorry Sir..." She flushed: she had forgotten to try and look presentable and instead wore her jeans that were so covered in frayed patches they may as well have been holes to begin with. Arthur chuckled.

"Now Tonks, I trust you know Arthur Weasley?" he said and they shook hands.

"I have brought you in here to tell you that there has been a slight change of plans for the evening regarding our 'meeting'" he said softly as he took a seat atop his desk.

"A change in plans, sir?" she asked confusedly. It was not like Kingsley to change plans on a whim, particularly when the said plans had been set by Albus Dumbledore himself.

"Yes. Dumbledore has just sent me an owl asking me to leave immediately as there are some things he would like to discuss with Arthur and I prior to the meeting."

"Do you think you can make it to the Burrow by yourself?" Arthur asked kindly.

"Th--the burrow? Oh, Absolutely Sir" she replied looking from Arthur to Kingsley. What on earth would Dumbledore want with the two of them that she herself could not be a part of?

"Good. Then if there are no further questions--"

"Well, Sir, actually there is one... Seeing as I've met and all, why am I going to the Burrow if the actual meeting place is somewhere else? Not to mention no one has been kind enough to let me know where said place is yet... Er, wouldn't it be more convenient to just tell me the place now? -- Sir?" she corrected herself. If there was anything Kingsley hated it was when Tonks did not call him Sir during office hours.

"Ah- here. Do not share this piece of parchment with anyone- and make sure it is completely destroyed before you leave this room." he said before she could question it. He handed her a small piece of parchment. In a loopy cursive writing she recognized as Dumbledore's, she read _'Number 12 Grimmauld Place'_

"But Sir- where exactly is this?"

_CRACK._

She looked up slightly surprised to see that the pair had already disapparated.

"Great" she exclaimed with mock enthusiasm and with that she too left the room, and went back to her desk to clean up what was left of her mess.

It dawned on her that she wouldn't be able to apparate to the actual location as she could not visualize a place she had never been to before. She thought of the scrawl from the man Lupin's hand and brushed off the annoying thought she'd be walking blind. Tidying herself up, she drew herself to her fullest height and walked proudly to the row of fireplaces.

She grabbed a fist full of floo powder and threw them with certainty into the bright green flames.

"The Burrow" she said with a deep breath, and in a flash of smoke she was gone.


	3. Chapter 3: Wotcher

"Bollocks!" Tonks exclaimed, pulling her scarf tighter around her neck.

How could she have been so stupid! She had known to think Grimmauld Place before going through the flames to save herself the hassle, but was not thrilled to find herself in front of The Burrow. She thought as hard as she could, pacing up and down the windy September street. _'Oh come on, you bloody goober, how could you screw up something so important! Kingsley is going to KILL you!"_ raged her inner monologue. After another moment of pacing, she finally sat down on the ground as if to meditate. She couldn't apparate, and it wasn't worth risking breaking into the Weasley house to commandeer their fireplace and floo powder. After another moment or so she came to the humiliating conclusion that sending an Owl was the wisest move. She pulled out a piece of parchment from her bag and began scribbling furiously. Ready to admit failure, she began writing a note to Dumbledore, tears of frustration welling up in her eyes. She may already be late for the meeting, but if she could at least apparate to Diagon Alley and send him an owl, he could tell her where to go from there. She was half way through writing the letter, and began to stand when suddenly--

_CRACK!_

"OUCH! Watch where you're apparating you bloody squib!" said Nymphadora, falling over with an ungraceful splat.

She looked up to see who or what on earth caused such a collision, when she saw a rather worn, stringy looking man glancing down at her. His face was young, but weathered and peaky, as though he had not had a good night's sleep in a long while... though she could not remember ever seeing a kinder pair of blue, honey-speckled eyes. His robes were worn and as patched up as her favorite pants. He had light brown hair, streaked liberally with gray, black and blond strands that flowed softly down to the back of his neck. He extended a hand at the blushing violet haired figure beneath him, a look of polite concern washing over his face.

"Are you all right Miss?"

She couldn't help but feel her face flush and her anger ebb almost completely away. Those eyes were piercing... She tried to compose herself by attempting to sound annoyed.

"Well I'd be a right side better if you hadn't landed on top of my head then, wouldn't I?" She added a small smirk to intensify her try. Then, to her surprise, his look of concern transformed into a warm smile. She took his hand, and hoisted herself up from the ground. He noticed she was wearing two different colored gloves: one was fingerless, bright pink with yellow stripes, and the other a royal blue with horrible green polka dots. Her jeans had patches from every fabric known to wizard kind and holes that garden gnomes could crawl through. She had the appearance of having just been rescued from a grunge pit, and hair that would put forget-me-nots to shame. Then – she smiled.

"Wotcher," she said finally.

"You must be Nymphadora" he said taking in the striking appearance of the younger witch. She couldn't be but 5 or 6 years older than Harry Potter and his friends, but there were many other features that set her apart from them. She had dangerous, voluptuous curves, big golden brown eyes, violet hair, and a pale, heart shaped face that gave her an appearance quite similar to a muggle's take on a large garden fairy. He hadn't known the girl for five minutes, but couldn't help finding her to be absolutely, thought quite strangely, charming.

"DON'T call me that" she said sounding annoyed, brushing off the dead leaves from her knickers and bringing Remus back to reality. "My surname is Tonks, and if you don't like getting hexed, I'd hope you'll remember to call me by it".

"I do apologize, Ms.-- Tonks, you said?" he asked politely. His eyes were so clear and sincere, she giggled nervously.

"Yes... Yes it is. Now may I ask who you are?" she replied clearing her throat, trying to regain her professionalism. He was, in fact, a member of the Order, and she had no intention of letting on how silly she was without first knowing they would appreciate her sense of humor. She cringed suddenly at the thought of her pants.

"My name is Remus Lupin, we've corresponded by owl post on Dumbledore's orders. Or, rather, I've sent you a notice on behalf of Dumbledore. Kinglsey was worried perhaps you'd try and head straight for headquarters vs. your instructions to meet here. Knack of curiosity, he called it." he replied kindly.

"Yeah right- more like he offered you all to leave me here and let me be lost in my clumsiness" she retorted. "How did you know I was me, anyway? Am I the only one not going directly to headquarters, I thought there would be others?" she asked confused.

He laughed at this, his voice sounding to her like the tinkling of a antique bell.

"To your compliment I'm sure, he told me anyone who looked blatantly out of the ordinary. And I must say, violet hair, while wonderful, does sort of set off the out-of-the-ordinary flag" he said warmly. "I also know that you were an acquaintance of sorts to an old friend of mine. The reason only you had to come here first was as to not risk being followed by other Ministry members."

She immediately thought nervously of any ex-lover or friend she'd ever had.

Again he chuckled at her look of surprise, resulting in a small smile on her face and a shiver down her spine. After instructing her to think of Number 12 Grimmauld place, she took his arm, and with a loud crack they were teleported to a small quiet street in the suburbs. She stood a moment and watched him look from 11 to 13 and waited. A moment later the number 12 appeared and she chuckled: Dumbledore really was a genius.

"Oh, and by the way- I should warn you," he began, taking his turn to smirk. "That acquaintance I mentioned... Well it may interest you to know that your alleged murderer cousin Sirius Black is actually innocent, and on top of which, a very valued member of the Order of the Phoenix. I Just… thought I should spare you at least _some_ of the surprise".

She stopped dead in her tracks and watched Lupin's back as he walked towards the door.

"What? You're- You're kidding right?" she said hoarsely, her eyes wide.

"Oh- And do try be quiet on your way inside..." he started, opening the door for her as she caught up to him. "You see," he whispered, quite close to her ear, "Sirius's mother isn't exactly fond of visitors."


	4. Chapter 4: Introductions

Lupin broke the threshold first as quietly as possible, Tonks close at his heels. She could feel the warmth of his back radiating onto her cold chest. He, on the other hand, couldn't help but notice the delicious Vanilla scent that seemed to be coming from her violent, violet hair. He felt a pang of guilt that he had to be the one to retrieve her instead of her so beloved cousin. He had wondered why Sirius would have made it a point to send him so specifically to find her in the first place. Why would Sirius not ask someone she knew to go fetch her? He could barely begin to ponder the answer when a deafening crash erupted from directly behind him. Lupin jumped at the sound.

"_MUD-BLOODS! FILTH! BLOOD TRAITORS!"_the portrait began to scream

Tonks was mortified. She had tripped over a huge - something - and was sent crashing to the floor, taking with her a number of fragile, undoubtedly expensive glass objects. The noise had obviously upset someone as the shrill voice of a woman broke the silence of the hall.

"FUCK! OHMybloodyhelli'msosorry--" Tonks began apologetically from the ground as the angry voice wailed on.

"Its fine are you al--" Lupin started, the rest of his sentence drowned in the portrait's deafening shrieks.

"OH shut UP you bloody old _hag_!" roared a man as he raced down the hallway. Tonks caught a glimpse of his matted, glossy black hair as he joined Lupin in the hall. Lupin and Sirius began tugging violently at the curtains trying to silence the portrait of Mrs. Black, Tonks remaining guiltily rooted to the spot.

After finally managing to close the curtains, Remus turned to see a seemingly paralyzed and dumbfounded Nymphadora on the ground behind him.

"Are you alright?" he said observing the pieces of broken plate surrounding her at his feet. Tonks's gaze did not move. Lupin could have proposed and she would not have heard it... She continued to stare at what she suddenly realized was none other that her beloved cousin Sirius, tears filling up her dark and piercing eyes.

Remus turned to glance at Sirius, watching the wide smile spreading slowly over his friend's hollowed face. His eyes were glossy, looking Nymphadora up and down as if in disbelief that so much time had passed. All was still, as if time had stopped to allow them this moment. Tonks couldn't believe it: her favorite cousin, whom she had not seen in over 14 years, was suddenly now only two feet away from her...

"Nymph...?" he began in a soft whisper.

An intense silence took the air, the three of them looking at each other in an estranged triangle. Before Lupin had time to look back at Tonks, she had already leapt up into Sirius's arms, tears streaming down her face. They embraced for what seemed like forever, both laughing and sobbing into each other. He whirled her around in a circle, putting her down to help wipe off her tears.

"Oh Sirius, I knew you couldn't be guilty! All these years!" she exclaimed jumping up and down in a girlish bounce, running her fingers through his matted hair as if to make sure he was real, and really there in front of her.

Remus watched the two of them, their loving stares bringing a smile to his own face. He had always wished to have a family like that. After years of hearing her cousin was a murderer, Tonks still at this moment was instantly forgiving him, looking at Sirius with such adoration in her eyes he felt like he was intruding on quite a private moment. Sirius caught notice of Lupin's presence finally, and pulled Remus to his other side, putting his arms around them both as they walked toward the kitchen.

"My Lord Dora, look how you've grown! You were just a short little thing the last time I saw you! And now look at you- Tall, adorable- You're a fox! A bloody _super_ _fox_ Nymph!" barked Sirius with a laugh. Tonks blushed and rolled her eyes.

"Fourteen years and you still love me then - good to know nothing's changed then, still under the influence of fire whiskey I see!" she added chuckling. Sirius barked a 'Ha' and scruffed her hair playfully.

Kingsley, Mad-Eye and the rest of the members of the Order looked over at them, beaming. She gave Kingsley a polite nod as they turned to face Dumbledore who was seated at the head of the kitchen's table. Tonks took a seat between Albus and Mad-Eye, her eyes following Remus who sat at the other end of the table, Sirius on one side, and a rather plump witch with short black hair on the other.

"Welcome, welcome, everyone again" addressed Dumbledore positively beaming. "I call at this hour for our meeting to begin. As you can see we have many new faces..."

As Dumbledore began to speak, Tonks stole a glance at Lupin and was surprised to see him staring right back at her intently. Every line seemed to make him more interesting, the small scars that crossed his thin pointed nose making his imperfections all the more lovely to look at. He was really quite pretty, she thought. A small smile spread across his face as their eyes met, and she could feel her face flush. _'Could he possibly be checking me out?"_ she asked herself hopefully. She returned her dreamy gaze to Dumbledore, startled at the fact that everyone was now looking at her expectantly.

"What?" she asked bewildered. Moody smacked himself in the forehead and rolled his magical eye with a groan. Tonks blushed as Dumbledore graced her with a knowing smile.

"Yep – Definitely related to Sirius" Mad-Eye grumbled.

"We were asking you, Mademoiselle, if you would like to introduce yourself to the table" Dumbledore said kindly.

Now Tonks knew she was turning pink. She looked back again at Lupin who was now staring at the table as if suddenly extremely interested with a speck of dust upon it. Sirius shook his head with an evil grin at her while she fumbled nervously to stand.

"R-right. Sorry then mate-I mean Dumbledore-uh _Captain_--SIR! Um, Wotcher! - My uh... my name is Tonks! Well... I go by Tonks anyway, and I'm a junior Auror at the Ministry of Magic, been working there for some time now... And, well... that's about it, heh" she added scratching the back of her neck and sitting back in her seat.

"Oh, and I'm a metamorphmagus" she added popping up quickly once more, Remus shifting in his chair. The others at the table nodded approvingly and impressed. She hadn't noticed but every time she wasn't looking at him, he was stealing a rather lengthy glance at her.

She was an absolute mess, no doubting that, but she was so naive and intriguing he couldn't help but smile to himself. She was in fact young, but there was also something grown up about her, something mature. After Alastor Moody, Arthur Weasley, Sturgis Podmore, Bill Weasley, and Hestia Jones- the plump witch with short dark hair, re-introduced themselves, it was then Remus Lupin's turn. He looked over the table, slightly concerned that the young woman with the heart shaped face had not spoken a word or looked at anybody since she introduced herself.

"I, as most of you well know me by now, am Remus J. Lupin. I served as a teacher at Hogwarts for one term two years ago and am now slowly wasting away in the confines of my home as an unemployed disaster" he said with a smile as the rest of the table chuckled. Sirius always loved how Remus was able to laugh at himself. Tonks continued to stare at the floor.

Sirius stretched, both hands behind his head as he balanced himself on the back two legs of his chair. He was looking at the ceiling as though severely bored. He couldn't place his finger on why, but he could feel that something was coming... Mad-Eye kept shifting his glances between his protégée and her cousin, thinking along the same lines.

The door burst open just as Remus was finishing up his introduction. The table glanced over at the door frame, and Dumbledore nodded silently for the man who entered to silently take his seat. He had curtains of thick, greasy black hair that hung lank around his sallow face. He wore robes of all black, matched only by his shifting black eyes. Tonks felt a bit uneasy as he grasped the seat at the far end of the table, noticing Sirius's expression changing from one of complete apathy to intense hatred. He stared at the ground as not to look at the man who entered.

"Nice of you to join us" Sirius spat. The greasy man smirked.

The room stayed silent.

After the rest of the members of the order introduced themselves to one another, Dumbledore continued on with what was expected from them, and who would be helping in what ways. As he spoke, Remus decided it was once again safe to look at the Junior Auror sitting at the end of the table. He couldn't help but feel sympathetic, taking in her sad little pout. She was staring absent-mindedly in her lap as though wishing the floor would swallow her into the ground, chewing softly on her bottom lip in thought. Her soft hair covered her watery eyes and most of her face, but he could tell she was still severely embarrassed by being caught not listening to Dumbledore.

As the members of the table were dismissed, everyone began to get up, bid their adieus and leave. The man that had so upset Sirius (and who Tonks recognized immediately as Severus Snape) was gone in a flash; Kingsley and Arthur both wished Tonks a safe weekend, as more and more members began to filter out of the room. Sirius made his way over to Bill Weasley and started a game of Wizard's chess in the front room by the stairs. Tonks messily began to collect her things when she noticed Remus Lupin was staring at her while bidding an absent-minded farewell to Sturgis and Hestia. She was caught like a deer in headlights as he made his way over to her, a small smile on his face. Every nerve in her body seemed to be standing on end.

"Are you alright then? You seem a bit flustered…" he asked helping her pick up the rest of her things.

"Oh, I'm fine thank you" she said offering him her hand.

"I suppose now I can more formally introduce myself. I'm Nymphadora Tonks, as you know... I work as a Junior Auror to the Ministry of Magic, basically Mad-Eye's protégée. And let me tell you – they don't call him Moody for nothing!" she said winking.

"Remus J. Lupin, but I must insist you call me Remus, Miss Tonks" he replied placing a rolled up piece of parchment in the hand she offered him, bowing his head slightly.

"Only if you drop the 'Miss'" she added back with a flustered grin.

Their eyes locked onto each other's as Sirius made his way over to the pair of them, a wide smile on his face.

"Tonks! Now that we've discovered I'm not a mass murderer, I insist you stay the night and drink up with us! We do after all have a good thirteen years or so to make up" he added, swinging his arms around her. "You too Remus, I insist".

It was Remus who spoke first.

"I'm sorry old friend, but I am getting quite tired, and I think it'd be best if I left the fun times for you and your able young cousin. Besides I wouldn't want to impose--"

"Sirius, do you have to be so crass about thing?" she said with a laugh. "Besides, Remus, You wouldn't be imposing, not at all!" She didn't know what made her say it, but found Remus and Sirius both looking at her wide eyed, and fell back a step in shock.

"Please stay...Or, er, What I mean to say is, I'm sure it would be lovely-- plus I owe you one for coming to find me" she added pointedly, trying to cover up for her unexplained over-eagerness. She had hoped it sounded believable, but the wild look in Sirius' eyes and wicked grin made her not think so. Lupin looked to the ground, a small smile on his face.

"Again, Thank you, but you owing me seems less likely than the opposite considering I landed on your head" he replied softly.

"---So, Remus, All the more reason to stay! Come on Moony, I believe you owe the lady at least one glass of wine before you bail" argued Sirius.

"Moony?" she asked in surprised.

Remus looked up at her confused.

"So _that's_ where I know your name from! You're Moony of the infamous Marauders I heard stories about as a child! Not to mention I remember Sirius calling out that name throughout my youth telling you to bugger off for trying to get him to stop picking on me! I must say _your_ stories were by far the most interesting, Mischievous with a touch of brains, too, unlike James and Sirius here--" she added once again with her usual girlish bounce. Remus flushed. She realized far too late that she had said too much- Sirius's face went into marauder mode, and she was terrified he would say something cheeky. She tried to give him a warning expression, but it was too late.

"Yeah, infamous Moony, do stay! Or who will spare this poor damsel of the thirteen years of torment she's had coming to her!" he said with mock eagerness. She flushed. Bill and Mad-Eye came toward them with four wineglasses in hand.

"Come on, Mate! We've got to celebrate Sirius finding a family member he can stand! One glass Remus, it won't kill you! Don't be the half-breed to ruin the fun!" boasted Bill joyfully.

"No, no thank you, I--"

"Half breed?" interjected Tonks amused.

Mad-Eye clocked bill in the back of the head and rolled his magical eye. "Well, that's my cue to leave…" he grumbled before stumbling off toward the door.

Remus suddenly looked mortified. Bill and Sirius exchanged nervous glances; Sirius gave Bill an accusatory glance, as Bill shrugged his shoulders in that _'I didn't mean to!'_sort of way. Remus kept his gaze to the floor, the small smile barely masking the horror in his eyes. Sirius responded.

"Yes. You know how I'm an animagus and all that? Well, Remus here is a werewolf." he said softly. Remus looked at his shoes, his face now painted with a defeated expression, turning pink.

"NO!" shouted Tonks as she covered her mouth with both hands. "But you're so-- so NOT a... a were..."

A sad smile appeared on Remus' face. The sparkle in his eyes had flickered out, and she wished desperately she had kept her big mouth shut.

"I'm afraid so… Anyway I really must be going, but thank you again. Goodnight Bill, Sirius..." his eyes couldn't meet hers "Nymphadora..."

He began walking to the door, patched up briefcase in hand. She extended her hand and caught hold of his arm before he walked out.

"Oh please don't go, I didn't mean anything by it, honest!" she pleaded earnestly. His body felt as though an electric shock had gone through it the moment she touched him. "It's just that- well you aren't what I expected a lycanthrope to be like! It's just me; I was stupid-- I didn't mean to offend you...please... stay?"

"It's quite alright, I assure you" he said kindly, the sad smile still plastered on his face like a well rehearsed grin. He looked up at her, and their eyes met again for one long moment. Her big, golden brown eyes were glossy with sincere apology. Her long black lashes seemed as though they were drawn from ink, her heart shaped face as pale and as beautiful... and as unfair to him, in his mind, as the moon. The only reason staring into her was easier, because while her face carried the beauty and mystery of the moon, it was not nearly as cold to him. She was full of warmth and understanding. He couldn't explain it, but he wanted to drop his briefcase and stay there, looking into those captivating eyes forever. _Sweet Girl..._he thought. It was for that reason that he did what he did next.

"Goodnight, Tonks" he added quietly, warmly, eyes still locked on that intriguing face. With that, he left her touch and closed the door behind him.

It was quiet for a moment as she stared into the void where his eyes used to be. She felt so awful staring into that beautiful mix of golden and blue, knowing that the sadness swimming in them was her fault, and only when Sirius put his arm around her shoulders, shaking her lightly, did she break her gaze.

"I- I didn't mean anything by it Sirius, you know that---"

"---He'll be alright, relax. As for you though... I think _you_ could use a drink" he added with a small smile.

Remus took off his loafers as he sat, thinking hard, on the corner of his rickety bed. Why had Bill blurted out that he was a werewolf?! _'What am I saying?"_ he asked himself. _"Of course she'd need to know I was a werewolf- what kind of person would I be to hide_that _from someone. And why do I care..."_

_  
_He walked over to the broken mirror on the other side of the room and began unbuttoning his shirt. He could see in the fractures of the broken glass his scarred, beaten chest, and sighed heavily. He finished removing his clothing and walked over to the small cupboard in the corner. He then pulled out a ratty old brown sweater so that his bruised back was reflected in the mirror's image. He pulled the sweater tiredly over his torso- he refused to sleep with no shirt on as he found it embarrassing for even himself to look at his body in the mirror first thing every morning.

He couldn't keep his mind off the young witch, her soulful eyes boring into him. He couldn't stop thinking about her dangerous curves, her soft hair, and her vanilla scent. He tossed and turned for hours in his sweaty sheets, dying to rip his clothes off. The sweat pouring onto his neck made him want to rip _her_ clothes off in fact... _NO what am I saying!_He thought silently_..._He ran his fingers angrily though his hair as he heaved a long, frustrated sigh. He felt sick and hot and horrible at the thought of her, and could not for the life of him think how these feelings could be awakened in him by someone as young and whole as Nymphadora.

_It's just because she was kind... because it is getting close to a full moon and the animal instinct is taking over, nothing more..._

Nymphadora.

His heart stung at the thought of the word. The pain in his chest was matched only by the frustration he felt slightly below his waist line. He felt disgusted with himself, growling in anger and shoving his face into the fold of his pillow. He usually acted strangely a few days before the full moon, but he had never before felt like this. He had known many pretty witches in the past, but none of them made him feel like he were about to endure a stroke. The sweat from his forehead was stinging his eyes and he forced himself of lie flat on his stomach as to avoid further humiliation. He whimpered in pain, wanting to howl and scream and scratch and break and tear and bite at his own itching skin and flesh... He wanted to relieve himself, but had trained himself not to give in to such pathetic yearning. He tried to relax but to no avail. He tried desperately not to think. _No transformation could be worse than this_, he thought to himself. More time had passed, Remus still writhing with discomfort. His mind wanted to sleep but his body was violently awake. He felt sick... After a few more hours of frustrated tossing and infuriated turning, Remus J. Lupin finally passed out, a certain someone fading in and out of his disturbing dreams ...whether he liked it that way or not.


	5. Chapter 5: Advance Guard

"YOU DID _WHAT?!_ ARE YOU BARKING MAD NYMPHADORA?!!" Moody Shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Alastor, Calm Down now---" Arthur began.

"Oh, Re-Lax Moody! And 'mad', well that's SOMETHING coming from you!" Tonks shouted back.

"SILENCE" demanded Dumbledore.

The room fell quiet and still immediately

"What Tonks has done was at my bidding Alastor, and I approve. I think the Dursleys will find her letter very convincing indeed" the old man continued.

"Thank you!" said Sirius, growling back at Mad-Eye.

"Will someone be kind enough to tell me what's going on?" came Remus' feeble voice from the doorway.

Tonks flushed. _Perfect timing_ she thought to herself.

"Yes, Remus, and thank you for coming on such short notice! We are going to need to move Harry out of his Aunt and Uncle's house tonight, and bring him straight here. As it is in everyone's best interests for Sirius to remain here, and I think it important that he see a familiar face, I hope that you would be willing to lead the Guard on this one?"

The room looked from Dumbledore to Lupin.

"Absolutely Sir. But, em, how will the Dursley's feel about all this?" he replied calmly.

"Nymphadora has sent a letter to them explaining that they have won a prize of some sort and that they are to receive it tonight. The three of them will be out of the house long enough for you to go in, and escort Harry back to these headquarters. I will also be sending you with a group, an Advance Guard of sorts, as Harry must be protected _at all costs_. Do I make myself clear?" spoke the Headmaster kindly.

"Of course, I understand. Are there any volunteers?" Lupin offered to the room. Almost every hand shot up into the air. He ignored the excited murmurs of the Order and Sirius' grand scowl as he planted himself into the nearest chair and poured himself a less-than-healthy glass of Fire whiskey.

"Excellent! Tonks, you will be on Lupin's tail and lead the way back to headquarters as by now, I'm assured that you know it best. As Harry is too young to apparate, all of you will be on brooms."

"Excellent!" said Tonks as she ran her fingers through Sirius's hair affectionately. Remus twitched uncomfortably. Sirius continued to scowl.

"Alastor, Kingsley - you will also be going. You will be security detail."

"And backup?" barked Mad-Eye instantly forgetting his tiff with Tonks.

"Doge, Diggle, Vance, Podmore and… Jones should suffice" Dumbledore finished happily.

"We'd better head out then – it seems Tonks' story hasn't given us much time to move. I'll grab the brooms." shot Mad-Eye with a scowl.

Tonks smiled and rolled her eyes.

"He's proud of me, He just hates admitting it. Besides- I've never met the little Potter. So what's the plan then?" she asked Remus.

There was a huge part of Tonks just devoted to praying that Remus didn't remember she knew he was a werewolf. He had been extremely upset, she could tell, that she had reacted the way she did. She didn't think at all that he was horrible in any way, but it broke her heart that Remus was a Lycan. It didn't seem fair to her that a man as kind and humble as Remus would have to deal with something like that.

Remus felt small, misplaced satisfaction in the fact that she was now talking to him and not playing with Sirius's hair.

"I suppose we should just get in through the front door as not to startle him. Somehow I don't think showing up at his window will have the same effect as it once did" he replied, scratching the back of his neck.

"So what's this exactly that you've done to his Aunt and Uncle?" he asked. He had heard the brief explanation from Dumbledore, but wanted to hear her talk. He could swear he saw Sirius Scoff out of the corner of his eye.

"Oh. That. I invented an All-England Best-Kept Suburban Lawn competition. Bunch of Rubbish. I was dumbfounded the codgers actually took the bait."

Remus chuckled and pocketed his wand. Tonks attempted the same notion and ended up dropping it, hitting her head on the coffee table with a bang on her way back up from retrieving it.

"Shit!"

"Are you alright---"

"Fine! Fine just- ow…"

"It's time Lupin- let's go" came Moody's voice from the corner.

Tonks grabbed her wand and followed out her mentor obediently. Remus followed suit and joined the other members outside. The wind was chilly and the sky was a thick, deep blue. Lupin headed toward the front of the team and Mad-Eye leaned in so that only the young Auror could hear her.

"Clear Night, isn't it Nymphadora" he growled.

Tonks rolled her eyes.

"Moody, I've asked you NOT to call me that, that name is ridiculous. But yes, _Mad-Eye_, it is a very clear night indeed" she finished.

Mad-Eye grumbled at the use of his not so favorite nickname.

"You just make sure your head is just as clear, Got it? Don't need to be coaching you to focus on missions rather than gallavandering after lonely, middle-ages werewolves…"

"_He's younger than you_!" she hissed in a whisper.

"And besides – I know how to do my job Moody, it's sort of why you hired me?!"

"Mount your brooms" called Lupin to the guard. She scowled as Mad-Eye hobbled to Lupin's other side and took a deep breath. _Focus, Tonks. Keep your breathing steady- we can do this._

Lupin looked to his left to see Mad-Eye adjusting his overcoat and cheated a glance to his right. Tonks' hands were firmly on her broom handle, her jaw clenched. She looked over at Remus and nodded her head. Lupin's smile widened, and faced straight ahead into the oncoming darkness.

"Now!" he called out. All at once, the Guard kicked their heels into the street below and ascended gracefully into the night sky.

The cold wet wind whipped his face and Lupin could not remember the last time he had been on a broom. It was exhilarating to him – dodging clouds, whipping through the air as if running at the speed of sound, but less effortlessly. The air was thick, but cool, and the stars looked as if they were within an arm's distance.

Tonks thought he glided rather majestically as he led the Guard onward. She giggled at the sight of Mad-Eye taking a swig from his flask as he flew. They rose up higher and higher into the endless atmosphere, her violet hair being thrashed about by the London wind. She pushed her broom further to be parallel with Lupin's.

His thoughts were interrupted when a flash of purple caught the corner of his eye. He glanced to his right to be met with a dazzling, challenging smile; to her delighted surprise, he returned it and grasped his handle a little harder. They both started to pick up speed carefully.

_Nice try Nymhadora_he thought to himself.

It was now a race, a race between the two of them...

"Come and get me then!" shouted Tonks with a grin, and burst forward in one swift motion. Remus actually laughed out loud and motioned for her to continue without him in defeat. The coat tails of her black jacked whipped furiously through the night wind, her hair greatly resembling the inner part of a dancing flame.

"Tonks, for God's sake will you not act so much like a child when on a mission!" barked Moody.

"Oh come on Moody, where's your spontaneity! We haven't even got 'im yet!" she called out laughing. She could swear she saw him smile in spite of himself.

Lupin was another that could not for the life of him wipe the grin off his face. There was just something so playful and charming about this girl that he didn't know if he wanted to hug her or snatch her broom from beneath her.

"Almost there now!" called Lupin to the ranks around him.

Tonks had slowed her broom to fall back behind Lupin. She gave Mad-Eye an impish grin as he rolled his magical eye and glared at her in warning. She was tempted to look beneath her to see the small town of Surrey but decided against it as she was not too fond of being at such great heights. Lupin seemed to realize something was wrong as her face became increasingly pale. The cold winds blew stronger at them.

"Is she alright?" he asked Moody who had just come up beside him.

"Ha! 'Fraid of heights, the bloody coward. Amazes me she hasn't up and fallen off her broom yet" he scoffed.

Remus screwed up his face in concern, when he finally spotted it:

"It's there- below us!" he called out.

The Guard lowered their brooms to Privet drive and slowed to a halt. Lupin noticed that Tonks did so with her eyes firmly shut. Sturgis Podmore and Hestia Jones were now dismounting their brooms. Tonks stopped a little short and fell forward onto her knees.

"Told you" grumbled Moody under his breath to Lupin "The Git…."

Lupin walked over to offer her a hand when she pushed herself back onto her feet and brushed off her pants. She felt very shaky.

"You alright?" he offered

"Oh me? Fine…" she replied nervously. She looked up at the house in amazement. He loved watching her expressions. His eyes followed her as she walked toward the front door, tripping smally on her way up the tiny stone steps. Lupin chuckled and followed, making sure every member was accounted for.

"We're at T- 23 minutes, Remus" Moody barked as he walked over to the door.

"_Alohamora_" Remus said as he tapped the doorknob with the tip of his wand.

Not two seconds after they entered the house did he hear an earsplitting crash come from behind him. A feeble female apology confirmed that it was Tonks that had fallen over something, yet again.

The group made it's way inside the impeccably clean house, admiring the decorations and still photos that were common in muggle houses.

"Tonks, are you incapable of walking two feet without tripping over 8 different flat surfaces?!" Moody hissed through Kingsley's quiet laughter.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked immediately pulling her up from the ground.

"I'm okay, thanks, just clumsy…"

Their eyes met for a brief instant. She could stare into those eyes for a very, very long time.

They were interrupted by a voice that Remus had missed for quite some time, and a voice that Tonks had always wanted to hear.

"Professor Moody?" Harry's voice rang. Lupin and Tonks met Moody by the stairs.

"I don't know so much about Professor" Mad-Eye grumbled in response. "Never got round to teaching much, did I? Get down here, we want to see you properly."

"It's all right Harry. We've come to take you away." Lupin said hoarsely. He was so excited to see his student, he even managed to stop staring at Tonks.

"P-Professor Lupin? Is that you?" replied the boy.

"Why are we all standing in the dark? _Lumos!"_Tonks called out.

The tip of Tonks' wand glowed lavender and the stairwell above them led their eyes to the boy at the very top. He was skinny, and tall for a boy his age with bright green eyes like beacons against his messy, matted black hair. Tonks grinned from ear to ear in a very Sirius-like manner.

"Ooooh he looks just like I though he would. Wotcher, Harry!" she beamed.

The rest were talking excitedly as Lupin and Mad-Eye made sure it was in fact Harry Potter they were talking to. Tonks watched Harry's expression of happiness upon seeing Lupin and wondered what it must have been like to have Remus as a teacher.

"Don't put your wand there boy!" roared Moody. "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"

"Who d'you know that's lost a buttock?" asked Tonks interestedly.

"Never you mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket! Elementary wand safety, nobody bothers about it anymore..."

Tonks rolled her eyes before supplying Harry with a quick wink.

"And I saw that!" Moody finished as he walked away.

"How are you?" Lupin asked Harry as he shook his hand.

"F-Fine" said the boy slightly shaking. "I'm- You're really lucky the Dursleys are out..."

"Lucky, ha! It was me that lured them out of the way. Sent a letter by Muggle post telling them they'd been short listed for the All-England Best-Kept Suburban Lawn competition. They're heading off to the prize-giving right now... Or at least they think they are." Tonks said with pride.

"We are leaving aren't we? Soon?" the boy asked Lupin. Tonks chuckled.

"Almost at once, we're waiting for the all clear" Lupin smiled back.

"Where are we going? The Burrow?"

"No, not the Burrow, no. Too risky. We've set up headquarters somewhere undetectable. It's taken a while..." Lupin began. He could tell Harry was eyeing Mad-Eye nervously, so he felt he should properly introduce them. "This is Alastor Moody, Harry."

"Yeah, I know" he said awkwardly back. His green eyes shifted to Tonks.

"And this is Nymphadora---"

"_Don't_ call me Nymphadora, Remus" Tonks shuddered, "It's Tonks".

"---Nymphadora Tonks who prefers to be called by her surname only" Lupin finished.

She gave him a bashful smile.

She continued to look curiously on Lupin's face, searching for a sign of familiarity vs. professionalism. A moment after she looked away, Lupin allowed his gaze to go back to her.

A moment later she was up the stairs behind Harry, off to help him pack his bags. Lupin immediately pretended to be very interested in the painting that was behind where Tonks stood previously, knowing all the while that Mad-Eye's magical eye was probably staring directly his way.

He couldn't put his finger on it but he didn't feel comfortable around Tonks and Moody at the same time. He felt he should remain at all costs professional, especially when on a mission from the Order.

Within the hour the Order was back in the now freezing air, flying among the icy clouds. Lupin watched Tonks at the head of the team, leading the young Potter and the Guard to Grimmauld place. Her hair whipped about her face, violet and pink strands in a violent whirl about her. She continued to swim through the icy skies, bantering with Moody all the while about turning to ice. He could watch her for hours, just the way she moved, the way her lips danced when she talked, or how her eyes lit up when she smiled...

It wasn't until they had landed that Lupin did his best to catch up to her. Tonks turned to him to retrieve his broom, but found herself much closer to him than she had anticipated.

"O-Oh, sorry" she said nervously, trying desperately to knock the smell of his skin out of her mind.

"No, it's my fault, didn't mean to sneak up on you...Um, we should...." Lupin said awkwardly.

A moment passed between them. She smiled up at his worn face. His eyes twinkled in the light from the kitchen. It wasn't till Mad-Eye called after them that she realized the reason behind his small smile was because she was blocking the door.

Two steps later she had tripped on the Umbrella stand, wanting desperately to disappear into the ground. She made her way into the meeting room praying that Lupin would ignore her the rest of the night and spare her the humiliation of being around him.

Lupin watched her walk through the door, fighting to control his breathing. He had never been so close to her pretty face before, and seeing her smile was beyond anything he's felt in a very long while... Shaking off the thought, he too entered the next room and took his seat at the table with the rest of the Order.

Tonks excused herself to head back into the hallway to finish bringing in all of Harry's belongings. Lupin sat in a chair opposite Mad-Eye to catch his breath. Moody looked at him, his magical eye sizing up his young friend. Lupin knew better than to ignore this glance and looked up at Auror.

"Good flight, Alastor?" he asked conversationally.

Unfortunately, Lupin know only too well that Mad-Eye was not one to play games.

"Not that I care, but what exactly do you intend to do about Tonks, wolf?" he growled lowly so that only Lupin could hear.

Lupin froze.

"I don't know…I don't know what…" he responded lamely. Mad-Eye rolled his magical eye allowed a moment of silence before he spoke.

"Evasive, aren't we Moony… Okay then…" He replied.

Lupin was spared a response by the sound that came in from the hall.


	6. Chapter 6: Favorite Noses

_CRASH._

_"Tonks!"_ cried Mrs. Weasley exasperatedly, turning to look behind her

"I'm sorry!" wailed Tonks, who was flat on the floor in the hall. "It's that stupid umbrella stand, that's the second time I've tripped over - " but the rest of her words were drowned by a horrible, earsplitting, bloodcurdling screech.

Tonks groaned as the now too familiar sound of Sirius's mother's screaming portrait echoed throughout the hall. Lupin and Molly, who had both been helping to lock up the windows and doors abandoned their posts to shut the curtains. Harry was gawking at her from the end of the hall, hands pressed tightly over his ears. Tonks felt like such an idiot. They had finally delivered Harry safely to his Godfather's location and she had already wreaked havoc on the household. She apologized over and over again as she tried to set up the horrible stand back in it's original place while Mrs. Weasley quieted the rest of the portraits in the hall. Moments later, Sirius came tearing through, shutting up the portrait and further welcoming Harry to his dank, dreary home.

Molly and Sirius had walked in through the kitchen leaving a chuckling Lupin and a sore Tonks, rubbing her aching knees and elbows, behind.

"You alright then?" asked Remus, patting off some of the dust that lingered on her clothes. She blushed slightly and nodded, re-entering the kitchen where the remaining members of the Weasley family were getting ready to grab a seat at the table.

"Mad-Eye didn't make you come via Greenland, did he?" she heard Bill ask, and replied before Harry could answer.

"He tried," she said, striding over to help Bill pick up his remaining scrolls and sending a candle toppling over onto the last piece of parchment.

"Oh no - sorry - " she offered apologetically as Mrs. Weasley remedied the situation with a quick wave of her wand. Remus rolled his eyes. The girl was hopeless.

Tonks had just finished being denied the opportunity of setting the table and helping Molly with dinner when Lupin pulled her over into the next room, while Harry was distracted long enough for him to disappear a moment unnoticed. Tonks was slightly taken aback, but followed suit nevertheless.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright? No offense or anything, but it appears that since the end of reports tonight you've been acting even clumsier than usual..." Remus offered smiling.. Tonks flushed, slightly abashed. She tried to remedy the situation by leaning on a chair, but would end up missing and almost hitting her face on the desk in front of it.

"I'm Fine!" she squeaked with a smile before Lupin could ask. Lupin laughed, scratching the back of his neck as he had always done when he didn't know how to be around her. Truth be told, he never knew how to be around her anymore. Sirius and Bill had been heavily hinting that she was interested in him, and Mad-Eye's jabbing question confirmed it. Still he refused to consider any part of the rumor to be true. But still- he couldn't deny that it was nice to hear.

The pair walked back into the kitchen to the sound of one of Mrs. Weasley's monologues about the twins' behavior, when she stopped abruptly at the mention of her other son, Percy. The room's silence was broken by Bill's recommendation to dig in. Lupin followed suit as he grabbed a seat beside him.

"It looks wonderful, Molly," he said, ladling stew onto a plate for her and handing it across the table.

During the few minutes of awkward silence that followed, Tonks had taken a seat opposite Harry, and began entertaining both Hermione and Ginny to change the mood by transforming her nose between mouthfuls. Remus caught on to what she was doing just as he overheard the two girls requesting their 'favorite noses': he chuckled.

He smiled a moment before snapping back into his conversation with Bill and Arthur, not realizing that Molly had noticed his interest in Tonks.

He was thankful Bill's responsive monologue was interrupted by a loud bail of laughter from the twins, Mundungus and Ron; it gave him a perfectly wonderful excuse to look over in the direction of the young Auror, who's hair was now shoulder length, the color of forget-me-nots, her nose shaped perfectly and daintily like a very small mushroom.

A few minutes later, Tonks let out a huge yawn, her eyes meeting Lupin's for one fleeting moment, and she smiled at him nervously, instantly turning her nose back to it's normal shape. She tried to catch his gaze again, and jumped slightly, realizing that Sirius and Molly seemed to be in a bit of an intense conversation. Lupin's eyes were glued on Sirius, and she too shifted her gaze to her favorite cousin.

Whatever the argument started as, she could see that it had gotten very intense very quickly; She liked Molly a great deal, but if she had one more negative word to say about Sirius's judgment, she was sure she was going to fly over the table and do something drastic. After all, who was Molly to judge Sirius in such a way? Had he not proven himself both innocent, and able to rationally handle situations? She was sure he had at least proven this to Dumbledore, otherwise why would Sirius be a member of the Order?

Remus seemed to notice Tonks' growing scowl and spoke finally before she had the chance to act on the things he was sure she was thinking.

"Personally," said Lupin, taking his eyes finally off Sirius and feeling Tonks' fierce gaze switch to him, "I think it better that Harry gets the facts - not all the facts, Molly, but the general picture - from us, rather than a garbled version from ... others."

Fred and George switched wary glances: Tonks knew only too well about their extendible ears. So well in fact, she even tried to help the two find away around the charms Molly placed on the kitchen… Her eyes focused back on Remus.

"Well... I can see I'm going to be overruled." Molly began. "I'll just say this: Dumbledore must have had his reasons for not wanting Harry to know too much, and speaking as someone who has got Harry's best interests at heart-"

"He's not your son," said Sirius quietly.

"He's as good as," said fiercely. "Who else has he got?"

"He's got me!"

"Yes," said Mrs. Weasley, her lip curling. "The thing is, it's been rather difficult for you to look after him while you've been locked up in Azkaban, hasn't it?"

Sirius rose from his chair. Tonks was ready to follow suit, wand at the ready, when Remus interjected.

"Molly, you're not the only person at this table who cares about Harry" he said sharply.

"Sirius, sit _down_."

A moment later Sirius sat in his chair, his face pale and furious.

"I think Harry ought to be allowed a say in this, he's old enough to decide for himself." Lupin finished on tenterhooks.

Harry obviously had opted to know all that he could, but it wasn't until Ginny was forced to her room that the students had been told of what the Order knew. A few minutes after the conversation had ended, Molly followed the group up the stairs to assure the 5 that remained to listen would not discuss the Order's matter Further. As soon as Molly was out of the room, Tonks, Sirius, Bill and Lupin had felt some of the tension leave the air. Arthur looked at them all, and then whispered, "I think it would be best if for now you all retired to a different part of the house. I'll help Molly finish cleaning up in here, but I'm sure the four of you have got plenty to discuss."

The four of them walked up the other flight of stairs into Buckbeak's room and took a seat on the floor close to the window. A moment later, the familiar stomp of Mad-Eye's foot clambered up the remaining stairs to join them. Lupin lifted his wand, and pulled a teapot with five cups out of thin air. Buckbeak whinnied playfully at the sight of Tonks. She gave him an awkward wave before turning back to her cousin.

"You alright, Sirius?" asked Tonks finally as Bill secured the door so they could not be heard. Sirius cleared his throat and nodded.

It made her angry that Molly had been so cruel. Sirius had done very well, she thought, considering all the snarky remarks Molly was hissing out at him. She pushed a tuft of violet hair behind her ear, and calmed down instantly. She had noticed Lupin was still standing in the corner, leaning against the wall, looking at the floor in thought. Sirius and Bill held a few minutes polite conversation before Sirius had stressfully decided he was going to retreat to bed. Alastor grumbled to Bill about Molly's behavior as they too headed out past Tonks and down the stairs. A few minutes later, only Tonks and Lupin were left, both still standing quietly in thought. Tonks looked over at him, the only light the glow of the candle before her. He looked tired, and too much so for a man his age to be.

"What's on _your_ mind then?" she asked softly. Lupin looked over, slightly surprised to see her staring at him.

"Nothing for you to worry about" he replied kindly with a smile. He scratched the back of his neck, dropping his gaze to the floor. He wasn't sure he trusted Nymphadora enough yet to discuss Sirius with her. They had, after all, only just met for the first time days before.

"You're wrong" she said. He posed a curious expression soon as he caught sight of her smirk.

"Care to reiterate?" he asked quietly, taking a cup of tea from her offering hand.

Tonks took a deep breath and leaned against the windowsill. The light from the streetlamps softly hit her hair as it fell over shoulders.

"You think you haven't known me long enough to trust me, so you choose to not divulge what you are presently thinking about. Truth is, though, Moony, that I've known you for years. You turned Sirius into a granola bar when he made me cry as a toddler. So really... we've known each other for quite some time," she finished with a smile. "I figure if you were willing to have my back as a baby, I can have your back now."

The funniest part about this story was that he actually vaguely remembered the incident.

"You mean-- that toddler... was you?" he asked in mock disbelief.

She smiled widely and nodded. Remus chuckled.

"So... you gonna tell what's bothering you now? I mean I may not be able to turn your problem into a snack at the moment, but I can at least hear you out" she said lightly.

It felt strange to her, to feel so comfortable and so awkward standing close to him at the same time. Like she belonged there, beside him, but to think so was unheard of. She smiled at him, waiting for his response.

Lupin thought of what Mad-Eye had mentioned earlier. He didn't want to get too close to Tonks as he knew he had to spare her feelings. It was hard enough for him to comprehend that she would want anything to do with him even as a friend, let alone fancy him, but even if the latter were a possibility, he liked her enough to guard himself, for her sake. He thought on it for another moment, then began to speak.

"It's nothing really... It's just... do you think Molly is a little bit right? I mean I myself can not deny feeling like some part of James is back now that Harry is growing older... I mean it's difficult. What if Sirius forgets that, while older, Harry still is just a teenage boy? What if he gets so used to Harry being like James, that he forgets that he still needs a protective figure's guidance? What if... what if he forgets he's supposed to play a father to Harry, not just another friend figure? Does he not think that maybe there is truth to what she has to say? Maybe he's not ready for all this? Maybe… I don't know, maybe…" He looked up suddenly, and realized she was still smiling up at him.

"You think too much" she said softly.

The two talked a few more minutes about the Order, and Sirius, and the remembrance of him as a student, before he and Tonks decided to call it a night. They skipped down the stairs, bid their adieus to a slightly more relaxed Molly and Arthur and went their separate ways. Tonks couldn't help but smile to herself. It made her happy to have Remus' trust in her as a friend. She felt she had finally taken the first step in to something she could feel was going to grow into something rather huge.

Lupin on the other hand went home with the thought that perhaps he had said too much. There were so many things going through his mind that he didn't have the slightest idea which voice of conscience to listen to. He knew that Dora had surprised him: She was so very young in years, and yet she was so very intelligent. A little down on herself perhaps, but there was something about her that made him trust her, as if her every action, her every word came only from a place on complete honesty. He could tell she had been through her share of rough patches, but knew well enough to learn from what she went through vs. letting it overcome her completely. He tried to shake the thought of her from her mind as he arrived to his flat, and knew his promise to stay with Sirius was going to have to be put into effect soon. He looked around his dingy room and realized that perhaps, if misery loved company, that maybe staying with Sirius wouldn't be such a bad Idea. Throwing himself on the bed, he couldn't help wondering when he would see them all next. It was with this idea on his mind he was finally able to fall quickly asleep.

Exactly one week later, Saturday morning once again came too quickly for Tonks' head to recover from the night before. Her brain felt like it was going to explode. _'Never Again..."_ she thought to herself. She had to remember to never drink with Sirius when he was in the mood to get pissed drunk. It had been the second Friday night in a row she had let her cousin convince her to stay and get toasted after a meeting with the Order. Seeing as Remus had not been there, she had once again agreed to stay. There had been tears and laughter the whole night through until finally Sirius and Bill let her go up to her newly prepared temp room to sleep. She found it odd that Remus wouldn't stay up with them as he had taken to staying with Sirius more often than not. Fun as it was to hang out with Padfoot all the time, it led to many strange questions with Tonks' sisters when asked where she was. The fact that they were muggles helped the situation, but Tonks was sure that even a muggle wouldn't be convinced of Sirius's innocence without undeniable proof. Not to mention that her other cohorts included a werewolf and a One eyed, gnarled up Mental sort of Mentor.

She sat up slowly, the room spinning around her, her head still pounding. Gingerly, she got up from the bed and made her way in a sick stumble over to the door. She had barely made it down the stairs when she tripped and fell into the kitchen with a loud thump, falling flatly on her face.

"Ouch..." she said weakly, unable to move.

Remus lowered his newspaper and looked down at the body that had crashed through the door. After recognizing the curvy figure as Tonks, he folded up the Prophet and walked slowly up to her, sliding a slender hand into his right coat pocket. He stopped short, smiling at her bleary-eyed expression and held his other hand to help her to her feet.

"So. Sirius brought out the good fire-whiskey again I expect" he said kindly, with a knowing grimace.

She grabbed hold of his arm with a groan as he pulled her up; her foot caused her to trip and fall into Lupin's chest. He smelled like a pleasant mix of clean laundry and cinnamon. He noticed that she was now clinging dangerously close to him. In fact he could never remember a time where a full grown woman who wasn't a motherly figure stood as close to him as she did now. He felt her chest heave up and down on him with each breath, her hair in wisps across his face... She looked up suddenly, her face only a millimeter away from his, smiling bleakly.

"Wotcher" she grumbled swinging her arm around his neck to keep her balance. Tonks wasn't sure if it was just the hangover but she could have sworn she saw him blush.

Remus noted that _Wotcher_ was perhaps his new favorite sound.

He walked her over to his former seat and helped her to sit down, brushing the violent strands of bubblegum pink from her glossy eyes. She had only just taken the seat when he noticed a small bump on her forehead that was now bleeding. _'Must've been from when she hit the floor'_ he thought.

"Sit down, I'll mix up a potion to fix you up in no time. By the way, you're bleeding" he said kneeling before her with a kitchen rag in his hand.

She blinked at him.

"_Ya- alwes up thizerly loopy?_" she slurred.

He moved the rag up to touch her face where she was hurt, a look of concern filling his eyes. She watched his face as he concentrated on mending her, trying to memorize every line, every imperfection, every speck of gold in his swimming blue eyes. Remus shifted his gaze and was surprised to see her looking so intently at him. Even when she was hung over he couldn't help but be drawn to her, it was something about her eyes. He placed her hand on the rag he'd held against her wound as he returned swiftly to the stove to make his remedy. Her hand was still warm where he touched it; His stomach lurched. There was an awkward silence, as Remus returned a moment later handing her a mug of a frothing green liquid that smelled strongly of pine sol and old strawberry milkshake.

"Now- lets see that bump" he said with a smile, kneeling before her once again and removing her hand a moment to examine her face. He moved her hand back up to her temple, but before he could pull his away she had pressed her other hand on his to keep him there. Remus looked at her surprised, but was even more startled to see that she would not let him remove his hand. She smiled at him warmly, her eyelids closed over in a weak smile.

"Much better" she added sleepily.

Moments later she passed out, slumping over his shoulder. He could feel her cheek against his neck, burning him, as he stood up, bringing her with him. He tried his best to carry her over to the couch, wishing either she were lighter, or that he was stronger, and placed her gingerly there to rest. He clambered up and down the stairs, bringing down with him the old brown blanket from his room, looking at it as though wishing it were in better condition before placing it on top of her. He looked at her a moment, her peaceful face smiling graciously in her sleep. He only chuckled when she erupted with a loud snore to let him know she would not be awake for a long while. How much like Sirius the young Auror could be...

After a few hours of mixed dreams and deep sleep, Tonks awoke with a start. It was dusk outside, and 7 o'clock in the evening. She sat up, stretched out her arms, and got to her feet. She felt a small pang on her head and felt the bump, mortified at her recollection of her clumsiness earlier. The house was quiet and still and she assumed that Sirius was sleeping or else wandering the backyard in his dog form chasing squirrels. She looked knowingly over at the small table beside the couch to see the mug of green liquid Remus had prepared for her earlier. She sipped it in disgust, cold now as time had passed, but was astounded to see that she instantly felt better. It suddenly made sense that he had been a DADA professor.

"I think I need a bath" she spoke quietly to herself.

She walked over to the closet and grabbed a towel and her toothbrush, climbing up the stairs toward the bathroom. She couldn't help but smile at the fact that Remus had tucked her in on the couch, but was disheartened at the voice in her head telling her he would have done it for anyone.

Maybe he liked her.

_Get over it, he would have done that for anybody._

Maybe he wanted to care for her more often…

_Don't flatter yourself!_

She sighed in frustration as she reached the bathroom door and swung it open violently. It took a moment for what she saw to register, but as soon as it had she immediately froze.

Standing before her was a wet, shiny, almost naked Remus Lupin. Hot water slid from his brown and silver streaked hair onto his face and all down his torso. His pelvic bone was deeply defined, his skin smooth, his body aged, but slightly underweight. If she wasn't bright red before, she was sure she turned so at the sight of his rear end. She would bet her vault at Gringotts that he could make even Gilderoy Lockhart's behind look like a troll's... She was disappointed to see that from where she was standing she could see almost every inch of him but a section she found herself thinking suddenly so important...

Everything inside of her told her that to stand there in the steamy bathroom and stare at him was rude and unacceptable but for the life of her she couldn't force herself to look away. She tried to say something but merely squeaked, speechless.

Remus turned to see what had caused the small noise by the door and was mortified to see a curvy young witch with a heart shaped face holding a towel and toothbrush staring back at him in shock. He jumped with a yell and scrambled quickly to the floor to grab his towel and cover his chest. Her face was pale as he suddenly began to turn a color worthy of a Ronald Weasley expression; at the same moment her hair was fading steadily into the brightest shade of pink he had seen her wear to date. She was still frozen, staring at him, rooted to the spot. Her towel and toothbrush had slipped from her grasp, now lying on the ground utterly forgotten.

"Bloody Hell!" he blurt out at her loudly, his voice cracking with every other word. Before he could apologize, she had run out of the room leaving him by himself with his embarrassment, her towel and toothbrush still abandoned on the ground..

Tonks ran down the stairs and into the kitchen to grab her belongings, and so preoccupied with the vision of Remus was her mind that she ran directly into Sirius. She was horrified to suddenly see the living room and kitchen were filled with members of the Order in addition to the entire Weasley family with the exception of those who were currently in school. There was just no escaping this one.

"Calm down 'cos! What's got you in such a hurry, you woke up just in time for dinner, it's going to be delicious!" barked Sirius with a smile. _He had no idea..._

"Hey Tonks, are you alright? You look as though you've seen a ghost!" said Bill with a laugh joining them. _Not Quite..._

"I'm alright, I really have got to get going though, Long day tomorrow, you know--"

"Tomorrow's Sunday silly!" Sirius interrupted her. "Don't tell me you won't enjoy dinner with us on a Saturday night, Nymph, you'll break my heart!"

His face looked so excited to see her, his eyes so pleading her to stay that she couldn't refuse. She wanted to leave the house forever never to see Remus Lupin again, but as far as Sirius was concerned she was sure he would never let that happen. What really scared her was she wasn't upset or disgusted to see his forty-something year old body standing there half naked... Moments later she found herself being forced into a seat at the table between Sirius and Bill, mortified that the only empty seat that remained was one directly in front of her, and the only person not present yet was the man she saw practically naked moments before. She glanced pleadingly at Mad-Eye in a desperate attempt to make him switch seats, but all she got was a menacingly mischievous grin that she thought looked evil and twisted on his carved up face. It seemed impossible to her that minutes ago the entire house was silent and now there were 9 people crowding around the dinner table, Molly still furiously cooking one of her famous feasts in the kitchen.

Before she could make to get up and excuse herself, Remus walked into the kitchen fully clothed, trying to dash toward the front door unnoticed with a briefcase in his hand.

"Remus!" yelled Molly Weasley above the noise.

'_Damn!'_ he thought to himself. He stopped suddenly and smiled at her. "Hello, Molly" he said trying to sound pleasant.

"I hope you don't think you're going anywhere, I've just finished making dinner!"

"Well actually Molly, I--"

"Nonsense, I'll hear none of it. Now sit down at that table before I petrify you and force you there completely. Besides, You'll get to sit in front of Tonks, and perhaps you can get to know each other better" she said happily.

He wasn't sure what she meant by that...

Remus froze to see Nymphadora looking over at him apologetically. She began furiously twiddling her thumbs as he heaved a heavy sigh and slowly began to walk toward his seat. He took his place directly in front of her, her eyes not leaving her lap. She was blushing hard, and Remus was sure she had been embarrassed to see his out of shape body, scarred and damaged from his many nights in his lycan form. As humiliated as he thought she was, he was sure she could not have felt more awkward about the whole situation then he did. He kept getting glimpses of students walking in on him, some pointing and jeering, while others like Ron and Harry just ran in horror... he tried to shake the image from his mind.

After dinner, Tonks offered to help Molly with the dishes, and Remus took this as his cue to head for the door before someone else could find an excuse to make him stay in the same room as the young Auror. He made it all the way to the front room when Sirius had called after him.

'_Foiled again'_ Remus thought to himself.

He turned to face his old friend, a fake smile plastered on his face.

"Why so quiet at dinner tonight? And why won't you stay here again? No reason really for you to go back to an empty flat…" asked Sirius quizzically.

"Well, see I, um--"

"Whatever. Hang on for a second will you? Dumbledore gave me a note to give you, but I left it upstairs. Be right back!" and before Remus could protest, Sirius was making his way up the stairs. He was now alone in the drawing room, hoping - praying - that nobody else would come to talk to him. He just wanted to go home, curl up in his bed and forget the whole incident. _"The disgusted look on her poor face..."_ he thought, remembering Nymphadora's wide eyes staring at him, her squeak of shock now repeating itself in his head to mock him.

As if on cue, who would enter but said Auror with four wine glasses in her clumsy hands. She dropped them instantly upon seeing him and stopped, dead in her tracks. Lupin too, froze.

"Sorry--I -I had no idea y-you were in h-here" she said nervously laughing, bending down to pick up the broken pieces of glass.

"Here let me--" he said joining her. He muttered the reparo spell as the glasses mended themselves, his head bumping hers as they both stood. They were now extremely close to each other, the visions of his body swimming through her head, his soapy scent washing over her.

"Um, Nymphadora--"

"Look, I'm sorry about earlier I just--"

They both froze, still standing incredibly close to each other.

"Go on--"

"No really, you were saying something first?"

They both looked at each other, their eyes meeting for one tense moment before they both gave a soft, nervous laugh of relief. Neither of them had noticed Sirius leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed, an amused smile playing on his lips.

"I just... I just wanted to say I'm sorry about - well - about what happened" she finished.

He looked embarrassed. There was something else in his eyes, though... Could it have been- not... _disappointment_?

"Well, I mean I'm sorry that I didn't knock, first -" she went on. Lupin looked up at her slowly, raising an eyebrow. "I mean I'm not sorry that I saw you- well I mean I am, of course!! Of course I am, but not because it was bad, but because- well I just mean to say that--" she added hastily. With each word she spoke she turned redder and redder. "See it's just that I'm so clumsy, and I didn't think, didn't _know_--"

He smiled gently at her, pressing his hand to her mouth. She felt shivers run down her spine, and his fingers tingled at the touch of her soft lips. He removed a strand of pink hair from her eyes and looked dreamily into them.

"It's alright; I should have made sure to lock the door. Let's just keep this between us, shall we?" he added awkwardly, his eyes now not meeting hers. She could tell she had really affected him. She couldn't imagine what it must have been like for an intelligent, handsome man like Remus to have a clumsy oaf like her blunder in on him after a shower.

"Keep what between the two of you?" asked Sirius in a mock innocence, unfolding his arms and grinning widely.

_When the hell did he walk in?_ Tonks and Lupin both thought to themselves in unison.

Remus and Tonks both looked up at him, flushing. Tonks could have hit him for intruding upon the moment, and though Remus was still highly embarrassed, he wished Sirius would have waited just a moment longer...

"Nothing" said Remus crossing to his friend, plastering on a wide, over acted smile. "You said you had a message from Dumbledore for me?" he continued, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

He held the letter out to Remus, and gave him a dirty smile that caused Tonks to blush angrily. Remus snatched the letter with a swift 'thank you' and headed toward the door, his grin still bared.

"Goodnight Sirius- Tonks" he said giving her a little bow with his head. "And by the way," he said pulling a toothbrush out of his coat pocket "I thought you may need this?" He tossed it to her before he opened the door and walked out with another curt nod and an even swifter wink of the eye. Tonks stood there dumbfounded, toothbrush in hand, staring at the spot where Remus had stood moments before.

There was a moment of silence. Tonks was dumbfounded. There was just no other way to describe it. She could not remember a moment where she felt more embarrassed in her whole life. She had taken so long to react and flee the scene of that evening that Remus had caught on already to her attraction to him. Needless to say, she was mortified. She had no idea how she could ever manage to face him again.

Sirius walked toward his cousin, staring her dead in the eye.

"Explain everything" he sang with a wicked determination.

"Oh bugger off!" she blurted defensively. The last person she wanted to discuss the matter with was Sirius, knowing that all he would do is tear the mickey out of her. The only thing she could be thankful for was that Mad-Eye wasn't in the room, but she had a sneaking suspicion that a part of him was still watching.

Sirius smiled at her kindly taking the newly repaired wine glasses out of her hand.

"Looks like we'll be using two of these..."

"Oh Sirius, you're not going to make me drink again are you? Remus already saved my neck once this morning the last thing I need is for him to accuse me of letting you turn me into an alcoholic" she added tiredly.

"Oh, he 'saved you once already' has he? Now tell me, what else did darling Remus do?" Sirius mocked, batting his eyelashes in an awful impersonation of a feminine manner.

"Oh, piss off..." she blushed back with a small smile, smacking his arm lightly.

Sirius sat down chuckling softly. He patted the seat across from him with a sad puppy dog face on. Tonks gave him a small smile and sat down. Sirius poured them each a glass of wine before continuing.

"You were saying?" he pressed before taking a sip of his wine.

"It's nothing really. I just... sorta... well to be honest I sort of walked in on him coming out of the shower..." she began shyly.

Sirius spat his wine out violently, choking and stomping his feet.

"See! That's _exactly_ why I didn't want to tell you!" she yelled back in horror.

Sirius howled with laughter, wiping tears from his eyes.

"_That's_ why you were both bloody mute during dinner! Get a nice look at what ol' Moony has to offer did you?! Serves 'im right the way he's been starin' at your Jubblies every time you bounce--"

"Oh _Shut UP_ you bloody wanker! It's not funny!!! …And no I didn't for your information, nor has he ever stared at my - whatever you called them - _jubblies_" she said trying desperately not to laugh in spite of herself.

"Oh, yeah right! Every time you do you're little 'happy bounce' dance, which you do QUITE often if I may say so myself, I see his face turn pinker than your bloody hair!" he laughed back. She threw a pillow at him, sending his glass of wine flying right out of his hand and crashing into the portrait of his mother in the next room. Needless to say the portrait began shrieking bloody murder immediately. They both laughed loudly another minute or so before Sirius could control himself enough to remedy the situation. He shut the curtains wildly, and returned still chuckling at her. It made her happy to see him laugh, even if it was at her own expense occasionally. He smiled.

"So... have you told him you fancy him yet?" he asked, grabbing another wine glass from the shelf.

"No, nor will I ever" she replied with a bittersweet smile, folding her arms across her chest. "You know how I feel about that rubbish".

"Why not 'Cos?" he asked, a face of concern taking over him. She could see instantly that the look did not suit him.

"Why on earth would a clumsy, chubby thing like me want to tell a smart, sophisticated man like Remus that I'm interested in him? No thank you, _you_ are the only one I allow to laugh at my expense. In my face, anyway" she added with a smile. "Well, you and Mad-Eye on occasion, but that's only because I'm not _allowed_ to tell him to bugger off…And enough with the comments about my…" she struggled to say it with a straight face "-jubblies, if you don't mind. He has never fancied them, nor will he ever".

"Are you kidding me? I've never even seen Remus look at any other woman the way he looks at you. _Why_he would want you is an obvious answer- of course. I mean Remus is getting old, and when a cute young curvy thing like you gets thrown into the picture, of course he's going to want to oogle at your -" she gave him a warning look "- lovely lady candy" he finished with an air of mock sophistication.

"You are insane... and you are mistaking curvaceousness with having legs the size of tree trunks" she said laughing in spite of herself. There was another moment of silence.

"But seriously 'Cos--"

"YOU be serious" she cut him off.

"As a matter of fact, I am Sirius-" he added, "you however are not. But if you'd just--"

"…But nothing! That's that, my darling cousin, so I'll thank you to not look any further into this than you already have" she said with a tone of finality. "And he is not 'getting old' as you say either, he's only what, about 38 or so?…"

"Aha!" he exclaimed. "You're defending him, and yet here you sit trying to convince me you haven't been checking out my best mate. Nice try 'Cos but it appears you've been caught red handed!" he exclaimed.

Tonks shook her head, a half smile waning on her face. Her look admit defeat to Sirius.

"It's funny" she said, leaning back and taking a sip of wine. "But I'd have never thought he would have such a..." she paused.

"A nice bottom?" Sirius asked finishing her thoughts. She looked up at him, laughing with a surprised smile and nodded.

"Yeah," he continued thoughtfully, "It's funny how he still thinks his nickname is Moony just because he's a werewolf. The truth is all of Gryffindor tower saw his bum when James pulled his knickers down. After that, James had wanted to call him Bum-bull-bee, but we thought it would have been too obvious. Too bad Dumbledore modified his memory right after it happened. It gave a whole new meaning to anyone in Gryffindor calling him 'smarty-pants', I'll tell you that..."

"About his being a werewolf..." she cut in.

"Yeah, nice way you covered your shock up for that one, 'Cos—At this point it doesn't matter HOW many weeks ago that was…" he added sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it in a _mean_way! Yes, it was not exactly well handled, but... I was just so shocked, because someone like him doesn't deserve that! Not that anybody does, mind you, but who would want to harm someone like him..." she finished quietly. She was staring intently at the floor, a striking silence in the room.

Sirius stared at his baby cousin, a small smile on his face. He wanted to be selfish and discourage her and Remus from happening for the fear he would lose his two best friends to each other. He suddenly felt what he imagined Mad-Eye did- fear for losing his little sidekick to someone adamantly pretending not to want her and all her worth… Moonlight beamed through the windowsill, casting the room with a bluish glow. He bit his lip in thought, concentrating hard on her face. The way her eyes were, something about the way her soft pink hair grazed her shoulders and bright strands framed her face... something about the way she squeezed her bottom lip, she way her eyes were searching the floor, the way she bit at her nails... He knew if he said so he wouldn't be mistaken: She already had grown to love Remus Lupin.

A moment later, she looked up to see his face, and was surprised to see him smiling at her so kindly. She raised an eyebrow at him, but before she could ask what he was thinking, he spoke first.

"We always said McGonagall should have given him an award for services to the school the day we had him moon us. If wizard anatomy had been an offered lesson, our entire house would have passed it…."

The pair of them laughed out loud and talked for a few more hours, reminiscing again about the Marauders' Hogwarts adventures. It was 3 o'clock in the morning when Tonks finally made it to bed that night. As she lay in her covers, she couldn't help but think about the events of that evening; not to mention how much she wished she were in Gryffindor while Remus was in his seventh year... Or at least in the bathroom one millisecond earlier; then perhaps she could have seen what she'd been missing... She tried to clear the thoughts from her mind, but could only think desperately of how much she needed a pensive... or how much she needed a certain ex professor to help her find a solution to her 'headache' problem. She turned off the small lamp beside the head of her mattress, and turned to one side. Something told her if anything, her dreams would be 'quite' colorful that night… She looked longingly at the moon, focusing on the face of the man that resided in it, smiling back at her all knowing, and at peace. She closed her eyes… and drifted off to sleep.

"Goodnight, Moony" she said with a terrible yawn, and a moment later, the young Auror drifted off into a deep, deep sleep.


	7. Chapter 7: Plans

If there was one thing Tonks had learned in her sleep throughout the course of the next month, it was that her dreams about Remus Lupin were becoming more frequent and far racier than they had ever been before. She would wake up in such a sweat she could swear she had woken up in a tropical bedroom in the middle of a Florida summer. On one such occasion, she sat bolt upright in her bed to see the glow of her alarm clock, and flinched at the sound of scraping glass coming in from the other room. She brushed back her hair and wiped her brow with her arm; after a deep breath she decided to get up for a glass of water to cool herself off and shake her mind from her very real dreams. On her way past the hallway mirror she noticed that her unkempt brown hair was a shocking pink at the ends, as was normal when she felt her --- 'happiest'. She blushed at her reflection and massaged her scalp with her hands on her way to the sink.

_These dreams have got to stop_ she thought to herself. It was unusual enough for her hair to be anything _but_ mousy brown in the mornings, but the shocking pink was a sort of red flag to anyone who knew that her appearance also changed with her emotions, and not solely at her will.

Even in her semi-awake state of being she could still see the images of her and Lupin, as if the events in her visions had been happening for months. She again tried to shake the bittersweet visions from her mind, all the while cursing her mother for birthing her a Scorpio with an overly healthy appetite for passion.

Tonks was ready to go back to bed when a letter on the kitchen table caught her eye. She abandoned her glass and opened the envelope to see what was inside.

_Dear Nymphadora;_

_It is my hope that you will take this mission with Alastor Moody. As it has been brought to my attention that he has always been a source of inspiration to you, it would be wise to learn all that you can from him while you can. Seeing as All Hallow's Eve is just around the corner, I would appreciate it if you would make yourself available for the nights of October the 29th through November the 1st. Either Alastor, Lupin, or I will fill you in on the details at tomorrow's meeting. Please inform me as soon as possible of any schedule conflicts.._

_Best Regards,_

_Sir Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

Tonks shook her head in shock. She had only just joined the Order weeks ago, and was already being entrusted with a task alongside her mentor. A wide grin spread fast across her face as she hugged the letter to her chest. Checking the time again she saw the clock now read 6:30 am. Rather than go back to her bed for a few more hours, she decided to brush her teeth and get dressed for work. All throughout her shower she wondered what exciting possible adventure would take place on such a night. Knowing full well she had only 2 days to prepare herself, she thought perhaps a brisk jog around her neighborhood would pump up her energy for the rest of the day. She tied on her favorite pair of worn down tennis shoes and made for the door. A moment before her hand touched the doorknob, she heard a knock. Startled, she froze.

"Who is it?" she asked tentatively.

"Nymphadora? Nymphadora, it's Arthur Weasley" came the familiar voice.

Removing the chain from her lock, she opened her door slightly. Before her stood a middle-aged man with furious red hair and a gawky disposition. He appeared underweight everywhere save for around the middle, and the small bags under his eyes seemed to be a deeper shade of violet than she had remembered them to be.

"Wotcher, Arthur, how can I help you?" she asked, embarrassed at her lack of presentability. She suddenly regret her decision to wear such scanty clothing to bed.

"I'm sorry to bother you so early, but I've got a --- a favor...." he trailed off with a yawn.

Tonks smiled warmly at him. _Poor bugger's been working to hard,_ she thought.

"Absolutely, , fire away" she replied.

"Please, call me Arthur," he began with another yawn. She giggled. "I was hoping I might be a bother and beg you to work a double guard duty tonight. You see Molly wants me home tonight, help her put extra protection on Headquarters and the House before Hallow's Eye, says everyone will be out and about, this year's being a full moon and all... Wants to make sure I get some sleep and all that---"

"Not another word Arthur, it's all very well with me" she assured him. Arthur threw up his arms in mock worship and ended in a deep bow.

"I am forever indebted to you, my young friend. Here's the invisibility cloak Alastor was kind enough to lend me... but are you sure? That... that it's alright?" he replied.

"It's no problem, but listen, you'd better get going. I know many of us Ministry buggers are poor enough to live in these shoddy apartments, so I think it might be best if you weren't seen at my flat at this hour" she laughed.

With another curt nod of understanding, Arthur screwed up his face and disapparated. Tonks stood in her doorway a moment and decided to head back inside. Taking off her sneakers, she plopped herself down on the couch and closed her eyes.

_I guess I had better get those two extra hours of sleep after all _she thought to herself. Moments later, the familiar pictures of her and Remus Lupin filled her mind as she dozed off to sleep wearing a very grand smile...

* * *

It was almost midnight when Tonks thought it finally safe to remove the Invisibility cloak she was given hours previously. With a great yawn she pressed the button to the 9th level that would take her straight down to the Department of Mysteries. It was cold on the bottom floor of the Ministry, and very quiet. There was always an odd chill in the air on the 9th level; Tonks had remembered most members of the Ministry avoided visiting this floor unless absolutely necessary. While normally she would blame their fear on simple paranoia, she thought perhaps it might be best to retain her vigilance. These times, after all, were much darker than they used to be…

She made her way farther from the elevator and further into the hall until she had finally reached the black door at the end of the Atrium. She had been warned about crossing the threshold of the black door by Dumbledore himself, but couldn't deny her longing to see what was behind it. Weighing the consequences, she decided that out of respect for Dumbledore that her curiosity was far less important than her responsibility to follow orders.

"Good Move" came a deep drawl from the corner.

Tonks whipped out her wand faster than she could take a breath.

"Freeze! Who's there?!" she called out authoritatively. The tip of her wand was now glowing brightly lavender, her eyes focused, and every nerve on end.

"You really ought to put that light out" the slimy voice continued. The shape of the man came ever closer to her from the end opposing end of the Atrium. Tonks marched triumphantly forward until her wand was buried in the throat cavity of a sallow faced, greasy looking man.

"Snape!" she spat, looking furious.

"What are you doing here Severus?! I'm on orders to watch tonight now, not you... Or perhaps you're taking Orders from another---"

"Watch it…" he snarled back in a low whisper.

"Explain yourself" she spat back.

"While I know how you like to drool over Men old enough to be your father like a petulant child, I would _advise_ you, Infant to _Shut UP Now_, and put that light out before they hear you" he hissed dangerously.

A moment later she heard the footfalls of what she could only assume were two death eaters coming down the lifts.

"Do cover that wretched mug of yours, won't you?" he snarled. A moment later she felt his bony hands tangle her tightly in the invisibility cloak and crush her face firmly against the icy stone wall. Before she could speak she could vaguely see the shapes of two unknown men join them by the black door. He leaned awkwardly against the stockade, his bony, almost skeletal hand still smashing Tonks' face further into the cold stone.

"What is the meaning of this Snape, where have you brought us?" said the one.

"To prove to you Fenrir, that this very room exists" Snape snarled.

The second man began sniffing about the hall in Snape's direction. Tonks suddenly wished she did not smell so strongly of perspiration and Vanilla oil.

"S-Severus… I don't think we're alone" grumbled the smaller man.

Tonks recognized the voice but for the life of her couldn't remember who it was.

"Pettigrew if I have to tell you one more time not to use my name while on these premises I will have to cut out your throat and feed it to a troll with my bare hands, do you understand me?" he replied.

_Fenrir. Pettigrew. Snape's naming them so that I can see who they are, but why…_ she thought to herself. She was appalled. She couldn't believe that the whole reason her favorite cousin was still in hiding was barely two feet away from her alive and well. Snape seemed to notice this might cause a reaction, so he ever so discreetly tightened his grip on her face, his long dirty nails now digging slightly into her neck.

She could feel tears welling up in her eyes. Snape's grasp had her barely able to breathe, a position she was sure he was holding on purpose.

"Then I expect you will pay us that same respect, _Severus_!" spat the man named Fenrir.

"Quiet!" hissed Snape.

Immediately the two men froze, listening intently to their surroundings. Tonks shut her eyes as tightly as she could, trying desperately to remain conscious.

A moment later Fenrir spoke.

"And what makes you think 'Halloween' will be a good night for this? Just _think_ of all those tasty children I will have to miss out on…"

Tonks' stomach lurched.

"Because, The Ministry officials will all have their children present at the party. It will be the perfect opportunity to come into this hallway seeing as the Unspeakables will be upstairs and their doors most likely left unlocked. Their guards will be down, and the Order will undoubtedly be upstairs to watch the children---"

"Alright, alright!" he snapped back. "Let's just get this over with."

A moment later Tonks saw from the corner of her eye a thin wisp of silver escape from Pettigrew's wand and slither, snakelike beneath the black door at the end of the Atrium.

Fenrir glared at Snape with a wicked smile. Snape remained expressionless.

"Explain to me again, _Professor_, just how is it you managed to get the Weasley man and the rest of the Order to abandon their watch for the night? They are after all so, _so_ very close to the Dark Lord's plan… it's a pity he won't trust you to know it…can't _imagine_ why…" he taunted.

Snape's expression did not change.

"I offered to stand guard as I will not be needed at Hogwarts tomorrow until late in the day. The Dark Lord trusts who he deems worthy for each secret, just as he trusted me in granting you this window of practice so you do not _fail him_ again when under pressure---"

"YOU ARROGANT---"

"It's done!" Pettigrew interrupted nervously.

Fenrir bared his fangs and snarled, his saliva shining off of his yellow teeth in the faint light from the atrium.

"A room of doors--- Twelve of them--- wait till my Master---" he continued.

Fenrir cut him off by slamming him against the wall.

"Shut your mouth you bloody fool!" he bellowed angrily. Pettigrew cowered beneath them.

Snape's eyes flew immediately toward the lifts.

"Someone's coming… Move. Quickly. GO!"

The two men immediately ran for the lifts. It wasn't until she could no longer see the outline of the lift taking the 2 dark wizards above the 9th floor that Snape released his grasp. She immediately threw off the invisibility cloak and gasped for air.

"What the hell…" she began breathlessly.

"You know Nymphadora, you're not nearly as unbearable to be around as your pathetic favorite cousin when you keep your great, inferior mouth shut" he taunted wickedly.

She closed her eyes and laid her head back on the stone walls. Her heart rate took a few more moments to slow down with each gulp of cool air as she massaged her neck and throat from where Snape had been so tightly grasping it earlier.

"So what now?" she said ignoring his insult.

She opened her eyes only to the sound of his footsteps gliding closer to the door of the lifts.

"Where are you going?" she asked coughing, still not lifting herself from the floor.

"Ah see? Atrociously annoying again aren't we. I'm going to report to Dumbledore of course, you foolish girl, not that it has anything to do with _you_" he spat back softly.

"But I thought---"

"Amazing, Mud-Blood, even _you_ fell for the story I told the others. You really ought to not be so weak minded, but what more can I expect, from the _noble_ house of Black…" and without another word, Snape was gone.

Tonks was furious. Snape had left her by herself without telling her anything at all other than what she heard. What were they planning? Was this her mission with Mad-Eye? Was she supposed to report the information to her superior immediately, or wait till morning? Were the others planning on returning that night?

Tonks thought a moment longer, than grabbed her wand, her head spinning. A moment later her patronus erupted from it's tip and made its way down the atrium and disappeared into the lift.

_What a bloody wanker!_ She thought furiously.

Not two minutes later she was joined by Alastor Moody and Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"Wotcher" she said weakly from the ground.

"What happened? Are you alright?" came Kingsely's voice as he glided swiftly down the hall

"Were you attacked Nymphadora?" barked Moody, his staff clanging beside him with each step.

"Yes I'm alright, and no I wasn't attacked… exactly. Anyway I don't think it's safe to talk about here. I'd feel better if we could discuss it at headquarters. And don't call me Nymphadora, I'm not in the mood…" she finished, taking Kingsley's offered hand to her feet.

"Precisely what I was thinking, Nymphadora. Kingsley- cover for Tonks. She and I will apparate back to Headquarters and we'll send someone to relieve you as soon as we can." Moody ordered with a roll of his eye.

"Not a problem Alastor, just take care of my favorite Auror for me" Kingsley added with a wink.

Tonks rolled her eyes and made her way back down the atrium with her Mentor. They rode the lift in silence, Tonks shifting nervously every few seconds. She stole a few short glances in his direction only to hear him grunt or take a swig from his flask every time she thought she might try to speak. It was an odd feeling; Standing beside her was her mentor, half the reason she wanted to become an Auror in the first place, and yet she couldn't think of anything to say to him whenever she thought she had disappointed him. She tried not to choke on the smell of hard liquor and heavy aftershave that seemed to be infecting the air of the elevator. His gaze never left the doors before them.

_He thinks I'm useless to him. He thinks I'm an absolute completely dependant Git that can't take care of myself_ she thought to herself miserably.

Once the pair of them had landed at the main entryway, he reached for his wand to send out a patronus to check that they were in fact alone. A moment later, a large silvery owl much larger than any owl she had ever seen really, erupted from his wand and flew across the room in a massive, sweeping motion.

"Nice Patronus" she said upon its return.

Mad-Eye grumbled in thanks and nodded in approval at the Owl's sweep of the area.

"Yours ain't so bad either" he grumbled awkwardly as they made their way outside the front gate.

There was a cool breeze in the air when they found an alley dark enough they found safe enough to apparate from.

"See you at Headquarters" he croaked, and with a very loud crack the retired Auror was gone.

A moment later, Tonks followed suit, and there was nothing left behind them but an alleyway and the echoes of a cracking sound that faded away into the Dark London night.


	8. Chapter 8: Fenrir's Fancy

"After You" said Moody in a gruff manner.

Tonks had barely just opened the door when she was enveloped by Sirius.

"Coz, are you alright? Tell me everything---"

"I'm fine, mate, fine. Just had a run in with Snivellus, here let's talk in the kitchen---"

"Nymphadora, are you okay?" came Arthur's voice as he too made his way toward her.

Tonks sighed and plowed her way through into the kitchen, hoping the rest would follow suit.

"She's fine Arthur, really, no mollycoddling, that's Molly's job. Now. Nymphadora…"Moody trailed on.

"_Please_ Moody, it's been a long night, call me Tonks…"

Suddenly another voice came from the foot of the stairs. It was a quiet voice, but one that she could pick out from a million.

"Tonks?" he said softly.

"Wotcher, Remus, sorry to wake you, everyone's making such a fuss…" she began, but before she could finish he had his hand on her neck where Snape had held her.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly.

"ALRIGHT! Now everyone, let's calm down there's work to be done. She's not a puppy she's my protégée, now left find out what rubbish happened. Tonks, you better start talking" barked Moody.

The room suddenly fell silent and she began to speak. She felt slightly embarrassed that she had caused such a ruckus, but plowed through with every detail of what happened even through Molly's entrance and mumblings about Tonks being 'too young' to be a part of the Order in the first place. She described Snape's part (against Sirius' furious glances at the part where she explained being held up against a wall) in identifying the two death eaters and the silver vapor emitted from Pettigrew's wand.

"His wand? But Pettigrew hasn't had a wand in years" chimed Remus in thoughtfully.

Mad-Eye remained silent, and Tonks' eyes didn't leave him.

"Maybe the Git borrowed one. Seems to be well _taken care of_ these days, the bloody bastard…" continued Sirius.

Tonks looked curiously at her mentor as the rest of the Order bounced their theories off of each other.

"Who's wand could it have been then? Couldn't be Greyback as I doubt he even owns a wand, and no one in their right mind would let Pettigrew at their own wand---"

"Yeah, but who in their right mind do _you_ know that is also a Death Eater---"

Suddenly, she understood.

"You think it's his wand, don't you… the wand that Pettigrew used."

Everyone in the room became silent as all eyes shifted toward Moody. He looked briefly back at them all and nodded. Molly gasped and Tonks got to her feet.

"We've got to stop them then, where can we find this Fenrir chap, they must be together—"

"I'm afraid it's not that easy" came Lupin's voice. She was slightly alarmed to see his expression was pained.

"What do you mean, he couldn't have gone far! I don't think it's possible he had a wand on him; He never pulled if out, and any Death Eater would at least have enough brains to know to keep his wand out at the ready at all times, especially when on Ministry ground…I honestly never saw a wand from that one, not once! I mean if Pettigrew was the one entrusted with the magic, whatever it was, then Fenrir must only have been there as the brawn. He can't be too hard to track down; maybe he's just a squib or something. Just the muscle." She finished.

Nobody in the room seemed to be looking at each other. It was Alastor that spoke first.

"Care to explain Remus?" he grumbled, his eyes not meeting his young friend's.

Tonks looked imploringly over at him. Clearly she was missing something. Then, it clicked.

"Wait… Wait, Greyback, I know that name, why do I know that name…"

"Fenrir Greyback. No doubt you recognize him as a Death Eater – but he is also a Werewolf. That explains why he didn't have a wand on him… You're lucky you made it out of there, I'm sure Snape must've put a spell on him that would at least dumb down his ability to smell…Unfortunately it also explains why he pinned you in one position, as even the smallest movement could have given away your exact location…" Remus finished.

Her gaze fell to the floor momentarily. Sirius chimed in.

"So what? So what, we can send Moony underground to search him out, right?" he finished.

"Now, Sirius, let's not get ahead of ourselves, we don't want to send our friend here to the wolves" Moody said punching Lupin on the shoulder in jest.

Lupin smiled.

"Look, this is… this is excellent!" Tonks replied with a smirk.

Lupin looked over at her quizzically.

"What, sending Lupin down---"

"No, there's no need for it. Look, Mad-Eye and I are on duty at the Ministry for Hallow's Eve. We know who Volde's sending to do his Ministry dirty work which helps, because now we'll better know who to keep an eye on" she finished. Suddenly Lupin looked very uneasy, and a pained expression returned to his face.

"By God, Tonks, I think you may actually have something. We can get extra backup, get some disillusionment charms on our people in the hall or get Snape down there. Minerva's got security at the school covered, so the Potter boy will be safe… We just have to hope Fenrir slips up, goes for one of the kiddies…" Mad-Eye continued.

"Erm, One of the kiddies?" Tonks asked.

"Fenrir's preference is children" Arthur interjected looking sick to his stomach.

"But… That's terrible" Tonks replied.

"That's Fenrir" said Lupin sympathetically.

Tonks wondered if it was Fenrir that bit Lupin, and how old he was when it happened. She was immediately struck with a wave of pity for her friend and didn't know what else to say.

"Right. Well, now that we know this information, I'd suggest that you get some sleep Nymphadora. Tomorrow's a long day, and Hallow's Eve is just after it. Padfoot, I assume she can stay with you? I don't think it's wise to move her again tonight".

"Of course she can. I'll set you up a bed" Sirius responded, and flew up the stairs.

After a few more instructions, Arthur walked Mad-Eye to the door and Molly finally retired only after setting Tonks up with a cup of tea. Tonks took her seat at the table and buried her face in her hands, exhausted. Lupin surveyed her a moment, and turned to head up the stairs, when she called out to him.

"So what've you got on Fenrir, Moony, anything that can help us out?"

Lupin smiled and took two steps toward her.

"I'm not one hundred percent sure now is the time to get into all that. You've had a long day, you should get some sleep" he replied warmly.

Tonks smirked at him, one eyebrow raised. It was an incredibly unforgettable face, her huge brown eyes didn't help him to look away either.

"If there's one person I know whose brain will grant them no sleep when something like this is on their mind it's you, am I right? And no lying…" she added still smirking.

Lupin chuckled and took the seat beside her.

"I suppose you're right…." He began. "What can I say about Fenrir that you don't already know… He's not your normal, run of the mill lycanthrope, that's for sure. True, he changes at the full moon into his 'truest' form, but he chooses to act on his animalistic instinct versus his human behavior on a regular basis. Had you gotten a better look at him you may have realized that he tends to keep most of his beastly attributes such as teeth or facial structure--- what is it?" he asked as she smiled at him.

"You're not like him, you know. I trust that you don't need me to tell you that" she said, placing a hand on his arm.

His stomach turned.

"… Anyway it's Fenrir's goal to 'change' as many wizards as he can. He's perhaps the most sadistic and savage of werewolves alive today. I think that's what Voldemort must be up to. Fenrir is Voldemort's 'pet threat' if you will to parents that defy him. As its children that Fenrir fancies…"

"The Children of the people at the party are who he's planning on attacking…" she finished quietly. "How is it that you know all this?" She asked horrorstricken.

Lupin said nothing.

"He's the one that bit you… isn't he?" she asked, quietly.

"Lupin---"

"Alright, Coz, you're all set" came Sirius' voice from the bottom of the stairwell.

"Gonna make sure everything's locked up. You two okay in here?" he asked shifting his eyes over to Lupin.

"Fine, friend. Just discussing what needs to happen before Halloween at the Ministry" Lupin replied kindly. Tonks appeared lost in thought. It wasn't until they were alone again that she spoke.

"How old were you?" she asked, lifting her eyes to meet his.

He surveyed her a moment, then continued.

"Ten. I was ten when he bit me… 'Seems my father rubbed him the wrong way" he finished with a bittersweet smile.

Before he knew what was happening, he found himself enveloped in the squishiest hug he could remember ever being a part of. She wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders and neck, sitting lightly on his lap. His insides went cold, but his skin felt like it was boiling lava hot. She held him tightly up against her.

"Don't worry Moony. I won't let him near them, not a single one. Those kids will be safe with me, I promise you" she finished.

She pulled away enough only so that she could see his face.

"Get some sleep, okay? And thank you, for all your help…I owe you one" she said. She lowered herself to kiss his cheek once, her thick, soft lips branding his rough skin. A flood of emotions spread rapidly through his body and a moment later she was off to bed, winking at him on her way up the stairs.

Lupin sat temporarily dumbfounded in his seat as Sirius bustled back into the room.

"You staying here tonight Moony? I've got a bed ready for you--- hey, you alright? You look a little pale…" Sirius asked, slightly concerned.

"Just Exhausted, Sirius, nothing more. I think I will stay here tonight, see if there's anymore information I can dig up on Fenrir before tomorrow" Lupin said with a yawn.

A few minutes later Lupin climbed up the stairs, his tired mind racing. He peeked into Nymphadora's room to see the door had been left open and the light still on. Peering inside, he saw her passed out on the bed, only halfway out of her work clothes and into her pajamas. Chuckling softly, he put the light out and returned to his quarters for the night. His cheek still burned from where her lips had touched it even as he hit the pillow and fell swiftly into a deep, deep sleep.


	9. Chapter 9: Halloween

Tonks took one last long look in the mirror before knowing what she had to do. Tonight was the night.

All Hallow's Eve.

She ran a comb through her hair and pulled down her long lacy sleeves. Her roots were brown today, the tips of her hair a shocking pink. She wanted her hair to look as it naturally chose to while in a state of normalcy as she didn't want to give away just yet to any death eater that might have been in the building that she was in fact a fully fledged metamorphmagus. She splashed her face with some cold water stretched. With an encouraging smirk and a wink from her reflection, she made her way out the restroom door and down the rickety stairs of Grimmauld place. At the foot of the stairs she saw the four very familiar faces of Sirius Black, Bill Weasley, Alastor Moody and Remus Lupin to greet her.

"Wotcher," she said, "Where's Kingsley and Arthur at then?"

"Didn't want us all to show up at the same time; they left about an hour or so ago. Molly will be with Arthur of course" answered Mad-Eye.

"And I'll be showing up within the hour with some extra backup" Bill added, smiling.

Tonks looked over at Lupin.

"Not me, I'm afraid. Thought that might be a dead giveaway that we're onto them" he said with a wink. "You look lovely by the way, Tonks".

"Thanks… erm, who's the backup then?" she asked Bill, trying not to blush. Sirius smiled and rolled his eyes.

"Dung." Sirius answered for him. "Dung and_ Sibyll Trelawney_ of all blasted people, do you believe that? I ought to _really_ kill Pettigrew for making me miss _this_ excitement…."

"Hey, Hopefully Coz, there won't _be_ anything exciting happening. Hopefully seeing so many of us will make Fenrir back off some. And if not…" she continued confidently at Lupin's worried expression, "we're ready for him."

Lupin's eyes met hers as she made her way down the last two steps to land between Lupin and her Mentor.

"Be careful." said Lupin. Tonks hugged him, then hugged Sirius.

"I will. Now let's get this over with" she said to Mad-Eye, a fire in her eyes.

Mad-Eye nodded at his favorite Protégée, and made sure to give Lupin a warning glance before heading out the door.

"You better be" Lupin said as soon as she was out of earshot.

"Now what do we do?" asked an overly anxious Sirius.

"I suppose we wait…" he replied.

"Don't worry fellas, I'll send word as soon as I have anything, I'll only just be an hour behind them, remember" Bill chimed in cheerfully before leaving the room.

Lupin and Sirius exchanged nervous glances.

"In that case, I hope we're in for a very _quiet_ evening."

Lupin pat his friend on the shoulder and headed for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" came Sirius' voice.

"Shrieking shack. I'll be in tomorrow."

"Oh, right… be careful Moony. You're the one were-bugger I don't wish death on" he replied.

"See You tomorrow, Padfoot."

"See Ya."

* * *

Tonks and Mad-Eye made their way into the entryway of the Ministry then up to the Auror's offices. Everything had been decorated for the holiday, including Tonks' desk which was now covered in tiny orange and violet holiday lights.

"I am so leaving these here year round" she said amused.

Moody rolled his magical eye and began to mumble instructions.

"We regroup every hour, and I'll take the first shift of watch downstairs. You and the crazy bat-woman---"

"You mean Trelawney---" Tonks interjected.

"---Sure, whatever. Take this floor for the next hour. Blasted Ministry doing nothing but hindering us and here we are watchin' it's bloody arse just so they can have a blasted Halloween party…I don't think I need to remind you to be careful, but worst case scenario is what, you tell me---"

"--- Stay at a distance and morph into someone completely unrecognizable. No worries Moody, there's no way he's gonna act with this many of us here---"

"---Keep it down, Nymphadora!!! Besides! You don't know what they're up to, it could all have been a set up, that's why we need to be on our toes, remain VIGILANT---"

"---Yeah, yeah, I got it Mad-Eye. And you're late by the way. Get movin', that's 4 minutes now that the corridor's remained unwatched."

Not even two seconds later Mad-Eye was gone in a flash and Tonks made her way over to Trelawney's table. She took in the sight of all the glittering decorations and sent a wink in the direction of an adorable little girl that could've easily been part Weasley. The little girl giggled and ran back to tell her mother. Immediately upon seeing Tonks, the Divinations professor opened her eyes wider than the frames of her coke bottle glasses would allow and released a slow, shuddering breath.

Trelawney looked very much like Tonks had remembered her in her school years: spindly, eccentric, and covered head to toe in shawls and gypsy like beads. There was not a doubt in her mind that Trelawney was quite possibly more Romany than Witch as far as she was concerned.

"Wotcher, Tre…er, Professor" Tonks offered awkwardly.

"Nymphadora, My Dear! Look how you've grown!" Trelawney replied in her wispy voice.

"Surely we're met together under these circumstances for a similar purpose, let me give you a reading… My cards are shaking with your energy, you Aura is pulsing Dear, Sit!" she went on excitedly.

Tonks looked about her, slightly embarrassed, and took a seat opposite her old professor. She made to grab a cup of tea when suddenly her foot caught onto the tablecloth and sent 16 cups flying into the air and smashing into the ground in a haze or purple and orange smoke. Tonks froze; everyone was staring at her.

Trelawney gave her a skeptical glance over her massive spectacles and Tonks' eyes widened.

_Thank GOD Lupin isn't here to see this _Tonks thought to herself.

"I… oh God, Trelawney, I am so, _so_ sorry…"she began.

From the corner of her eye she saw Mad-Eye roll his magical eye and stomp off to a different part of the building muttering to himself.

Eventually the noise level in the room went back to normal and Trelawney was able again to speak.

"Not a problem Dearest, I foresaw that, of course… But I suppose your spirit needed to clear off my table so desperately for a reading that this was, the only way…" she trailed on.

Tonks could not remember the last time she had been so publicly humiliated. She tried desperately to keep her cool, but was shaken back to reality when she caught a glimpse of who she suspected might be Fenrir. Her eyes immediately searched the room for the little girl and saw her safely playing with some flying pumpkin pasties, her father's hand in her own. Tonks unwinded in the smallest amount, the words of Trelawney fading in and out of her mind.

"There's a man in your life isn't there…seems he might be the ultimate goal? A traveling, man perhaps, a Dark Man?"

Tonks looked at her in shock.

"Wha?" she said dopily.

"Yes, Dear, I see the Page of wands here, Is there a dark young man, faithful, a lover with a dark secret perhaps?" she asked folding her hands together.

Tonks smirked at her.

"Not exactly" she replied.

The fact that Tonks didn't outright scream how wrong she was to her face like so many other of her Trelawney's students did seemed to enlighten the insane professor far more than she herself had anticipated. Trelawney continued on as Tonks cast her watchful eye over the room. A curt nod from Alastor from across the room informed her that all was well in the corridor below them. The lack of red hair in the room assured her that Arthur Weasley was watching it.

"…You see dear, while your energy is drawing out the card of the lovers I can see that your greatest fear, yes… very interesting Dear, you fear, is it the Eight of Cups?..."

"I'm sorry?" Tonks asked again.

Trelawney looked as if she had deflated.

"Clearly there is too much on you mind to focus on what is happening to you---"

"No, no, please… continue? I'm listening" she assured the woman with a smile.

"Well I suppose…" Trelawney continued. She closed her eyes dramatically as if to re-focus her mind. Tonks may not have completely believed what she was hearing, but she had always had a soft spot for the nutty professor. In fact, it was her respect for Trelawney that had earned Tonks her first meeting with Dumbledore. It was the first time he had suggested that she become an Auror, for he said her belief in anybody being capable of anything was not an easy trait to come by.

Tonks surveyed the room again to see that this time that the girl she was watching earlier was playing with bubbles and popping them with as much force as she could muster.

"Behave now, Dawn, or I'll have to tell Mrs. Montgomery to tickle you all the way home!" joked one of the Secretaries. Tonks smiled as the little girl laughed.

"Where are your sisters this year, Dawn-y? Surely they're not at Hogwarts for such a Holiday…" the Secretary went on.

"Uh-huuuh" the little girl replied. "They're at Hogg… Hoggy… Hog-Warts! Hog-Warts!!!" the little girl blurt out excitedly.

Trelawney's voice faded back in.

"…OH, My Dear you fear the Eight of cups! A man leaving a journey perhaps… he has possibly turned away from his old feelings to strike out on a newer path, perhaps, yes how interesting… I suppose at times we realize that we have been in a trance, in a deep sleep in our own lives, living a dream that no longer satisfies the spirit…. But resolution comes my dear! Your tenth card, look, look!!!" she exclaimed.

So lost was Trelawney in Tonks' cards that she let several of them fall to the floor. Tonks made to pick them up, slightly annoyed, when Trelawney grabbed her wrist to get her attention.

"Look!" she proclaimed drastically pointing to the tenth card, "The Two of Cups!"

Tonks looked down at the table for the first time to see the card she was talking about.

The final card depicted a man and a woman, gazing up at each other with a strange winged object between them. Tonks couldn't help herself.

"Whats'it mean?" she said, her stare being locked onto the card. "What's the winged thing, in the middle there?"

"Union, my Dear. That is the messenger Hermes, usually associated with Gemini of course, but you know that, that's completely elementary of course…"she rambled on.

"But… I don't understand. What's that card got to do with me, I'm not with anybody---"

"Ah, but my Dear you heart is with someone!" she proclaimed, placing the card in Tonks' hand. "This card is the very picture, the very manifestation of romantic and sexual attraction, why, it's almost palpable!" she went on.

Tonks blushed and stared at the card.

_He and I…are a possibility?_ She thought to herself.

Tonks put the card down slowly and began picking up the fallen cards from the floor. Her eyes fell on The Tower card.

"This shows the true beauty and power that is created when two come together, my Dear! My… what an interesting reading indeed, Nymphadora, who knew you possessed such power in you…." She continued, wiping her eyes. "So who is this dark young Man, and what is his secret I wonder…"

_Dark Secret. The Tower._

Tonks immediately snapped back into reality. Her eyes locked into focus as she searched the room for the little girl. She was nowhere.

"My Dear… Are you alright?" the Seer asked. Tonks threw her cards down on the table and whipped out her wand.

"Thanks again Tre, I'll see you around," and with that Tonks was flying down the corridor with Mad-Eye close at her heels.

"What did you see Tonks, what's going on---" he began.

"Where's Kingsley, is someone blocking the corridor?" she replied curtly. Her mind was racing.

"He's down there right now, what's going on---"

"The reports, Mad-Eye, the reports about Fenrir, the attack in April Lupin found those articles about, what was the name of the family, the Family that lost the little boy to an attack that went too far---"

"Montegue, Monteguerey, something like that---"

"Montgomery!?" asked Tonks in horror.

"That's the one. Boy was 5 years of age, his mum didn't want to help the death eaters and Fenrir went too far. His mum's at the party but I've got Mundungus on her tail, why what's up?" he asked as soon as they made it to the nearest lift.

Tonks studied the numbers on the lift walls.

_He'd go up, he's go up to be closer to the moon, draw strength from it_ she thought.

"TONKS! Why the bloody hell are we going _up_---?"

"Trust Me, he wants to be upstairs, he has access to moonlight there. Now the boy, did he have any sisters?" she asked quickly. Mad-Eye seemed to catch on.

Tonks began to morph into an older woman, her hair now streaked with liberally with grey, her eyes changing from brown to blue and wrinkles formed in the outer corners of her now almond shaped eyes.

"…You do know that's creepy, don't you---?"

"MAD-EYE, THE SISTERS?!"

"Right! Two of 'em. Both at Hogwarts. Whole story was published in the Prophet" he answered curtly.

"What're the chances that the Prophet would leave out a third sister--- to protect her, like. Say, on the family's or Ministry's orders, to keep it hush hush?"

"You Mean---"

Alastor was cut off as the door to the lift opened.

Suddenly, the little girl screamed.

"_PROTEGO!!_" Tonks shouted at the top of her lungs, lunging forward.

Her spell hit the little girl square in the back just in the nick of time, and Fenrir was thrown from the child as if by some invisible force field around her.

"DAWN!" she shouted. "DAWN MONTGOMERY!!"

"Nice Work! _Incarcerous_!" Moody shouted at the beast.

Fenrir roared and snapped his fangs at the thick ropes that tried to bind him.

Tonks lunged to pull the little girl out of harm's way just as Fenrir made a leap at Tonks.

"OH NO YOU DON'T! _FIENDFYRE!!!"_ Moody Shouted at Fenrir in a Booming voice.

Not a moment too soon, huge, wrathful flames exploded from the end of Alastor's Staff and consumed Fenrir almost completely. Tonks threw her body over the young girl and rolled the both of them away from the massive open flames. Fenrir was screeching and whimpering, the sound so horrifying and inhuman it sent chills down the young Auror's spine. Her back was badly burnt but she refused to move, falling in and out of consciousness.

"HAHA! TAKE _THAT_ YOU BLOODY BEAST!!! NOBODY LUNGES AT _MY_ PROTEGEE!!!"

Fenrir made a run for the door from what Tonks could see, and Kingsley was up soon afterward watching the remaining flames dance along the tile floor. The Majority of the flames had transformed into a massive four legged beast that greatly resembled a 20 foot tall Ram made completely out of lava and flame. The beast bellowed loudly as if it were the manifestation of all of Mad-Eyes rage and bounded blindly after it's designated victim.

"I'll chase him, Mad-Eye – you take care of Tonks and the girl!" Kingsley cried, and with that he was gone.

Bill Weasley ran out from the lifts a moment later with Mad-Eye's Patronus leading the way.

"_Finite Incantatum!" _he shouted at the remaining fire, and suddenly it ceased.

"Mad-Eye, Tonks, are you alright? Where's Kingsley?" he added running over to them.

"I'm alright, just bloody mad I couldn't run after 'im like I used to... Tonks, what's your status, girlie, you still with me?" Mad-Eye Barked.

Tonks slowly pulled herself to her knees, the back of her long coat singed with flame, her back badly burnt from the exposure. She was ready to pass out from the pain.

The little girl beneath her was crying and terrified, but seemed to be in too much shock to throw a fit of any kind.

Tonks slowly morphed back into her usual appearance and the little girl seemed more at ease knowing one of the adults in the room.

"You alright love?" Tonks asked the little girl weakly.

The little girl nodded, stifling her tears and hugged Tonks firmly around the neck.

"That's the wolf man, lady, the wolf man that got my---my brother!" she cried out.

Mad-Eye and Bill exchanged significant glances.

"What do you think Mad-Eye, should we modify her memory?" Bill asked quietly.

"I think it's for the best. Tonks, what's your word?" Mad-Eye asked in a far softer tone than usual.

Tonks looked over the little girl's shoulder and nodded.

"Dawn? Dawn, that's your name isn't it sweetheart? Dawn Montgomery?" she asked as sweetly as she could.

The little girl nodded. Tonks inhaled slowly. The pain from her back was killing her.

"Do you think it might make you feel better if you never remembered this part of Halloween, every again?"

The little girl looked down at her black and orange party necklace and nodded. Tonks pointed her wand at the little girl, but before she said anything the little girl placed her small hands on Tonks' lips. She then took off her party necklace and placed it over Tonks' head, smiling.

"Now _you_ can be the Halloween Princess" she giggled, wiping her last few tears from her rosy cheeks.

Tonks smiled and hugged her. She pointed her want at the little girl's forehead.

"Now close you eyes honey…. On the count of three…. One….. Two….Three… _Obliviate!"_

* * *

  


"Aaaand one more shot, to my fabulous Cousin Nymphadora---"

"Sirius, if I have to tell you one more time---"

"Er--- Sorry Coz. I mean, my _fabulous_ cousin _Tonks_--- Happy Halloween!" Sirius shouted.

The whole room stood and applauded as Tonks remained the only one seated on the couch. Her back was still bandaged up from torso to her shoulders from where the flames of Mad-Eye's spell had hit her. She smiled and winced but was pleased that she had officially completed her first mission for the Order and lived to tell the tale.

"It only gets harder from here on out, I'll warn ye" came Mad-Eye's bark from behind her.

"Granted that's probably true, but what makes you the bringer of such joy to me now?" she asked smiling.

"Had a talk with Dumbledore, let him know the score. Looks like you might be on your own for a few missions little buddy" he barked.

"Y-You can't be serious…" she began excitedly.

Moody winked at her.

"No Worries, Kid, I'll still be watching an' ridiculing' your every bloody move!" he said patting her on the back.

She choked. Her back felt like it was on fire.

"Oh…whoops. Sorry there, Nymphadora. Anyway, uh… Good Work. But rest assured: The Order always looks out for their own."

Tonks blinked away the oncoming tears at her back's new found dose of pain. She was just thankful that Molly had dumbed the pain down enough that now it just felt like she had really bad sunburn… well, when Mad-Eye WASN'T pounding away at it anyway.

The only face she did not see in the smiling crowd was the one she thought Trelawney had been talking about all night. She thought about the cards she was dealt, and what they meant, and tried desperately to convince herself that none of it was real. She laid on her stomach and hugged her pillow close to her face and chest. Her mind raced in and out of sleep.

_Where is Lupin? And why isn't he here? Doesn't he care that any of this happened? That I kept my promise? _

_I hope he's okay…_she thought. _Wherever he is…_

Little did she know, but Lupin was already chained up in the Shrieking Shack when she was finally able to fall asleep. The moon was slowly fading out of the sky, and the morning birds were finally waking. Slowly but surely, Lupin's hunched shoulders were returning to their original state, his bones releasing their stretched, unnatural formation back into the anatomy of a tired, worn down man. His long, shining hair sprouted back out from his scalp as his skull cracked and crunched back into its natural formation.

The full Moon was over.

Once he finally had his slender hands back to their original state, he reached for the keys to unlock the shackles that held him down. He walked with great difficulty to the opposite corner of the room, away from his rusting and rotting cage and threw sick onto the ground below him.

He hated this. He hated the vile return to this wretched, filthy place every single month. He was only able to truly live so long as he could roam, and his cage held him so that he could only go so far. He thought immediately of his young friend Nymphadora and how horrified she would be at the sight of him, here, like this.

_Nymphadora._

He quickly threw on his messy clothes after shoddily dressing his new wounds, and made with all haste toward Grimmauld place. He had completely forgotten that her mission to stop Greyback was the previous night, and hadn't heard word yet from anyone.

A good Half Hour later he arrived, and walked through the grimy door and into the hall. It was now the equivalent of 8:00 in the morning, and he could smell that Molly was up making waffles. He walked into the living room, and stopped short to see a bandaged up Tonks laying face down on the sofa. He made to go to her, when he heard a 'Shhh' sound from the entrance to the kitchen.

Molly motioned for him to leave Tonks be and follow her into the kitchen. He sat at the counter and she placed 2 waffles covered in syrup, whipped cream, and Halloween sprinkles in front of him. He had never been so glad to see food.

"Good Morning, Remus" she whispered with a grand smile. The whole room seemed to be glowing with it.

"Good Morning, Molly. Thank you so much for all this, Really. How was your Halloween?" he asked back softly and digging in to his breakfast.

"It was a lovely party… Until Fenrir almost kidnapped a child and Tonks and Mad-Eye stopped him. Eat up!" she continued happily, shoving more waffles onto his plate.

Lupin dropped his fork.

"W-What… Fenrir? What do you mean she stopped him, those bandages aren't… they're not—"

"Oh calm down Remus dear, and No, they aren't werewolf wounds. I'm afraid Mad-Eye's fire spell got a little too close, and our young friend caught on fire. She's fine though – cast one _hell_ of an overnight healing spell if I may say so myself" she added with a wink.

Lupin looked dumbfounded.

"Mad-Eye… set her…. On…. On fire…" he began.

Molly smiled knowingly at him.

"I know you're worried about her but she's fine. She just needs some sleep is all. Mad-Eye tells me that she went to grab the child and Fenrir lunged after her. Only thing that stops a werewolf like Fenrir is a silver bullet or a helluva lot of pain. He cast a Fiendfyre and… well I'll bet you can imagine the rest" she went on, "Cream for your coffee?"

"She _lunged…_At _Fenrir's Victim?!! PLEASE_ tell me she was morphed at this point, and not running around with pink hair and- and everything?!" he whispered violently.

Molly looked over his shoulder and simply smiled. Remus turned to see who was behind him when Tonks suddenly had her arm around him.

"Wotcher, Moony!" she said with a sleepy smile. "Morning Molly!"

"I'm sorry dear did we wake you? How do you like your waffles?" she asked beaming.

"Oh you didn't wake me, but I think I'd like to have a shower before I put anything in my stomach. Where've you been, Lupin, I didn't see you here last night, we were worried…" she added hugging him. He found himself returning her hug.

"Never mind me, are you sure you're okay? You're sure Fenrir didn't scratch you, or- or bite you or anything?" Remus asked removing her arms from around his neck.

"I'm sure, I'm sure I---- Oh… My God, Remus are you okay? Look at your face, you're all banged up!"

Tonks ran her fingers over the fresh scars on his face and their eyes met. They each turned away from each other, blushing slightly. Molly continued making breakfast, smiling to herself. Lupin could swear she saw her wink at him.

"Just another night in my personal 'paradise' I'm afraid" he went on.

"Oh, and I wanted to thank you again, for all of that extra stuff on Fenrir you found. Turns out he had a nasty fit when he found out there was more than one toddler in the Montgomery family he wanted to _sink his teeth _into… poor dear." She finished quietly.

Lupin said nothing.

"Well I'm glad to see you're alright, at least. I suppose I'm going to retire now, it's been a very long night for me… Take care Tonks, and thank you, again, Molly." and with that he had departed up the stairs.

Tonks looked at Molly and began shoveling what was left of Lupin's waffles down her throat.

"What did I just do… Why did he go off pouting like that?" Tonks began.

"Well Dear, before you give yourself _too _much credit—" Molly interjected "--- you've got to remember how Remus feels about being Lycan. While you and I both know the difference between him and Fenrir, he's always had this fear in him that Fenrir is something he could turn into if he isn't very, _very_ careful."

"Oh God… You mean, he thinks that I think he's capable of--- No Way!" Tonks shouted back, accidentally knocking over Lupin's coffee.

"Er… Sorry Molls---"

"No problem. If I were you I'd just go, take a hot bath, and when you see him later, just… let the cards fall where they may."

Tonks looked up at Molly suddenly.

_Let the cards fall where they may…_


	10. Chapter 10: The Underground

Ten minutes after they had bid their farewells to Sirius, Tonks and Lupin began walking toward a private point to apparate closer to the Werewolf Underground.

Tonks had become all business, putting any personal relations with Remus aside. She had no time to worry about her romantic life when there was work to be done for the Order.

It was cold outside in the early, stale December air; she wrapped her scarf tightly around her neck and rubbed her hands quickly against each other. Remus would have killed to be back in her room, warming her up himself... He shook the thought from his mind.

"Remus!" she exclaimed, snapping him back into reality.

"Sorry, what?" he replied tying to sound nonchalant.

"We're here" she said anxiously with a half smile.

She was still upset at him, but the scene from earlier had proven to her that he cared for her, and therefore made her considerably nicer to him. Apart from having Remus shout at Dumbledore that he would rather have anybody else as a partner than her, everything else that came from his mouth was in one form or another his way of trying to protect her: In fact the only reason it bothered her at all was that it made her look like a coward to anyone that _didn't_ believed he cared for her as something more than just a friend.

Remus, on the other hand, suddenly looked very grim. He hated Dumbledore for this! Dumbledore knew damn well that Tonks was the epitome of what a werewolf wanted to sink it's teeth into... Fleshy... young... curvy... strong... It sickened him how perfect she looked for this. Remus couldn't remember the last time he had been so furious, let alone _ever_ remember raising his voice; and to _Dumbledore_ of all people! His eyes surveyed the young woman, a flurry of emotions running through his mind...

"Take off your shirt" she demanded.

He was taken aback: Partly because these words ran though his mind about her only seconds before she voiced his thought aloud... and partly because of what she was asking him to do.

"W-what?" he asked sheepishly and in shock.

She rolled her eyes. "You know maybe if you were paying attention to what I was saying as opposed to this ridiculous outfit I'm wearing I wouldn't have to repeat myself every time I said something" she said walking toward him. "Lift up your shirt, I need to see something".

"Your outfit isn't ridiculous, this whole _thing_ is ridiculous. And for us to be so close to a full Moon..." he replied hotly.

She gave him a sarcastic look, and rolled her eyes.

"And Besides, Tonks-- Didn't you see enough of me a couple of months ago?" he joked recalling the shower incident a month or so previously.

"Oh, haha" she mock laughed. She was not in the mood to be kidding around. "You know just as well as I do Lupin that this might be our only chance to catch Fenrir. That run in with the Montgomery girl was far too close for comfort, so you can _bet_ he's down there trying to blackmail and brainwash as many werewolves into joining him as possible" she finished matter-o-factly.

She lifted up his shirt before he was ready for it, and stared at his bare chest. She blushed as she made to touch him. Thinking she was disgusted by what she saw, he abruptly yanked his sweater down.

"Have you gone mad?! What on earth are you doing?!" he yelped defensively.

For the first time the whole evening, she smiled at him.

"I needed to see..." her smile faltered, "... your markings" she finished. "I can't pretend to be a werewolf if i have no... scars" she barely whispered, her eyes not meeting his.

Lupin studied her a moment. He never wanted anyone to see them, let alone such a pretty young witch like Nymphadora. He wouldn't even let Sirius see him with his shirt off. He looked into her warm eyes. _What a monster I am..._

"Trust me?" she asked softly.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and nodded.

She lifted up his shirt to see the scars across his body. She took off her glove and traced his torso like a map with her warm fingertips. Lupin was about to explode. Her fingers felt white hot against his freezing skin, and he could feel himself trembling at her touch, all the while hoping to God she would think it was because of the cold.

Tonks wasn't thinking anything of his trembling: In fact, the only thing on her mind was that she had never seen a body so beautiful in all her life. She had seen other men, true, but there was something so genuine--- so real, and so raw about him that she couldn't help but feel drawn to him. She looked up with glossy eyes and warm smile to see him staring anxiously at her and all down his long torso. It was almost too much to bare for her: to her, he was perfect, but it hurt her so much to see proof of his constant pain, a pain she could do nothing to help. She shuddered.

"What? W-what is it?" he asked anxiously as he tore his sweater back down.

Before he realized what she was doing, she had her arms wrapped tightly around his neck in the first real hug Remus could remember in a long time. He had taught himself long ago to give up most physical contact, so that now, her fingers stroking his scars and holding him against her soft body was disarming even for him. He stood there awkwardly at first, letting her hold him. Nobody had even wanted to touch him knowing what he was, and here she was touching him in places no other woman had, holding him like he were any other normal human being. Even as understanding as Lily Evans had been, she didn't dare touch him; Her body felt strange, as if every curve she had could envelop him, different from the slender figure that Lily was...

"You've got nothing to be worried about, you know." she whispered in his ear. "I think they're beautiful..."

He blushed profusely. Slowly, he wrapped his arms gently about her waist. He let go a moment later, feeling her body slide down him as she released him. He smiled.

"...Your turn!" she said playfully. "Try not to let your eyes bleed too much, and don't mix me up with a snowman: I don't get that much sun these days, let alone a chance to excersize ..."

He was about to ask what she meant when suddenly she began taking her clothes off. His eyes widened.

"Relax..." she said as though reading his mind.

She screwed her face up in concentration and began the change. He could see scars slowly start appearing on her body, the same shapes as his but in different places. He suddenly understood the purpose for their awkward exposures. It seemed odd though: No matter how grisly his scars seemed to him, when she turned to show him her back, he found that the word 'grisly' had been replaced by '_intensley_ attractive'.

"How do I look?" she asked, wincing.

_Delicious_.

He couldn't stop himself from thinking it.

_Damn the full moon._

"...P-Perfect" he said, his mouth dry.

She turned at him with a raised eyebrow.

"T-They look very ... very real...your scars, I mean..." he corrected. He could've sworn he'd seen her smile falter at his new answer. She squatted down to the ground to pick up her jacket and scarf, putting Remus in the painful position of her head being visually just below his waist.... It was physically torturous for him to watch her slide up his body slowly and finally to her feet. He exhaled as she stood back up, leaving his member feeling tense and abandoned.

"See?" she said trying not to sound disappointed in his lack of interest in her. "You called them perfect- and they're_ you're_ scars, Moony" she smiled warmly, brushing a strand of hair sweetly from his face.

"Let's go" he forced himself to say, though his voice came out more hoarse then he intended.

"Just remember" she added taking a nervous breath "Remember my signal. If things get too crazy you come over and... protect your, er, territory" she added with a wry smile, a strong confidence with the last three words.

Before he could analyze the way she said it, she locked her fingers with his and told him to apparate. He did so obediently, willing to concentrate on something other that her hand braided in his. He was half worried that they would end up apparating into some kind of store that one would only go into if forced by their friends on their eighteenth birthday, what with his mind racing the way it was now...

* * *

They came to an abrupt stop, Tonks stumbling stilghtly as they landed. She gave a small gasp when she looked around at her surroundings: It was dark, dank, and just plain disgusting in the Underground, just as Lupin had said it would be. Lupin immediately separated from Tonks before arousing suspicion with the other residing lycanthropes. It smelled strongly of rotting flesh and old, putrid blood stains. He walked a few paces over to the broken down bar trying to look grisly and tired before sitting down by a smaller, stranger man. The man surveyed him, as if in judgement of whether or not he found Lupin to be worthy of the werewolf race. He guessed the man next to him had sized him up to be 'worthy' after all, because shortly afterward he called for the bartender and ordered Remus a drink. He nodded gruffly, watching the payment-in-human-blood-bags with as stony a face as possible.

"'Rough night, huh? Names Rodney. Where you from?" asked the man beside him.

"...Around. And yourself?" he replied, hoping this would be enough of an answer for him. Werewolves like him didn't generally care about other werewolves.

"Same." he growled back. Remus saw the man shift suddenly in his chair.

"Whoa..." he growled, sniffing sickly in the direction of the other end of the bar.

Lupin already knew what must have caught the man's attention.

"I smell new blood... I don't think she's had werewolf in her yet...ha!" he growled hoarsely, saliva dripping from his rotting gums and yellow teeth. Lupin looked over at the general direction of where the man named Rodney was looking, repulsed to see that his fears were confirmed: he was talking about Tonks. Remus bit his lip and suppressed the urge to tear the lungs out of the beast with his bare hands.

"Mark my words, mystery man, I'll have me a pieee of that wench before I leave here tonight- you just watch how it's done" he growled. His face suddenly changed to a menacing scowl, as if angry. Lupin turned to see that Tonks was already being surrounded by two other men, both far bigger and stronger than her; and himself. His palms became sweaty, his face flushing, contorted with rage.

"Ah you feel it too then!" the dirty man asked, laughing, throwing his arm around Lupin. Remus assumed that the man mistook his anger for sexual frustration judging by the size of his boner. Lupin snarled. It was characters like Rodney that caused him to forever lose faith in his race. He dug his nails as deeply as he could into his thigh to concentrate on the pain and the mission at hand, and nothing else.

"You know, Stranger, I like you. I'd have your back in a fight anytime" the drunken man laughed. Lupin tried to focus.

There were now a total of four men surrounding Tonks at the bar, howling and laughing at her and messing with her scarf.

_Wait for her signal_ the voice of reason spoke. He could feel the internal struggle coming on.

_----'ll tear apart those bastards_

_WAIT_

_---NO!_

_WAIT, REMUS, OR SHE'LL HAVE COME HERE IN VAIN!_

Remus slammed his fist against the bar, causing some of the men surrounding Tonks to look over curiously. Tonks was very pale, but her face was cool... calm and collected, as though she was in control of the situation at hand.

Lupin for one was shocked that none of the men had picked up on the scent of her fear yet. He couldn't take much more of this... what would Sirius say if he knew he had let his baby cousin go through this... WHAT was Dumbledore thinking...

_Relax Moony_ he thought to himself. _The reason this will work is if I can't pick up on her emotions having been around her so much time then they shouldn't be able to either..._ Lupin exhaled.

_Don't blow it Remus, Don't blow it Remus_ Tonks thought in her head. She couldn't remember ever feeling more uncomfortable in all her life.

The 'men' introduced themselves as Alectin, a tall pale albino, Cubano, a sloppy man a little shorter than Remus, Bronco, the thick oaf of the group, and Randolov, the muscle- the leader of the pack. Her least favorite thing about the one that called himself Alectin was how very much he looked like the infamous Fenrir...

"Come on hot stuff, let's see if we can't make howl a night early..." began the Albino to the laughter of the others.

"Oh please... with all those God awful pick up lines one might think you were a _wizard_. It would be a real pity, if _that_ much were true... it would ruin such pretty packaging..." she shot back seductively.

Two of the men snorted in agreement: it was working.

"A leggy, busty, redhead like you all by your lonesome... Only a Wizard _wouldn't _ try to fix that little problem. Who was lucky enough to take a bite out of you, I wonder? I'll bet he was on of Voldemort's..." called Randolov.

Tonks kept her cool. She HAD to keep her cool. She uncrossed her legs so they were open directly in front of Randolov. The others howled and whistled at her, licking their lips hungrily at her inner thighs. Remus fumed.

"You don't _really_think someone dumb enough to join Voldemort of all wizards was smart enough to get a piece of me do you? Come on... I thought you were smarter than that _Dummy_..." she said recrossing her legs with an arrogant laugh, and turning her back to them.

Lupin's eyes widened: he stopped breathing...

Now the pack was angry was angry. From what Remus heard, he knew immediately she had gone way too far, way too fast. Insulting a werewolf's pride like that was one thing, but for a woman to lead one on and scorn him in front of his pack was the deepest insult. She had gotten cocky, and now she was going to pay for it. Remus slowly began to stand, trembling, wanting to look over and see what was going on.

"_WHAT_ did you just SAY TO ME?!" roared Randolov, spinning her around so fast to face him that he had her neck in one hand before she could open her mouth to speak.

Remus remained frozen. His hand itched uncomfortably toward his wand pocket.

_Give me the Fucking signal Dora! _his head screamed. Blood was pounding so fast in his ears he could barely see straight.

Tonks breathed heavily, a smirk on her perfectly painted up face. She licked her lips slowly, trying desperately not to appear nervous. Randolov's lust immediately took over his anger. He looked her up and down, and slid his filthy hand down her shoulders and onto her chest. The others howled in laughter. She gave him a seductive smile, but Remus could see the hatred, the fear, the disgust behind it; He knew she was too late to cover her tracks.

"You're lucky I don't like them Bitchy, cunt. My brother can have you, Child...Before someone really takes a bite out. You'll feel it more that way..._lycan_" he said shoving the one called Cubano directly in front of her. She wasn't sure what he meant but the look in his eye told her he knew she wasn't really a werewolf. Randolov place his brother's hand on her chest, and instructed him to do what he pleased. The others laughed.

That was it. Remus was giving her five seconds to send off the signal otherwise he was going kill them all with his wand anyway.

Cubano's hands moved toward her inner thighs, his filthly nails digging into her skin wherever the felt like. She made a move to stop him, but both Bronco and Alectin held either of her hands back.

She couldn't send the signal.

"Let _Go_ of me..." she began angrily. Alectin merely smiled.

"Try and speak again, Girl, I _dare _you..." he whispered, holding a shard of glass to her throat. "Fenrir will be upset that he missed his own catch..."

She was trapped- pinned down by these four horrible creatures. She wanted Remus. She wanted Remus to come to her and take her home, and wake her up and tell her it was all a bad dream. Alectin and Randolov were openly laughing and howling, calling over Rodney and Lupin as if to show them what was so funny. Cubano's hands got where they wanted to; she felt his cold long fingernails writhing sickly into her, drool slipping from his filthy tongue onto his jowls. They continued to hold her steady. They continued to howl. One had their disgusting meaty claws held over her mouth now, her blood pounding, she couldn't breathe--

"NO!" she spat, tears spilling finally from her eyes. Her ability to shriek so suddenly caught them off guard, and writhing one of her hands free, she managed to tear some flesh from Cubano's face and present Bronco with a piercing kick in the genitals.

"Leave her alone" came Lupin's hard, warning voice.

The four men looked up at him, Bronco wiping off the remains of his vomit. The pack immediately sized him up.

"What did you say to me--_ Old man_?" Cubano snarled, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. "Maybe you'd like it if we tore _you_ up a little bit- Ripped out your worthless, _weak_, bleeding lungs--"

"Don't you touch him, you bloody coward---!"

"DON'T RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME, YOU FILTHY WITCH---"

_SLAP! _

Tonks' hand cut off the wolf's words with a deafening slap to his face.

Radolov snarled, cutting across her face and chest with the broken glass. Cubano and Bronco slammed her arms down against the banister, their fangs menacingly bared. They were about to bite into her when suddenly---

"I said GET OFF OF HER!" A huge weight was lifted from her as Randolov was thrown into the air and onto the ground; The wieght of his own fall pushed his throat straight into the broken glass bottle held by own hand. Cubano kept her weighed down so hard against the bar she could feel her back bruising, breaking--

Lupin attacked him next, pinning him to the ground, faster than she had ever seen him move before.

"DORA, Close you Eyes!" he shouted, saliva swinging from his lips as Lupin tore into his next Adversary.

--She closed her eyes tightly thinking of the times she and Sirius had laughed, the times she had watched Remus reading books--

He tore into Alecto with his sharp nails, ripping furiously at his face and neck. Rodney ran to Lupin, alarmed that the quiet man had stood so fast to defend her.

-- She remembered catching Lupin on accident in the bathroom, Feeling him try to carry her to the sofa the morning she woke up with a hangover--

Rodney had hit Alecto with a wine bottle on the back of the head; The broken glass further slit Cubano's throat, decapitating him as his head rolled onto the stinking oily floor. Alectin flew to his brother, screaming: Before anyone else could attack, Lupin had seized Tonks and apparated to the upper level. It seemed it centuries ago that they had been in this same spot, her fingers so lovingly tracing his chest, and her promises that he wasn't a monster were so warmly made. Now she lay in his arms, bleeding, shivering, crying into him. Her immediate reaction was to fight him off, still unsure that it was Lupin at all, not knowing if perhaps he had lost complete control and wanted to have at her throat next. Her hair became a mousy brown, all signs of her morphing abilities gone; the scars she called so beautiful disappeared from her body, replaced with many fresh, bleeding new ones. She finally fought her way free of Lupin's grasp, she moved quickly away from him. Sobbing, she trew up and shouted for him to stay back.

Lupin closed his eyes and inhaled sharply, trying desperately to not focus on the scent of her blood or her perfume.

She looked up at him just as he opened his eyes and immediately ran back to him, sobbing. The shock of the situation had shaken her beyond her ability to control her reaction and Lupin felt useless to help her.

"Tonks! Oh God Tonks, Did any of them bite you? Listen to me, did they!?" he yelled, desperate for an answer. He shook her shoulders violently till he got her attention. "DID THEY?!" he shouted at her.

It was a moment before she slowly shook her head, still sobbing, allowing him to breathe.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have waited for the bloody fucking cock FUCKING signal... Tonks, please, stay with me, I swear to God if they hurt you..." he pleaded rocking her back and forth, swearing angrily and fighting back a multitude of enraged tears. He felt helpless... He had failed her as a friend, HOW could he think something more could happen between them when he couldn't even protect her from his own kind...He wanted to KILL himself...

"Remus He...He-T-They tried t-to gang up...had at me... Said ... k-knew I wasnt... full ... full...Failed D-Dumbledore...Order...Remus, oh GOD, Remus..Remus our cover...I'm so _Sorry_...Remus..." she cried out between sobs.

He widened his eyes disbelievingly at her. Here was this beautiful young woman attacked by four fully grown werewolves; defiled, molested, and abused, and she was worried about failing Dumbledore. He swore to God he was gonna kill him... He knew his flat was closer than Grimmauld place so he apparated back there, Tonks still sobbing heavily in his arms. He had never heard anyone sob like that before. He could tell she could barely breathe, and she finally passed out, cold and limp.

"DORA!" he screamed laying her on his bed. "Dora, sweetheart, wake up _please..._" he called to her worriedly. She looked up at him, suddenly coming to and scared for a moment, then her eyes softened, spilling tears with every whimper. She grabbed him by the lapel of his coat and dragged him onto the bed next to her. She cried softly on him for what seemed like forever as he stroked her hair. His eyes were hollow, holding her as tightly to him as he could.

"Shhh-- it's alright Dora, I'm here... You'll be okay I promise. You were very, very brave, I'm very proud of you" he said consolingly.

"Oh my God, Remus, you must think I'm such a child..." she began. Lupin hugged her tighter to stop her speech. He couldn't deal with much at the moment, but he definately couldn't deal with her putting herself down at a time like this.

She calmed down slowly, after some time, and took a deep shuddering breath before she was able to speak again.

"Are _you _ hurt?! Oh God...I... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to...to scare you l-like that. Couldn't handle it... you were right...I'm a...loser" she said calming herself down and attempting a watery laugh.

He pulled her up so they were both sitting, she to face him.

"Do not _ever_ let me hear you say that again" he said fiercely, his eyes blazing. She stopped shuddering at once. His eyes were were so deep and furious, his voice so low and strong, she would have preferred it if he had screamed at her.

He looked at her helpless, tear stained face. _She's just a baby_... His intensity did not waver.

She held her breath as he spoke.

"You took on FOUR adult lycans; TWO of which worked for Voldemort" he started, not allowing her to break their gaze. "They knew, Tonks, Fenrir set this up..."

"But If you hadn't come..."she began weakly.

"Dumbledore would not have let you go in the first place" he finished. The finality in his tone nd the guilt in his eyes, told her not to argue back.

She took a deep breath.

"I... I should... get back to my flat" she said suddenly, attempting to sound totally fine.

"I have work to go to work tomorrow morning, and the meeting at night, and Kingsley will kill me if I--"

"You are not leaving here" blurted Lupin.

She knew he was trying to be sincere, but she felt too disgusted with herself, with her failure to the Order to be around anybody, even him. Her heart wanted her to fall asleep in his arms, but she knew Lupin would not want a weak thing like her there the entire night. She smiled warmly at him.

"Thank you... Remus... really...thats very kind. But I'll be okay... I just need to sleep" she added softly.

Lupin studied her for a long moment.

"You can say whatever you like, but I'm warning you, I am not leaving you alone tonight, nor are you going to work tomorrow, or the next day or until I bloody well say you can, and if Kingsley, Fudge, Hell the WORLD has a problem with it, they can answer to me personally. On the night of a full moon" he added. She twitched uncomfortably at the mention of the moon, but then laughed. As beaten up as he'd gotten for her, as scarred as he was, he would not leave her side. She had no words to express how she felt. She touched her hand to his face. "Until I am convinced that you are okay, you are going to stay, and rest, and be taken care of. Do I make myself clear?" he asked, brushing her matted hair behind her ears.

"Thank you..." she said smiling up at him, tears pouring quietly onto her cheeks.

They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment.

"I'll be right back, okay? I'm going to owl Sirius, get you some medicine, and some warm water to rinse out your cuts. I'll be right back before you know it, I promise."

It was not until Lupin left the room and released her from his touch that she realized she was in too much pain to lie down, so she sat up. Clutching her stomach, she brought over the garbage can and vomited into it. This was not the way her first assignment without her Mentor was supposed to go. Remus returned a moment later with a purple potion, a white ceramic bowl with steaming water, and some towels.

"Why aren't you lying down? You shouldn't move around so much or your blood will rush to your head too quickly..." he asked putting down the ceramic bowl and handing her the purple potion. She chugged it immediately, shaking her head from side to side. He understood.

"They hurt you." he said softly, shifting his gaze to the ground.

Another tear escaped onto her face. She could feel her back where they had bruised her, and where Cubano had shoved her so hard against the banister. Every inch of her was aching but he could not see.

Remus hated himself for what he had to do next.

"S-show me where?" he said nervously, about to pick up one of the hot towels.

She rubbed her hands all along her torso, clutching her stomach finally, trying not to cry. She felt so violated and weak.

"... I know this is hard for you... and I feel sick to my own stomach that I have to ask... but ..Trust me?" he asked tentatively as he grasped the bottom sides of her shirt.

She was sickly pale, but nodded after a moment, granting permission. She braced her arms on his shoulders for support, afraid she would pass out if for an instant she thought he wasn't there.

He positioned himself on his knees between her tense legs, and waited for her to give him another nod of apporval. He slowly peeled off the black shirt, unable to stop his heart racing as he saw the new scars- the real ones- all over her torso, sliding up to see her full soft breasts scarred, her perfect skin bearing the marks of hands of those who didn't even deserve to know a woman like this existed. She gave a shuddering breath as he peeled off the rest of her shirt. She pointed to her back.

"My God, Dora, what have they done to you" he whispered with a heavy sigh.

He looked at her deep cuts all along her torso, and at the massive, ugly bruises painting her back. She tried so hard not to cry, her bottom lip trembling from the fury she was biting it down with.

She could not imagine being this way with anyone else and was suddenly so glad to have a friend like him in her life...

He placed his hand gingerly on her bruised neck before reaching for a towel. She touched her shaky hand to his once more, and slowly began sliding it down the path that the pig who called himself Cubano took an hour or so before. Her face grew hot, and Remus could feel his stomach tying in knots.

"Dora--" he tried to protest

"Shhh... please..." she whispered, his eyes still closed.

He felt sick. He wanted to stop this. She was vulnerable, she didn't really want him, and he would consider him worse than those that tried to rape her if he took advantage of the present situation.

"Tonks, I can't do this--"

"Please..." she whimpered. "It-- It makes me feel better... because it's-- it's you..." she said nervously.

She slid his hand further down, before he could escape, and he gasped slightly at the sensation of touching her. Her skin was so soft and young, and his so rough and old... He was breathing very heavily now, almost beast like. The thought disgusted him.

She brought his face up to match hers, still not letting him release her. Her eyes were still closed as she gently pulled his willing head toward her bruised neck. He knew what she wanted him to do, but he couldn't bring himself to do it... His lips were so longing to kiss her neck he found it a miracle he was still able to resist. _Of course you can resist, you know she's a baby and you're an old man... Not to mention it was YOUR KIND that tried to rape her_ he thought...

As if reading his mind, she pushed his lips closer to her neck.

"Please..." she whispered lightly.

He had no choice. Slowly, gently he placed the smallest kisses possible on the nape of her neck, trying desperately not to let himself over-enjoy her every time she gasped or moaned when his lips met her skin.

"Dora..." he barely heard himself whisper... He was losing himself in her...

Tonks found his other hand that was resting on her waist and moved it toward the other half of her chest. Remus didn't know if he wanted to scream in anger and terror or moan for her to let him do more. As if reading his mind again, it appeared she chose the latter. She began moving his right hand down past her waist... past her hips... toward her thighs...

"Tonks..please--"

"Trust me" she whispered warmly in his ear.

She couldn't explain it but she needed him to do this. She needed to know that someone she actually wanted to touch her still would after something so disgusting had happened to her. She needed to know that she still had a say in whether or not she was worthless or could ever be touched again...

He could feel her breast swell beneath his left palm. She slowly, very carefully placed his hand on the inside of her black jeans, exactly where the other werewolf had forced himself, unzipping them as she continued to guide him. He was getting warmer, moving faster, a breath's distance away from where she wanted him to go until--

"Stop!" exclaimed Remus with a gasp, pulling himself away from her just in time.

She opened her eyes in shock and stared at him. It was as though a record had broken, glass had shattered and the reality of what happened before this moment had suddenly hit them like a brick in the face.

She crossed her arms over her breasts, her face turning purple, and hung her head. Remus was still breathing heavily, suffocating in his trousers. She buried her face into her hands, disgusted with herself.

"I'm so sorry..." she cried out to him. "Of course you w-wouldn't want t-to... It-It was...stupid...silly..I don't even know what I was thinking...." she said, trying to smile.

What had he done.

She thought the reason he wouldn't touch her was because of the four sick demented creatures that tried to touch her earlier... He had made her feel unattractive, something he thought a horribly miraculous feat for anyone to be able to do to such a girl... He looked at the poor girl on the bed, every ounce of animal instinct making him want to pounce. Everything in his human heart told him he was crazy, and that he could never have a woman like her, no matter how badly he wanted it; It was all too perfect, _She_ was too perfect for him... He watched another tear slide slowly down her face. He had enough.

He walked back toward her slowly, pulling her up inside his arms as tightly as he could. She squeaked.

"Oh Dora..." he began, holding her in his arms.

"You are..." he said taking her face into his hands...

"the most..." he wiped her tears away

"gorgeous..." he looked into her eyes

"courageous..." he lifted her chin

"amazing woman..." he pulled her closer. She stopped crying...

"I will ever..." he lowered his face to hers

"ever... have the privelidge to know..."

And for once, he surprised her. He leaned into her, his chapped lips attacking her soft perfect ones, pushing into her deeper and deeper. He knew he was being selfish, he knew he was being a fool, he knew that they could never work, but by God he was going to kiss this woman. He swore he would never let himself see her cry again. She opened her mouth, to let him in, kissing him more passionately then she ever thought she's be able to. She felt warm and wet, Remus feeling more and more that it would be impossible to let go. After what seemed like an eternity of perfection, he released her lips, looking shocked with himself.

"I... I'm sorry...I...my... my mistake" he made to leave, but was trapped by both her arms wrapped around his waist.

"Don't leave me" she pleaded, her eyes shiny.

He looked at her there, scared, young, clinging desperately onto his filthy torso, when a newfound sense of belonging took him even if it was just for this moment. She nuzzled her head deep in his chest. His eyes opened wide in shock to see that her hair had rapidly turned bubblegum pink.

"Anything for You, Dora..."

Minutes later, when the potion he gave her kicked in and she had finally fallen asleep, Remus apparated the two of them to Grimmauld place. He clothed her, and set her up in her bed, drawing a chair to watch her sleep until the sun arose the next day. Once Sirius was spoken to, and left with instructions, he transported himself back to his own apartment. Remus had walked across the hall of his tiny flat to set himself up on the bed Nymphadora occupied only hours before. It still smelled like her... He had sent an owl to Dumbledore explaining everything that had happened, telling him of the potion he gave her. She would wake up the next morning thinking it had all been a bad dream.

He sighed heavily at the prospect that she would remember none of the moments they shared together the previous night. Every muscle in his body ached, every scar stung freshly new. He needed to rest. Remus laid down trying to clear himself of the night's events and massive headache. He took one look at the sun rising in the distance before he turned his back to it to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11: A Different Eve

It had been exactly one week since the incident with the Underground, bringing them quite close to Christmas. Tonks awoke pale the morning after it all happened, explaining everything in gross detail to Sirius, horrified by what he heard but under orders to help convince her it was only a bad dream. She had believed him for the most part, but the only questions that were left unanswered were how then she got all the scars and the bruising.

"Maybe when metamorphaguses have intense nightmares, they transform without meaning to?" Sirius tried to offer.

It was now only three days away from the the party the Order had planned, not counting the current day, and Tonks was an utter mess. She hadn't seen Remus since her horrible dream, and wasn't sure how to react to him once she saw him again. True she had been attacked by four werewolves, but why had Remus been there to save her? Why had he jumped in front of her and taken her to his flat, and taken care of her? And that was anther question too- if it had just been a dream, how did she know what his flat looked like? Not to mention, if it had been a dream, she was almost positive Remus wouldn't have pulled away... but maybe that was because it was a bad dream? As much as she was glad to hear it was all only a nightmare, she couldn't help but feel like something didn't fit...

She continued to help Sirius decorate the main room, though it was pretty evident to anyone that stopped by that his heart was not into it. She had imagined he would be slightly upset seeing as Harry would be spending the holidays at the Burrow with the Weasleys instead of him. Though Tonks would never dream of saying it out loud, she had been glad that Harry would not have to spend his holidays in the creepy house alone with Sirius. She was quite glad that the boy would be with his dearest friends and in the company of members of the Order.

She heard the front door open quietly a moment later: She recognized those footsteps anywhere. A wide smile spread on her face, and she whipped her head around to face Sirius. He chuckled softly, and nodded, giving his blessing to run to the door to greet their friend. She dropped her string of popcorn on the ground, spilling it everywhere as she ran into kitchen like a little girl, attacking Lupin as he opened the door. Before he knew what was happening, Tonks was in his arms, clinging onto him for dear life.

"Lupin! Where have you _been_?!" she exclaimed, her voice muffled by her own arms around his neck. He stumbled at her weight, too weak to hold himself up for much longer. He smiled softly and patted her on the back. He was afraid if he tried to speak he would say what he wanted to, her body wrapped around him was making him happier than that he had been in weeks. He gave a small whimper. His muscles were still so sore, the bandages wrapped around his torso scratching against his wounds. If he wasn't so weak from the past week's events he would have spun her around, and stolen her away.

She finally let him go, a warm, glossy smile played across her face. He tried his best to smile, his every muscle aching. He wondered if his face had enough strength to blush, as he wanted to at her words. Her face fell immediately, and she covered her mouth with a gasp when she finally took in his image. He was paler than she had ever seen him, new scars across his face and what she could see of his body. His smile faltered at her broken expression, he shoved his hand into his pocket and looked to the ground. He smiled inwardly at the cruel irony of her shirt: there was a wolf howling at the moon on it, the background being the same color as her too often for his liking spiky pink hair.

"Remus, what's happened to you?" she whimpered beneath her hands.

A pang of guilt struck him. She had already recuperated physically, but he had been too weak to fully recover. He couldn't answer her honestly, but he couldn't lie to her either. She deserved better than that.

"I'm fine really, just exhausted. Full moon and all that- It's been a hard week, and I'm finding myself far too old for this" he added with a soft chuckle. This answer seemed to not satisfy her. His body gave a jolt when she grabbed his free hand with both of hers, bringing his eyes to her face. They were deep brown, filled with concern and sympathy. This was one thing that never bothered Remus: while others looked at him with pity, her eyes were always showed the sincerest sympathy instead, as if adding a layer of love and respect. It was easy to pity, he thought, but sympathy was harder to come across for people like him: sympathy meant he was considered an equal, not an animal with an uncontrollable disease.

He felt it was a look far better than what he deserved.

Sirius entered the room, a huge cardboard box in his hands. He set it down finally, a smile crossing his lips at the sight of her holding his hand. He could tell Remus was flushing without knowing it again.

"Whats going on in here!' he yelled in joke outrage, walking over to the both of them.

Remus tried to pull his hand back, but she held fast to it, tightly, confidently, and faced Sirius to respond.

"What's going on is while you're too busy making school boy jokes at us, Moony refuses to tell me what the bloody hell happened to him" she replied hotly. Sirius looked Remus, as if asking him what he told her, but Remus's eyes showed him he had kept his word to mention nothing.

"I'll go set the kettle" he added, leaving his friend alone with Nymphadora.

"Here, sit down, I'll go get you something for those scars--"

"No really, Dora, it's not necessary--"

"I insi--" she froze, dropping the ceramic mug on the ground. He only ever called her by that name twice, and both cases were in her dream. She remembered the potion in her dream, too ... Suddenly everything started to make sense...

She remained motionless as he went to the cup and mended it, handing it to her.

"You alright?" he asked, a small, uncertain laugh in his voice.

Her face was pale. "Fine" she said more coldly than she had intended, plastering a fake smile on her face. Their eyes met, his expression changing from a friendly smile to a look of concern.

Before he could question her further, she had walked strictly out of the front room into the kitchen, leaving him standing awkwardly alone. He looked at her, bewildered. _What did I say?_

"I saw that" Sirius added bringing in two cups of tea, a wild grin on his face.

"What?" asked Remus sincerely, broken from his thoughts, not knowing what Sirius was talking about.

"You watched her arse as she walked out of the room--"

"Oh don't be ridiculous!" he snarled back, his face turning pink at the mention of her behind. Sirius handed him a mug with an unreadable expression, but Lupin found his appetite for tea had gone.

"She's wearing the pink bra you like today--"

"Shut up! Sirius!" blushed Remus furiously. He hadn't told his friend about the intimate experience that followed the mission. Why did he bring that up? Then another thought dawned on him... What did _she _say? As he thought about this, his spirits began to fall. _She probably told him how disgusting it was... a filthy old middle-aged halfbreed tracing the lines where a rapist of his own kind had been earlier--_

"Where'd Tonks go?" Sirius asked taking the seat Remus had previously occupied, breaking into his friend's thoughts again.

"Good question. We were having a conversation, then she just- stalked out like I had said something wrong." Remus had suddenly sounded uncannily like a confused schoolboy.

"Women" Sirius heaved, nodding his head and taking a sip of his spiked tea. "It's no wonder Alastor wanted a male protegee..."

Bill, Mad-Eye and Molly apparated suddenly, Bill grabbing himself a cup of tea, joining Sirius and Remus.

"Speak of the Devil-- Hows it going guys?" he asked cheerily, leaning up against the table.

Tonks appeared a moment later, as the room looked at her in shock. Time seemed to freeze.

Bill, Molly and Remus stood, rooted to the spot. Sirius gave a loud whistle- and Remus's throat wasn't the only thing that swelled at the sight of her. Mad-Eye allowed himself a squirrley grin, and an even slighter thumbs-up. Bill joined Sirius in his catcalling: Remus's cheeks turned patchy and red, making him paler with the contrast.

Tonks was glowing. She was wearing a black jacket that was so tight it pushed together her already enormous cleavage, even more than her tight red dress beneath it. The long, torn up jeans she wore underneath it hugged every curve, her pointy toed black shoes clashing wonderfully with her wine colored scarf and cream colored hat. Her hair was no longer bright pink, but a vixen red and shoulder length, curling and flipping out at exactly the right places. Her dark eyeliner and deep purple eyeshadow made her look like a model for a rock magazine. There was no excuse for Remus feeling the way he did considering the full moon had already passed- he was genuinely feeling guilty for his private thoughts now, suddenly eternally thankful that no-one in the room was an accomplished legilimens.

Tonks gave a confident smirk at Sirius and Bill, completely ignoring Remus's frozen stare.

"I'll take that as a compliment" she said walking closer to them, her curves dancing through the room.

"And just where do you think you're off to, dressed like that!" barked Mad-Eye, Sirius chuckling all the while.

"I think you mean to _who..._" conceded Bill almost paralyzed.

Molly gave her a knowing smile: she knew exactly what Tonks was trying to do.

"She's coming Christmas shopping with me" Molly replied happily.

"Constant Vigilance, boss, never know who I might run into" Tonks replied matter-o-factly.

"I'll go get our coats. Meet me in the entrance hall will you dear?" she added, sending Tonks a small wink before leaving the room.

"Man, if your red hair was an attempt to look related to us," Bill added once his mother was out of earshot, "maybe you shouldn't have tried to look so bloody foxy! Nobody in their right mind would believe you were related to a Weasley looking like that!"

She laughed.

"I mean say what you will, but if Ginny ever grows to look and dress like you, I think I'm gonna have to lock her up in the basement for most of her adult life!"

Sirius howled with laughter at this, slapping his knee.

"My, Moony, you seem very silent, is that because you're blind or because my little cousin here had rendered you speechless?" he added coyly. Bill chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief and trying not to spit out his tea. Remus turned his body to face them, but his eyes looked into a void.

"You look lovely" he offered in a hoarse whisper. "But aren't you worried to catch a cold?" he tried to offer in as normal a voice as possible.

The other men groaned in disappointment: Remus looked to her as though he were genuinely concerned for someone like a little sister to him. Truth be told he didn't want her to leave dressed so nicely, selfishly afraid she would snatch another man and all thought of him would vanish into thin air. Her heart skipped a beat in hurt, but she damn well knew not to show it.

"What on earth is the matter with you!?" burst Sirius loudly at Remus, an evil grin on his face, Bill shaking his head in joke disappointment. "What kind of man are you to notice the weather when a woman dressed like my little 'coz is dancing in your face?!"

"I was just concerned--" he began to whisper, but Nymphadora cut him off.

"Don't worry dear cousin," she began, replying to Sirius but heading to face Remus. She was now inches away from him, her wicked smirk tempting him to reach out and kiss her. She took of her scarf slowly, teasingly, and wrapped it around Lupin's neck. Sirius and Bill egged her on. He shuddered, forced to look at her chest now she was so close. He cursed Sirius in his mind for being right: she was wearing the lacy pink bra. He could feel his face getting hot, his hands turning clammy. He tried to ignore Bill and Sirius's cat calls as is eyes met hers. A wicked grin played across her soft lips, dark eyes burrowing into his. She said it barely loud enough for the four men to hear:

"If I can make a dress out of a feedbag, I can _definitely..._ make a man out of this one..."

There was a small moment of dead silence.

And Remus went stiff.

Very. Stiff.

Everywhere.

Sirius and Bill were now laughing so loudly at him, he wished the floor would swallow him up whole. He watched as she blew Sirius and Bill a kiss and a wink, and left the kitchen to meet Molly in the entrance hall, leaving him to shove his first firmly into his pant pocket.

"Well, I think we can safely say Mischief Managed!" barked Sirius with laughter as soon as Tonks was out of earshot.

"I bet you're glad Fleur wasn't here for that one." finised Mad-Eye.

"I never thought I'd say it- but I can't help but find I wish I was mum right now... Anyone up for a trip to Diagon Alley?" Bill said honestly with a nervous laugh.

"Hey, now," began Sirius in mock disapproval "Only Remus is allowed to talk about my little cousin like that" Sirius said in an over-dramatic 'protective father' type voice.

"Yeah- if Remus could speak" Bill laughed loudly. Remus flushed, realizing too late he was still staring at the door that Tonks had walked through moments before.

"You know, Moony, I don't think Maroon is your color--" began Sirius, flipping the ends of the scarf around his friends neck "What do you think Bill?"

"Oh no... I think... bubblegum pink is, maybe? Or perhaps Red for today, most definitely" Bill joked back in a pretend intellectual tone.

"Childish wankers..." grumbled Mad-Eye before leaving the room.

Remus chuckled. Just like Hogwarts he thought to himself. He slid the scarf off his neck, studying it fondly.

"I'd better go..." he replied, smiling softly at his friends' teasing. They couldn't understand how badly he wanted to be with her, but he just couldn't be. He was far too poor, and old to be with someone like that. He loved her very much so, but he also didn't know that he would be happy having to answer to someone all the time. She was for someone like Bill... Charlie even... but not him. He was the type of man that would have to settle for something much less than her, if anything at all. He had his chance. He blew it. He wasn't able to protect her and be with her, end of story. He picked up his briefcase, placing the scarf gingerly on the table. Their laughter died almost instantly. His hand was on the doorknob of the front door when Sirius finally caught up to him.

"Hey Moony!" he called, slowing to walk up to him. Remus turned.

"Why can't you humor her, huh? Just once?" he asked his friend kindly.

"What do you mean?" .

"Come on... You know full well what I mean," Sirius said, catching his friend's eye. "She didn't dress that way to impress Molly for one thing."

"You don't know what you're talking about..." he replied, his eyes not meeting Padfoot's, his voice raising slightly.

"What about the scarf, then--"

"She could've just as easily done that to you, or- or Bill--"

"You just don't get it, do you?" demanded Sirius, growing annoyed now.

Lupin's shoulders dropped. He looked pathetic. Sirius almost instantly softened his expression.

"When are you gonna get it through your head?" he said softly. Remus sighed. "She wants you Moony" he finished, tying the scarf around the reluctant Lupin's neck.

"Not me, not Bill, and god willing not Mad-Eye or Molly. But _you_. Think about it."

He looked up to meet Sirius's gaze.

"You don't know how much I wish that were true. I screwed up- I don't get another chance. I'm sorry, that's just the way it has to be."

And with that, he left, Sirius folding his arms as he walked back into the kitchen to join Bill.

"The Wolf come to his senses yet?" Mad-Eye barked, re-entering the room.

Judging by Sirius's expression, Bill knew it hadn't gone well.

"That good, huh?" he asked with a sarcastic tone.

Sirius heaved a deep sigh. He didn't know what to do. Tonks had tried everything, and Remus sacrificing himself and the mission to protect Tonks meant he knew Moony had deeper feelings than friendship for her too. Why won't he let her love him? Sirius asked himself. It was disheartening to say the least, that his best friend and closest relative loved each other, but couldn't do anything about it.

"I don't know how much more she can take" Sirius replied finally. "I mean it's obvious he cares for her, isn't it? Why then, why would he let an opportunity like this pass up? He acknowledges that if he loses her he's fucked, and he's just letting her walk away."

Bill sipped his mug slowly, thinking about the situation.

"Maybe that's just it..." he started. "Maybe he's worried he'll hurt her or something."

"But that's just so stupid!" Sirius snarled hitting his fist on the counter.

"It's Remus." Bill began. "He may be book smart, but his view on himself and the world around him is incredibly warped. He has no idea how to handle himself with this. He's never been in love before, remember?"

Sirius nodded, adding more whiskey to his tea. It broke his heart, that someone that deserved love in his life as much as Moony didn't take it when he had the chance.

"If she can't make him let her love him, no-one can" he finished.

"We sound like a bunch of birds, damnit!" barked Mad-Eye. "Love or not, I'm getting tired of having this mousy thing around me rather than my damn Protegee. We gotta think of something..."

After a few more minutes of discussion, Bill began to help Sirius to hang more decorations. _How can I help them?_ He asked himself. A moment later he knocked over another box of decorations. Cursing, he went to clean up the mess, and to his surprise he found it was an entire box of mistletoe, a portrait of the Weasley family and some old muggle tapes. A marauder-like grin spread on both of their faces as the answer to their problem suddenly became clear.

* * *

"I don't know Molly, I mean the only thing he could think to say was 'are you sure you won't catch a cold'" Tonks said in a mock retarded voice, taking a sip of her tea. "Lord, where's Trelawney when you need her.."

"Well, Dearie, he couldn't exactly think, could he?" Molly replied with a warm smile, gesturing her head at Tonks's bust. She blushed sheepishly and pulled her top up.

"D'you think I went too far?" she asked, embarrassed.

"Absolutely not!" she prompted to Tonks's surprise. "That poor man needs all the suggestion he can get! Remus has probably never even seen a pair of uh--" she felt awkward.

"Jubblies?" Tonks offered.

"--Bosoms, I was going to say" she tried.

Tonks smiled at her. She loved Molly like a second mom, and it was funny to hear her talk about her bust without turning pink.

"And I must say, your exit line was a nice touch!" she added with a wink. Tonks blushed again.

"You'eard that?" she blurted in horror. She was so embarrassed. Tonks wasn't onw to try and flirt as she found herself to be the most god awful awkward excuse for a woman on the planet.

"Of course I did! You didn't think I'd throw away a perfectly good pair of extendable ears when I'm working my bottom off trying to get the pair of you two together do you?" she huffed. She looked up to see a warm smile on her friend's face. Molly was the only person she could gush her true feelings to seeing as Sirius wasn't exactly a romantic, and Mad-Eye she was sure had heard enough.

"Now the only question is what are you wearing to that party on Saturday, and what on earth are you going to give to Remus?" she asked quickly. Tonks, who had shoved another chocolate covered biscuit in her mouth froze. Molly looked at the young girl's bursting cheeks and face of shock. She shook her head.

"Really, darling, you shouldn't shove the whole thing in your mouth at one time, you're beginning to remind me of Ronald."

Tonks swallowed the rest of her cookie apprehensively and flushed.

"Sorry... But what if Remus doesn't want anything from me? What if he doesn't even go? What is Sirius gets jealous, or what if he doesn't get me anything or what if--"

"Oh, what if?! Better be careful Dear, you're starting to sound like Remus" said Molly, a wide smile on her face. "Nymphadora, don't think I arranged a gift exchange to happen for no reason!" she added with a wink. Tonks flinched at the use of her first name. "Oh please, dear, you're just as bad as Arthur when someone mentions He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named".

"And yet, you won't say his name either" teased Tonks with a smile.

They left the coffee shop in high spirits, picking up small gifts for people as they went. She had found a wonderful set of gobstones that she picked up for Sirius as well as a brand new chess set. It was her goal to make this the best Christmas ever for Sirius, no matter how much it cost her. She began thinking about their conversation earlier and realized she had absolutely no idea what to get Remus as a gift. She thought of making him something, but was too afraid to completely screw it up. She was just walking past Flourish and Blotts when something in the window display caught her eye. A huge smile spread across her face as she yanked an unexpecting Molly inside.

"Honestly dear, you must give me more notice before you drag me somewhere--"

"It's Perfect!" Tonks exclaimed tearing her way toward the window display.

She picked up a beautiful, leather-bound journal almost the length of her torso. The cover was solid black leather, with a beautiful celtic design of a Moon and Star beaded in with small clear and golden beads made of genuine crystal. The parchment inside was of the highest imaginable quality, each corner decorated with solid gold ink, its pages soft as silk. It was made of the smoothest leather hide, the binding braided together with unicorn hair. The front of every other page was lined softly with the same gold ink as the decor on each corner to write on, while the pages in between were left unmarked and smooth to allow room for last few pages; They contained different maps of the world, and some of DaVinci's diagrams on the human anatomy. The solid black edging of the pages were just as shiny as the gold inside, a ribbon of dragon hide tapered into the middle of the binding. A unique quill made of a hippogriff, an eagle, and a peacock's feathers was tied gracefully together with foal unicorn hair and lay inside of the book's front flap. The box it came in had a row of small compartments beneath where the book fit in, and a frame at the top front and center. Her heart beat wildly at the thought of Remus's face, and she knew instantly it was for him. She held the treasure close to her chest, turning to Molly, absolutely beaming.

Molly on the other hand, looked at her, a sad smile playing back.

"It's perfect, isn't it?" Tonks asked with full confidence.

"But sweetheart.. are you sure you can... afford... such a gift?" Molly asked her tentatively.

"Who bloody cares! Remus will love it, and that's all that matters to me" she said happily.

It was true, that 50 Galleons was an extremely unreasonable price to ask for a journal/sketchbook, but she couldn't help it. She knew the gift was meant for him, and she was the only one who could get it for him. She still wanted Molly's approval. To her relief, Molly smiled.

"Oh, of course dear, you're right. It is Christmas after all!"

Tonks bounced up and down joyfully, giving a laughing Molly a tight hug as she ran to the register.

"You know what would make that gift even better?" asked Molly with a grin as they walked toward the dress shop.

"What's that then" Tonks replied, hugging her present, a skip in her step, refusing to place the wrapped up book in the bags with her other gifts.

"Maybe you could help him start the book. You're drawings are lovely, and you're a wonderful writer; I'm sure nothing would make him happier than to have a constant reminder of you every time he opened it up".

Tonks thought about this. She thought the idea was fabulous, but she had no idea what to draw or write. She expressed her concerns to Molly, and was surprised to see her still grinning broadly.

"Oh I'm sure you'll think of something" she replied.

* * *

A few hours later, Tonks left Molly after purchasing a beautiful new dress for the party a few nights later to go in to work. She had been called in for the 9th day in a row as backup. She had further discussed some of her plans with her Mentor, and was greatful that she finally had time to grab his opinion on the matter. Sadly, she and Alastor had been assigned the mutinous task of dressing like 'Santa's little helpers' because she could morph her ears to look like an elf's, and he just looked ridiculous on a regular basis. In truth, the closest thing she could come up with was a 'Sexy Santa' costume, for which she was sure she would never hear the end of the ridiculing from her Mentor's behalf.

They had just finished running security, and It wasn't until after Midnight that Tonks bid her farewells and got back to her flat. Exhausted, she was wrapping up all her gifts, still in costume, when she heard a slight tapping at her door. Looking surprised, she walked over, unsure of what to expect.

"Who is it?" she asked nervousely, hoping it wasn't Mad-Eye needing her for another mission.

"Tonks?" came the unexpected voice. She knew that voice anywhere.

She froze.

"It's Remus Lupin..."

"Just a second!" she yelled jumping into action. She was horrified: she looked over at the mess of her flat, including her ink stained skirt, gift wrapping paper and cards almost everywhere, and cringed. She tried desperately to hide everything, gingerly shoving his book under the couch, tripping constantly all the while.

Remus could swear he heard a hurricane happening on the inside. He winced every time he heard a plate shatter, or a glass break followed by a frustrated 'ouch!' or "_OiFUCKME_!!" from the inside. Every moment or so he'd hear her yell 'hold on!' or 'one second!' or 'I'm alright!' from inside.

He couldn't help but chuckle.

_She really is a klutz _he thought to himself. A good five minutes later, her front door swung open with her in front of it, a flustered grin on her face. He couldn't help but look her up and down. She had on a slinky red muggle costume, with a little hat that matched. He saw she had an ink stain on her skirt, and blushed a little at the item in her left hand as she leaned against the door frame. She looked like a model for a lingerie catalog or "classy" holiday-themed magazine. He shuddered at the thought of what Sirius was probably readig at home as they spoke...

"What a pleasant surprise!" she said breathlessly "What can I do you for?"

Her smile was so genuine, and full of life, he didn't know how to approach the uncomfortable situation.

He cleared his throat, pointing smally to her left hand.

She didn't catch the hint.

"Those for Sirius?" he asked, attempting to hint at her hand again, his face in a pained expression.

She looked over to see she was still holding the pair of very risqué lacy black panties that she had purchased for Fleur. She turned pink.

"OH! Sorry--they're not mine--it's for Bill--"

He looked up in shock, amused.

"I mean they're for Plhegm-FLEUR!" she corrected herself, her face hot. "Oh---God, well that's no better, is it. HA! I mean they're for... for Fleur--so, I guess in a way-- I mean-- How can I help you?!" she finished, hiding the underwear behind her back.

Lupin chuckled at her, grinning, and was relieved to see she finally decided to breathe. She laughed nervously.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I came I a bad time--"

"Oh no, not at all! Sorry, just-- wrapping gifts, you know" she added with a smile. They surveyed each other a moment, their eyes meeting. It was so easy for them to just look at each other, smiling, enjoying each other's ambiance. A moment later, she spoke.

"So, er, how can I help?" she asked, noticing for the first time that his hands were behind his back.

"Oh, right" he laughed sheepishly. He had been so drawn by her appearance he had totally forgotten why he had gone to her flat.

"Molly insisted I bring you some of the dinner she made," he said handing her a satchel of food, "and I thought, what with the weather, you may be needing this..." he said handing her back her scarf reluctantly.

_Why does she look-- disappointed?_

Her face fell slightly at the sight of her scarf. She had been hoping he'd keep it. She remembered never to bring up her attempt at acting like a lady ever again.

"Oh... thank you.." she replied, taking it from him slightly crest fallen.

"Do you- D'you wanna come in?" she asked perhaps over-eagerly.

_God Yes._

"I'd... I'd better not...its--its getting late, you know..." he began before he could stop himself. Her gaze lowered to the floor. _What are you saying! _his head screamed.

"But I'll take a rain check" he said hopefully, trying to cheer her up. It seemed to not work. He began to panic.

"Oh, it's alright" she said, a grim smile on her face. She could barely bring her eyes to meet his, feeling them water with every other word. He could tell her eyes were glossy like she were about to cry. He instantly knew he would regret this, but at the same time was very glad he had a reason for saying it.

"Well, maybe just for tea then?" he smiled, letting himself in. Her face flushed, eyes wide in disbelief. She watched him enter her apartment, almost not believing it were happening.

"You look, er, nice, by the way" he added unsure of what to say.

"Oh!" she cried in horror, completely forgetting to change out of her ridiculous costume.

"Oh- I'm so sorry, I had to--it was an assignment-- I've just barely finished--" she began.

"Tonks," he said facing her, striking her speechless.

"Yes, Sir?" she asked sheepishly, looking into his eyes.

She was so bloody adorable, chubby little Tonks in her sexy little costume, the way she looked up at him with those big brown eyes that could only be hers... He wanted to attack her, drag her to the couch and kiss her for hours. He could get lost in those eyes... in those-- He immediately threw the thought from his mind and smiled at her. He was suddenly beginning to think he had spent too much time in the company of Sirius.

"You don't have to apologize. It was a compliment."

She turned magenta.

"Right. Sorry. I mean-- I mean thank you" she finished graciously.

"I'll start the kettle, I'm going to go change, and wash all this ink off of me" she said tripping over his foot, before he caught her round the waist. He got a horribly _wonderful _view of her perfect behind, wrapped quite nicely in slinky black panties not unlike the pair she purchased for Fleur.

She apologized again, and after setting the kettle, walked down the hall to her bathroom.

_I'M GOING TO KILL MAD-EYE THE NEXT TIME I'M FORCED TO WEAR ANYTHING BUT PANTS!!!_ she thought, humiliated.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid me! _she said to herself in her head, undressing. She hastily took a shower, and ran back to her to her room to put some clothes on. She quickly pulled on a long sleeve black top that revealed her shoulders, along with a pair patched up black slacks. She sprayed herself once more with her Vanilla scent that only she could pull off and headed back into the main room.

She entered the kitchen surprised to see not Remus, but a small letter propped up on her table.

Her heart stopped.

_Dear Tonks,_

_So sorry I had to leave, but while you were changing I received an urgent owl from Kingsley. There's been an emergency at the Department of Mysteries and I'm the only one available to cover the shift. I went ahead and prepared your tea for you, hope you like it. Again, I'm extremely sorry , I really had wanted to share some time with you. Please don't be too angry with me, and I hope to see you Saturday, with a promise that I'll make it up to you._

_Best Regards,_

_Remus J. Lupin_

Tonks sank into her couch, the excited flutter in her stomach turned to stone, her happy demeanor melted away. She felt so lost, alone, and helpless. Here she was practically throwing herself at him, and he didn't want it.

_He only came in so you wouldn't whine about it to Sirius later _she told herself, wiping a hot tear off her face.

She went back into her living room, pulling her presents out from their hiding places to continue wrapping them. She took out Lupin's book gently, and threw on the scarf she lent him; she was heartbroken to see that it smelled like him. She dipped her own quill into a bottle of the blackest ink and began to draw.

Two hours later, a rather melancholy picture of a fairy leaning against the a tree (not unlike the Whomping Willow) staring wistfully at a full moon appeared on the first page of the great book. It was quite beautiful the way she had detailed everything, even managing to put in the constellation of Sirius up in the sky in the background. The image seemed very fitting for the little trio they had created for themselves. She smiled sadly at her work, turning to it's other page.

_Dear Remus_

She began to write:

_Thank you for being such a dear friend. I hope someday maybe you will let me be as dear to you as you will always be to me. Happy Christmas, Moony._

_Wishing you my Best,_

_Nymphadora A. Tonks_

After wrapping his gift as meticulously as possible, she headed over to her kitchen, heart fluttering at the set up tea tray. She shoved another chocolate covered biscuit in her mouth, lifting her now cold mug of tea to her lips. She was surprised to see a note on the bottom of the tray, weighed down by a small sprig of Holly.

_I wasn't sure what color your hair would be on Saturday, but I imagine this will look very nice anyway._

_ See you soon,_

_-- Moony_

Her heart fluttered.

Perhaps he really had been called away after all...


	12. Chapter 12: Unforgettable

Remus awoke on the morning of the 21st to a knock on his door. He rolled off of his mattress ungracefully and stretched, his tired body achey. He put on his worn out slippers, tying a filthy looking green robe on on top of his brown sweater.

"Who is it?" he asked, expecting it to be Bill or Arthur Weasley. He immediately assumed it had something to do with the Order seeing as Remus did not often get many visitors.

"It's Molly Weasley, and I insist that you open this door at once!" she huffed loudly.

He jumped. _Why on earth would Molly be here?_ Walking quickly to his door, he had barely unchained and unlocked the door when she shoved herself forcefully through it into his dingy flat.

"How can I help you Molly, is everything alright?" he asked, turning to her concerned.

"It's not me you should be worried about-- Here." she said handing him a huge satchel of food.

"What do you mean?--thank you" he added, taking the food gratefully. It had been days since his last decent meal.

"Who do you think?!" she blurted at him. Remus looked confused. "Sirius said that you haven't even begun to think of what to get her for Christmas, and I refuse to leave this flat until you are fully dressed and ready to accompany me to Diagon Alley, understood?" she ordered, both hands on her hips. He didn't understand why Sirius would have said anything-- Sirius knew Remus was planning to get her something, he had just merely forgotten to tell Sirius he had already tracked something down for her. And yet Molly was acting as though he were completely hopeless.

He was quiet a moment, then nodded.

He weighed his options; He could either pretend that he had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, or give in.

"Am I to assume that you are reffering to Ms Tonks?" he asked averting her eyes.

Molly rasied an eyebrow; He blinked once, and caved.

"What on earth are you suggesting I do?" he asked, honestly bewildered. Did the whole world know he fancied Tonks?

"You heard me!" She was beginning to remind him of a very angry chicken. He shook the thought from his mind to focus on the matter at hand.

"_If _you're talking about Nymphadora," he began carefully, "I've already got her something."

It was now Molly's turn to look shocked.

"Oh... right..." she started.

"Well... then I guess...I'd better be... going then..." she said eying the door slightly embarassed.

There was an awkward silence before either of them moved.

"Molly..." Remus began. He didn't know how to go about doing this.

"Yes?"

"Would you-- would you take a look at it for me? The gift I mean? I just want to make sure it's okay..I mean she's a great... a great friend..."

To his surprise, Molly beamed as if she had been waiting for this since the moment since she walked in. She gave him a polite nod, beaming, waiting for him to retrieve the gift. He pulled out a small parcel from his top desk drawer, and handed it to her. She opened it gingerly, surprised to see what was inside. Her silence made him nervous.

"Is it... alright?" he asked anxiousely.

Inside was a beautiful pearl bracelet with black, pink, and white pearls, one small stone bead between each trio that served to change colors with one's mood. Between each set of the mood stones was a small, clear crystal that further accentuated the colors on each precious stone. The clasp had three small charms, each shaped like a star, a heart, and fairy sleeping on the moon it dangling from. Molly could not have picked a present that suited the two of them as a pair more. The sterling silver made it gleam like a treasure, and Molly could only imagine Tonks' happiness at seeing this gift, her face beaming even more so then when she had found the book for Remus in her mind's eye.

She was very quiet, examining every little detail, holding it like a precious, fragile piece of artwork. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

"It was my mother's..." he began shyly, hoping she wasn't thinking the worse of it.

Molly beamed up at him suddenly. "It's perfect," she added, wiping her eyes.

"She'll love it." she said confidently, taking his arm in her hand. They spoke a few more moments , when she handed him a small satchel as she went for the door.

"What's this?" he asked, feeling it's heavy weight.

She smiled warmly at him.

"Consider it the early Christmas present from Arthur and myself. He got a bonus, you see, and After all -you do need something to wear tomorrow night, don't you?"

"Oh I'm not going--"

"Don't be ridiculous. I've got to run, but meet me at Flourish and Blotts in an hour, alright? Good man." and with that she disapparated, leaving Remus alone with the satchel.

He opened it slowly, not knowing whether to be angry, or eternally grateful for the 50 or so galleons he found inside.

He heaved a deep sigh. He wanted to return the galleons immediately-- it was true that had he intended to go to the party the following evening, he would have needed dress robes, but for that exact reason he had planned on not going. It especially pained him that a family with so little financially as the Weasleys would give him so much. He felt very thankful to have friends like them and, knowing Molly would not hear of him giving it back, settled his guilt by vowing to give them threefold the amount they had given him if and when he finally got a job.

Half an hour later, Remus was in his best shopping clothes, wishing he still had Nymphadora's scarf. He decided to go by floo powder, and was almost into the green flames when he saw a small brown owl rapping at his window. He walked over to it, letting it zoom into his room, and unrolled the parchment the creature dropped into his palm. Inside he found a sprig of holly, and his heart stopped. He had forgotten to owl Nymphadora since he had been sent to leave her apartment.

_Dear Remus_

_Thank you for the lovely gift, and the tea was wonderful. I do have to send this back to you as I believe your returning it to me tomorrow will be the only incentive that may actually force you to go to this horrible shindig.... You promised not to let me down, if you recall, and I'll be forced to kill you if you mess up Padfoot's Christmas.._

_P.S.-- Don't forget to bring his gift!_

_--N. Tonks_

He didn't know what to make of it. He couldn't tell if he was flirting with him or daring him to stand her up again.

He looked at the harassed looking owl and pulled out a quill.

_Dear Tonks;_

-he scribbled-

_You're On._

_-- R.J. Lupin_

And with that, Remus re-tied the parchment to the owl and walked through the emerald flames calling 'Diagon Alley' as he went.

Seconds later, Molly came bounding toward him, with glee. Remus opened his mouth to speak, but she held up her hand to stop him.

"You're early! Not a word, dear. Come on then, Madame Malkin's is this way!" she said, grabbing his hand.

Remus had not expected this: he felt embarrassed. He had always mail ordered everything he needed, but now here we was, amongst normal witches and wizards in broad daylight. He couldn't remember the last time he had been outside in a place so crowded. Molly seemed to not notice as she pressed on toward the robe shop, Remus struggling to keep up with the woman's increasing speed. He could've sworn the last time he had bought new robes was when Dumbledore had taken him himself before his first term at Hogwarts. He tried to ignore the pointing and staring, deciding not to bring it up in case it was just his anti-social paranoia.

They entered the shop, Remus feeling very much like Molly was his mother. Madame Malkin walked up to him, a look of sympathy crossing her face.

"I'll be over there," whispered Mrs. Weasley, heading toward the other side of the store where the dressing rooms were.

"Tsk tsk tsk," she began, causing Remus to blush. "About time, wouldn't you say Dearie? Come here--" she said yanking him toward the men's wall.

"Well, at least you're a handsome man, and... well... groomed to by the looks of it?" she added, increasing speed, and trying her best to sound complimentary.

She had grabbed an off-white button down shirt, and was on her way to grab one of the finer black jackets on display when he stopped her. She looked at him, confused.

"I... I don't have much..." he said turning pink. To his surprise she smiled, and walked over to a less expensive wall. He looked at it unsurely, still thinking they would cost him far more than double the amount he had.

"It's alright" she said touching his arm as though reading his mind. "We can make it work" she finished with a wink. He was about to thank her, when she nodded her head as if to signal it wasn't neccesary. She brought down a lovely olive green overcoat and a pair of dark grey slacks.

"Now mind you these are secondary," she said "but they're quite new, and after patching them up for you I think they'll look lovely." she finished, putting the clothing in his hands. He was halfway to the dressing room, when she shoved a pair of black dress shoes underneath the changing curtain.

He looked in the mirror doubtfully once he had everything on. He didn't quite look like himself. The off-white shirt looked very nice with his coat, and the charcoal pants looked brand new. He fussed with his hair a little, and tried to smile at his reflection. Though the clothes fit loosely, he did like that for once he looked like a normal wizard as opposed to a half breed who couldn't hold a job.

"Lets see it then!" called Molly through the curtain happily.

He re-placed the brown tie he had on earlier, and opened the curtain slowly. Molly beamed at him, and Madame Malkin smirked, then winced.

"How do you feel" Mrs. Weasley asked warmly.

Remus shrugged. He felt silly. And incredibly awkward, not unlike the feeling you would have if you would be forced to expose yourself during a dare. He was about to open his mouth to say something when Madame Malkin cut him off.

"Who is she?" she asked harshly.

He blinked.

"Excuse me?" he asked flushing.

"You didn't tell me there was a younger woman involved," she added hastily.

"I'm not sure I understant you--"

"Nonsese! You don't have to be a legilimens to figure that out- You can see it all over you! She's a bit younger than you, isn't she, but you still care for her very much-- I'd venture to say you love her, what from the look in your eyes!" she blabbed loudly back at him.

Remus' stomach lurched. He laughed out loud nervously.

"Well this won't do then, will it!" she said dragging him by the arm again back over to the wall. He had no idea what to think about this, but just followed her through the store like a bewildered puppy. She pulled down a blazer, this one longer and more formal looking than the green jacket. It was a slightly richer brown, with golden stitching. She also pulled down a lighter grey pair of pants and midnight-blue long sleeve button-down.

"Now- take these, and for goodness sakes, don't put that blasted tie back on. And don't wear your pants so high up" she finished thrusting him back into the changing room and violently swinging the curtain shut.

He was frozen a minute, still trying to imagine how on earth Madame Malkin could tell all those things just by looking at him. _Have I really been so obvious about my feelings towards her?_ He was slightly worried- _what if she had figured it out by now, and thats why she sent back the holly with such a note?_ He tried on everything she gave him and was surprised to see that it fit him much better. He buttoned the shirt all the way to the collar hoping she wouldn't make him unbutton the top one.

He opened the curtain slowly, showing his outfit to Molly, spinning himself slowly for the two women.

"Much better- Tonks will love it" said Madame Malkin beaming. He looked to Molly reprovingly and she gave him a teasing wink.

He found his will to protest the two futile, so he settled for a heavy sigh.

She placed a silver tie on around his neck loosely, unbuttoning the top most button. She looked at him through one eye in concentration, ruffed up his hair a little, and decided she liked it.

"It brings out your eyes" she said finally, a triumphant smile on her face.

"You look lovely" added Molly, her eyes welling with tears. "Very young, and very handsome."

_Ha-- Young._

and _Handsome._

_'What a wonderful liar she is_' he thought to himself bittersweetly.

He gave her a big hug before returning behind the curtain to change into his normal clothes, noticing that he looked about ten years older in his usual garb, regardless of how sophisticated his new dress clothes made him look. He couldn't stop thanking Madame Malkin for being so kind and knocking off so much of the price, even throwing in a pair of shoes for free. She had only charged him 40 Galleons for the whole outfit, insisting that he buy 'his young lady' something nice with the other ten.

Once they had left the shop he tried to give the remaining galleons back to Molly, but she wouldn't have it.

"You heard her, Remus-- but something nice for your young lady" she said with a smile.

"Nymphadora and I are just good friends..." he added, flushing at her repetition of Madame Malkin's words.

She rolled her eyes at him.

It had made him happier, he would admit, that someone in the world would believe that Tonks could be his... and yet at the same time he felt the littlest bit annoyed. He and Tonks were after all just friends, and wondered why so many people had decided that they were destined to be together. It was not as if the couple new each other for a long while, or anything of the sort. _Still_, he thought trying to put his grudges aside, _I suppose I can't complain of the attention..._

And hour or so later, he returned to his flat, considerably more energetic then he had been when he left it. He wrapped the bracelet gingerly in tissue paper before putting it inside the music box he'd found at a second hand shop before parting ways with Molly.

It was a small jewelry box, but it looked as if it was made of the same stones as her bracelet, the ones that changed colors when someone touched it; The top of the box was painted with a miniature verion of Van Gogh's 'Starry Night', a painting Remus thought suitible for a creature as artistic as Tonks. When the box opened, a small pearlescent swan spun around to the tune of an old song called 'Unforgettable', which he found had a peculiar double meaning. He wasn't sure she would know the words to the tune, but that was part of it's charm, he thought-- apart from the fact that the painting did not match the swan and the swan did not match the song it danced to reminding him of her ever changing but constantly beautiful physicality of the woman; it would be his way of telling her how he felt about her discreetly, secretly. It would almost be like a riddle she could figure out only if she wanted to.

_After all, it was just saying that she was an unforgettable person, not necessarily that he cared for her more than a dear friend... right?_

He wrapped up the gift gingerly, laying the holly on top, tying it against a small golden bow

It was now well past ten, and he decided it would be a good time to turn in for the evening. Turning out his lights after setting up his outfit for the following day, he laid in his bed, the tune of 'Unforgettable' playing over and over again in his mind, reminding him of the one person he would want to catch him under the mistletoe...

He chuckled out loud.

_But it can't be that way_ he thought sadly to himself, the song in his head dying down. Whatever is meant to happen will happen... he then thought with a yawn. It was only when he managed to push the thought of the girl out of his mind he was finally able to go to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13: Clumsy

December 22nd.

Tonks opened her eyes wide, allowing the morning light to hit her face.

This was it. Tonks was sure that if she couldn't win Remus's heart tonight, then she never could. She heaved a deep sigh as she sat upright on her bed, looking at her reflection in the mirror. It would be quite a transformation from the torn up jeans, the black army jacket and combat boots to the outfit she had picked out with Molly two days before. Out on the bathroom counter top she had set up a mass of makeup, brushes, combs, jewelry, and dress clothes. It would take time to perfect her look, but she knew she had to be perfect, no matter what. Remus had shown no signs of fancying her outside her dreams, but she just couldn't let him go. She wanted him so badly, but she refused to spend any more sleepless nights thinking about him if there was no cause.

It was now or never, and that was that.

She slipped on her dark green tights, squeezing herself into the black cocktail dress she had bought for that evening.

'First two steps down' she said to herself yawning.

She was very careful to dress herself perfectly, as immaculately as she could for him. She wanted to be the best she could be that night, that way if Remus denied her, she would know it wasn't because of her being unable to naturally look like Fleur. She carefully brushed the dark purple eyeshadow onto the lids of her eyes, lining the deep violet with a rich brown in the creases for a dramatic effect. She took a good, hard look at her reflection. She screwed up her face in concentration, thinking of how exactly she wanted her hair to be. She had remembered Molly mentioning he liked her hair pink, but she wanted something to match the season more. She decided on a light auburn, but with stripes of gold, red, and green, her bangs framed by a thin strand of purple or pink on either side. She opened her eyes and smiled to herself. She slipped on her token black choker, and gracefully pulled over the black and red lace top that came down only to her waist. She slid her feet into her black patent leather kitten- heels, finishing her look with her characteristic black wing tip eyeliner. She winced in concentration once more, placing the perfect nose on. She thought she looked wonderful- maybe even overly classy, but something was missing. She thought she looked too perfect... not quite 'her' enough. Suddenly an idea hit her- She smiled to herself:

_He won't notice..._

Within seconds, a small silver nose ring appeared on the right side of her face. She put on her favorite pair of angel wing shaped earrings, and spun around. The mirror gave her a cartoonish whistle. Two seconds later she exchanged her heeld for her favorite sneakers, much to the dismay of the mirrr.

"Well, I've got to be able to walk, haven't I?" she asked indignantly. When the mirror didn't reply, she shook her hair back and rolled her eyes.

About two hours or so later, when she had finally dubbed herself 'ready' for whatever it was the evening had in store, she picked up the small parcels on the table and set them all in her bag. She decided to give Remus his present early, as well as bring a gift for the exchange, and thought it only fair to give Sirius one of his gifts early too. She decided just to be safe that she would wear a long winter coat buttoned over her revealing outfit, just in case she was over dressed. Once set, she stood in front of the fireplace, her stomach twisting in grave knots.

_God I hope this works... _she thought to herself nervously.

After another deep breath, she threw in the floo powder, praying desperately that Remus would finally notice her the way she had noticed him since the moment they first met.

* * *

Number 12 Grimmauld place was full of people. Kingsley, Hestia, and everyone else from the Order not currently at Hogwarts were there: the thing that surprised Remus was the only person he really wanted to see had not yet arrived. He kept fidgeting uncomfortably, praying that nobody would think he was dressed nicely for any particular reason. Many of the Order's members had brought their family members with them so as to keep the party with more people. Remus had set up a muggle gramaphone, and was pleased to see that his enchantment on it worked, causing it to play a variety of his personal favorite muggle songs as the night went on. The room was lit with beautiful blue flame candles, casting shadows in the corners of the room. He looked at his reflection every chance he got, desperately trying to perfect himself without wanting to stand out.

The minute Sirius had seen him walk in, he was mute, but found a minute later that he decided to laugh openly instead. Sirius was barely dressed up, feeling that clean jeans and a charcoal sweater and scarf was enough to count as semi-formal. Sirius in short looked like a student next to Lupin, the over dressed chaperone. Molly had hexed Sirius to remain mute for ten whole minutes, trying to convince Lupin that Sirius was just jealous. Remus highly doubted it. Another of his favorite songs began to play, the words striking him more than ever before.

He was about to scoop himself a glass of punch, when something suddenly caught his eye.

Across the room, he saw a very shy looking young woman with a heart shaped face come down the stairs, cloak still on. He watched her take off her overcoat and set it on the rack by the door leading to the kitchen.

It was as if all the wind had been sucked from his body and the whole world froze all around him.

Everything about her looked perfect. He took in everything about her slowly, from her perfectly insane hair, and dark green silhouetted legs...

_The trouble with love is_

_It doesn't care how fast you fall_

Remus smiled widely. He thought she looked positively radiant.

She was glowing, her beautiful curves draped immaculately with a beautiful black dress. He continued shifting his gaze upward, staring at her perfect breasts, looking up higher still, his smile growing even wider at the glint on her face he guessed was a nose ring. Her hair had been set with festive red and green stripes, clashing wonderfully, he thought, with the sliver of pink and purple in the front. Her lashes were dark, and her glossy red lips twinkling in the dark lighting. She stepped into a spotlight, the dramatic shadows enhancing her every line of perfection. If he hadn't been so taken by her appearance, he would've been impressed by the fact that he had not yet tripped. Sirius seemed to see that his friend was mesmerized by her, and he took his cue immediately to greet her.

"Tonks! Wow... you look... Wow..." he began, more awed the closer he got to her. She flushed.

"Oh, stop" she said smiling. "Happy early Christmas" she said slipping him a bottle of his favorite fire whiskey. "I've no idea why I'm supporting such a habit but I figured it would take you too long to appreciate an electric guitar".

He took it suddenly, excusing himself while she set her other two wrapped gifts under the tree. Remus glanced nervously at her wondering whether or not he should move to greet her. She turned, and saw him across the room. She waved smally at him, and he waved back at her. smiling.

_And you can't refuse the call..._

_And you've got no say at all..._

He was about to walk over to her as the gramophone blared on, daring him toward her. He stopped short as Bill took her hand and led her onto the dance floor. He looked into his glass of punch feeling like a rejected schoolboy, smiling sadly.

_But now my world's a deeper blue_

_I'm sadder but I'm wiser too_

Tonks never wanted to kick Bill more. As if reading her mind, he pulled her closer to him to whisper in her ear.

"What on earth are you doing!" she hissed softly.

"Relax! Just trust me" he added hoarsley.

"Never, you're trying to get me to dance for heaven's sakes..." she spat in his ear. She could hear him chuckle.

He wrapped his arm tightly around her waist, pressing her against him.

"Weasley you better explain whats going on or--"

"Relax! It's Charlie!"

"Charlie?!" she said louder then she had intended.

"Shhh! Yes! I had some extra polyjuice potion, but if anyone knows it's me, I'll never hear the end of it from Mum that I'm leaving before Christmas, I'm technically supposed to be in the States. I'm only here till Bill and Fleur get here, and I didn't want to get mum riled up by telling her I was in London. The real Bill and Fleur will be here later, but Sirius told me what's been happening with you and Lupin, and the longer we keep you away from him, the more inclined he will be to suck it up and ask you to dance, I think..."

"Blimey, does everyone know about my personal life?" she added quietly, rolling her eyes. "By the way, how are you chum? Haven't seen you since 7th year!" she whispered.

"Oh you know, same old same old. Anyway as far as dancing goes - consider it my christmas gift to you. I figure sparking some jealousy might get Lupin off his arse, and the only ones who offered to risk their lives to dance with you" (tonks interjected a sarcastic laugh) "were me or Moody. So yeah--- You're welcome" he laughed back.

Remus, on the other side of the room, was extremely disheartened. He wasn't sure why Bill was so close to her, but he was much too lacking in self confidence to call it jealousy. All he knew was that he didn't relish the idea of another man plastering himseld on her as if she was just some regular woman. He took his cup and walked out to the porch to be alone. He wished that the song would end and move onto something more upbeat that didn't remind him how uncomfortable the evening was.

_This set story always ends the same_

_Me standing in the pouring rain_

_It seems no matter what I do_

_It tears my heart in two..._

Lupin scowled.

He shifted his lonely gaze to the constellations, wishing desperately that he had not been foolish enough to let himself care for someone so young, adorable, and out of his league. He shook the thought hastily from his mind. _"As a friend... nothing more" _ he thought to himself.

Moments later the song ended, and began playing an upbeat tune to Lupin's astonishment. He buried his face in his hands and heaved a deep sigh. He wanted to disappear into the floorboards.

"Remus?" came a tentative voice.

He jumped.

He didn't have to ask who it was, and was inwardly grateful he knew her voice well enough to not have to look directly at her. He didn't think he could bear looking at her... It was hard enough, smelling that perfect Vanilla scent, seeing her glow from the corners of his eyes...

"Tonks" he said braving happiness. It came out half-heartedly. They hugged.

"How are you?" he smiled sadly at the ground. She was quiet a moment before answering.

"Are you alright? I just saw you'd come outside by yourself..."

"Oh, I'm fine, I just needed some air" he said, running his fingers through his hair.

He looked up to see her gazing at him. They stared at each other a long moment, neither of them breathing.

"Some party, huh!" she exhaled suddenly.

"You look..." he said staring, taking her in again.

_Beautiful. Stunning. Amazing. Incredible. Breathtaking. Ravishing. Spectacular. Sexy... Sensual... Perfect..._ Something was happening to him. He had always found Tonks attractive but there mas something else to it, more to it this night...

"Good." he finished weakly.

_'Git'_ he thought to himself.

_Whatever, good was better than nothing,_ she thought.

"Thanks" she said softly, swallowing hard.

"I mean you look beautifu,l" he blurted. She smiled at him slowly.

"Sorry?" she asked again. He flushed.

"Good seemed like too small a word. You look... amazing... to say... to say the least..." he finished shyly. His heart skipped a beat at the smile that crossed her face. _He made her smile..._

"I've brought you your Christmas present early!" she said taking her hands out from behind her back, handing him the large package with confidence.

"Tonks, you didn't have to get--"

"I know... I wanted to..." she interrupted. He looked up at her, surprised to see she was blushing.

"Well open it!" she said excitedly crossing her fingers, jumping happily.

"Thank you... It was very kind of you to do that..." he replied, sounding touched. His soft voice brought shivers down her spine.

He began untying the ribbon slowly, neatly placing the paper aside. Tonks weighed his expression hungrily. She payed close attention to the detail of scruffy jawline and sunken eyes. Remus looked at the gift in awe. The book itself was a piece of artwork, the shiny leather, the unicorn hair in the binding...

He started to open it slowly to flip through it's pages.

"This is... This is incredible, Tonks... Did-- you do this yourself?" he said soaking in every detail of the drawing.

He had never seen artwork so beautiful. Every emotion was conveyed, the fairy naturally representing Tonks, the Moon and the Whomping Willow... The constallation of Sirius... Everything was detailed to a T, every mark in the perfect place, every line made with perfect strokes...

The soft melody of "In Your Eyes" seemed to flow through the house and sing softly in the air around them. Tonks' stomach lurched uncomfotable at the cheesyness of the music, and her mind wandered to a place in which Flogging Molly blared out instead.

She flushed as he turned to the message on the back of the page.

"Oh you don't have to read that now..." she added, slightly embarrassed. She had not expected her to be there when he read the message.

She held her breath.

_Dear Remus,_

He read:

_Thank you for being such a dear friend. I hope someday maybe you will let me be as dear to you as you will always be to me. Happy Christmas, Moony._

_Wishing you my Best,_

_Nymphadora A. Tonks_

He looked up suddenly, his eyes glossy and wide. She smiled sheepishly at the ground, running the message in her own mind hoping it wasn't saying too much...

Neither of them made a sound.

"Is it... okay?" she asked apprehensively.

He stared at the message a moment longer. The song played on.

_All my instincts_

"Tonks... I'm speechless." he whispered.

_They return_

He took a step toward her and held her face in his hand.

_The grand facade..._

"I am honored to be considered your friend" he said lifting her head to face him.

_So soon will burn... _Suddenly Tonks didn't hate the song so much...

"Pshh, don't be ... be silly" she added, tying to sound nonchalant, blushing furiousely.

_Without a noise..._

_Without my pride..._

_I reach out from the inside..._

Their eyes met, and he continued.

"I mean that. I will treasure this, always, more than you know."

They stared into each others eyes, each too scared to move the necessary inch forward for them to kiss. After another moment, it was gone, and he removed his hand from her face, placing it in his pocket.

They exchanged nervous laughs as another song began on the gramophone. He had never seen someone so beautiful, so genuine, and so out of his world. She was perfect.

"Well I.. I guess I'd better head inside then. Sirius will have wondered... where I've gone..." she added embarrassed that she thought he would want to kiss her. She kissed him sweetly on the cheek and made her way to the door

"See you-- see you later--"she added hastily.

"Tonks!--"

SLAM.

She was going to turn back and face him, but it was too late. She had walked right into the glass door, face first.

A thick, horrible silence took them over, like a blanket of snow to bury all the warmth between them

She was mortified.

"Are you alright?" he asked walking over to her, placing the book down.

Tears of humiliation slid down her face, blood trickling from her nose ring. She couldn't face him.

"Fuck" she muttered, face still plastered to the glass door before her.

_Perfect, Tonks. Way to fuck things up again!!!_ yelled the voice in her head.

She could hear Sirius and Bill (whom she'd assumed was the real Bill by now) laughing at her from inside the other room. She felt like such a fool... All of it had been in vain-- the perfect gift, the immaculate planning, the attempts to make Remus jealous, the flirting, everything. She was just a big stupid joke and he a perfect gentlemen who could control his laughter better than most. The whole evening was ruined, and she had done it even before she got to wish him a Happy Christmas.

"I'm fine!" she yelped, choking on a sob refusing to turn toward him. "I'm just- gonna go in--" she sobbed, trying to cover it as a laugh "inside... Maybe I'll make it this time" she said bitingly as she grabbed the door handle

"Look at me..." he whispered softly, trying to turn her towards him by the shoulders. She stood, rooted to the spot, fighting desperately not to sob, shaking her head wildly from side to side. Her entire face hurt. As if to make things worse, she began hiccuping in frustration. Her stomach felt as though it had been punched viciously, her heart wrenched as though someone were trying to drain out a wet towel.

"Go on, let's see it" he said softly, turning her suddenly. Her face was bright red, tears ruining her makeup. He could see her long lashes, but she refused to lift her eyes to meet his. Her nose was bleeding profusely, and Remus knew instantly it was bound to start bruising soon.

"Ouch" he said softly as though speaking to a silently crying toddler. She let out a watery laugh. He took out his wand and pulled a stool underneath her, drawing a bag of ice from midair. He wiped the blood off with his thumb and placed her hand to hold the ice bag on it.

"Oh, I'm a damn fool!" she cried out bitterly.

"Shh, You are not..." he said soothingly, smiling. She had no idea what it was about his voice, but it could make her believe anything. Tears of frustration kept streaming down her face quietly.

"Sirius and Bill are never going to let me hear the end of this--"

"Sirius and Bill have both done more foolish things. It was an accident," he told her calmly.

He wanted to kill the two, truthfully, for making her cry more than she needed to to get the pain out of her system. She was so irresistibly adorable, he could barely handle it.

"You're too good to me Remus. I don't deserve it--friend like you...I (hiccup)... I mean it" she added wiping her eyes.

"Nonsense..." he said quietly, looking away.

After a few moments of silence with the exception of a few of her shuddering breaths and the soft music from the gramophone inside, he spoke.

"Are you alright?" he asked her softly.

She looked up at him finally, flushing, and nodded.

_Love of mine_

_Someday you will Die_

_But I will be close behind..._

_I'll follow you into the dark_

"All better" he added, removing the ice pack from her face and setting it on the table. "Now we just need one more thing..."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the sprig of holly. He placed it in her hair behind her ear, and smiled at her.

"Much better" he added with a wink.

She whimpered, the humiliation flooding over her, tears flooding he eyes.

He pulled her up into his arms and hugged her tightly, a look of concern washing over him.

"That was quite a hit you had" he said, allowing her to sob into him.

_No blinding light_

_or tunnels to gates of white_

_just our hands clasped so tight_

_waiting for the hint of a spark..._

"Oh, what kind of failure am I to think I could make it through a bloody dance alive, Remus" she asked him laughing and holding her nose. "Talk about 'Costant Vigilance'..."

He didn't think it was very funny.

"I don't know what you're talking about" he began, rocking her back and forth, slowly in tempo.

"You look goreous, and just because Sirius and Bill are childish enough to laugh at your expense doesn't mean you shouldn't be here, what would I have done without you?" he added quietly.

"Oh yeah right" she half-snorted back "Who in their right mind would want to be seen dancing with the bloody fool who runs into a glass door!" she laughed. "They'd have to be bloody mental--"

"You're dancing now, aren't you?" he asked her softly.

"What d'you..." but before she could finish, she noticed something: Her arms were no longer at her sides, but wrapped around his neck without her noticing it. Both of his hands were folded softly but confidently in the small of her back. She could feel him breathing on her neck as they swayed gently back and forth to the woman's voice in soft music from the inside.

_If Heaven and Hell decide_

_that they both are satisfied_

_Illuminate the NO's on their Vacancy signs..._

Remus continued to hold her close to him with baited breath, praying she would not pull away. As if on cue, she did the exact opposite, and let herself lean into him, getting as close to him as she could without causing the both of them to fall over.

_If there's no one beside you_

_when your sould embarks..._

Sirius and Bill smiled at each other in accomplishment, drawing a curtain to give them more privacy.

_I'll follow you into the dark..._

Tonks could not believe what was happening. A moment ago she had just made the world's biggest fool of herself, and here he was, pulling her close to him, and telling her she was beautiful...

The song had finally ended, and they pulled away from each other, only enough so that they could meet each other's eyes. She couldn't take it. She had something to tell him.

"Remus..."

"Hmm?"

"Remus, I---"

Suddenly, there was a crash and scream from inside the main room. The glass door slid violently open, Mad-Eye Moody, Sirius, and Kingsley looking grave and determined.

"Party's Over" shouted Sirius.

"Remus, Tonks come quick!" roared Moody's voice urgently from the doorway. They both jumped apart.

"What! What is it?" shot Lupin. He had never seen Moody look so pale and fearful.

"No time to explain- we've just got word-- Potter says Arthur's been attacked by a Giant Snake, we've got to go!" and with that, the three of them sprinted towards the door, following Moody as fast as they could.

In the two swift seconds it took them to cross the room, Lupin had noticed that the room was no longer decorated, but messy looking and sad.

"Is Harry all right?" called Lupin, still incredible shaken.

"He's fine-- he and the Weasley litter will meet Sirius here shortly. We on the other hand need to apparate to the burrow, wait for Mrs. Weasley to get word from 's, then escort her there to watch the perimeter. Tonks, I want you on detail tomorrow morning to escort the Children to see him."

"Sure thing, Captain" she responded curtly.

All thoughts of the party suddenly fell from her mind as she thought only of Charlie and how she needed to send him an owl as quickly as possible.

"Sirius, send Charlie a line will you? He'll want to know---"

"Already on it," barked her cousin, hugging her goodbye.

"Be Safe."

* * *

After many hard hours that felt like days, they had finally arrived at St. Mungo's, Tonks, Lupin, and Mad-Eye sat in the waiting room. Tonks was completely worried sick. She absolutely could not believe that Arthur had been attacked, and on Ministry grounds no less! Tonks was beginning to wonder how much longer the Ministry would put off the fact that Voldemort was back and gaining strength at an alarming speed. She remembered how Arthur looked when they found him... head to toe in blood, and more worn looking that she'd ever seen him... she tried to shake the thought from her mind.

"Has Molly already sent word to the kids?" Tonks asked again for what must have been the millionth time, wringing her hands in her lap.

"Yes she did, as soon as she got word he was still alive" Lupin added not lifting his head from his cradled hands.

The amazing moments he shared with Tonks now seemed lightyears away, and he felt nothing but the deepest guilt that the nice clothing he was wearing came from Arthur's pocket.

"Kingsley's at the Ministry then?" she added.

Moody nodded.

"He knows you're here. He's already allowed you off tomorrow" he said.

Moody surveyed his protegee's worn appearance. "You did well Prote," he barked gruffly, "you acted quick."

Tonks smiled, but continued wringing her hands and juggling her knees up and down. _I wonder if Charlie has heard..._

Molly and Bill erupted suddenly from a room at the end of the hall and the three of them jumped to their feet. Bill's arm was around his mother's shoulders, smiling tiredly back at them. Molly wiped away at her eyes, smiling.

"He's going to be all right, he's just sleeping now," she said calmly before they could ask. Tonks drew her into a fierce hug, letting her go with a smile.

"Excellent. Tonks, Lupin-- I suggest you both go home and get some rest. Tonks has got a long day tomorrow, work or not, and I'd appreciate it if you'd escort her to her home as apparantly tonight is not a safe one." Moody barked.

Lupin nodded dutifully, a glint of curiosity in his eyes.

It was five o' clock in the morning when Tonks and Lupin had arrived at her flat, her face very visibly worn out.

"Well, this is me," she said turning to him, leaning on the door.

"It's been quite an evening tonight for you, hasn't it," he said smiling. She rolled her eyes and chuckled.

"Please- after that incident I can barely remember what happened before..." she lied.

They both remained quiet for a moment.

"So... do you want to come in?" she asked apprehensively.

He could tell she was tired, but she still looked remarkably beautiful despite the run in her tights from tripping up the hospital stairs and the speck of dry blood by her nose. He smiled sadly at her. The sunrise outside filtered in giving her eyes a golden shimmer. Her eyes were wide, waiting for his response.

"I, uh, could use a cuddle buddy..." she joked hopefully.

Tonks could see the inner conflict int Lupin's face.

_It was for the best..._

She could never love him...

To hope so was foolish...

_It was what was best for her..._

"I'd better not" he said finally. She nodded her head once, as if awaiting that answer.

"We're both tired, you've got a long day ahead of you if I know Alastor, and I smell like week old hospital coffee," he added ruefully with a wink. They laughed a little, eyes meeting once again.

She beamed at him. There was a reason she couldn't tell him how she felt tonight- there had to be. If she believed in anything it was that everything happens for a reason...

"Good night, Tonks" he said kindly, drawing her into a hug and planting a small friendly kiss on her forehead.

"Goodnight, Remus" she said letting him go. She watched him walk all the way down the stairs and out of the building before turning in.

She walked quickly to her window, watching Remus walk down the sidewalk and away from her building. As soon as she had turned around to get ready for bed, Remus turned back to look up at her window.

"You are already dearer to me, than you could ever know, I think..." he whispered into the darkness.

The light from the window in her flat went out, and Remus walked away from her once again.

Tonks flung herself onto her mattress face first. Her stomach hurt as she desperately tried to clear her head of the longest evening she'd ever been a part of.

She exhaled.

"Happy Christmas Remus... If I don't see you" she said before turning over and falling fast asleep.


	14. Chapter 14: A Fine Mess

Tonks entered her flat exhausted, having just escorted the students back to Hogwarts. She was sad the Holidays were over for Sirius's sake, but was glad that things would finally go back to normal now that Arthur was healed and Harry no longer thought he was insane for having seen the attack in his Mind's eye.

She thought back to the previous night's conversation at St. Mungo's, and shuddered. She had known that protecting the hall of prophecy came first and foremost, but the events that occured made her worry there was no chance Dumbledore had got it wrong. Albus had confided in the Order that he in fact did think Harry and Voldemort were linked. As great and terrible a truth this was, finding clearer and clearer evidence made is all the more real for those who cared for the boy. Sirius had been trying desperately to conceal his large amount of worry for the boy each time Harry felt to confide in him, which also to his dismay was not so often as he had hoped.

She wanted to be happy, what with Harry and Arthur both being safe, but she couldn't help but feel like something was missing. It made her think she was selfish to feel that way, what with all the horrible things that were happening all around her, but she felt jipped- alone. Ginny's constant flow of advice about men with Hermione were flowing through her own mind. Here she was, in love with Remus, and she couldn't a thing....

She froze.

She just admitted it to herself.

She loved Remus Lupin.

_Impossible... _She had only known him for a few months- she was rushing things...

But the more she thought about it, the more she knew it, and it made sense: every moment of her days was spent thinking about him, or remembering fun times that they shared together, every time she turned her hair pink, was because it was his favorite, every joke she made, every tear she cried-- it was all for him... She shook her head as if to rid herself of the thought.

_There is no reason to think you're in love with him_ she thought to herself. _He is far too good for you, and you are far too wrong for him._

It saddened her.

As soon as she took her shoes off to make herself more comfortable, she heard a soft knock at her door.

"Who is it" she asked loudly, stretching.

"It's Remus" came the voice.

She had jumped so high she hit her hand on the ceiling, cursing under her breath as she headed for the door. She flushed.

"Miss me already?" she joked, trying to act natural.

_You're not in love, you're not in love, you're not in love_ she repeated to herself vigorously.

"Not quite, but I had forgotten to give you something the other night," he replied kindly. She motioned him to come in, and he did so, hands behind his back.

His palms were sweating profusely. He felt clammy and trapped. _What would she think of it? Would she hate it? What if she has one just like it already? What if--_

"Are you alright? You look worried..." she asked walking over to his face to feel his forehead.

He forced a smile on. "I'm fine! but... well... happy late Christmas, I suppose..." he said handing her the wrapped up gift.

She was surprised.

"Aw, Remus, you're crazy! Thank you.... You didn't have to do that!" she said, smiling grandly and pulling him into a huge hug.

"On the contrary," he added, trying desperately not to show his elation of being drawn in her arms. She planted another kiss on his cheek, and he beamed, pleased with himself.

"I'm going to open it on the table" she said happily, sitting herself down. "With my luck, it'll be the only way it survives." He moved a little closer to her.

She beamed at him, unwrapping the gift excitedly. He watched her, a smile spreading on his face. He absolutely loved it when she smiled. It wasn't just her face that did it, but everything about her just lit up, glowing from head to toe.

Her smile faltered a little suddenly, upon seeing the gift, and he became very concerned.

"What's wrong?" he asked her quietly.

She hates it. I knew it.

"Wrong..." she laughed smally. "Nothing's wrong... it's absolutely beautiful... Thats my favorite painting on the top..."

She looked up at him, her cheeks pink. He put his hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you... so much" she added, placing her hand on top of his and caressing it with her face softly. He shivered.

"There-- There's more" he stammered shyly.

She looked at him incredulously._ More...what was he thinking? Remus doesn't have money for this kind of thing..._ She turned back to the box. It began playing a beautiful tune she recognized at once. Remus chuckled. He listened to the song and realized at once it wasn't 'Unforgettable' like he had heard in Diagon Alley.

"How did you know... this song... meant so much to me..." she said watching the little swan dancing on the mini platform in awe.

"I didn't- I only just realized it now: it's enchanted to play the owner's favorite song each time it opens. I guess we both are just partial to muggle music--" he stopped short.

He realized suddenly that the box was quietly playing on, ironically to the very same song that the two of them danced together to only a few nights before. He smiled at her, and then something clicked---

He felt claustrophobic. His mind was playing tricks on him.

_It meant nothing- she just liked the song. It meant nothing-- she just liked...the song..._

He had to leave before he did something stupid.

"Listen, I've promised Sirius I'd help him set dinner at Grimmauld Place--"

"Oh Remus!..." she cried suddenly, seeing the bracelet for the first time, not hearing him.

It was beautiful. Each pearl was set perfectly in place, the small crystals balancing out the pattern. The color changing stone was quite naturally her favorite, but seeing the fairy sitting on the moon lent her a watery laugh: it looked almost the same as the drawing she had given him. She very gently lifted the bracelet from it box, flustered tears on her face

"It... it was my mother's" he said quietly. He felt odd, to see her react so strongly, and wasn't sure how to feel

"It's beautiful... I'm -- honored that you think I deserve this..." she added looking up into his eyes.

"Here--" he smiled back, taking the bracelet. She stood up from her chair as he put it on. The color changing stones immediately turned a violet blue. They both looked at the clasp together, admiring the moon with the fairy, the star, and the little gold heart. She looked up into his eyes. He smiled at her, wiping off her tears.

"You know, I was sort of hoping I'd make you smile, not cry" he chuckled warmly.

She drew him into a deep hug, burying her face in him. The music box twinkled on happily, still chiming her favorite song. She could smell him as he stroked her hair. She wanted to tell him. She was terrified he would not love her back, but she needed him to know...

She pulled away slowly after what seemed like forever, and he leaned in and kissed her forehead softly.

She wanted to kiss him... She wanted to hold him, and have him hold her right back... She wanted to tell him she couldn't live without him, that she spent sleepless nights thinking about him, waking up empty inside because he wasn't there beside her... She wanted to tell him she was falling in love with him, faster than a phoenix could burst into it's majestic flames...

But she couldn't.

And she wouldn't ever...

It seemed surreal to her, the next few minutes going by like a movie playing with no volume. She had only just realized she had let Remus out-- let him go again, without telling him how she felt. She played the tune over and over again in her mind, staring dreamily at the swan as it changed from silver to crystal back to silver again.

_If Heaven and Hell decide_

_that they both are satisfied_

_Illuminate the NO's on their vacany signs_

_If there's no one beside you_

_When your Soul embarks..._

She wondered if he noticed her mood beads turning purple and pink...

She wondered if he understood what that meant...

* * *

Remus arrived at Grimmauld place, his heart both heavy and light at the same time. He entered the kitchen to find Sirius cooking fervently, an odd site considerine it was usually Molly who did the cooking when Order members were expected to drop in.

Sirius smiled at his friend widely-- a smile that concerned Remus very much.

"Have you been confunded?" Lupin asked, as though seeing Sirius playing homemaker was like staring at a stupid Hermione or a red headed Harry Potter.

"You'll never guess who is coming to dinner tonight" he added with a tone worthy of Peeves.

"Oh?" replied Remus, dreading the answer.

"Bill, Fleur, Charlie... and his lady friend!!" he added maniaclly.

He blinked.

"Lady Friend?"

"Oh yeah- I won't tell you who it is though, cause you know her" Sirius grinned.

"I do?"

"Yeah! Charlie met her in Romania, and they've been close ever since! Isn't that wild?"

Suddenly it clicked: There was only one woman Remus knew that would end up in Romania: Amelia Scamander, relative of noted Author Newt Scamander, of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them._ Charlie was seeing a woman only two years younger than he himself was. And he found her in Romania of all places! Remus and Sirius had both fancied her in their schooldays, the thin but hippy blond who was barely even five feet tall. She was the only other person at Hogwarts besides the marauders and Lily to know he was a werewolf and still accept him whole heartedly.

"Alright, I'll tell you it's Amelia Scamander! Imagine that! And get this--" Sirius continued, still tossing the salad excitedly, "She's joining the Order. PLUS she says she's never believed I was a murderer, anyway..." he finished excitedly.

"Wow..." Remus added with a smile. He didn't know why, but he was so excited to hear that someone who went to school with him was still alive and well, not to mention willing to do work for the Order. He was also glad to see that this was the first time Sirius had smiled since after Christmas.

He helped Sirius finish whatever was left to be made for dinner, reminiscing excitedly. It was eight o'clock when the front door opened, and Remus smiled as Bill, Fleur, and Charlie entered the room. He was about to say hello when suddenly the petite woman ran into the room. Remus flushed-- she was just as beautiful as ever, her golden freckles clashing with blue almond shaped eyes, a certain shine to her strawberry hair.

"Remus." she said matter o'factly at him, beaming...

"It's been years," he added with a smile, his hands still in his pockets.

"...Get over here and give me a hug already!" she added, not giving him time to think.

* * *

For hours, Tonks just stared at her precious gifts, opening and closing the music box sweetly. It was eight o'clock before she knew it. She took a deep breath, looking at the bracelet one more time...

_I wonder if now mught be a good time...._

A moment later she apparated to the door of Number 12 Grimmauld place, striding in slowly but confidently. She was just going to march right up to him and say it regardless of who happened to be in the room. She heard voices... His voice... Her heart was beating faster, her footsteps picking up speed as she swung open the kitchen door when suddenly--

Her heart sank.

There, two feet away from her was Lupin, spinning around a short, tiny blonde woman who clung around his neck like her life depended on it. He put her down suddenly, it him taking a moment before he realized Tonks was in the room.

"Oh..." she squeaked.

"Tonks!" Sirius beamed at her, walking over "I didn't know know you were dropping in, Glad you could join us!".

She did not move her gaze from the gorgeous blond girl that moments ago was in Remus's arms. She looked like a doll. Everything about her looked perfect. Tonks felt like an ogre, her towering, chubby stature beside the woman who so freely claimed Lupin as her own. She plastered a fake smile on her face, squinting her eyes to blink away the oncoming tears. She could feel her face getting hot.

"Oh no Sirius, I'm afraid I can't tonight...wow...um... I just... wow..." she said with a laugh.

"Tonks?..." came Lupin's voice. He had no idea she had been invited by Sirius. Something wasn't right with her, something was wrong, he could feel it...

"Who's this then?" came the perfect and genuinely sweet voice of the blond woman. Charlie seemed to notice something was wrong as well.

"This is Tonks, Sirius's baby cousin. She was one of my best mates in school, still is," Charlie offered cheerfuly.

It seemed so perfect all of a sudden-- the Weasley Boys, Sirius, and Remus having dinner with Fleur and another girl. Some friends they were... How could she have been so stupid.

"Oh, hello! My name's Amelia, it's good to meet you! I went to School with Remus and Sirius, but my, by the way you came striding in here I thought you were Moony's mother or something," she added laughing gaily.

_She called him Moony..._

Tonks, being suddenly aware of how Ginny felt whenever Plegm was in the room, suddenly felt sick.

"Listen, I've gotta go, Sirius, I just... wanted to... speak to... Remus, but I've forgotton...what to say," she said, her eyes not leaving Lupin's. The tension in the room could've been cut with a knife: the only person who seemed to not realize this was the ever more apparently dense blond woman and Fleur who was too busy picking at Bill's long hair.

"It's fine though, so I'm gonna... I'm gonna go--"

"No, stay! please?" pleaded Sirius.

"Tonks what is it, What's wrong--" Lupin began.

"No really-- not important. Didn't mean to crash your party, heh," she spoke over him bitterly, leaving the room wish a swish of her cloak.

She was so humiliated. She was back at the front door, praying to be left alone, but heard Lupin tear after her.

"Tonks?" he tried to say, but before he could reach her she had already apparated out of the hall in back to her flat.

She sat leaning against the door, in tears. _How could I have been so stupid!_ she thought to herself viciously. In the whole time that she had known him, it never even occurred to her to think he had cared for somebody else... Every smile, every hug, every time their eyes met, every touch suddenly seemed like a sick joke. She ripped off her bracelet and flung it across the floor. She thought things had changed. She thought that maybe this time Remus wouldn't just be another let down. She wanted to deck that tiny woman. _Who was she to call her out as Lupin's mother, she was twice as old as she was!_ _And how did she know to call him Moony, Hadn't the Marauders been a secret? Her and her stupid perfectly defined cheekbones and alien shaped forehead_...

She rested her elbows on her knees and cradled her head in her hands.

_He could never... ever really love someone like me..._

She was crushed. For once in her life she thought maybe-- just maybe someone could love her back. She cried and cried, her heart wrenching harder each time. She stayed there for hours, just sobbing, until finally she had no more tears left in her. She had diluded herself into thinking there was something more than friendship between the two of them, just as she always had. But this was worse, something she hadn't felt before. She thought suddenly of what speaking to him would feel like, going on missions with Mad-Eye and Kingsley, all the while stupidly trying to avoid Lupin's perfect gaze...

She couldn't face him again.

She had embarrassed everyone in that room, including herself. She wanted to disappear into the floor forever. She began shifting from humiliation into anger at Remus for leading her on. _Nobody gives that much to someone if they aren't interested in getting something back_ she thought harshly.

She picked up the music box weakly, and opened it, pouting.

It began again, playing the melody of her favorite tune, the lyrics to it breaking her heart as she thought of them.

After a few moments, she thought she heard footsteps. She covered her mouth hastily as if to stop her breathing from being heard.

"Nox!" she whispered suddenly, the lights in her flat going out.

Sure enough, the footsteps she knew so well by now stopped at her door, the person belonging to them knocking suddenly.

"Nymphadora are you there?" his voice called through the door.

_Don't Wish.._.

"I know you're there, I can hear... I can hear music..."

_Don't Start..._

She stayed frozen.

"Tonks, please if you're here, please open the door, I'd like to talk to you..." he added, knocking again.

_Wishing Only Wounds the Heart ..._

She remained silent.

"PLEASE, Dora..."

_I wasn't born for the rose, and the pearl..._

She whimpered silently at the mention of a pearl and tore her eyes from the bracelet, in pieces across the floor.

_There's a Girl I know..._

Nothing.

She heard him sigh.

_He loves her so..._

"Tonks..Tonks if you don't answer I'm leaving." he tried one last time.

No answer came.

After a minute of waiting, he sighed again, and gave up. She heard his footsteps fade away as he walked down the stairs...

_I'm not that girl._

* * *

It was two o'clock in the morning when she guessed it safe to return to Grimmauld place. She entered it slowly and quietly, exhausted from crying. She had just made it to the main room, and had second thoughts. She wanted to go home. She shouldn't bother Sirius anymore with this stupidity of hers...

"Nymph...?" came Sirius's quiet voice from the corner.

She turned around slowly to see him sitting at the table looking almost nervous, two empty wine glasses and a bottle of scotch between them sitting before him. He stood up and walked over to her.

"You alright?" he asked her kindly.

The floodgates opened; She began sobbing, unable to move. He held her close to him, slowly running his fingers through her mousy brown hair.

Sirius was furious. He knew Remus was a fool. He was sure that if anybody in the world could convince Lupin he was right for someone it was Tonks. She was trying so hard to show his friend that they were right together, that everything was going to be okay if they could just be together. He sighed heavily. He hated seeing her like this. She was so strong, so proud, so full of love... and now here she was, dead inside and an utter mess.

"I know kid..." he said softly, trying to soothe her.

She sobbed more into him.

"I know."


	15. Chapter 15: Getting Up vs Getting Over

A few months had passed since that awful night, and both Tonks and Lupin decided it was best to not bring it up. They were both so busy nowadays that they had barely even had time to feel awkward about it anyway, what with guarding the prophecy and keeping Sirius company now that Harry was back in school. Tonks was particularly fed up. She tried very hard to find other things and people to focus on, convincing herself that she was no longer in love with the werewolf. It seemed to her that with each passing day that Lupin had managed to push her more and more so out of his life for reasons she neither cared to know nor bothered trying to find out.

Tonks awoke one morning with the same feeling she usually had in her head after drinking with Sirius. She had a blinding headache, sleepy eyes, and a sweaty forehead, but was at least pleased to see her hair had made it to purple.

"Thank God" she grumbled, getting out of bed. She slipped on one of Sirius's big bedtime sweaters and stretched.

After brushing her teeth, she decided a bath was exactly what she needed. She slipped out of her clothing after closing the door, and began to draw herself a bath. The water was smooth and hot, stinging her skin slightly as she let her hand feel the rush from beneath the faucet. She poured in her usual amount of Lavender and Vanilla, the bubbles now reaching well over the brims of the tiny tub, some flying into the air before popping. She slid herself in careful not to cause the tub to overflow. She let out a deep breath. She could feel her hangover slipping away instantly.

She starting humming softly, watching the bubbles slip and slide down her wet smooth skin as she scrubbed herself all over. A moment later there was a knock on the door. She groaned.

_How inconvenient._

"Who is it" she called from inside the tub.

"Sirius" he called back at her. "Can I come in? I'm so bored out here."

"No, you may not come in, I'm in the bath!" she replied with what she thought was the obvious answer and a laugh.

"Come on 'Cos, what if I closed my eyes. I'll be a good boy I promise" he asked overly sweetly.

She smiled in spite of herself. Sometimes she could hardly believe Sirius wasn't a schoolboy of 16, without a care in the world.

"Is that a threat? And No, darling I'm sorry, what do you want?" she asked chuckling.

There was no reply. She heard a brief shuffling and tumbling on the stairs.

"Sirius?" she asked.

There no answer. Why would he be doing that?

"Sirius, cut it out, I am not going to open the door, so you may as well tell me what it is that you want."

He still said nothing.

She sighed, pretending to ignore his silence.

He still said nothing... A few minutes had passed and now she was concerned. She heard what sounded like a faint whimper and shuffling in the hall way.

"Sirius, come on, quit it. Say something..." she asked, sitting up, a little more alarmed.

"Sirius?" she asked intensely now. "Sirius?!"

BAM!

Two seconds later, a great black dog burst through the door, barking loudly, swishing his tail madly. Bottles went flying everywhere, and Tonks had to cover her head with her arms for protection. Tonks screamed.

"SIRIUS DON'T YOU DARE!!" she shouted, knowing what was coming next.

Before she could stop him, he jumped triumphantly right into the tub with her, flooding the floor with slippery bubbles and massive amounts of water.

Her air instantly turned as red as Fawkes had ever been.

"SIRIUS YOU GREAT PRAT!" she screeched, trying desperately not to let her laughter get the best of her.

She could hear the water swish about propelled by what she assumed was his tail wagging. She covered her breasts and crossed her legs underneath the water. He began snapping his snout at the escaping bubbles trying to pop them. She looked at him, extremely peeved. He looked back at her, literally, with the biggest, sweetest puppy dog eyes he could muster, and her resolve melted away. She laughed hysterically, drops of water running down her face as Sirius barked loudly, egging her on. A moment later, all was quiet as she tried to make her face stern again. He whimpered softly, giving her face one final, sloppy lick.

"All right, all right!!" she laughed back at him, Sirius taking this as his cue to lick all over her face again.

"Now get out, loser, I'll be there in a minute..." she chuckled, splashing at him.

He leapt out of the tub, dripping wet, sloshing water about him.

"Sirius DON'T- HAHAHAHAAA!!" she broke out laughing, knowing the inevitable. He shook himelf violently, as wet dogs do, before trotting outside of the bathroom. He came galloping back with a towl in his mouth a moment later, and sat down with a fake obedience.

"Nice try," she smirked , taking the towel from him with one hand. "Now get out" she said pointing towards the door. Sirius whimpered, then obeyed.

Once she felt the coast was clear, she dried herself off quickly, and scurried back to the spare room.

Before she could settle in, there was a knock on the doori.

"Sirius, I told you I'm coming!" she said opening it briskly.

She froze.

It wasn't Sirius.

They stared at each other for a second, before it registered in her mind.

Remus rapidly became pink and sweaty, trying desperately to avert his eyes.

"GAH!" She gave a small yell and closed the door.

"What are you doing here!?" she squelched.

"I--I w-was looking f-for Sirius" he blurted back nervously.

"Well he's obviously not here, is he, Genius!?" she yelled back at him.

"I'm sorry! I-I knocked, and y-you j-just came dressed like -- like that and -- oh, nevermind!" he finished finally.

They were both quiet a moment, separated only by the door.

"Y-you still there?" she asked quietly, her heart racing.

"W-well... yes..." he said unsure of what to do next, wondering whether she was going to start shouting at him again.

"Where's Sirius-- Harry wants him..." he said hurriedly.

"What?! He's feeding Buckbeak, but whats going on?" but before she could finish asking, she heard his footsteps hurry away.

She gave a disgruntled sigh and rapidly disrobed herself to put on clothes. She saw no point in hurrying seeing as Remus would probably not even be downstairs when she finished, but she did want to know what he meant by saying Harry wanted to Sirius. A few minutes later, She was downstairs in time to see Remus and Sirius both getting up from the fireplace.

"That stupid Git, I'll kill him--"

"No you won't--"

"Watch Me Remus--I'm leaving right now--"

"You're not going anywhere--"

"What on earth is going on?!" asked Tonks from the doorway thinking briefly that the pair of them had gone mad. "And what's this I hear about Harry? He alright?"

"Snape has stopped giving him Occlumency lessons." said Lupin hastily.

"What?! Is he mad?!" she retorted. She couldn't believe her ears.

"Not as Mad as he's gonna be when I'm through hexing the bloody hell out of him--"

"Enough, Sirius, I'll go to the school and handle it--"

"Tonks, back me up, lets go--"

"Calm down Sirius!" she said putting a hand on his shoulder.

He looked slightly abashed. She continued.

"Relax. As much as I hate to say it, Remus is right. If you want I'll go with him and hex Snape if Moony gets to being a coward about it." she said quickly, ignoring the flustered look on Lupin's face.

"I promise" she urged. There was no way Sirius would get to go, so she had to make him feel like at least a part of him was going.

Sirius looked her dead in the eye, then deflated.

"Fine... Just-- just make sure Harry's okay... he heard footsteps and had to disappear..."

"Don't worry, we're on our way before you can say goodbye. Come on Remus" she said, and with that, the pair of them were walking toward the front door. He didn't speak 'till they were well outside of Sirius's earshot and Grimmauld place. They looked like a very awkward pair, a punk rock looking young woman and a professor-esque older man...

"What on earth was that supposed to mean" he snapped angrily. She had gone a bit far as far as he was concerned.

She looked at him and sighed, realizing what he meant.

"Don't take it so personally-- I had to say that, otherwise Sirius never would have let it go" she added angrily, releasing his arm.

"Oh..." he added sheepishly. He hadn't thought about that, but he still had his doubts about whether or not it was true.

"So you're not coming with me then?" he asked after a moment.

"You're a big boy, you can handle it yourself" she replied cooly.

"What is the matter with you!?" he asked frustratedly, stopping in his tracks. "Besides its not like you've got anything better to do--"

"As a matter of fact, I have got something better to do, I'm not so desperate that I have to follow you around like a puppy you know!" she started. "I've got plans tonight, and besides- I don't think you wife would like that very much" she snapped before she could stop herself.

He whipped around.

"I haven't got a w--" but she was gone. What on earth was she talking about. She couldn't possibly be thinking Amelia, she was seeing Charlie... and even if he'd had a girlfriend, why on earth was she reacting this badly to it? He decided to put it from his mind as he apparated to Hogsmeade, trying desperately to think of how to tackle Snape without being accused of cowardice.

Tonks walked back into Grimmauld Place a moment later, Sirius looking bewildered.

"What happened? I thought you were gonna curse the living brains out of Snape!" he asked dispiritedly.

"We met Kingsley on the way--" she lied- " Anyway, he reckons he's got a better bat bogey hex than I've got, and frankly I believe him. I wasn't exactly willing to find out, you see..."

He studied her a moment, then appeared satisfied with this answer. He was still flustered at what happened, but decided to try his damnedest to put it from his mind.

"Besides-- I've got a date tonight" she added with a quirky grin.

Sirius looked up at her.

"A date? With who?! Remus?!" he asked surprised.

"Yeah right...Remus has little miss Fleur's twin--"

"I told you there is nothing between them! And Amelia is NOT Fleur's twin, Fleur is WAY hotter--"

"It doesn't matter: Well it's not a date really... A group of us from the office are going out tonight, and I wanted to look nice. Dawlish is getting me from my flat round about 8, so... what is it?" she asked, worried at his facial expression.

"You're going out with Dawlish? Does Remus know about this?" he asked incredulously.

Dawlish was a very tough looking man, but dumb as a brick and had graying hair worse than Lupin's. He was handsome, in his way; Lupin didn't think very highly of him, but Sirius always assumed it was because he fancied Tonks. She knew this was the reaction she was going to get, and that was precisely why she chose to specifically mention Dawlish.

"No, and why should he care?" she blurted defiantly. "Besides, it''s a muggle dance club, so we thought it'd be fun. Remus can't handle fun, remember? Maybe Dawlish can."

Truth be told Tonks had absolutely no interest in Dawlish whatsoever, nor did she have any will whatsoever to go _dancing_ of all things. She thought he was a great prat, but she knew full well a different one of her friends wanted to pair them up, so she at least promised to try it out.

"Tonks..." he began whining, but she held up a hand to stop him.

"I don't want to hear it. Remus doesn't want me, it's final---"

"Can't you just admit to Lupin how you feel---?!"

"I am going to go on a date with whatever man is man enough to ADMIT to wanting me. Remus is going to act like I don't matter and that there's nothing in between he and I than so be it: I'm through" she replied, head held high, and with that she marched upstairs to get ready.

Sirius had a feeling this was going to become a very sticky situation, very quickly.

She knew Tonks was head over heels for Lupin, but he also knew she was done admitting it. It was sad really, but even he, Sirius, was beginning to think she was right. Remus would never admit his feelings for her, let alone act on them. Something had to be done and fast, or he was sure he was going to lose at the very least on of his two best friends.

* * *

"What on earth are you talking about?" Remus asked Sirius tiredly hours later after explaining his failure of getting anywhere with Snape.

"You saw the poor woman half naked didn't you? All I'm saying is invite her out to dinner! Besides, you owe me one now that you've mucked up everything with Snivellus--"

"Why!? And Stop calling him that, you sound like you're fourteen again..." He said for the billionth time. "And just so you know, I don't appreciate you putting it that way..." he added flustered.

"Just do it... before... before someone else does..." he added quietly.

For a moment Remus was tense. He turned to Sirius, a slightly worried and accusatory glimmer in his eye. He tried to cover it, but had a sneaking feeling he'd failed. _What did he mean by that? Was he hiding something?_

"And just what is that supposed to mean? If someone wants to take her out then that's wonderful, she's a bright young girl and deserves someone to be her companion, as long as she's happy. Quite frankly, I'm surprised you haven't asked to court her sooner yourself Sirius, but it's lovely, really..." he said, his voice trying to sound preoccupied and apathetic.

"Not me, you old git! It just means I think it'd be a shame to lose your shot out of...well..."

"Out of what exactly" he replied cooly.

"I just don't want you to get hurt thats all!" Sirius blurted.

Remus sighed.

"Sirius, you don't know what you're talking about..."

"Oh don't be a fool, Remus! I'm not stupid, I know you care for her- everyone does --"

"That's enough Sirius..." said Lupin quietly. He never liked to discuss anything about Tonks with anyone- especially Sirius.

"--So you may as well get a move on while she still wants you otherwise some other fool like... well like Dawlish will pick her up--"

"I said that's enough, Sirius..." he warned again.

"Enough of you!" he burst suddenly. Remus was quiet. Sirius immediately lowered his tone, walking closer to his friend.

"Come on Remus... Haven't you been kidding yourself long enough?" he asked softly.

Remus cast his eyes to the floor.

"I don't know what you mean--"

"--Of course you do. I think it's more than just caring between the two of you. I think you love her."

Remus's eyes met his friend's a moment, and they stared at each other.

_Love..._

"We're just friends. Nothing more... Nymphadora accepts this _(to which Sirius laughed out loud) _so why can't you?" Remus said still startled at the word. He was starting to feel panicky and tense, trying with all he had to keep his cool...

He knew he fancied Tonks, but he had never thought about it as if he was in love with her or not. Love was such a strong word... Remus didn't even think he was capable of it. He had sworn love off long ago... No... Not that kind of love anyway. Not Romantic love...

"Just for once..." Sirius added quietly, placing a hand over his friend's heart, "Don't think with your head and think with what's in here."

Remus was quiet as Sirius removed his hand.

A moment later Sirius took two great steps away as Tonks' footsteps were heard coming down the stairs. As usual, she looked lovely. She had on a tight green pencil skirt, and a silver blouse, a wide black belt tied round the middle. She had on a black choker, her hair curled and twisted down to her shoulders in a 50's rockabilly style and a small purple scarf around her neck. She was positively beaming.

"You're back soon" she said upon seeing Lupin. He shrugged.

"Well, boys, I'm off!" she said happily, skipping two steps at a time. She saw them both smiling at her quietly and wondered what had just happened.

"You look wonderful" Sirius said finally, giving her a quick hug.

"Where's mine?" asked Remus in a friendly pout. He immediately felt awkward. He had said it aloud without meaning to. She gave him a quizzical look. It wasn't like Remus to be asking for hugs. She obliged, squeezing him harder than she had Sirius. It made her happy that her hugging Sirius made him want her to hug him. She was at least glad he was Ironically now comfortable enough with their friendship to own up to it.

"You boys alright?" she asked, her smile still intact.

"We're fine. Now you enjoy yourself." Remus added, trying to sound as happy for her as ever.

A few minutes later after walking her to the door, Sirius walked back into the kitchen, not surprised to see Lupin still standing there. He folded his arms and leaned against the door frame.

"Well," he began "you've just sent her off with Dawlish, I'll have you know."

Lupin smiled sadly at the ground.

"Well..." he began quietly "I wish him luck. He's a far better man for her than I give him credit for--"

"You cant be serious--"

"No, my friend, you are Sirius, and I..." he paused. "...Am just a tired old fool."

"Is that all the fight you've got? I mean, Jesus Moony, one hug from Amelia and and nothing, one hug from Tonks and you're out of your head! You know that's more than friendship!...Is this really what's become of Mastermind Moony of The Marauders? A 'tired old fool'?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"I'm afraid so, Padfoot" he added nostalgically.

"Then why- why is it that every time she opens that blasted music box she always brings with her it plays the one song you actually held her to?" he snapped. Sirius felt awkward. He wanted to prove a point but was wondering if he wasn't beginning to sound too much like Molly.

They looked at each other a moment, knowing that they both thought the other was being silly. Truth be told Remus had no idea she had shown Sirius the music box and wondered if she had said anything else to him.

"She could never love me... Sirius..." he added quietly.

Sirius was surprised to hear Remus finally admit aloud the possibility of him and Tonks.

"Only because you choose not to let her! Why, is beyond me, but it's the truth" he added back.

"Perhaps," Lupin said, "But for now, let her be... she'll sort her feelings out in time, and realize she feels the same way about me as she does you, if not less..." he smiled.

"I've never heard someone so smart sound so stupid" replied Sirius, his face stony.

"Goodnight, Sirius" he said making towards the stairs.

"Goodnight, Remus."

In a moment he was gone, leaving Sirius to think by himself in the kitchen. He had no idea what to do. After three hours of thinking and four shots of whiskey he decided to call it a night.

Before he followed Moony's footsteps up the stairs, he paused and looked to the ceiling as if expecting it to talk back to him.

"Please... whoever's listening up there... don't let Remus wind up like me. Help 'em out a bit." and with that, Sirius headed up the stairs, drifting into a deep deep sleep. Little did he know his prayers would soon be answered.

It was four o'clock in the morning and Remus could not sleep. He threw on his robe and made his way down the dimly lit stairs into the kitchen. He had been reading one of Shakespeare's greatest plays, and decided to finish it. It always amazed him that two people could be speaking the same language, but totally not even be close to understanding each other.

He heard the front door open and watched Tonks fumble her way into the kitchen. He assumed she had been drinking a little...

A huge smile was plastered on her face, but it looked like she had been crying. He was immediately concerned.

"Tonks, are you alright?" he asked dropping his book to the floor and walking to her.

"I'm fine!" she yelped louder than she had expected to.

"Sit here, tell me what's happened" he asked, leading her, hiccuping into her chair. She looked at him for a moment, shaking her head from side to side. As close a pair of friends as they were becoming, she had always kept her big thinks to herself. He saw her eyes were becoming watery, her hair out of place and dishevelled

"Tonks, what's wrong..." he asked her quietly pulling his chair even closer to hers. He placed an arm around her, offering her his shoulder. To his surprise, she shook her head again, unnaccepting.

"Really, I'm fine Remus, I've just been drinking" she laughed half-heartedly. He couldn't bare to see her like this. Her smile was so beautiful that it ruined his day to see her so upset; he could always tell her real smiles from her fake ones.

He knew by now not to pressure her into talking, but he wanted so much to hold her, to help her feel better. But he couldn't touch her... he was not allowed to touch her...

"I know... it is awkward for you to believe...but I have been through many things in my life. And if you ever need to talk... I'm always here for you..." he replied staring directly into her face. She looked up at him, dead in the eye.

"HA!" she blurted out.

Remus just smiled at her.

"You don't get it do you... why Remus... why?" she slurred.

He had absolutely no idea how much worse he just made everything.

_You're the reason I'm crying you stupid git! I love you so much I can't think straight! Why aren't I good enough Remus!? What must I do?!_ her head screamed.

"You have NO idea" she replied quietly feeling a hot tear sliding down her face. He tried to smile at her, but his heart twisted violently as her face fell and her gaze dropped to the ground. He wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders and kissed her fiercely on her temple.

"In the short time that I've known you Nymphadora, you have proven to be one of the most amazing people I have ever met" he said softly.

"Pshhhh..." she responded slopilly.

She looked up at him, her eyes wide, praying desperately that a harsh blush did not join the bittersweet smile that took over her face. She got up, pressed a finger to his lips with a knowing smile, and immediately retreated to her temporary room. She couldn't bear it... As if just when she thought things couldn't get worse, he had to go and pull something like that. It wasn't fair! She was falling for him, and so hard, she had already admit she loved him, but it could never be...

He would never want a clumsy emotional basketcase... No, he would want a perfect, skinny little blond woman who - she found out to her horror - taught underprivileged squib children in Romania as well as working extensively with Dragons. What did she do... She was an Auror. An actor payed to go undercover and catch death-eaters by pretending to be one on occasion.

Awesome.

It just seemed so unfair! She knew she was a good person, she loved herself on a normal day, but it tore her apart because he didn't want her. She was at a complete loss-- if ever she truly cared for someone, her feelings normally left instantly as soon as soon as finding out she couldn't have them. It just didn't make sense... Half of her told her she was supposed to feel this way, almost like fate, but the other half was telling her she was only trying to fool herself...

Remus was the only man that even complimented her or made her smile no matter how bad her day, and for that reason she had tried to single out poor Remus as the man she was destined to be with...

She flung herself onto her bed, wiping away a plethora of silent tears. He would never understand... She could spend her whole life trying to explain her feelings away, but what was the point? He didn't want to hear or accept that she loved him, nor would he ever be so inclined to feel the same way... not with that beautiful little blond woman hanging around his neck... She could never win the heart of a such a perfect man over someone like that... She tried to put all blame on this woman as to know face the harsh reality that even if there was no other woman in the world for him to fancy, he would still refuse her. Sure he would call her gorgeous, and lovely, and near killed her every time she refute a compliment, but he would not have her. He would hardly have her as a friend anymore, let alone anything else.... This crushed her.

She turned out her night light, and after several more minutes of wiping tears, stifling sobs, and praying, found herself falling finally asleep.

She was growing very tired of this, and very quickly so. Her hair slowly started turning mousy, mousy brown.


	16. Chapter 16: Gravity

Tonks awoke suddenly on this day.

It arose inside her like a fire- she had absolutely no idea where the hell it came from, but she couldn't help it. A smile spread from ear to ear on her face.

Enough.

She stood up suddenly walking over to her closet. She pulled out her favorite pair of jeans, slipped them on and found her cutest shirt and jacket. There was no work today, and she was determined to make this day a good one. She was tired of crying tears for him: if it worked out it worked out, and if it didn't, it just didn't. That was all she could do, and Remus certainly couldn't fall for her the way she'd been acting lately- she was being a real drag. She fixed her makeup and combed her hair- today a dangerous shade of white blonde with shocking pink stripes. It clashed horribly with her green flats and dark purple shirt, but she threw her inhibitions to the wind and ran quickly down the stairs. Sirius, Mad-Eye and Remus were all in the kitchen, drinking tea together. They all looked startled by her hungry grin.

"Goooood Morning!!" she beamed.

"What's gotten into you?!" Sirius barked back happily, handing her a cup of hangover remedy. "I'd have thought you'd be needing four glasses of this hangover remedy shit!".

"Why, no my darling cousin, I have awoken perfectly happy and ready to go. We must all do something fun today. Have everyone we can stand over or something" she added playfully. Sirius's smile fell suddenly.

"Yeah well, have fun... I'd better go see that Buckbeak is okay..." and with that, Sirius slammed the mug down more dangerously than he intended and marched quickly up the stairs before she could register his anger.

"Jerk! How dare he!!" she blurted suddenly, fuming. "I come down happy as ever, and he turns my excitement into a pity-fest for him. It's not like he's never going to see Harry again, I mean gollee!!" she yelled.

Remus walked toward her and put an arm around her. She tingled.

"Oh, he doesn't mean to, he's just upset... Anyway, it was a bit of a shock for him to see you parading down the stairs like that-- I even thought perhaps you had been confunded to smile."

"Well I'm frankly quite tired of walking on eggshells for him. Now anyway- as I wish to remain happy, I vote we go do something. Immediately. Remus, Mad-Eye, hows a muggle motion picture sound?" she huffed triumphantly.

"Like I'd go to that" Moody grumbled lowly. "Remus here's got the day off so he can go!" he pressed happily before she could get upset and before Remus could try and find an excuse.

"Excellent!! I'll get my coat" and before he could speak she was up the stairs.

Mad-Eye smiled wickedly at him.

"You suck" said Remus childishly before apparating out of sight.

"OHHH No you don't!" Mad-Eye began, but it was too late.

Alastor looked fearful. He had not been expecting that... Tonks seemed to notice Remus's absence, and Mad-Eye's face said it all.

"OH NO HE BLOODY DOESN'T!!" and she too was gone with a_ CRACK!..._

_

* * *

  
_

Remus walked toward the mirror in the room, his usual sad smile staring back at him. Two weeks. He had managed to avoid her for two weeks, with only one owl from her part asking if he had a problem with her or if he found her annoying. He would sigh heavily and reply that he was just busy all the time, but it wasn't so. He had to stay away from her, even though he had finally admit to himself that he could barely stand it. Sirius was constantly telling him that she was falling dangerously fast. Even if it were true, he couldn't let himself fall for her-- a young thing like her with her whole life ahead of her. He decided the best way was to maintain distance between them, seeing her only when on missions or by chance meetings. He didn't want her to think he did not appreciate her friendship- on the contrary, he 'appreciated' it too much... He wanted to be absolutely sure that the only thing between them was their work for the Order, and nothing more. It even made him almost want to resent that as well...

He heaved a heavy sigh. He knew she was not happy with him. He had promised to spend the day with her yesterday and only when she owled him at three asking where he was did he pretend he had only just woken up. Seeing as the full moon had only been two days ago, it was the only thing that convinced her it might have been true. He had not heard from her since. He was just finishing getting dressed when he heard a small knock on his door. He became devilishly alert immediately. Nobody but Dumbledore and few members of the Order knew where he lived, and he had not been expecting any of them.

"Who is it?" he called out firmly.

"Oh, bloody hell Remus, Open up, it's Tonks!" she blurt through the door.

He gave a small jump in surprise. _Tonks didn't know where he lived._.. He opened the door and had her at wandpoint.

"Hey, what the--"

"Prove it" he demanded softly.

"You've got to be kidding me--"

"Now."

Her face contorted with rage and she turned purple. Their eyes locked a moment, and before he could even dream of what to expect, she pulled her shirt up over her chest to reveal her large white breasts in the infamous hot pink bra. Lupin's knees buckled.

"TONKS!" his voice cracked in disbelief, trying desperately to tear his eyes away.

She smiled and let herself in.

"You told me to prove it" she said coyly. "Now that I know that dream was true, seeing as the only time I've ever seen your flat ever was _all in my head_ ...." she snapped.

"In the middle of the bloody hallway! And like THAT would tell me it was you--"

"Yes daddy, and if you're done scolding me, I'm stealing you out to lunch."

"But--" Lupin breathed heavily, staring at her. He could not believe she had just done that. _Was she insane?! How could she have done that!! _His mind was racing and his face had never felt hotter. He was extremely worried that his neck wasn't the only part of him that went rigid. He immediately shoved a hand in his pocket just in case. They looked at each other a moment, a huge smile spread across Tonks' face. She started laughing at him.

"They're just boobies!" she teased

"Don't-- say that word... in front of me... please..." he said turning pink.

"What's wrong with boo--"

"DON'T! ... It's weird, coming from you. Like from a child..." he said with a small frazzled smile playing on his face in spite of himself.

"Well, come on then, let's go!" she said excitedly, rolling her eyes at his last.

He was about to explode. For two whole weeks he had successfully avoided her, and here she was, flaunting being perfectly fine in front of him, saying words like 'boobies' and displaying herself at his doorway as if they had been lovers for years.

"What on earth has gotten into you?!" he blurt out suddenly.

Her smile faltered a moment. _Don't you do it Remus... Don't you ruin my mood... _she thought to herself. Tonks had gone balls out today- she was going all or nothing. She was going to take Remus out to lunch and have the perfect day whether he liked it or not. _'Not You' _she wanted to say. She managed to restrain herself.

"I'm happy, that's what" she said challengingly. He knew not to press matters further.

"Anyway, Sirius has demanded we bring him pie, so I thought it would be nice to go to Lunch together, that way you can come with me to drop the pie off" she added hastily. She realized it was a horrible lie, but she figured she had a better chance of dragging him out if she made it seem like it was in Sirius's best interest.

Lupin was quiet a moment. She looked so damn adorable. Her hair completely pink now, her eyes a piercing yellow-gold. He wanted to say yes. He needed to say yes...

She knew what was coming.

"Oh don't you dare Remus, I'll just die" she said instantly deflating. _How could he?!_

"I'm sorry Tonks, I just have... a lot of things to do--"

"Oh yes, of course, excuse me for dropping in on your day off" she snarled. He was trapped. She knew it was his day off. She walked toward him.

_Damnit Mad-Eye_... He was half sure Mad-Eye was watching him from a million miles away with his horrible all seeing eye.

"Pleeeeeeeeease?" she asked sweetly, touching his arm. His skin burned. Her face was inches from his.

It worked.

She saw a small smile begin to spread on his face and she bounced with glee.

"Oh, excellent!!" she yelped. "I'll go find your shoes!" and in a flash she was in the next room. He couldn't believe this was happening... Just him and Tonks, going for lunch to bring Sirius pie. It seemed so ridiculous and childish, but so perfect at the same time. "Nice place by the way," she said with a wink.

A moment later they were out the door, Tonks grabbing his arm as they skipped down the stairs. He was surprised to find it was a beautiful day outside, but even more surprised to see that Tonks had not yet let go of him. He stared down at his arm it in confusion, unable to grasp that someone was actually holding hands with him. She seemed to take this the wrong way because she flushed, and forced on a small smile when their eyes met.

"Er... sorry" she added hastily, yanking her hand back. He widened his eyes.

_Damn_ a voice said in his head.

"So, where do you think the best place for pie is?" she added to change the subject. Remus was still focusing on his now empty hand.

"Just down the street I suppose" he added, forcing a smile on his face too.

They walked into the small bakery in silence, neither of them talking. Remus wanted to kick himself for making her think he was uncomfortable holding her hand and she felt ridiculous for thinking he would mind. They took a seat at a corner table just by the window. She stared out into the void, thinking. Her eyes twinkled in the sunlight.

He was just about to tell her he wasn't bothered by holding her hand when the Waitress came over.

"What can I get for you and your daughter here Monsieur" she said loudly with a smile. He was mortified.

"He's not my father, thanks" retorted Tonks defensively. Remus wanted to disappear into the ground.

"Well, Uncle then?" the waitress beamed. She clearly didn't get it.

"He's my_ date_" snarled Tonks. The Waitress looked surprised.

"Oh! Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, I just assumed--"

"It's quite alright," spoke Remus softly before she could further embarrass the three of them.

"No it isn't, but we'll have two pieces of chocolate pie and one to go-- if you can manage that order." she spat at the Waitress. The poor woman looked incredibly flustered and nodded quickly before she scurried off.

"You didn't have to be so tart Miss Tact, it was an easy mistake to make" he smiled warmly at Tonks, his eyes not meeting hers.

"Was not! Oh, some dad you'd be at Fourteen" she snorted. She froze immediately. Her comment didn't help.

"I didn't mean--13? I mean---"

"Better a teenage father that your ancient date. Poor you!" he laughed quietly. His insides were squirming. She was so mean... He was suddenly very glad he knew every joke he could ever make about himself and carry it off like he was okay with it.

"Oh you..." she laughed sheepishly. She wasn't quite sure what he had meant by that...

They smiled at each other. They were so wrong for each other, but there was something so right about a pleasant young Auror and a Werewolf with a receding hairline that seemed to fit so perfectly. Neither of them could explain it, but they didn't need to-- whether they'd ever admit it or not, they knew there was something special there. Her stomach felt sick looking into his piercing eyes and gentle face, and there was something about her pointy smile and heart shaped face that made his knees weak.

A few moments later the Waitress returned with the three biggest pieces of pie they had ever seen.

"Enjoy!" she said hurriedly.

"Where's the check?" asked Tonks.

"On me!" she squeaked before running away.

Remus and Tonks looked at each other, a sympathetic smile on each of their faces.

"I think maybe you scared her" he laughed playfully.

"Hey, , I'd be thanking me if I were you. What kind of date would you be if you let me pay" she said balancing a spoon on her nose. He immediately changed his expression to one of concern.

"Of course, how silly of me--" he began.

"Remus, I was kidding" she said warmly placing her hand on his arm. They both froze, staring at each other. It was almost like she was daring him to remove her hand. He couldn't move. Half of him demanded he remove her hand, but the half that wanted her- needed her to touch him was frozen to the spot.

He looked at her hand and awkwardly locked his fingers with hers. It felt nice to hold her hand._ It was just another way to show the world the deep friendship that they shared..._

"I--I mean not that...not that I think I'm your date...I mean I'd have payed..." he offered finally, running his thumb across her hand, scratching the back of his head with his other hand. He chanced it and look up at her.

Her smile fell slightly, and her gaze dropped to her pie. She removed the spoon from her nose, flashed him her adorable nose-scrunching smirk, and dug in, retrieving his hand from her fingertips.

_Nice._

He felt like a fool. _Strike two._ The next few minutes were anything but comfortable. The only sounds between them were the clinking of spoons on plates as they ate their pie. Tonks left a hefty tip on the table, and grabbed the piece for Sirius. It was dusk now, the sun brilliant and amber, almost hidden behind the trees. She walked Remus to his flat door.

"So, by floo then" he spoke finally letting her in. She nodded with a smile as he started a fire. She watched his back glowing in the soft firelight, and found herself putting the box of pie down. "Sirius will love to hear his was free, I expect he'll request we go more often..." he commented attempting to start a conversation. She took three steps towards him, stopping right behind his back. He stood up suddenly, looking into the fire, not realizing she was now standing directly behind him.

"Well, that should be about it--" he said turning around. He gave a small jump at the sight of her.

"Tonks what are you..." he froze. She was staring into his eyes, a blazing confidence in them that he had never seen before. A warm smile was played across her soft, thick lips. Her black liquid lashes were set perfectly on her dark, round eyes. Before he could speak, before he could move, or breathe...

"If I do something really stupid... do you promise you won't change the way you look at me or judge our friendship at all?" she whispered.

Remus couldn't move. He suddenly felt more scared and trapped than he had ever been in his cage just before the rise of the Full Moon...

Suddenly, Tonks pressed her lips against his, wrapping her arms slowly around his neck. Her lips were so soft and full he couldn't think. An incredible warmth spread through his entire body and his stomach turned to ice. His heart was racing so fast he thought it would jump right out of his chest. It took everything he had to not wrap his arms around her and lead her to the bed of his flat. She pressed on, trying desperately to find any sign that he might feel the way she was feeling right now. Her neck felt hot and tense at the same time, her lips clinging desperately onto his. A few moments later she pulled the slightest bit away. She refused to open her eyes, too scared to see his face.

As she finally opened her eyes, he found him staring into hers. She couldn't believe it. Could this really be happening? Could he really not be pulling away?

"Tonks..." he whispered with all of his might.

She smiled wildly and moved in to kiss him again, but he turned his head. Her smile fell immediately, her eyes now wide and fearful.

"What is it? Whats wrong?" she asked in quiet exasperation.

"I... I can't.." he whispered.

It took a moment...

She pulled away suddenly, a look of defeat about her that he had never seen before.

"Please, Dora try to understand..." he said softly, but he broke off at the sight of her shaking her head. He saw the tears well up in her eyes and wanted to kick himself. He couldn't bare to see her so broken, so destroyed...so vulnerable... He felt sick and guilty, his lips still warm, wet and stinging from where she kissed him.

"I get it." she said stiffly, her gaze not meeting his. "It's okay, I felt nothing too" she said in a slightly harsher tone than she had intended.

She looked up suddenly, frustrated anger in her eyes. She screwed up her face a moment, turning it spiky and pink with all her might.

"See? It doesn't matter... I don't even care if you don't want me" she said, her voice shaky, a dangerous and surreal smile on her face.

"Tonks..."

_BAM!!_

All of a sudden, Sirius, Kingsley, Snape, Mad-eye and Dumbledore burst his door down and ran in, each pale as a ghost and angry as all hell.

"Sirius!! What the hell are you doing--" but before she could finish, Dumbledore waved his hand to silence her.

"There's been a break in at the Ministry-- Death Eaters everywhere. Mr. Potter, Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley, and a few other students have gone to the Department of Mysteries to fight them. We've no time to waste. Apparate now" demanded Dumbledore.

There was no time to think. There was no time to breathe or move. In an instant they were all gone, the last sight in Remus's eyes a pink haired beauty he had once again broken the heart of and the best friends who would hate him later for it.


	17. Chapter 17: The Veil

It was the world's greatest Nightmare.

_Death eaters-- at the ministry? And how did the Hogwarts students know-- more importantly how on earth did they get there?! _

Tonks' heart was pounding so fast and hard in her chest she could barely breathe.

She ran faster and faster, defying gravity, speeding down each curving hallway alongside the order in a sick, numbing silence. She could hear only the many footsteps of the Order and the blood pounding in her ears._ It could not be true. It could not be true..._

Sirius beside her was a pale blur, like a ghost traveling through worlds at the speed of sound. Nobody spoke, with the exception of Kingsley shouting the back full story to them: something about Voldemort tricking Harry into thinking Sirius was trapped and being tortured so Harry went to rescue him...

_Idiot!_ She though. _Couldn't he tell it was a set up?!_

But suddenly, a feeling of deepest guilt attacked her insides._ If we had only told him what Dumbledore expected... _She thought of the Handsome boy's brilliant blue eyes, the way his face shifted when it beamed up at his beloved Godfather, his only family left...

After what felt like long and painful years, they slowed down and paused for a moment, just long enough for the world to freeze.

Sirius looked at Tonks, pale eyed and bleary. She did not understand it, but somehow... she knew. This would be the last time they would see each other. Tonks took in a sharp breath, a pain taking over her heart so fiercely, she knew not what to say. Her throat immediately swelled, and her dark eyes burned with hot, salty tears; a terror clutched onto her heart as if it were prey to some savage beast that squeezed it violently, turning her lungs to stone... Without control her hair grew to her shoulders and turned a deep purple. Her hair usually did this when she was overwhelmed. She tried desperately to look confident, but knew there was so much love for Sirius coming from her very core he would know nothing else but how her heart bled for him and only him at this instant... Sirius grabbed hold of her shoulder, his beautiful watery eyes staring desperately into hers.

"Nymph... I promise- I won't let them hurt you..."

No, this wasn't how it was supposed to be...

She wanted to tell him to run, she wanted to tell him he was the best friend she ever had, she wanted to tell him that seeing him these past few months had meant more to her than anything ever had before, that she loved him with her whole being, that she would die for him... Her breathing grew more rapidly, her mind overwhelmed, desperately trying to remember what his warm fingers felt like on her shoulder, memorize the exact color of his sweet eyes...

"Sirius --"

"Hey--" he interrupted, placing a hand on her cheek, "I know" he said with a wink.

He could never know. He had no idea what was about to happen...

Kingsley was muttering orders in the background, an infinite buzzing sound to the hollow feeling of pain that seemed to bring the room around her to a deafening quiet.

"We'll be okay" he said softly.

Sirius held her face in his hands and pressed his lips on the corner of her mouth, sweetly. She closed her eyes as tightly as she could, and nodded, It was the best she could do as he let her go, leaving her standing numb.

Remus seemed to notice what was happened and walked swiftly over. It was Remus' turn to talk.

"You will both come out of this alive-- I promise you. I would die for you that night in the underground as I'd die for either of you now. Don't worry-- I'll protect you... I will not let you get hurt." he said softly.

Tonks froze.

_He'd admit it, at long last... the incident in the Underground had not been a dream..._

Remus had never spoken like this to her before. Sirius looked back at his dearest olf friend and favorite cousin to find the two of them staring into each other's eyes and knew that Remus had just made a promise he would not keep... and it would be his fault it was broken.

And for the first time since he could remember... he prayed--

_Please... God - If comes the time one of us must die, let it be me... Tonks and Remus need each other-- and please-- Save Harry... Take me instead._

Sirius was pulled back into reality by Moody's gruff voice.

"Let's do this men--- and Tonks? If you get hurt, I'll kill you." he grunted.

"Gotcher, Captain" she replied weakly.

"Sirius, Lupin, take the fourth door: Kingsley, Tonks, follow me--" Moody said.

Tonks wanted to cry, but nodded. Sirius forced a half smile at her.

"We'll drink it over later--- See you on the other side," and with a wink he was gone, Remus running after him.

"Let's go" called Kingsley.

She wiped away her tears and fought her way through the door, the blue room mocking them with it's calming presence. Sirius's eyes were all she could see, Lupin's promises all she could hear. All sadness, and all worry turning off- she exhaled.

_Enough now._

Her sorrow turned instantly turned into a violent determination: She was ready for the battle to begin...

---------------------------------

Putting everything aside, all of his memories, all of his love, all of his frustration, all of his pain... Sirius had one thing on his mind: save Harry.

Harry meant everything to him: he was a son, and a best friend... Sirius no longer cared for his own life, but only the lives of Harry, Remus, and his little Nymphadora. A fire was raging inside of his heart-- he would let nothing happen to them. The reason Harry was even in this mess was because of him-- if he had only been downstairs for one more second... If he had only made Buckbeak wait one more moment...

He'd already lost James and Lily for good, and Tonks and Remus for thirteen years-- if they tried to take Harry away from him he would kill every last one of them or die trying.

He had to save him; There was no other way...

-------

Remus followed quickly behind his friend. His face was sweaty, he felt sick and cold. Room after room they ran, stopping only seconds to fight off or stupefy those attacking the injured, running desperately to try and find Harry and the prophecy.

He wanted to collapse, but he had to fight on. He was so weak, and so tired, but the thought of Nymphadora getting hurt caused a passion for him to keep living that he was sure he had never felt before. He thought of her smile, her laugh, their endless conversations... It seemed a cruel joke that Remus finally realized he was in love with Nymphadora now, when he knew either of their lives could be lost at any moment...

_No. Not hers..._

If anyone would be harmed, it would be he. He pressed on harder... _He couldn't let her get hurt... He had already failed her once..._

"THEY'RE IN HERE!!" came Kingsley's shout.

"Good Luck Moony-- God protect us all..." he heard Sirius whisper before slamming his body into the next room.

Remus followed his best friend, for the first time in his entire life hearing himself whisper the word 'amen'...

--------------

_'For Sirius'_ came a voice in her head...

Sirius, Lupin, Moody, Tonks and Kingsley all suddenly burst through the doors and into the chamber. It was Tonks that struck first. She immediately threw a stunning spell at Lucius who appeared to be threatening-- _thank god he's still alive,_ she thought -- Harry Potter.

"He's alive!" she heard Moody shout to Sirius as they began leaping down the giant stone steps. Everyone was shooting spells, the room so bright, everyone in it could barely keep their eyes open. Sirius was wielding his wand dangerously like a great warrior with his sword, Lupin, stealthily shooting sparks in every direction as though his wand were a magnum gun. Tonks prayed Harry was okay as Neville and Harry disappeared as soon as she shot the stunning spell at Malfoy. All her fear was now gone, the only goal blazing in her mind for Harry, Sirius and Remus to make it out alive.

"COME HERE YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!" Sirius Roared at Malfoy. Lucius shot his cold icy eyes at Sirius, beckoning him forward. They stared vehemently at one another, hatred pouring from their skin.

"You TOUCH my Fucking Godson I SWEAR to God you'll wish I used a spell to kill you---!!!"

"HOW touching Avada--"

"STUPEFY!" shouted Sirius before he could finish.

Sirius and Lucius brought their worst, dodging the other's curses so quickly they looked like two vicious blurs rather than two dueling wizards.

Kingsley was not far away now, taking on both Amycus and Rodolphos at the same time.

From the corner of her eye she thought a vicious black cloud of smoke sneaking toward the back of Sirius: Tonks was bounding down the great stone steps, her one dark-eyed target now in full sight.

"BELLA!" she snarled loudly.

The witch called Bellatrix whipped quickly around.

"You pathetic bitch-- IMPEDIMANTA!!" Tonks screamed as she ran toward her.

Bellatrix shrieked, bracing herself for the battle with Tonks.

"My darling Nymphadora!" she spat with fake warmth. Her face was vicious. "CRUCIO--"

Tonks had dodged it just in time. She thought she had heard a scream from across the room, but did not take her eyes of the hollow, cold eyes that belonged to Bellatrix Lestrange.

Mad-Eye slammed his staff down as fiercely as a Lion, the surge of power from it shaking the very ground beneath them.

It was Sirius that caught sight of Dolohov taking Moody out from the corner of his eyes, not a moment after he had taken out Avery with his wand. He saw the magical glass eye roll defeated down the steps toward a now cornered Harry. Ten feet away, he saw the blood spattered Neville hurtling himself at the death eater that had Harry in a death grip.

_Save Harry._

Immediately, Sirius leapt across the length of the room in a split second, trying desperately to reach Dolhov before he got to Harry.

"Incarcerous--" Sirius began, but immediately abandoned his attempt to attack in order to repel Dolohov's spell. They were dueling very quickly now, their wands once again like swords and blurs. Suddenly--

"Petrificus Totalus!" shouted Harry from behind him. Sirius whipped his head around behind him and smiled in the face of his Godson. For a split second, he saw James standing there, triumphantly smilling, backing up his best friend. A pain like a knife stabbed at his heart, and suddenly his paternal instincts went into overdrive.

_Save Harry..._

Sirius jumped toward Harry, shoving the boy's head toward the ground to avoid two stunning spells coming directly toward them.

"Nice One!" Sirius called out, forcing a smile. "Now I want you to get OUT of--"

They both ducked again.

They saw a jet of green light and the sound of a maniacle cackle that could only have come from someone with the blood of a Black...

Sirius's heart stopped.

Tonks.

"Bellatrix..." he whispered...

"Harry, take the prophecy, grab Neville and RUN!" he yelled.

With one last, surreal look into Lily's beautiful green eyes, and his best friend's young, handsome face, he jumped to his feet and charged with all his might towards Bellatrix...

Lupin was battling animalistically with Alecto and Amycus, trying desperately to watch every spell Bella threw-- Tonks fell...

"NO!" he shouted so loudly his voice echoed the room.

_My God... please don't let her be dead PLEASE, ANYONE but Tonks, she's just a girl--_

Lupin sliced his wand smoothly but swiftly through the air, a hate in him so strong for Bellatrix he could barely breath.

It was replaying it in his mind's eye: Tonks moving swiftly and strongly, the beautiful, strong witch that she was... he remembered smiling at the sight of her...

Reality slapped Remus in the face as he suddenly remembered who he was fighting. He wanted to kill Bella... He wanted to rip her putrid face apart...

"What's a matter-- Bella get your DAUGHTER?!" laughed his opponent insanely. A wolflike snarl crossed Lupin's face, sending a chill down his foe's spine. He had gone too far.

He saw Sirius taking up where Tonks had fallen, and he continued his battle with Amycus, Alecto now taking on Kingsley.

Just by Sirius's feet on the dias he saw Lucius, aiming his wand directly for Harry. Lupin threw a stunning spell straight into Amycus's chest, leaping across the stone steps between Lucius and Harry just in time.

"Protego!" shouted Lupin, blocking Malfoy's attack.

"Harry, round up the others and GO!" he shouted at the boy.

Moments later, Lupin saw a flash of brilliant white and silver. Several death eater's screamed, some attempting to flee in panic... their actions could only mean one thing:

Dumbledore.

He saw the fierce Wizard float down the stone steps in such a sleek, graceful walk it seemed unreal. T_hey were saved!_

Sirius and Harry continued throwing spells together in unison at Lucius Malfoy, Harry hitting him particularly hard with a stunner.

"Nice one James!" Sirius barked proudly, turning heel as Malfoy fell. Harry smiled: he had called him James...

Sirius had not noticed Dumbledore's presence, his entire mind and body focused on the horrible witch now infront of him.

"Bellatrix..." he spat.

Her eyes widened suddenly to the point where she looked crazed and mentally unwell. It was a grotesque mix of fear and spite, their battle so full of hate it seemed their wands were rather unnecessary.

"I'm only sorry I didn't kill that horrible young blood-traitor and your little Godson sooner!" she shouted between curses. Sirius's eyes widened crazily. Only one of them would leave this room today, he promised himself. He didn't care who so long as Harry lived to know the outcome...

They continued to blast jets of light at each other, Sirius now laughing maniacally. He remembered James, he remembered Lily, and how Harry lost them because of people like her-- He ducked a jet of red light that exploded out of Bella's wand.

He laughed once more. "Come on, you can do better than that!" he screamed hysterically, his voice echoing the room.

Remus watched in horror-- a jet of of brilliant Red light hit Sirius square in the chest, knocking the wind from his friend's body. Sirius' eyes widened in shock, it seemed as though all the sound and speed of the room had been sucked out by some sort of horrible vacuum.

No... Not Sirius...

Sirius's once handsome face fell, weak and used, the marauderous sparkle leaving his eyes. He watched in horror as his body curved in a graceful arc and he sank slowly... surreally though the ragged veil hanging from the arc on the dias...

... As he fell back towards the veil, Sirius thought only of the long nights of conversation with Tonks, the Holidays he spent with Harry... he fell faster now... The first time he had met Remus, the first time Dumbledore had given him a knowing wink, excusing him and James from detention...

The last thing Sirius saw was the face of his so loved Godson, Lily's eyes and Jame's face running desperately towards him, a tear stained face that looked so like his father's.... He could've sworn he had smiled...

Lupin saw Harry leaping towards the dias shouting his Godfather's name in a hopeless, hysterical voice Lupin had never heard come from Harry before. He was running full force, desperately toward the veil--

Lupin ran toward the dias, wanting to stop Harry from jumping though in his moment of passion.

Lupin's heart froze as if a Dementor had sucked out his very soul, and the very oxygen from his lungs...

"There's nothing you can do Harry--" he said catching hold of him, finally. It took all his strength to not jump through the veil himself.

"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!" cried Harry, fighting desperately against his arms. Remus couldn't breathe. He felt like he was fighting off both Lily and James at the same time; Harry's heart pounded so hard in his chest Remus could feel it through the boy's rib cage. Remus knew...

"It's too late Harry--"

"We can still reach him--" the boy tried.

Lupin didn't let go. He took a deep shuddering breath, holding Harry with all his might, fighting off the urge to fall to his knees in front of the veil. He wanted to shout and cry desperately now... he was alone in the world once again. Tonks lay bloody on the ground, Lupin knowing not if she were alive or dead...

Lily was gone.

James was gone.

Tonks had fallen...

Sirius was...

He had failed them.

"There's nothing you can do, Harry... nothing..."

He swallowed hard. With a heart more broken then he had ever lived to know, he drew in a sharp, painful breath. He could barely say it aloud himself...

He looked at the veil, feeling a hot tear fall from Harry's bright green eyes onto his weathered old hand...

"...He's gone."


	18. Chapter 18: Aftermath

The next few minutes were a painful, tomrentous haze.

Harry had escaped Remus's grasp to fight Bellatrix, Neville bleeding still on the ground. Kingsley had taken to rounding up the rest of the death eaters with Dumbledore, Moody now attempting to revive Tonks. Lupin had fallen to his knees at the arc, the folds of it's fabric blowing softly, calling him toward it...

His heart hurt... Every muscle pulled, his blood feeling more like quicksand, drowning him from within... Lupins bleary eyes saw every trace of Sirius in Tonks's frozen face, every second his eyes lay upon her, another piece of his soul torn in two.

Finally Tonks moved; what was left of Lupin's heart leapt.

_She's Alive..._

Moody signaled Remus over, meeting him halfway. "I'll get the kids, you--- watch my Protegee" he said, heading toward a very confused Neville. The two left the room and Remus ran tiredly to Tonks' aid. He wanted to go after Harry, but he needed to make sure Tonks was alright.

He skid to his knees with all the strength he had left. She sat up, shaky and white, her hair a mousy brown.

"Remus? -- Remus, you're alright, thank God! ...what's going on, what's happened--"

"Tonks, are you alright?! I was so scared..." he said quietly.

"Remus, where's Sirius--"

"I thought you had--" Remus froze.

He lowered his gaze, biting his bottom lip hard, swallowing. He couldn't say it... That would make it final, that would make it real... A moment passed between them.

"Remus, where's Sirius?" said Tonks softly. Her eyes grew wide and watery, searching what she could see of the room. One look up at Lupin's bloody, scarred up face and it hit her like a brick to her stomach.

_No... No... It's not true... NO..._

"Remus?" she whispered weakly, a tear streaming down her beat up, mousy looking face.

His kind eyes suddenly met hers, staring into them.

"...He's... he's gone" he said, his voice trembling. He couldn't hold it back anymore. Remus let out a sob, feeling pathetic and hopeless.

He knew what was going to happen now: she was going to hate him. She would forever blame him for the death of her beloved cousin, the one he saw kiss her so sweetly as he had been denying her all this time.... It was after all, completely his fault...

"God, Dora, I'm so sorry...it was Bellatrix... I just--I just froze, I didn't know... I've failed him, I've failed you..."

And suddenly, before he knew it, he felt her arms wrap warmly around him, holding the side of his face to her chest, stroking his hair.

For the first time since he was sixteen years old, Remus cried.

He cried for the loss of his best friend, the lost of his trust in the world, the loss of his last brother, the loss of Harry's innocence, the loss of everything... The only thing that kept him was the fact that the only arms he sobbed in were those of Nymphadora Tonks...

It did not matter that they had caught the death eaters responsible, it did not matter that they would be thrown back into a cell-- none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was the only person who ever loved him was now gone, through the veil, and left him just as Lily had... just as James had... just as Tonks would if he let her love him...

As if reading his mind, she gently lifted his tear stained face to look into her matching one.

As quickly as he had fallen into his tumultuous despair, her eyes brought him the smalles bit out of it. Suddenly... it didn't matter... It didn't matter if he couldn't be with her, it didn't matter if they were never meant to be-- all that mattered was that she was holding him now, and for this moment he was hers and she was his.

"I guess... I guess it's just you and me now kid..." she sobbed, attempting to smile.

Remus stopped sobbing.

He took her face in his hands, looked into her eyes, and kissed her...

She breathed in so sharply that her body started to shake. She coughed and fought for air; Lupin assumed this was the remains of the spell she'd been hit with.

"Easy now, it's alright" he said holding her close and wiping the dirty blood and tears from her lips. "We've got to get you to the hospital..."

He continued to hold her, rocking her slightly, like a small child who had woken up from a nightmare, running his fingers through her hair and whispering to her softly.

Somewhere, on the other side of the veil...he hated himself for thinking it:

He knew Sirius was smiling.

* * *

A few weeks had passed since the incident at the Ministry. Remus had gone by to check up on Tonks every day since it happened. He felt terrible. As if it wasn't bad enough that his best friend's death was his fault, Tonks was now blaming it on herself. The poor girl was unconscious when it happened, Lupin had been the one just standing there, watching him die... He tried to shake the thought from his mind as he approached the door to Tonks's flat. She had been back in her flat for about a week now since she was released from the Hospital, and he knew she may have liked the company now that all the nurses wouldn't always be around. He looked as weak, old, and awful as ever, the bouquet of daisies looking almost like a cheap gag gift within his beaten hands. He knocked three times, awaiting her response.

"Who is it" called a weak voice half-heartedly.

He had assumed she would be home. She had not gone to work since it happened, let alone left her flat.

"It's Remus" he replied softly back.

A slow moment later, she unchained the door and let him in. She looked miserable. All the color had left her once healthy cheeks, the same pajama pants from three days ago still balancing on her hips. Her flat was a mess. There were several empty bottles of wine and fire whiskey everywhere, and the sandwiches Molly had sent along with him almost a week ago still lay uncovered and untouched on her messy table. There were dirty cups and papers everywhere, a huge stack of work still laying untouched on her wooden desk.

"Would you like some tea or coffee?" she asked, walking zombie-like back towards the couch. She had never looked so miserable.

"No thank you, I should probably go soon." he said with a sad little smile, setting the daisies in the closest vase.

"Stay?" she pleaded quietly.

His eyes widened. The past couple of days she had not asked him to stay...She looked so miserable there on the the couch that he couldn't say no.

He sat beside her, both of them staring into the ground in silence for a moment.

He looked at her suddenly, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ears. She looked up at him suddenly, his warm smile proving to be the only thing she wanted to wake up for anymore. She was miserable. It was her fault Sirius died... If she could have only held out for longer, if she wasn't so weak, she could've beaten Bellatrix, and Sirius would still be alive...

As if reading her mind, Lupin wiped away the tear that had fallen unnoticed down her cheek.

"It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself. He went the way he wanted to" he said softly, his gaze not leaving hers.

He folded her suddenly into his arms, letting her cry softly into them. He ran his fingers gently through her hair consolingly. She allowed herself the comfort of laying her head in his lap.

"Oh, you, beautiful girl... what would Sirius say, your hair not pink just for his sake..." he joked softly as she looked up into his eyes. They stared into each other a moment, both knowing what was about to happen.

She leaned forward and kissed him suddenly, swinging one leg over his lap so she was straddling him gently on the couch. She pushed her lips deeper into his, Remus trying desperately not to kiss back. Eventually his selfishness won over him, allowing her to kiss into him as deeply as she wanted. It was so wrong and so right to him at the same time. He wanted to pull away for her sake, but he couldn't. They needed each other-- or at least he needed her. He needed someone to live for, he needed something to tell him there was a reason he was alive instead of Sirius...

_Sirius..._ It was his fault he had died. He had promised her they both would live, and he had failed her. He pulled his tongue away from hers and gently peeled her face off of his. She grabbed his wrists, confused, staring into his eyes. She was so beautiful, he could barely look at her. He was surprised to see her hair was not as mousy a brown as it had been...

"What is it?" she asked softly.

He could not answer her. He shook his head and pressed his lips hesitantly to hers, allowing her to lead.

The further she went the further he saw Sirius fall into the archway on the dias... the further towards the veil...

"Dora..." he tried to say.

She was intoxicating. She bit his lip gently, sending chills down his spine he had never felt before. His heart started beating faster and harder... Tonks was unbuttoning his shirt...

Sirius had stopped laughing... his face looking weak and used...

_used..._

He had to stop this.

"Tonks!" he yelped suddenly, gently lowering her hands to her sides.

"What's wrong?" she asked sadly, breathing slightly heavier then she had before.

"I can't do this... with you..." he said, his gaze not meeting hers. They both froze. She fell lightly off his lap, and stood up. She turned her back to him. Her hair turned quickly a mousy brown again. When she turned back toward him, her eyes were filled with angry, guilty tears that he could not understand. He was about to speak when--

"It's because I killed him isn't it?!" she yelped at him.

"What!? Tonks, no, you didn't--!"

"It is, it's my fault! If I was stronger, if I wasn't so weak, he would still be alive, it's my fault your best friend is dead, my fault Harry's Godfather is gone, MY FAULT Bellatrix got away, I'm a failure!!" she began to cry out hysterically. Tears were now flowing thickly down her face. Lupin's eyes were wide, his body frozen in horror to the couch.

"Tonks- listen to me, you didn't... has nothing to do with--"

"Yes it does, Remus!" she shouted with a tone of finality. No pain in the world could match the pain he felt in watching her cry, knowing it was his fault...

The fight in her was leaving, the sobs escaping her louder and faster now. Remus finally found his feet to stand and he walked slowly towards her.

"Why would you want someone who killed your best mate?! It's my bloody fault he's dead!! God, I've fallen in love with a man and killed his blood brother because I'm so STUPID, and I'm never GOOD enough and--!!!" she gasped, wiping the tears from her face. She could barely breathe.

Lupin froze.

He was inches from her, his heart beating faster now. He felt sick; he couldn't move.

_She didn't just... She couldn't think that she..._

Her hands were folded over her mouth now, her eyes wide in shock. She looked up at him terrified.

The silence in the room that followed was so thick it could have been cut with a knife.

"What did you say?" he whispered looking at her unsurely.

His face was paler then she had ever seen it before. She wasn't sure if he was going to scream at her or walk away forever.

"I... I don't... I don't know... I just-- It came out, I-- I'm sorry, I...t-t-talking c-crazy...I'm just upset, and...OH god..." she stuttered wiping her tears away, laughing fakely, nervously. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably now, her knees weak, she was barely able to stand...

"Tonks--"

"...I'm in love with you Remus!" she blurt suddenly, with all the strength she had left inside of her.

He stared at her, eyes wide in shock.

"I'm... On top of the horrible beast I've been to you, and the god awful things I've done, I've- I've fallen in love with you." she said again, staring back this time.

"I have been since the moment I... since the moment I knew you, and if you don't love me I'll just--- I'll just die."

There was an awkward silence in the air. Lupin did not know what to say. He could not breathe, he could not think... The world was closing in on him, he was feeling claustrophobic.

"Remus...?" she said softly, taking a few steps toward him,

He began scratching the back of his neck like he always did when he was nervous.

"That's... that's not funny, Tonks..." he forced himself to laugh nervously. She was right in his face now, a small, scared smile playing across those soft lips of hers. She slowly lowered his hands to his sides, tears still slipping numbly down her sweet face.

"Damn right it's not," she said quietly, her smile growing. He raised his gaze to the ceiling. He couldn't look at her, anywhere but her...

"I..." she began, wrapping her arms around his waist

"Tonks--that's not... not possible...-" he began, turning red, his body becoming tense and numb at

the same time.

"love..." she urged softly, kissing him softly on the neck, pressing him closer to her...

"Tonks, l-listen to me..." he said, trying desperately to not sound weak as her lips met his neck. It wasn't working...

"You... Remus Lupin..." she said tilting his chin toward her.

His eyes met hers, so sincere and vulnerable. It was impossible to believe that moments ago she had been crying over the death of Sirius and was now pressing herself against him, her hungry eyes staring into his.

He wanted to speak, he wanted to tell her she was wrong, that she could never love him. She took advantage of the silence.

"I love you. And I will never stop loving you. You can believe whatever you want, but I know I am in love with you, and that will never change no matter what you say" she said, her eyes locking with his.

"No" he said simply, gently removing her arms from his waist.

To his surprise, she laughed.

"What do you mean, no?" she giggled.

"I... d-- I..." he had to think very carefully of what word to pick here...

"I cannot love you" he said strongly. Her smile fell suddenly, but her eyes did not break his gaze.

"That may be..." she said trying her best to sound strong. He swallowed hard.

"But all I am asking if for you to let me love you?" she whispered.

Remus felt a pang of guilt, remembering his last conversation with Sirius...

_"She could never love me... Sirius..." he'd said quietly._

_"Only because you won't let her" he had added back..._

"Let me love you Remus... I know you're too good for me, and I know I don't deserve you, but please--"

"Enough" said Lupin strongly now. She silenced herself. "I am far too old, and too poor for you. You deserve someone much better, someone young, and-- and whole... n-not half a man" he said with difficulty.

She giggled at this, touching her hand to his cheek.

"You are whole, darling," she smiled, "And It can work, I have a good job, this flat--"

"No! Tonks!" he whispered frustratedly now. He hardly thought this was a laughing matter.

"Dora, I am a Werewolf. Do you have any idea- any _idea _how dangerous that is?!" he pressed on seriously.

She merely smiled at him, and locked her fingers with his.

"I love it when you call me Dora..." she cooed softly.

"Stop! " he snapped louder now. She was so incredibly sensual it was driving him out of his head. Her smile slid slowly off her face as she realized they were about to start an argument. She leaned in and began again to kiss him. She did not remove her hand from his. When he noticed this, he grabbed her wrist and slid it slowly from his. It hurt him to do so, and he could see it in her eyes that it hurt her too... They were no longer that beautiful gold, but a dark, dark, almost blackish brown.

"Why?" she spoke firmly, holding her ground.

_Not this time Remus... _she thought desperately

"Because I can't! My life is practically over, I'm poor, and I'm dangerous Tonks! You can't possibly understand what it's like to be a werewolf--"

"What if I don't care--" she began defensively.

"You have no choice but to care!" he replied loudly.

It was not often that Remus got frustrated enough to raise his voice.

"Remus I LOVE YOU!" she yelled back.

He tried to speak, but no sound came out.

"Bloody Werewolf or not, I am in LOVE with who you are, not what you are--"

"Being a Werewolf is who I am--"

"That's bullshit, because if that were true, you wouldn't have stopped them that night at the Underground!"

"I--" Remus froze.

He tried to cover himself.

"What are you talking about--"

"Oh don't you dare play that game with me, I'm not stupid!" she snapped angrily.

"Every scar was real, every one of those four were real, everything you did for me that night was... was real..." she said softening at the last.

Remus remained silent.

"It was always real to me... you and me I mean... Dammit, Remus, I loved you then, I love you now. I don't care Remus. So what-- you're a Werewolf-- you're also a person and a damn good one... " she said softly, re-entwining her hand in his, kissing his knuckles.

All his fight left him and he deflated into his pathetic lonely self.

"Tonks, I can't... I wish I could, with everything I've got but... but you're barely more than a child and..."

"Barely more than a child, Remus I'm an Auror! Remember the Ministry? I was prepared to die that night... If this is how you feel then I almost wish I had..." she said suddenly.

Remus looked up.

"Don't say that" he said shortly.

"Then maybe Sirius... maybe he'd still be...alive..."

"Stop" he demanded, squeezing her hand in his.

She looked up at him, her self confidence melting away.

"Don't even joke like that... My God if anything happened to you..." he stopped short, looking up, terrified. He had blown his cover. "Sirius... Sirius would've killed me--" he tried to say.

"You do care for me!" she yelled triumphantly, taking his other hand in hers.

"Of course I care for you, you're a dear... a dear friend..." he tried weakly.

She looked into his eyes again, hers blazing.

"I've told you on several occasions that you have become one of my fastest, closest friends, and that you mean the world to me, all of that is true!" he said back at her.

"Remus, do you love me?" she asked blatantly.

He froze.

"Wh...what do you mean..."

"Don't lie to me! You did the same thing in the Underground! You pretended you were worried about me because of Sirius, but it's more than that, I can feel it! And the scars, they're the same! There's one across your chest... The one on the small of your back reminds me of the first constellation you ever showed me--"

"That didn't really happen, remember you had a bad .. a bad dream...It was in your head----"

"Prove it! Prove it wasn't real!"

"How?!--"

She suddenly wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, not letting him escape from her. She pressed her lips into his, throwing herself so much into him he had no choice but to stumble back and land on the couch, her straddling him like they had been several minutes before. She would not let him say no. He had already said too much.

At first he began to kiss back, even holding her face to his, running his long fingers through her hair, pressing her entire body closer to his. She unbuttoned his shirt with difficulty, seeing as he was pressing her so close to him. She could feel every muscle in his body grow tense, and began grabbing desperately faster onto his shirt, pulling it off of his shoulders...

He was trapped. He felt her tearing at his shirt, knowing exactly now what she was trying to do. He stopped immediately and pushed her off, standing up more violently than he intended out of panic. He grabbed his coat and was heading for the door when she caught hold of his arm and flung his shirt open.

"See?! They're the same Remus! The same scars!" she shouted desperately, ripping off her sweater to reveal a very see-through tanktop so he would see her scars, no longer identical to his.

He was fuming. Here he was, standing more exposed than he had ever been to anyone before, every scar displaying themselves for the world to see like a band of grotesque prostitutes, eternally reminding him that he was so pathetic he was destined to never be without them.

Once again, almost instantly, he deflated, buttoning his shirt back. She seemed to notice this change in attitude because she immediately softened her aggression.

"I'm sorry... I just... I just wanted to show you I don't care—about that..."

"Tonks..." he said in a quiet warning tone.

They were silent a moment, and tears began to well in her eyes.

"If you don't love me then be a man and say so dammit! Tell me you don't love me! I dare you!" she yelled savagely all of a sudden.

Remus sighed softly, and finished buttoning his shirt. He looked up at her, startled to see her that way...

Her arms were crossed, she was biting her bottom lip, and silent, frustrated tears were in her eyes.

"I just... I just want the truth... Just say it then..." she added quietly. "You don't love me back, right? Tell Me! Say you don't love me back!"

His eyes suddenly filled with sympathy and understanding. He walked up to her slowly, thinking of what to say.

"Tonks... You can't know the times I feel that you are all I've got. I can not tell you that which you ask of me, I'm sorry..." he began softly.

"Why?! Why not?! You can't mess with me like this--"

"--because you asked me not to lie to you."

She froze.

Was he saying what she thought he was saying?

She looked up at him suddenly, tears filling her eyes. He placed his rough hand on her face and wiped away her tears with a sad smile.

"A part of me will always love you- in... some way...But... what I must tell you is this... and I hope you grow to hate me for it..." he added softly, taking her face in his hands,"I cannot love you. Or at least... I can not give you what you ask of me" he whispered as she placed her hands on top of his that held her face.

"But if you do love me... In the way that I mean... if you want to love me... in the way that I ask... why will you not? If we both want to love each other, why can't we?" she asked, her eyes big and staring.

"This is where I prove to you that you are still very young" he said with a wry smile.

"It is because of that, that I must not... because I would never wish upon you such hardships that I would cause..."

"But--" she began.

"But nothing, Dora..."

"I'm sorry" he said releasing her face and grabbing his bag and jacket.

"But I love you... shouldn't love... overcome everything?" she asked weakly.

"It does... for people young and whole enough to deserve it. Never change... Dora..."

And as hard as it was, and as much as he doubted he could do it, he walked to the door of her flat and turned his back to the crying woman on the other side of the door.

* * *

_If Heaven and Hell decide_

_that they both are satisfied_

_Illuminate the NO's on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you_

_When your Soul embarks_

_I will Follow You Into the Dark_


	19. Chapter 19: The Burrow

Long, hard hours turned to days, and days turned into weeks for the members of the Order. The death of Sirius was an incredible blow to everyone who really knew him and who he truly was. The Ministry had also become so busy after the attack of the death eaters that Tonks had no time to dwell on thoughts of Remus. A good three days after she admit her feelings to him, she had gotten herself back together and back to work. She was determined to put herself into a kind of 'he-tox', if you will. She had gone on the mission to the train station with Lupin and Mad-Eye to see Harry back to his relatives safely, but since then she had not spoken to Remus for more than a moment's time. She felt so much pain looking into Harry's eyes that it made her crazy to be unable to confess her hurt to Remus. It seemed unfair to her that she now had to pretend for his sake that nothing had happened between them, polite conversation making her stomach turn every time she saw him... Much in the same way, she felt, Harry was acting to the loss of his Godfather... She felt hollow inside without Sirius to turn to, and knew that Remus would not accept her love. They had only had that conversation once, and yet the only part she could focus on whenever she did have a second was the part Remus refused to tell her he did not love her. Why was that? If Remus loved her why could he not just admit it? It seemed such a fool's argument to bring in such trivial things as age and money. She could understand why he may be concerned that he was a Lycan, but she had witnessed him protect her before, and for him to say no for that reason, or that he would hurt her was absurd. Tonks ran her fingers through her lank brown hair, fidgeting in the pockets of her overcoat for the key to fer flat. She jingled them into the lock, turning right and taking out her wand to undo her magical enchantments only when the coast was clear. A moment later she had opened her door, setting down the hefty paper bag filled with groceries on the dusty shelf behind the door. There were newspaper clippings everywhere now, snipits about Sirius and how he was innocent all highlighted and circled over. It pained her, every time she looked at the couch, knowing full well that Remus used to occupy that seat so often...that she would read the many owls Sirius used to send in that exact spot... She heaved a heavy sigh, allowing herself to fall face first onto the length of it, her slightly thinner frame sinking into it's comfortable exterior. It had been the first time she had been back to her flat in four days, her duties from being in the Order and an Auror occupying her both physically and mentally 24/7.

She sat up and untied the laces to her worn out combat boots. She knew she should be happy that all the death eaters were caught and that the summer had now really begun, but the guilt in her heart over the death of Sirius attacked her at the most inopportune moments. Every second she was not working and had time to think, she would burst into tears believing Sirius was dead because she had failed to defeat Bellatrix. She quickly tried to change the topic in her mind, a pang in her heart telling her that thinking more on it would not help.

_It's not your faul_t she tried to convince herself. _Sirius would want you to let this go..._

She looked in the mirror at her tired, worn out expression staring back at her. Her hair was no longer pink, but a mousy brown, her golden eyes their natural blackish-brown as well. Her hollowed out expression and sallow cheeks gave her the appearance of being dead inside. The color from her face was gone, her once tight fitting clothes that fell so perfectly on her curves were now hanging limply on her like a worn out sheet. She gave her reflection a half smile, retrieving her paper bag from the shelf and walked into the kitchen.

Suddenly, there was a polite knock at the door. Her heart skipped a beat as it did every time her door was knocked upon-- could it be Remus? The last few times the door to her flat had been knocked it wound up being Remus trying to cheer her up... Now, however, things had changed: Remus had not been to see her since she admit her love to him.

"Who is it?" she called out, half expecting a male to answer.

"It's Molly dear!" came the cheery voice of Molly Weasley.

"Come on in, Molly" she called back happily. It may not have been Remus, but having Molly around always made Tonks feel like she had too much else to think about than Remus. She opened the door slowly, watching Molly's cheery expression change quickly into one of pity.

"Now Tonks dear, what happened to the bright pink I love so much? And where has all the meat on you gone off to, you're thinner now, I can see it all over you--" she began fussing immediately.

Tonks flashed her a sheepish smile. That was Molly for you-- always fussing over everybody else.

"Nonsense, I'm fine I promise" she said with a small laugh. "How are things with you? You seem a bit flustered..."

"Oh it's just ... Nothing..." She said deflating a little. The sight reminded Tonks slightly of a Mother Hen losing a fight, and she tried not to laugh.

"Aw, what happened?" she asked, smiling widely in spite of herself. They walked over to the kitchen and Tonks placed a kettle on the stove.

"It's Bill" she groaned, motioning Tonks to sit as she grabbed two mugs from the cupboards. She wasn't sure what to make of the way Molly was behaving, and she was unsure what to do or say to comfort her. Molly had once tried to connect Bill and herself romantically but to no avail: Tonks's heart was already stolen.

"Whats wrong with him?" she asked confusedly. She had absolutely no idea what Molly was talking about. What could possibly be wrong with Bill?

"Nothing's wrong with Bill, darling-- It's that- that Fleur woman! You must come to dinner tonight and meet her, I can't handle her by myself, she's been driving us all crazy for days now...Phlegm the kids call her...I can barely scold them!" she burst out suddenly, placing the mugs down more violently than she had intended.

"That's Bill's old girlfriend, right? I remember getting her a present at Christmas... don't think I met her thought. What were we talking about again?" asked Tonks.

"Fleur! The French femme fooey Bill has apparently fallen head over heels for. They're engaged now, he's gone and proposed to her before even mentioning anything about it to me! And they're both still so young--"

"Hold on!" called Tonks excitedly. "They're engaged? Well, Molly that's fabulous!" she said excitedly. She was sincerely happy for him, but she also didn't want to show any signs that she was incredibly jealous of her son's happiness.

Molly rolled her eyes.

"YOU haven't gotten to know her yet," she began, pouring the tea.

"Yet?" she asked. Tonks was sure this wasn't going to be pretty...

"I mean she's rude, and arrogant, but beautiful, I'll give her that... I mean it's just-- well you're about Bill's age, and you're sensible enough to not rush off and get married and start a family at the beginning of a second war!" she fumed exasperatedly, abandoning the tea kettle.

"That's not because I chose it so..." She began quietly.

Molly looked up at her suddenly, Tonks' gaze still to the floor.

"I mean Bill's lucky... If the one he loves loves him back... then we should be happy for him..."

An awkward silence filled the room. Molly was the only one Tonks had told about the spat with Remus. It had been an awkward day when she told him. It had started very similarly to the way this meeting occurred: Molly fussing over the loss of her pink hair and perfect curves...

"I'm so sorry dear, I didn't mean anything by that..." Molly said sweetly, placing a hand on Tonks' arm. Nymphadora tried to flash a small smile but it appeared the smiling muscles in her face had decided they did not want to work.

"No, Molly, don't be ridiculous..." She began quickly wanting to change the subject. It appeared Molly did not want to let that happen.

"I mean honestly, listen to me-- the one we should be moaning about is Remus for being such a great prat. He's a good man, he really is, but it's nonsense isn't it that he won't actually act on his feelings... He just needs time--"

"Time for what?! If he thinks he's so bloody old, maybe he should just get a bloody move on already..." Tonks blurt out. Molly smiled warmly at her and continued pouring the tea.

"Please come to dinner tonight? Remus has promised to step in, and-- it would give you two a chance to talk--"

"So when's the wedding?" Tonks cut in forcing a smile. Molly took the hint.

After another hour or so of talking with Molly about Fleur and her 'plans for ze wedding', she decided it was wisest to send Molly home, Molly conceding only with Tonks' promise to at least drop in later that evening. Tonks was excited to meet Bill's fiancée, thinking maybe seeing a happy couple would give her the fight she needed and the unlikely love Remus needed to see to convince him they belonged together.

She was so exhausted and yet couldn't help herself. All her work for the Order and the Ministry seemed to have been thrown to the wind in reckless abandon. She hopped up off her couch and looked once again into the mirror. She screwed up her face with all her might, trying desperately to change her appearance. She opened her eyes after a moment's attempt, her shoulders sagging at the sight of the still mousy brown haired metamorphmagus. She shrugged it off, heading to her closet to find something to wear.

She spent the next two hours trying to style her unfamiliar brown hair; She looked up at her mirror to see what she had accomplished, and took a breath.

She threw on her cloak and was out the door. She was desperate: would convince Remus they belonged together tonight no matter how long it took. Tonks vanished into thin air, heading to the place she knew Remus would be.

* * *

It was another horribly lonely Friday for Remus Lupin, the only sounds in his entire apartment the clinking of his spoon as it stirred his tea. He looked up from his book to see his favorite picture in it's frame, one of Sirius, Tonks and himself all staring back up at him and smiling. He had so missed those days when they were all happy to only be enjoying each other's company. Tonks had looked beautiful that day, her hair his favorite hue of pink, her best clothes on..

He heaved a sigh, his usual sad smile playing at his lips.

"Oh Sirius, look at me. The same old fool just as tired as before..."

The picture only showed Sirius laughing, smiling back at him. He checked the time to see it was almost eight o' clock. He groaned at the remembrance that he had promised Molly to stop in for dinner. Remus found himself hiding in his loneliness more and more these days, Bill being his only occasional visitor. He had grown so tired of loneliness all his life, but the moment Sirius had disappeared he realized that loneliness was the only thing he could count on to always be there for him. He missed Tonks terribly, but he knew after what had happened between them, it would forever change their friendship. Seeing her, pink haired and beautiful as always when they went to escort Harry to the Dursley's was difficult enough, let alone holding polite conversation without wanting just to grab hold of her and pull her into his arms forever. Not to mention those horrible nights where he would wake up screaming from a nightmare that he had torn her apart in his wolf form to find her dead and mangled when he awoke the morning after the full moon. He couldn't risk it: it didn't matter how much Tonks thought she loved him. Love could not in fact overcome the fact he was a werewolf... And if it could, he would never know because he refused to find out.

He had to do something... He did not want to go to dinner for the fear that Tonks would be there, but yet did not find it in his heart to disappoint Mrs. Weasley.

After a few more minutes of deliberation, he pulled out a small piece of parchment and scribbled upon it. He tied it to the foot of the small brown barn owl in the corner of his room.

"She can't kill me if I'm just incredibly late..." He said to himself as the owl flew out the window.

Remus sat back down, to see the clock had struck nine. He looked down at his book, picked it up and began to read. So carried on the life of the lonely Remus Lupin...

* * *

It was just past Eight in the evening when Tonks arrived at the Burrow. A warm, late summer glow was coming from every window of the house, beckoning Tonks to come inside. She knocked at the door after a quick breath wondering if Remus had already arrived or not.

"Who is it!?" came Molly's excited voice.

"It's Tonks, Molly" she replied through the door. It swung open immediately and Tonks found herself drowning in Mrs. Weasley's snug embrace.

"Tonks dear, thank goodness you've come!! Ginny will be so glad to see you! Hermione as well I expect, come one in! Bill's only just arrived" she added bustling her way back into the kitchen.

Tonks's spirits were lifted dramatically at the sight of Hermione and Ginny. They may have been a few years younger, but she much rather enjoyed their company. They thought her to be very funny, and she thought them funny for their antics and attempts to get her to marry Bill.

"Tonks!!" yelled Ginny in a sort of sarcastic tone of 'our salvation', flailing her arms in the air. She chuckled at the red-headed girl. She was reminding her more and more each day of Fred and George.

"Wotcher Gin- 'Mione..." she said embracing the two of them briefly.

"Wow, Tonks, you look lovely!" Hermione said too nicely to be convincing.

Tonks had a feeling Molly had warned the girls that she was feeling a bit under the weather. She noticed Hermione was trying very hard not to stare at her mousy brown hair.

"Thanks! You're not looking so bad yourself-- Fred and George around? Haven't seen them in a while..."

"They'll be dropping in to mess with Fleur later on I expect. They live in a flat now, you know, over their jokeshop" added Ginny.

"How are you feeling?" said Hermione breathlessly. Tonks chuckled and shook her head. Hermione was awful at hiding her almost motherly concern for others. The girl could be bossy, but she always admired that her heart was always in the right place.

"I'm fine, thank you," she began. Hermione blushed.

"Now who's this Fleur I've been hearing so much about?" she asked trying to convincingly change the topic. Hermione seemed to get the hint: She noticed Remus was nowhere in sight.

"Ug, you must be talking about Phlegm " snorted Ginny, rolling her eyes.

"Speak of the devil" said Hermione all of a sudden.

"Oh, 'ello! You must bee zis, eh, Neemfydora Ponks everyone ees talking about" said Fleur floating over to her, eyeing Tonks's nose ring judgementally.

Molly's Description could not have been more perfect. She was tall and immaculately beautiful, pale and blonde. She could immediately see why none of the men in the family had a problem with her and why all the women and Hermione did. Her eyes were a sparkling silver-blue, her hair reaching stick straight just to her elbows. She was very thin and could have passed for a Muggle model.

"It's TONKS, I've told you a thousand times" snorted Ginny. Fleur seemed not to notice Ginny's hostility.

"Lovely to meet you" she said offering her hand to Fleur. Fleur looked at her hand in confusion, laughing weakly.

"Tonks!!" came Bill's happy voice.

"Bill!" Tonks called back. He embraced her in a tight hug, swaying her slightly.

"How've ya been kid" she added, smiling widely at her. Fleur was fuming.

"Ahem, you two know each uzzer from somewhere?" Fleur interjected wrapping her arms possessively around Bill's waist.

"Yeah, Tonks and I have known each other for quite a while! This is my fiancée, Miss Fleur Delacour--"

"Darleeng, dont you tink vee should 'elp your muzzer with ze dinner table?" she asked, her eyes not leaving Tonks'.

"Oh-- right you are!" and with a quick kiss on her forehead, he left toward the kitchen, Fleur following after him in a huff.

"Yikes" Tonks laughed at Ginny and Hermione.

"She's a real trip isn't she" added Hermione nodding her head. Ginny's arms were crossed, staring after her brother's fiancée disbelievingly.

"So... Has anyone seen Lupin?" asked Tonks in her most nonchalant voice.

"Nah- he owled Mum told her he'd be coming incredibly late" replied Ginny.

Tonks felt suddenly uneasy. She hoped he wasn't on some dangerous mission...

"Hey Tonks... can I speak to you for a minute? In private?" asked Bill suddenly from the doors. Fleur seemed to not have noticed as Mrs. Weasley was desperately trying to keep her occupied. She exchanged quizzical glances with Hermione and Ginny.

He motioned her to follow him to the downstairs bedroom. Bill did not speak until he felt the coast was clear. He shut the door behind him, giving Tonks a - _sympathetic?_- smile.

"So what's this about then Billiam" she said taking a seat on the desk. He chuckled.

"So...uh, whaddaya think of Fleur?" he asked

Tonks let a moment pass before anwering.

"I think she's lovely. A bit high-maintenance perhaps, but pretty... Look, if this is about your mum trying to get you to marry me instead of her, I promise I have nothing to do with it--"

"Huh!? No, no... I was just curious... It's just normally I'd ask... well you know..." He looked up at her. Tonks' gaze fell to the floor.

Sirius.

"Well, anyway...I've Got something for you" he added pulling out a folded piece of heavy paper from his pocket.

She looked up suddenly confused. He gave her a small, wry smile, handing her the piece of paper. She raised an eyebrow at him, taking it from him. It wasn't till she looked at it that her heart stopped. It was so unexpected, to have Sirius fall like a bomb on her. It was the picture the four of them- Remus, Bill, Sirius and herself- Molly had taken together at the Order's Holiday get together before Arthur was injured. Sirius had looked so happy and full of life at that moment, the rest of them happy and laughing. It seemed almost surreal that this wouldn't happen this year-- that this Christmas would be filled with not so many smiles and a huge hole where Sirius belonged in their photographs. She looked up, bleary eyed at Bill who was smiling sadly at her.

"Anyway, I just thought you may... want to keep it..." he said softly.

He gave her a tight hug she could barely return and he walked out, leaving her alone in the room. She took a seat on the desk. As if on cue, Remus walked in as she stared at the photo. She didn't notice him as she tried to stifle a sob.

"Tonks?" he asked lightly, briefcase still in hand.

She looked up suddenly, hastily wiping a tear from her cheek. She quickly folded the photo back up in her lap and forced on a smile.

"Wotcher, Remus!" she said attempting to sound happy. He placed his briefcase by the door, placing his other hand in his pocket.

"What's the matter?" he asked gently. _He hated to see her cry..._

"Nothing, silly, what gave you that idea?" she asked, flushing slightly. He stood before her, taking the photo from her lap. She let out a long breath, unable to bring her gaze to his face.

Remus sighed heavily at the sight of the photo. He looked up at her in time to see her wipe another tear.

"Dora..." He said gently, placing the photo on the desk beside her, accidentally brushing her hand in the process. Their eyes met suddenly, hers glossy with fresh tears as they bore into his. He brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"He's really gone Remus..." She said, shuddering.

He heaved a heavy sigh, leaning against the desk beside her. She placed her head on his shoulder.

"It's my fault...I should have stopped Bellatrix, but I just wasn't strong enough..." She couldn't finish what she was saying before her face was being pushed into Lupin's chest in a hard embrace. She sobbed lightly just wishing reality would go away, that she and Remus and Sirius and Bill could all just jump right back into the picture and re-live just that moment forever and ever...

"Tonks, it wasn't your fault. Sirius would hate you blaming yourself like this..." he whispered to her. He didn't know how else to get it through to her. She was constantly blaming herself for the state of the world and for Sirius's fate...

"If I had-- had only just finished her off he'd-- he'd still be here..." She sobbed on. "N-now I'll... I'll never see him again, It'll never be the three of us again, ever..." she cried, wiping off her tears.

Remus smiled suddenly, raising her chin up to face him. They were so close their faces were almost touching.

"Not so," he began quietly. She didn't understand. Before she could ask, he retrieved his briefcase and brought it to the desk. A moment later, he pulled out the beautiful journal she had given him many months before at Christmas. Her face felt numb. He smiled at her warmly, opening to the first two pages where she had so long ago drawn him a picture. He handed her the book slowly, showing her the drawing.

"See?" he said quietly.

She stared at her work in disbelief. Before her lay a sad picture of a beautiful fairy leaning against the Whomping Willow staring wistfully at a full moon. It was quite beautiful the way she had detailed everything, even managing to put in the constellation of Sirius up in the sky behind the Whomping Willow...

"It's the three of us, right now" he said quietly. Tonks stared up at him with wide eyes. He looked down at the drawing, pointing at the constellation. Tonks was still staring at Remus. He seemed not to notice, pointing diligently at the sketch.

"You see? Here's his constellation, right by the full moon- I expect I'm in the tree, walking toward the shrieking shack, at this point -, and the fairy, I always figured was you, it's so pretty and-- what is it?" he said finally looking up at her.

She was staring at his face... they were so close now...

He shifted his gaze to her lips... They looked so delicious to him, the way they were slightly parted now, her warm, sweet breath ensnaring his senses..

Before either of them could think what they were doing, they closed in on each other, kissing each other more passionately then they recalled ever kissing each other before. All the blood in his body felt as though it rushed to his head at once, his inhibitions thrown out the window. For that one split second... that one small moment... Remus forgot he was ages older, that he was a werewolf... They pulled apart suddenly, realizing what they had just done. Their faces were still very close, but he shifted his gaze after one more long moment to Nymphadora's.

"Why won't you have me, Mr. Lupin?" she asked in the sweetest, most innocent voice he had ever heard. He stared at her soft lips once more, breathing heavily, tracing her heart shaped face's every detail before re-reaching her eyes. While she still looked sad and worn, she was still beautiful in his eyes. He wanted to tell her, he wanted to scream it from the rooftops that he loved her...

None of them heard the footsteps coming down the hall.

"Remus, Tonks, dinner's-- Oh, my, I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?" came Mad-Eye's voice from the door.

Tonks and Lupin ripped apart suddenly, turning to see Kingsley trying desperately not to smile.

"No, not at all Alastor, Just showing Nymphadora a sketch of mine..."

"Right then..." he added before walking away from the door awkwardly. Tonks doubted he bought the story.

Remus and Tonks simultaneously released a nervous breath, both unable to look at each other.

"I... guess I got carried away...all these memories...I'm sorry..." Remus began.

To his surprise she chuckled softly, cutting him off. He looked up at her to see what she meant by it, but she did not look at him. He only saw on her face a rather dry smile as she hopped off the desk and headed toward the door.

"I know you are..."

And with that she left him alone in the room. Remus looked down into his book, examining the drawing from the Christmas before. He looked down upon the sad, beautiful wood nymph, staring up longingly at the cold, distant moon. He closed his book sadly, shoving it back onto his briefcase.

"It's better this way" he whispered to himself trying to convince himself of it. He decided not to stay on for dinner.

* * *

It was close to One o'clock in the morning when the last guests left, Tonks remaining behind. She explained to Molly everything that happened after Bill had given her the photograph.

"I TOLD Kinglsey to do it... No doubt Alastor saw what was going on with that busy body eye of his" huffed Mrs. Weasley as she handed Tonks a mug of hot tea.

"Well anyway, what happened after that dear" she pressed on, clearing the dishes.

"He said he was sorry he'd done it--" Molly scoffed at this "--I said I knew he was..."

Molly froze.

"You said what?!" she asked in shock, dropping a plate. Tonks raised an eyebrow.

"What's wrong with that?" she asked glumly. "He always regrets it when something like that happens. It wouldn't be a Remus-Tonks moment if he didn't regret it and shrink away from me..." She moaned sarcastically.

Molly placed her hands on her hips, a rather intimidating look on her face.

"Oh, honestly dearie, he's only sorry because the daft bloke thinks if he gets what he wants in life that it's bad because it hurts everyone else!" she said flailing a spatula in the air. Tonks rolled her eyes.

"And don't you roll your eyes at me young lady," she continued, pointing the spatula menacingly, "I think he's ridiculous if he's going to lead you on like that then pretend he's sorry. Remus is far too brain smart to kiss you if he knew he was actually going to regret it".

"I wish Sirius were here" spoke Tonks suddenly.

When she did not look at Mrs. Weasley, Molly immediately softened her expression.

"I know darling, we all do... But Remus has just lost the only friend who he thought he could never lose. It makes sense if you look through Remus's eyes why it would be difficult for him... You were the dearest thing Sirius had in his life along with Harry, he couldn't never forgive himself if he lost you... or hurt you in some way..." she said gingerly.

"Remus could never hurt me, werewolf or not... Molly, I love him, and I've got to believe that that can overcome any spell or circumstnace because-- well I've just got to or I'll... I'll just die..."

"Tonks, it's beautiful that you believe in love so much... but what you have to understand is sometimes no matter how much you love someone... say- no matter how much You, or Remus, or Harry loved Sirius- you can't change fate... and if its not meant to be... Love can't overcome fate sweetheart, I wish it could..."

"Love can overcome anything!" she said defiantly. Molly smiled warmly at her.

"It's a beautiful idea... but in this day in age it's a fool's wish really: Your heart can break, a million times over, but once you lose your _head_..."

"Then Dumbledore and I are both fools!" she said blatantly. Molly became silent.

"Lily saved Harry, didn't she?" she pressed on.

"But that was different dear--"

"How?!" she asked quietly. Tonks was at a loss. She didn't know what to think or believe anymore.

"Lily, James, they saved Harry! Harry saved Sirius in his third year, he told me... Remus saved me that night in the Underground... so Bellatrix beat me, so she beat Sirius... that's why we're fighting them aren't we? It's not about who 'rules' the Wizarding world- we've got to fight to save love, and what's good, otherwise we all may as well give up and all become Death Eaters! We'd be just as bad as them! If I give up on Remus- If I give up on what I know I love-- they win. And I can't let that happen... No, no werewolf, no--no Dark Lord can scare me out of it... I've got to fight for him. I love Remus and I know he loves me, I can feel it... but I can't give up. Sirius fought to the death... and If that's what I've got to do then by God I'll do it.

"Has he every actually _said_ he loved you?" Molly asked, her eyes wide.

Tonks paused a moment. Shaking the question off, she continued on.

"Fate can only happen if you believe in it...Just like a Prophecy... It's my turn now... I've failed at saving Sirius... if I can save Remus by loving him... than maybe it is worth the shot, it's got to be... At least thats what I have to believe anyway." Tonks argued desperately.

Molly's eyes were filled with tears suddenly, a look of sympathy that Tonks had never seen before.

"I loved Sirius. He died saving what he loved, he couldn't live with himself if he hadn't! If loving Remus is the end of me so be it... he doesn't have to love me back, I think he does, but If I'm wrong, fine... I just have to prove to him how much I love him... maybe then he'll love himself enough to... well, if it can't be me to at least give someone else a chance... "

The pair of them were quiet for a long while. Tonks cradled her now cold coffee mug in her hands, just thinking. She felt worse than ever. Molly spoke suddenly.

"You're right you know... I just hope Remus is smart enough to make sure it is you," she said quietly. Their eyes met momentarily.

There was a sudden set of three knocks on the door, and Molly walked over, curiously. Tonks still stared at the large mug between her hands.

"Who's there?" she asked nervously. "Declare yourself!"

"It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry" came the soft voice of the Order's leader.

"Harry, dear! Gracious, Albus, you gave me a fright, you said not to expect you before morning!"

"We were lucky. Slughorn proved much more persuadable than I had expected. Harry's doing, of course. Ah, hello, Nymphadora!" Dumbledore called out suddenly.

She looked up blearily, much too preoccupied in her thoughts of Remus to even flinch at her own name.

"Hello, Professor. Wotcher Harry." she said plastering on the most realistic smile she could muster. She wondered if she was fooling anyone. She was honestly glad to see the pair of them, but her heart was quite heavy in these times...

"Hi Tonks" Harry offered back.

She smiled at him a moment. Sirius was right: he really did look just like James- but his eyes were Lily's...

She set down her mug quickly and began fighting her way into her cloak.

"I'd better be off," she said quickly, "Thanks for the tea and sympathy Molly."

"Please don't leave on my account! I cannot stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour" said Dumbledore kindly.

"No, no, I need to get going-- 'Night..."

"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-Eye are coming--?" Molly began.

"No, really, Molly... thanks anyway... Good night, everyone" Tonks called out hurriedly past the three of them. The moment she was out the door she vanished from their sight and back home to her flat. She was surprised to see a small note taped to her door, and she pulled it down irritably. She heaved a heavy sigh as she unfolded the parchment to see it was the picture Bill had given her earlier. She kicked her door open, throwing the photo into the nearest drawer. Little did she know that in a tiny neat scrawl on the back of the photo was a very important message...

_Dear Tonks--_

_I do love you...I care about you so much to the point where it drives me insane... I just wish you would understand that I do and have always cared about you. I am never going to stop caring about you. You have been such an important person to me in my life .... Like I've told you, I know how I feel and what I feel. I will always love you and care about you no matter where I am, who I'm with, or what I'm doing at that point in my life. I know how great and amazing of a person you are, and I am so sorry that I was foolish enough to allow a monster like myself to want more from you. I just want you to be you and happy. I know I hurt you and I have never purposely done it... I know there is no excuse for it, but I promise you that I pay for it, and dearly, every time I see a tear on your shining face... Out of everyone who has a place in my heart, you take up the most room. I will forever love you in my way and be there, should you need me._

_-- Remus J. Lupin_


	20. Chapter20: Hogsmeade

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Hey everyone!! Thanks so much for reviewing, and keeping your patience with me! If I could give you all a baby hippogriff I totally would, I promise.

p.s.- I've once again taken some of JKR's lines (and characters- duh) to keep the fic a touch more cannon. Here you go, more will come, I promise!!

* * *

_"Something Always Brings Me Back To You_

_It Never Takes Too Long..._

_No Matter What I Say or Do_

_I Still feel you here Till the moment I'm gone..."_

Gravity - Sarah Bareilles

_

* * *

  
_

Despite her most valiant attempts to remain unsinking, Tonks cried herself to sleep for many nights after Harry's arrival to the burrow. She tried to keep herself as busy as possible knowing full well that the next few times she saw Remus it would be quite unbearable. The students were a few days short of starting classes, Harry's birthday having passed only a few days before. Her hair was still an uncertain shade of brown, her eyes dark and hollow. The glimmer in them seemed to have died, and hope for it returning seemed almost futile.

The Order had finally begun to have meetings in Grimmauld place once again, a chill still creeping down her spine every time she saw an unexpected remembrance of Sirius. She had been sitting in a grimy lounge chair in the study when she heard the door open suddenly, quietly... She peered over to see who it was, trying to hide her excitement at the fact that it was Remus. She wanted to punch her heart for getting so giddy, her stomach in knots.

"Oh-- hello Tonks, I didn't see you there.." he said sounding falsely cheery. Lupin's hair was now streaked even more liberally with thick gray streaks, his demeanor now paler and thinner than ever. Tonks braved a smile. How she wanted to embrace him and help him relax... he'd looked so preoccupied these days...

"Wotcher" she said quietly, saluting him with her hand. He placed a hand unsurely in his pocket, walking a few steps closer to her. An awkward silence ensued.

"So... how've you been?" he asked conversationally. "It's hard... to be back in here again, isn't it..."

"Not really" she lied quietly, sitting up. "I've been alright, just keeping busy, you know... and you?"

Remus chuckled.

"Busy is definitely the nicest word for it. I'm afraid I'm barely keeping up. But it's a nice change from never being able to help out ever." he said with a sad smile. Her heart fluttered.

"Dumbledore's got us all busy I suspect, now that Potter knows about the prophecy... I always worry for that boy. He always looks at me as if expecting me to mention Sirius, but I just don't have the heart..." she continued.

"It's hard for all of us...Listen, Tonks... about the, um-- the other night..."

_Oh, here he goes again. We have a lovely conversation, and it' about to go to hell._

"Forget about it" she interrupted. She forced a smile.

"I want to apologize... I was awful to you, and shouldn't have... taken advantage of ... the situation," he said choosing his words very carefully.

"Look Lupin, you said you were sorry, I got the message ... it was a mistake. I shouldn't have been so ignoring of your feelings, and it was a pretty damned stupid thing to do" she said curtly

He could feel the attempted insult in her tone; partly because she made it obvious, partly because it hurt.

"Tonks, you're not understanding me... please- can I explain?" he asked, his beautiful blue eyes swimming with concern. He was wondering why she was being so cold... hadn't he explained himself thoroughly in his note to her?

Tonks leaned back in a most Sirius-like manner, pretending not to care.

"What's there to explain Moony, I know I'm just a friend to you, so let it go. It was my mistake..."

"Tonks..." he began suddenly.

"That's me." she replied in a manner that dared Remus to start that argument again...

As if on cue--

"This is the moment you heave a heavy sigh and all your self worth deflates, right?" she asked coldly. Remus said nothing- he didn't need to. He only had to look at her, expressionless for her to know she felt guilty for saying it.

He wanted to look away but couldn't... She was trying so hard, he could see it... He could see her once twinkling eyes flat and no longer sparkling, staring at him, trying desperately not to show how she really felt- trying so hard no to say what she had really wanted to say.

"Don't do this..." he said finally, annoyed. He had already lost Sirius, he couldn't bare to lose her as a friend too; She and Bill were all he had left.

At this, Tonks said nothing. Her resolve was slowly melting away, the fight in her turning quickly into sympathy and understanding. He could see her walls breaking down, she was shaking she was trying so hard not to cry...

"Nymphadora, please understand, I do care about you... very much..." he pressed as she rolled her eyes. "You are more important to me than you know and more dear to me than I wish you were" he said flatly. She looked up at him suspiciously. _Just what was he trying to say...?_

She breathed heavily, her nostrils flaring. If this was another kiss and run, she swore to God...

"I don't want... what happened... to change anything between us. I know it's a lot to ask but I couldn't bare to lose our friendship. It means the world to me. Perhaps this isn't the time to discuss this..."

He took a few more steps toward her, Tonks standing all of a sudden. She braced herself, her hands clenched tightly into fists, her wand in the right one. She glared at him, anger, frustration, hatred and love pouring from her eyes all at the same time.

"What do you want from me Remus?" she asked suddenly. "And please-- be blatantly honest with me for once... No more games, no more confusion-- just tell me the truth already. I think I at least deserve that much" she said quietly. It took all the fight left in her not to break her gaze.

"I want to give you what you want, what you, for some insane reason or another, ask from me, but I can't... and before you blow up at me--," he said quickly, cutting her off just in time with a small smile. She blushed angrily in spite of herself. _She wasn't the only one that could call the next move. _

"-- The truth is simply that I don't deserve you... and even if I did, I would never let myself act on that more than I shamefully already have. Not because I don't wish I could...but because I can't risk your safety for my own reasons... anyway..." he finished awkwardly.

"You done yet?" she said defensively. Her voice wavered with every word, everything inside of her pressing her to cry.

"Tonks... I'm a monster... I don't know how to always have to answer to someone, I don't know how to try to be with someone when everyone in this world says it's so wrong... And what would people think of you? You could lose your job, your respect in the wizarding community... you could lose everything, and you're still so, so young..." he said quietly, his eyes boring into hers with such urgency and shame she could barely take it.

Tonks was silent a moment trying to take in what he said, making sure she was hearing him correctly.

"That's all this is really about? You being a werewolf? ... You're honestly telling me all of this is just because of Circumstance?" she began quietly. "Remus, nothing will happen, I swear--"

"I won't let you take that chance. I can't let you get hurt, I will not hurt you, ever, I swore it--"

"Remus, what do you think you're doing to me now!" she whispered urgently. "Remus, I can't stand to be without you. I love you, and you care for me you just said so-- I can't just let you walk away from this, this changes everything--"

"Wait, now, Listen to me-- I only told you this because you do deserve to know the truth. This may be how I feel, but It does not change anything. Do we understand each other?" he spoke softly. She hated his uncanny ability to keep the beautiful calm in his voice even when he was angry.

"No." she said finally. "We care for each other, and it makes no sense for us to be apart--"

"That's where you're wrong, Dora! It's why we must!" he whispered urgently. Tonks buried her face in her hands, Lupin gently wrapping his long fingers around her wrists.

"There are much bigger things going on than you and me. You're still very young, and at this time in your life yes, you can put your heart's desires first. I on the other hand am an old man, and my loyalty lies with the Order, with Dumbledore as did James's and Lily's and Sirius's. I can not tell you how much I admire your ability to allow love to come first, but my priority is not my having fallen for you, as foolish as it was for me to do so, and it can't ever be, not now..."

She froze.

Tonks did not even grasp the last part of his sentence. She lowered her hands, and stared at him. He said he loved her. Right there to her face, he admit that he, Remus J Lupin had fallen for her-- clumsy, emotional disaster that she was... Remus Lupin had fallen in love... and with no other person than Tonks.

"...I am too poor, and too old for you. I'm a Werewolf, Dora. A lycan. And you are the last person on earth I would allow myself to love with my whole heart because you are the last person in the world who deserves the love of... of a monster."

She stared into his eyes, tears streaming freely down her cheeks. There he stood, the love of her life, telling her flat out that he would not have her... and there was nothing she could do about it... This was not how it was supposed to be. The moment he told her he loved her he was supposed to hold her in his arms and run off in the sunset... His eyes were so beautiful, that wide, sky blue with gold and chocolate colored specks that danced around so freely... Sure, he may have had some scars, but his face was so beautiful to her, every line deepening her affection for him. She loved him... and if he really loved her... why couldn't they be?

After another moment's silence, the tears stopped falling.

"Remus, I have searched, and searched...I have studied your face, every word it tells me, every breath it takes.. and I see no monster here," she whispered helplessly.

"You're too young to understand..." he said softly, slightly shaken. This was not even remotely close to anything he had expected her to say when he planned the conversation out in his head.

"--Or you're too old in your heart to understand that Love is blind to such trivialities as age and money..." she whispered back.

"Dora--"

"Remus, please..." she began, grabbing hold of his robes "I love you... please tell me if you feel the same way...you're not a monster, and I know it... You are more man than so many, and--"

"Tonks--" he interrupted curtly. His eyes were distant now, the warmth that radiated from his body so close to hers now faded.

Suddenly, the curtain to the next room was drawn open, revealing one of Tonks' and Lupin's least favorite people. A disgustingly satisfied smirk spread across his sickly pale face, his greasy black hair hanging like drapes on either side of his pointed face.

"Am I interrupting something?" asked Snape in his usual malicious drawl.

"What do you want!" snapped Tonks, blushing uncontrollably. Snape's smirk only grew wider and more malicious. Tonks' hate for Snape had grown tenfold since the death of Sirius.

"Oh now tsk tsk are Lupin... the cowardly lion- of forgive me- lycan, and the foolish little girl getting into an argument? And here I thought she fell for the brainless scarecrow, my, my-- Or maybe, she was too young to remember that muggle film- god forbid the red shoes don't match the ever changing rest of her frightening appearance--?"

"Shut UP, you great idiot or I'LL CURSE YOU INTO OBLIVION--!!-"

"Tonks..." Remus said quietly, motioning her to save her breath, smiling politely. His face was stark white, but he held his ground.

She became silent at once, fuming.

"What do you want Severus" said Lupin, sternly.

"As I was saying- when you two are done selfishly playing your love games, I believe there is a meeting you're supposed to be attending. That is... if if you're not too, shall I say, _blind_ to find your way in?" The maliciousness in his quiet voice was unmistakable. He was gone before Tonks could retort, she was now shaking furiously.

She turned to face Lupin.

"Is this what you want? To be ridiculed and called out as coward by Snape nonetheless because you wont act on this?"

Remus heaved a heavy sigh. As much as he wanted to kill Snape... she had a point.

"This is the last time I will say this, so please-- try and listen this time, not just hear me". There was something unfamiliar in his tone, like he had turned off every emotion. He looked into her eyes wondering if he'd have it in him to do it or not.

He had to. He must...

_He wanted to kiss her..._

NO- just get this over with protect her...

_Can't I protect her in my arms?_

Enough now...

With one deep breath he braced himself...

"This is finished."

He said it as sternly and carelessly as his heart would allow, seeming cruel and heartless to say these words when he was so close to her. There before him was a beautiful woman just asking him to love her, and he, with all his might, not even really realizing it, had told her that he chose not to.

He wanted her to scream at him. He wanted her to yell or cry, or something- anything but what she did next.

Tonks slowly released the hem of his robes, her gaze lowering to the floor, as though her whole body had gone numb and cold, lifeless even.

"Okay. You've been heard. I'm sorry." she said softly, backing up slightly.

"We'd better get ready for the meeting Remus... It will be starting soon" she said dully. All her emotions seemed to be missing from her tired body, rooted to the spot.

Remus froze.

What had he done.

"Tonks..."

"You said it yourself" she said, looking up finally. Her expression was unreadable, her eyes no longer twinkling but empty. "There are bigger things here than you and me" she repeated his words. "The Order comes first. Always." she said, her eyes not breaking away from his. He looked at the changed Nymphadora sadly one more time before turning into the main meeting room. There was nothing left of the bright, incredible woman he had fallen for left in her, nothing left of the sweet little cousin that was so very much like Sirius...

Tonks remained in the room a moment after Lupin's departure, frozen and unable to feel anything. Mad-Eye limped in from the doorway slowly, looking ominous under the night's shadows. Tonks looked up at him, paler than ever.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked quietly.

"I heard the whole thing kiddo" he said walking toward her slowly. They surveyed each other a moment, and finally, in a most un Mad-Eye like gesture, pulled her into the biggest, tightest hug he could muster.

The pair walked into the next room, sitting at the table for the meeting of the Order. For the rest of the night, Remus and Tonks did not talk or look at each other. They both left at separate times.

Molly Weasley was left cleaning up after the members had all gone, Bill the last remaining person to help clean. Bill noticed his mother seemed dreadfully flustered the entire evening, not recalling a single smile from her for any reason. He assumed it could only mean one thing.

"You heard them too, didn't you?" he asked softly as Molly put away several more dishes. She slowed down a moment, then looked over at him and nodded. She placed the plates down shaking her head.

"What do you make of i?. Tonks and Moony I mean" he asked quietly. Molly heaved a heavy sigh.

"While I can see Remus's point-- she is very young still, and hasn't fully matured yet--(Bill rolled his eyes)-- I still think at the end of the day it's he that is in the wrong. Tonks is the type who loves with her whole heart, and she's fallen very hard for Remus. I believe Remus loves her very much, perhaps more than he would even care to admit to himself. Love is complicated. If anyone can get Remus to try and live life instead of watching everyone else live it, it will be Tonks. That doesn't mean it will be easy. I just hope she has enough fight left in her to be able to do it without completely destroying herself..." She finished. Bill nodded.

"And you?" asked .

"I think it's a damn shame. Tonks has really changed, this whole thing, it's like it's slowly killing her. I mean Sirius told me it was bad, but I guess her having him around helped... I have no idea what to do, she can't even change her appearance anymore. They both deserve better than this. I mean if I were a werewolf, I could understand, sort of... I'd be terrified If I knew I were capable of hurting Fleur... but Tonks has got a point. I don't think it's selfish at all to want to be in love, on the contrary love is mostly giving in a way, isn't it. Love is supposed to be the strongest magic of all, right? So, werewolf or not-- why not give it a shot?" he finished quietly.

Molly smiled, and pinched her son on the cheek.

"You're a good friend to them, Bill."

* * *

Two evenings passed and Tonks looked outside her muggy window to see Hogwarts in the distance. It was now towards the end of summer, and fall was coming onto them. Her focus however was a million miles away. In two days time was the next full moon, and Remus would once again have to endure the unimaginably painful transformation into a lycan once more. Her heart hurt every time the thought of him came into her mind, intoxicating her like some sort of disease. It seemed so unfair that everything was so right on this day last year: now she was without Sirius, without morphing abilities (hence being stationed at Hogsmeade; She was not as great a use to the Order at the moment), and Remus had practically abandoned her. She loved him so much, it was almost unbearable to think of him. So many times she had wished she had never said anything, and so many times she had wished they never met...

_Damn this fucking war..._

The worst part about it was every time she did think of Remus, it made her realize she was not thinking of the Order, reminding her that she was an awful Auror who, if she had payed attention and thought about the task at hand, Sirius would still be alive and Remus could maybe think her able enough to want her. She tore her gaze away from the window, angry now. She had no idea what to do. Tonks had just witnessed the train pulling into the station, and caught sight of Ginny, who made her way over.

The beautiful red-haired girl slipped through the crowd toward her, waving.

"Wotcher".

"Hey Tonks!" she said cheerfully. Tonks braved a smile. "What're you doing here?".=

"Dumbledore wanted to station some more Aurors around the school, for extra protection and all th" she added throwing on her cloak.

"You alright? You've... you've seemed kind of down lately..." she asked hesitantly. Tonks looked up in surprise. _Was she really that bad that a fifteen year old girl could see her misery?_

She gave her a weak smile. She was very glad to have a friend like Ginny. She may have been several years younger than she herself was, but she knew the girl was quite wise beyond her years.

"I'm alright, really. You'd better get in your robes" she added, helping Ginny pull her things together.

She had just waved her friend Goodbye, when she noticed something was missing. A few feet ahead of her, she caught sight of Hagrid, and flagged him down.

"Hagrid, have you seen Harry?" she asked hurriedly running over.

"No, Tonks I'm afraid I 'avent...Got to go tho--- summat to do before the feast!" he replied.

Tonks ran quickly back to the train, stealing glances frequently over the last few straggling students. She did not see him. She walked slowly by each and every compartment, wand at the ready . She cursed as she felt the train beneath her begin to move. She stopped suddenly, noticing that one compartment door was still shut, the blinds drawn. She opened the door carefully. _No sign of Harry.._. Suddenly it occurred to her-- She grabbed around her feet a moment 'till she felt the invisibility cloak, and pulled it off the boy. He was awkwardly curled up, like a dead roach, his nose bleeding profusely. She shuddered at the remembrance of when she ran into the glass door, but highly doubted a glass door was the reason why Harry was balled up beneath her.

"Wotcher, Harry" she said suddenly. She immediately released him from his petrified state, helping him to his feet.

"We'd better get out of here, quickly" she said, running into the corridor with Harry at her heels. "Come on-- we'll jump".

After landing on the platform, they each got a proper look at each other. Harry's face was covered in blood, the poor boy spitting out a hefty mouthful. Tonks looked more mousy haired and miserable than ever. It was hard to tell who looked more concerned for the other.

"Who did it?"

Harry thought the same question.

"Draco Malfoy," Harry said bitterly.

_Git._

"Thanks for...well..." He began.

"No problem" she said without smiling. It was cold outside, the moon in the mist mocking her, jeering at her... She could only think of what Sirius would have done to the Malfoy boy had he seen his favorite Godson like this.

"I can fix your nose if you stand still," she said suddenly, changing her focus back to Harry. "_Episkey!_" she said.

"Thanks a lot!" he said gratefully

"You'd better put that cloak back on and we can walk up to the school." she said gauntly. She raised her wand, thinking of Remus, desperately trying to focus on a happy time that wouldn't hurt her to remember. It was hard for her to look back on the times where they were happy with each other, and for them not to hurt. She remembered the pair dancing and held out her wand...

"Was that a Patronus?" Harry asked suddenly, tearing her once again from her thoughts.

"Yes, I'm sending word to the castle that I've got you or they'll worry. Come one, we'd better not dawdle".

"How did you find me?" he asked.

"I noticed you hadn't left the train and I knew you had that cloak. I thought you might be hiding for some reason. When I saw the blinds were drawn down on that compartment I thought I'd check".

"But what are you doing here anyway?" he asked her.

"I'm stationed at Hogsmeade now, to give the school extra protection."

She thought immediately of the Shrieking shack, wondering if she could stand hearing Remus's screams for hours, and not being able to do anything to help him...

"Is it just you who's up here, or-- ?"

"No, Proudfoot, Savage and Dawlish are here too."

"Dawlish that Auror that Dumbledore attacked last year?"

"That's right" she said hurriedly.

Mind on the mission. Mind on the Mission...

_Poor Remus..._

NO-- Mind on the mission...

Tonks was finding it particularly hard to concentrate when the moon was shining so brightly overhead. It was because of the moon that she once thought so beautiful that the love of her life would not have her. Now it seemed to mock and jeer at her in her misery. They stopped at the main gate, Harry attempting first to unlock it with a common spell.

"That won't work on these. Dumbledore bewitched them himself" she said dully.

"I could climb a wall" he suggested.

"No you couldn't," she said flatly. "Anti intruder jinxes on all of them. Security's been tightened a hundred fold this summer."

"Well then, I suppose I'll have to sleep out here and wait till morning" said Harry in a voice of such sarcasm it reminded her greatly of Sirius. Her stomach lurched.

"Someone's coming down for you" she said in as normal a voice as she could muster. She had a slight feeling that Harry was getting annoyed with her. She could barely look at him.

She saw a light coming toward them from inside the castle. She was highly disappointed when Severus Snape opened the gate instead of Hagrid. The last time she had seen Snape had been a humiliating experience in which he walked in on a confrontation with Remus, and the thime before that he had held her throat up against a stone wall.

"Well, well, well! Nice of you to turn up Potter, although you have evidently decided that the wearing of school robes would detract from your appearance." he drawled.

"I couldn't change, I didn't have any--"

"There is no need to wait, Nymphadora, Potter is quite, ah, safe in my hands."

She frowned.

"I meant Hagrid to get the message." she tried.

"Hagrid was late for the start-of-term feast just like Mr. Potter here, so I took it instead. And incidentally... I was interested to see your new patronus..." he added slyly with a wicked smile.

Tonks glared at him.

He wouldn't dare...

He shut the gates in her face violently before he continued.

"I think you were better off with the old one. This new one looks _weak_" he spat maliciously.

Tonks fumed.

"Goodnight! Thanks for... everything..." said Harry over his shoulder.

"See you Harry" she said her voice trembling.

It took everything in her not shout an unforgivable curse at Snape.

"No wonder Sirius hated you" she muttered violently to herself.

What a jerk that prat was. Tonks could never understand why Dumbledore could stand him in the first place, let alone put his trust in him. She began walking slowly off the grounds and back into Hogsmeade. She would need a drink or two after tonight's rattling experiences. Incensed at her run in with Snape, she entered the The Three Bromsticks, going straight for the bar. She wasn't supposed to drink on duty, but she swore she would strangle the first person to say anything about it. Considering she had been up for the past 24 hours, she thought a hot cup of cocoa loaded with Bailey's was the least she deserved. Her blood was boiling. _How could Snape do that to her, and in front of Harry no less!_

The tiny bell on the top of the door gave a small ring as she walked in. Had she not been so miserable she would have been thankful for the stuffy warm appearance of the room.

"I need some fire whiskey, and pronto, love" she told the bartender agitatedly.

"Nymphadora?" came a soft voice from behind her. She turned around. It was Bill.

"Bill! Wotcher mate, what are you doing here?" she said releasing a breath and walking over to hug him.

"I was about to ask you the same- I'm meeting Remus-- are you all right? You seem a bit shaken," he asked releasing her.

Her stomach lurched at the mention of Lupin's name, but she tried to cover it.

"Just a lot going on you know. I was _lucky_ enough to run into Snape a few moments ago" she said miserably.

"Yeah, but you can't let that prat bother you" he said, leading her over to his table. "What would Sirius say?"

Bill winked at her.

She gave him a sad smile. She hated talking about Sirius, but for some reason it seemed to be okay to bring it up in front of Bill. Bill had almost become like another cousin to her and was now one of her closest friends. Moments later, the small bell that alerted Rosmerta of customers rang again. Tonks tried desperately to ignore it.

"So where's Fleur this evening?" she said with determined concentration, completely ignoring the fact that she could feel Remus now standing over her shoulder. Bill looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Fleur's not off work tonight-- Um, Hey Remus, have a seat," he said half standing and motioning him to take the seat beside Tonks.

"Well, I uh..."

Tonks got up suddenly, scooting past him, a jolt running through Lupin's body as she slid by.

"Here- take mine. Didn't mean to intrude, I'm done here anyway," she said with a small smile.

"You don't have to go" offered Lupin weakly.

"Yeah, stay, You just got here--" Bill began.

"No, really, I'd-- I'd better go" she added quickly, "I'm on duty anyway, See you."

The small bells by the door rang once more as she left, leaving Bill and Remus in a moment of awkward silence. Remus sat directly in front of Bill, giving him a look of 'what were you trying to pull'.

"Now before you think I pulled a Sirius on you, I want you to know I just ran in to her" he said sternly.

Remus looked down at the table where her mug had been set. Bill noticed Remus looked paler than ever, the gray in his hair now taking over almost completely. He was not cleanly shaven as usual, and his robes were exceedingly shabby.

"How's she holding up?" he asked Bill softly.

"How are you holding up?" Bill replied. Remus looked up at him.

"I'm fine, just exhausted. But I mean Tonks, how is she handling everything. With Sirius I mean."

"Why don't you ask her?" Bill replied softly.

Lupin smiled.

"_Now_ you're pulling a Sirius" he said nostalgically.

Bill stared at him incredulously.

"Come on Moony... haven't you been holding off long enough?"

"I don't know what you mean" he said lamely.

There was an awkward silence between the two of them now. Neither was really sure what to say. Bill wanted to stand up for Tonks, but he knew she would never let him hear the end of it if he said anything. She was utterly convinced that he only told her he loved her on 'accident' to get her to shut up and leave him alone. Every time this conversation happened, it always ended with Remus saying he was much too old, and much too poor for someone like Tonks.

"You're being dumb, you know that right?" Bill replied softly.

Remus chuckled.

"Dumb wasn't exactly the word that came to my mind, but it'll do I suppose."

Another awkward silence.

"Now about this whole werewolf thing--"

"Keep your voice down!" Lupin interrupted in a hushed whisper.

A few people turned and looked toward them, Remus sinking slightly into his chair.

He kept his voice low.

"I don't know how else to tell you, I can't love her, I won't. What would people think to see someone as young and whole as her being dragged about by a middle-aged monster? And besides, there are bigger things to be worried about--"

"Remus, that's bollocks and you know it! You already love her, you can see it in every move you make, every breath you take around her! You can try all you want to hide it, but you don't need Moody's eye to see right through you... except her because she's got herself convinced that you could never want her because she's a fuckup, and that the only reason you tell her you care about her is so she'll shut up--!"

"I-- what?!" he said in exasperation. "What on earth are you talking about?!" Remus whispered urgently.

"You heard me! Look at her. All she thinks about is you mate, and you choosing to ignore that is killing her. Let me ask you, when was the last time you've heard her laugh? When was the last time you've seen her smile, or turn her hair pink, or do something clumsy, or make a joke? Just look at her!" Bill finished suddenly.

Remus quieted himself immediately.

He wanted to argue it, but couldn't... Bill had a point. He honestly couldn't remember the last time she had laughed or smiled around just him. _All the more reason for her to _not_ love me..._The few times he did see her she was depressed because Sirius was gone, or moping about because she thought Remus didn't love her. He heaved a heavy sigh, avoiding Bill's expectant gaze. What could he say?

"See? You can't think of it either, can you-- ever since this. She's lost Sirius and the only person she wants won't have her, and she thinks it's because it's her fault Sirius is dead--"

"I've told her, time and time again, that it wasn't her fault!" he said quietly. He wanted to break down. All this nonsense with Tonks going on was simply driving him up a bloody wall. He wanted to care for her, he really did... but it just seemed so wrong to him. He remembered the times they would laugh about silly things; he remembered the day the advance guard went to rescue Harry and she had crashed a plate. He remembered the day she had promised to 'make a man out of him' in front of Sirius (at this he chuckled now), or the time she ran into the glass door... it was adorable, the way she was so clumsy...

Bill looked at his friend's face. He could tell he was thinking about her: his eyes lit up, he suddenly didn't seem so much older than he... He saw the small smile spread on Lupin's face, caught wind of his small chuckle. It was so obvious to him.

"THAT... is exactly what I mean" said Bill in a small, triumphant voice.

Bill brought Remus' thoughts back to reality. His smile faded, the warm feeling in his heart quickly fading.

"Pardon?" Remus asked as nonchalantly as possible.

"You are in love with her, you just told me" began Bill, his grin growing wider.

"What on earth are you talking about, I haven't said anything," said Remus, taking a sip of tea to hide his face slightly.

"Look at you! One mention of Tonks and your off in your head, unable to stop thinking about her. Just thinking about her, your eyes light up. You're in love, I know it, because I do the same thing about Fleur, mum tells me so all the time!" he finished. "If you really don't love her then tell me, so I can tell her she's being a git and to move on to someone who'll have her." He said defensively.

Lupin felt a twinge of annoyance at this thought. He put on his familiarly sad smile, draining the last of his tea. He knew Bill was only getting defensive to get a rise out of him, make him admit aloud that he loved her. Bill was a good friend, but he would hear nothing of the sort from Remus tonight.

"Okay, tell her whatever you want--"

"Oh bollocks Moony stop dancing around the statement, that wasn't what I asked for" Bill cut in.

"I can't" he said softly.

"Why not Moony? Is it really because you don't have feelings for her? I don't understand why you're doing this to yourself..."

Remus was quiet a moment, thoughtful, carefully thinking out how he was going to say what he was going to say without causing Bill to run and hide.

"I can't tell you how thankful I am that you don't understand, and that everyone else who wants me to be with Tonks can't understand. What I mean to say is, let us hope that you are never so unfortunate as I to be a Werewolf and have to wake up in the middle of every nightmare, sweaty and terrified, praying to God that the one you're in love with is both as far away from you as possible, and as close as they can be to comfort you at the same time...To have your feelings so uncontrollably change from love to lust to wanting to... tear her apart literally, that it makes you sick inside. To pray to God it was just a nightmare to see her body mangled and shredded at your feet and knowing you'd done it, you tore the flesh, you licked up her blood...It's grisly, and horrible, and as much as I would like to change it I can't help it. I am what I am; Just a monster with no self control... I just have to learn to ignore my feelings for her."

Bill was very quiet for a moment, his face pale. Remus's monologue had rendered him speechless, and he had no idea what say. He knew there were difficulties with being a lycan, but he had never heard the 'detailed' version of Remus's side to the story before. He tried to keep his composure.

"I've lived many years now as a lycan, I can't let someone like Nymphadora change that. I have a curse, a deadly one. I'm not used to this, I can't get used to it. That's why it's better to just... leave things as they were. Before her... What else can I do?"

An awkward silence ensued.

"Well I agree with you on the part where that's horrible... I can't imagine what would happen if Fleur... If I..." Bill shook his head slowly, shocked.

"Exactly" said Remus softly, sadly.

Remus put his mug slowly down, getting up to put on his cloak.

"I've got to go... The full moon will come soon, and I'd best get some rest before then." he said finally.

Bill's eyes seemed unable to find his.

"Bill--" he began suddenly, pushing his chair in. "Don't tell her?' he asked quietly.

Bill finally gazed up at him, a slight understanding in his eyes. He nodded.

"Thanks--"

"Remus?" he asked suddenly.

Lupin looked back inquisitively.

"I'm sorry... I wish there was something I could do..." he offered lamely.

Remus smiled at him, and nodded.

"Goodnight, Bill" he said, and with that, he walked out the door.

Bill was left paralyzed thinking a moment, before he too left the tab on the table, and ran out behind Remus. He just caught sight of the back of him when he called out his name.

"Hey--- A brave man would try!" he shouted. Some of the people in the village turned to look and see what was going on. Remus turned around to see his friend now jogging to catch up with him. Bill finally got there, panting now.

"What's that?" Remus asked, confused.

"You said 'what else can I do'... I said a brave man could try..." he shrugged.

"No, Bill that's where you're mistaken. Only a selfish man would try... A man too cowardly to live alone would try, at the cost of others" Remus replied with a small smile.

"Really? Because I think a man too scared to share his life with someone else for the fear of getting hurt or losing them would be more of a coward; the one who lives alone and calls himself brave for it is the selfish one. But then again- I think a selfish man wouldn't have admit he was a werewolf in the first place... just a scared one. _He_ might use it as a reason to stay alone"

Remus was quiet a moment, thinking through Bill's words.

"She knows what you are, but more importantly she knows who you are, and knows you're no coward. She loves you, and she won't stop, ever, not unless you ask her to, which you won't because you love that she loves you. Stop hiding behind the fact that you're a lycan and let yourself open up to her. You know you want to and she's dying to get it--"

"I am not, nor have I ever hid behind the fact that I'm a lycan, I expect you to know that! I am the only one here who seems to be able to admit what I am. Tonks is foolish, and she does care that I'm old, and a lycan, and poor, because if she didn't then she would never have risked herself in the Underground, she would not have come to work in Hogsmeade, she would not be trying to take care of me all the time, she would not have--"

"She didn't do that because she thinks you need her you Git, she did that because she cares about _you_! She cares about who you are, not what you make yourself out to be!"

"How do you know she wasn't just doing it all to protect Sirius from me? Or you! Or anyone in the Order! How do you know she wasn't only trying to get closer to me to keep her friends, her family safe!" he burst suddenly. Almost no part of Remus thought this was true, but it was the best argument he could think of that pushed away from him looking like a coward.

Bill's eyes were wide.

"You can't think that... Come on Remus, give her more credit than that!" Bill said in outrage.

"I couldn't blame her is she had--"

"Are you so blind you can't see when someone is so in love with you that they would die for you?! This isn't about her 'protecting' Sirius, or her friends, it was never about that! It was about her wanting to be near you, and protect you because she loves you!"

"How do you know--"

"Because she told me, and she's been trying to tell you!! She may be guilty of not having the courage to say all of these things to you face, but name one action from the minute she's met you that hasn't proved those words are true!" he yelled. Several people were now watching their spat. Remus felt claustrophobic, the two of them staring each other down. From the corner of his eye, he could see Tonks running over, wand in one hand, a large sack in the other.

"What the bloody hell is going on with you two, I can practically hear you from the school! And keep your voice down!" she scolded in an angry whisper. The villagers began looking away before either of them spoke. Lupin finally broke his gaze to look at her.

"Sorry, Tonks, we should have been more careful..." he said softly. His eyes were now to the ground.

"What the bloody hell were you two arguing about anyway?"

"Remus being a git--" Bill began.

"Nothing--" said Lupin.

"because he can't see a good thing--"

"Bill--" Tonks new what was happening.

"When it's been throwing itself at him--"

"_BILL!_" Tonks bellowed; Lupin was sure if it could, her hair would turn red.

"You deserve better than this git, Dora--"

"STOP now!!" barked Lupin.

"Alright ENOUGH!" Tonks scolded once more.

She had run over and spoken so suddenly she had almost forgotten it was Remus she was talking to, and melted quickly back into her depression.

"I assume the three of us are here on business for the order, so let's get to it. Whatever spat the two of you had isn't important, and you both had better pray its not what I think you were arguing about, because we've all got much bigger things to do" she said dully.

Bill apparated without another word.

Remus heaved a heavy sigh. Tonks was furious. She felt humiliated.

"Do you care to explain what that comment was all about?" she asked in a deadly quiet calm.

"I don't think I could if I tried." he said lamely.

She was quiet a moment, her eyes not meeting his

"Wow... I guess it's everyone's favorite topic but mine... And here I thought I deserved better than to be gossiped about.. I mean really, how interesting is it to talk about a loser Auror who can't get a man to admit if he loves her because of what everyone else thinks--"

"Tonks--" he cut her off. "You'd better get back to work, I'm sure Dawlish is helpless without you." he spat angrily.

"Here." she said flatly shoving the satchel into his chest.

"The Full moon is two days from now if I recall. I thought you may be needing these..." and with that she walked away leaving Remus alone. She had already turned the corner before he could say anything to her.

He instantly deflated, opening the bag to find a pillow and some blankets inside.

With a heavy sigh, he continued to head over to the shrieking shack wishing desperately he were a better man.


	21. Chapter 21: Words from the Wise

It was raining outside, the following night. Tonks had a meeting with Dumbledore and Moody on castle boots crunched the wet leaves on the ground outside, the cold air around her causing chills down her spine. The sky was a blackish grey and unusually dark for the time of night that it was. Her wand raised, she lit her way up the abandoned Garden path and to the front entrance of the school. She was met by the caretaker Filch, who by the looks of his smarmy grin, seemed very pleased that he was not freezing from head to toe as she was by the time they reached the doors.

After being prodded about by the secrecy sensor, Tonks finally made her way past the Great Hall toward Dumbledore's study. She remembered her days here, and smiled ruefully at the Black and Gold banners as she past. As she walked up more of the great stone steps and changing staircases, she let her mind wander momentarily to happier times, one of which the tale of how Lupin had received his nickname Moony.

"Treacle Tart" she called out to the stone Gargoyle.

The staircase began revolving slowly, and Tonks made her way up the stairs. She hadn't been to the Headmaster's office in years. Faint grumbling inside let her know that her Mentor had already arrived

"Albus says come in" called Moody before she could knock.

A moment later the door swung open, the Phoenix behind it letting out a soft note.

"Wotcher, Fawkes," she said patting it's head gently; "Hello, Dumbledore."

Moody Grunted in greeting.

"Ah, Nymphadora, glad you could make it my dear!" said Dumbledore beaming behind his half moon spectacles.

"Sure thing, Professor. So what can we help you with" she asked authoritatively.

"Well my Dear," he began, offering her a seat "I'm afraid I will be needing to leave the school quite often this year. Unfortunately the nature of my adventures must, for the moment, remain private, but I will need to ask if it is a possibility for you to remain on school grounds during my absences."

Tonks thought this was most odd. She look at Moody questioningly.

"Well I can't see how that would be a problem, Alastor, is that alright with you?" she asked timidly.

"'Couse is it," he barked "Anything the Headmaster asks takes presidence over me."

There was something about the way Moody said this that made her wonder if she had missed something. Moody was usually territorial of her, so she had a feeling she had not heard the bulk of the conversation. She decided waiting to hear it was her best move.

"Excellent, Excellent... Now, there is one other task that I do wish to discuss with you, Miss Tonks." Albus continued. Mad-Eye wouldn't look at her.

"I understand that you are under a great deal of emotional turmoil at the moment, and it is of course, natural, for those who care about you to be biting one's nails..." he began softly.

_Bingo._

Tonks knew exactly where this was going. She was staring at Mad-Eye, whose eyes would still not meet hers. She was furious.

"I assure you that you have my fullest confidence, but I wanted to make double sure that you feel you can cope with being in such close proximity to those that might cause you to feel vulnerable, for lack of a better word---"

"I assure you, Headmaster, that while your concern is appreciated that it is also unnecessary" she said in her most McGonagall like voice. "You were right to think me capable of being able to handle tasks just as efficiently as ever."

Dumbledore braided his fingertips together, surveying his hands.

"Alastor, would you mind waiting in the hall for a moment? I believe you may run into a familiar face..."

"Sure thing, Albus. Tonks, I'll await you outside" Moody replied.

She nodded but was too angry to look at him. Once the door closed, Albus lifted his eyes to her face, and smiled.

"Severus tells me that your Patronus has shifted in it's form. Is there something you wish to tell me?" he asked softly.

Tonks suddenly felt 13 again. It was most unusual to be sitting in front of the Headmaster being treated just as she always had been by him, as a shy but bright child. Her eyes couldn't meet him.

While he smiled from behind his half moon spectacles, he surveyed the young woman sitting before him. He had never seen Tonks looking so defeated. He had remembered her as a vivid creature, with hair of the brightest pink; She'd had a mischievous disposition, to match her attitude during her years in the great school. It saddened him now to see her, clearly suffering a tremendously broken heart, her eyes black with lack of sleep, and her hair a lank, mousy brown.

"It's nothing, Professor, just something I'm getting over" she said briskly, trying to convince even herself.

"My Dearest Nymphadora, I would like kindly to remind you of the powers that love can yield on even the strongest of spirits..."

"I know that. And it's just been a lot to bear with losing Sirius and...." she couldn't continue.

"Were you in love with him?" he asked quietly.

"With Sirius? Ha! No, Sir, not with him..." she said smiling slightly.

"I see," he began again "So it _is_ safe to assume, it is with Lupin, then."

Tonks froze.

"Remus and I are just friends-- Sir" she added hastily. _How could he possibly know this?_

"I would hate for you to think that I am intruding on your personal life---"

"Not at all, Professor---"

"But yet... I must impress upon you the importance here of such a case. The power of unrequited love is undoubtedly strong, and yet not as strong as those who have known love and feel the very break of it."

Tonks said nothing.

"I say this to you Nymphadora, only because I care very deeply for the both of you. I wanted only to express with strongest vigor my feelings on the strength a bond of love can carry with it.... and also to share my hope that one does not get lost in the lack love showing. In essence, I have come to learn through my many many years, that just because it is not said through spoken word, it does not make love any less existant..." he finished, unfolding his hands.

Tonks thought about this a moment before she spoke.

"I agree, Sir... if only half-heartedly" she said, gazing up at his curious expression. He smiled warmly at her and clapped his hands. Fawkes cooed softly.

"Excellent! In that case, I believe we are through for the night--- I've much work to do and the castle surely could use the protection of an Auror as fine a lady as yourself" he said winningly.

"Yes Sir. I'll er--- see you around" she added, heading for the door. With another pat on Fawkes' head she left, Dumbldore's advice running though her mind.

She was halfway down the stone steps to the entrance hall when she ran into her Mentor. She gave him a warning look and slowed her pace.

"What _exactly _DID you tell Dumbledore if you don't mind my asking?!" she huffed.

"Nothing he couldn't see from looking at you" he barked back. "You're a mess Tonksy. We just wanted to make sure you were up to what you are capable of---"

"I can function just fine thanks" she said back rather coldly.

"Good," he growled, "Because you'll be the one guarding the castle at night from the village, understood?"

"Understood, Mad-Eye..."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT AT THIS SCHOOL!" he barked angrily at her. She rolled her eyes.

"Right. Sorry."

"And Nymphadora, do us a favor will you---"

"Only if you DON'T call me Nymphadora---"

"Take better care of yerself. No need to kill yourself over any of this Lupin nonsense."

"I suppose not, but there sure is reason enough to do so with all that Celestina Warbeck you've been listening to----"

"MISS WARBECK IS A DAMNED FINE WOMAN!" he shouted. "And a damn good musician if you ask me... maked a better woman than you'll ever so, in your crazy getup..." he went on grumbling.

Tonks smiled as Moody grumbled all the way back to Hogsmeade. She appreciated his attempts to shield her from harm, but at the same time she wished she hadn't been so lacking as to worry her Mentor of her abilities. She knew her being unable to change her appearance had probably rattled him, as well as others of the Order, and was determined to put Lupin from her mind, Molly's words ringing in her ears alongside Dumbledore's new advice.

_A heart can break and heal, but a mind cannot be replaced_ she thought.

The question now was whether or not her mind was too big a price to pay to love the man that wouldn't have her.

At this, there was only one other verse that rang, as clearly as Fawkes' soothing cries into her brain...

* * *

_If Heaven and Hell decide_

_that they both arre satisfied_

_Illuminate the NO's on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you_

_When you Soul embarks_

_I will Follow You into the Dark_


	22. Chapter 22: The Shrieking Shackled

Bloody.

Effing.

COLD!!!

Tonks sniffed in a massive amount of liquid running from her nose. She was sick as a dog thanks to her long hours patrolling a wet, freezing Hogsmeade after her brief meeting with Dumbledore the previous evening.

It was turning night in the corridor's of the Hogwarts grounds, the halls colder than what usually was for the autumn time. Classes had started two days ago, and much to her dismay, Tonks learned that Snape was now teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons. She remembered the night he had walked in on her conversation with Remus and shuddered- not to mention the night of the Start of Term feast. She kicked a small stone over, sick with nerves. She knew what today was. She knew what was going to happen. Tonight was the night of the full moon, and Dumbledore was out of the castle. She prayed for the safety of both her favorite Headmaster and for the man she knew was behind the screaming of the Shrieking Shack.

She took another deep sniff and rubbed her already red nose, coughing.

She looked out of the foggy tower window to see the sun fading fast, just past the horizon. Her hand shifted to the broken bracelet she kept in her pocket, thumbing the charm of the Moon. Staring at it, she heaved a frustrated sigh, stopping only when she had walked directly into a student.

"Oh-- wotcher, I wasn't baying addention..." she began, helping the student up with an extra-large sniff. She really did sound ridiculous with a cold.

"Good evening Nymphadora" replied the dreamy, round face of a blonde girl with large, looming eyes. Ginny was by her side. Tonks had only seen the strange girl once before, at the Ministry, and was digging half-heartedly in her head for the name.

"er..." she began

"Luna" the girl said dreamily, reading Tonks's mind. "But you may not have remembered that seeing as everyone just calls me Loony".

She was very pretty, but Tonks remembered thinking to herself that not even she, a girl who wore her hair in pink spikes on a good day, would not dare to wear such awful raddish earrings. She didn't know whether to laugh or pity the girl. Tonks felt slightly uncomfortable and wondered if her angel wing earrings made Luna fee the same way: Luna seemed to not find it rude to stare someone down.

"Broken your heart has he?" she said, goggling at her.

Ginny looked at her, an eyebrow raised. She giggled at her friend.

Tonks Froze.

_What on earth is this girl on about, is she a seer or something?!_

"The man t'lives in the moon." the girl said.

Luna did not react the the awkward silence that followed, or rather, she did not notice Tonks' newfound rigid stature.

Tonks let out a baited breath- _she was loony_. Tonks was in no mood to listen to Luna's crazy stories. She was cold, sick, her nose was drippy and everything about her felt gross. Luna began swaying back and forth a little, shaking her head at the moon.

"well..." Tonks tried to start.

"Forgive her Tonksy. We've already been overloaded with classwork thanks to Snape being the new teacher of Defense Against lessons.

"I saw you looking that way, and you looked sad so I put two and two together. Supposedly if you love him you can see the moon any time of day, even before its visible to the rest of the world. Best stay away from him, he's a right scarlet-gentleman. I wonder if he's ever cold up there..." Luna interrupted.

Ginny and Tonks' eyes met, and they quickly looked away.

"Err, right... wew i guess you'd bedder ged your hobework done..."

"See you later I guess, hope your cold gets better!" came Ginny's voice. "Come on Luna" she said leading her friend out of the hall.

Tonks couldn't even calculate what it was the strange girl said before she realized the two were gone. She shook her head in confused disbelief before walking down the corridor in an opposite direction of Luna.

_Remus a scarlet woman... if she only knew..._

She felt so exhausted, her eyes bleary and tired. She could not remember the last time she had received a full night of sleep. She wiped her nose with her sleeve and let out a yawn...

--Suddenly, there was a sound in the distance... Like a scream...

Tonks froze. Her whole body went numb, cold sweat appearing on her forehead. She felt sick and weak, and knew not what to do. Her immediate thought was of Luna who had left seconds before... but it couldn't be her, it sounded less, well... loony... She held her arm over her face to stop her nose from running and picked up her pace.

She immediately sent her patronus to find Proudfoot and Savage as she continued down the long corridor. Her heart began to beat faster, her mind now going into full Auror mode. She held her wand at the ready, and was running now, not even sure where, and immediately panicked when she saw a first year coming straight toward her from the other end of the hall.

"Don't cobe to Dis endya--MOTHER F--!!!!"

------She tried so hard to warn the first year, attempting to speak clearly past her cold, that in her attempts to warn the student, she had run full force and face first into a giant stone statue of a witch with one eye and a very hunched over back.

She had obviously terrified the first year into oblivion as it was no longer there when she looked up, but her lip was now bleeding profusely along with her nose. She groaned and slowly pulled herself into a sitting position. She jumped when suddenly, slowly, the statue shifted to reveal the entrance to a secret passageway. Her eyes were wide and glossy- she had never know this was here before... How on earth did she open it?

She felt the blood trickle from her face and onto her clothes, before she realized she was still in pain. She pointed her wand to her nose, muttered _episkey_ and stood up slowly. Proudfoot and Savage were now running her way.

"Tonks what is it?" Savage said first, out of breath.

"Who did it, who attacked you?!" roared Proudfoot, his wand flailing.

"Addacked, what on earth are you dogging about?!" she cried.

"Your face! Didn't you know?" said Savage in disbelief. Proudfoot ran to the other end of the Hall as if to find the perpetrator.

Oh. _That._ She sighed. She had forgodden how it would look to her if someone sent a patronus and was standing blear-eyed and bloody in front of a statue in an empty corridor.

"No I just-- ran indo the stadue-- it durns indo a passageway abbearanlty but-- I heard a screab--"

"Hey you! Come back here!" yelled Proudfoot at the same first year girl that had run away not too long before.

"Should we get her?" said Savage. "I think she heard about the passageway..."

"No, leab er, I just scared her do death is all... anyway, this was just a stadue moments ago, and I ran indo and it turned id indo a passageway-- but thats not the boint! I heard a screab, I want us do hit the grounds and check it out--"

"Wait, you say you ran into it? Tonks, that's pretty bad, even for you..." said Savage, surveying the statue now.

"Yeah are you sure you weren't confunded?" Proufoot asked, trekking back toward them.

_Would nobody listen to her about the screaming voice?!_

"Yes, Savage, why?!" she said slightly annoyed now, wiping her nose yet again. Someone could be hurt...

"Did you say anything- when you ran into it"

"Well I suppose I yelled sobething I was after all running indo an effing statue--!"

"What were you saying just before, were you walking to the first year?"

"Wew yes, I was---"

It clicked.

Tonks smiled a moment:

Savage and Proudfoot surveyed her slowly: her sudden silence and smile caused them to raise their eyebrows.

"Yes, I did-- I was running, and I saw dat first year girl. I said don't cobe to 'dis' end you-- well then I shouted mudder fucker, because I ran indo the statue at that point-- bud I was trying do warn her... I guess my wand hit da thing- Of course!" she said, Dawlish and Savage looking at her in the same manner she had looked at Luna moments earlier. It was not a nice face. She took a mental note never to look at Luna in that way again

"Tonks... are you sure you didn't uh... hit your face... too hard?" tried Savage weakly.

Tonks sighed. Thick heads.

"Noo, don't you geddit? dis end ya mudder fucker?" she said happily. They truly thought she was crazy now.

"Tonks, you're sick, you should go home, get well--"

"Dis end ya-M... _Dissendium_ anyone?!" she spelled it out.

"OOOooohhh" called Savage and Proudfoot at the same time.

"Well here, I'll walk down this hallway to make sure its not coming from here. And Tonks: Didn't your mother ever teach you how to get rid of colds? _Congestio Reparo!!_" he said causing her sinuses to clear up.

"Ugh, thank God! THAT was the one, thank you Savage," she said greatfully, now able to breathe through her nose.

"No Problem. And keep your wand at the ready, you two go circle the grounds, see what's up. We'll get killed if we left Hogsmeade to look at a school's secret passage for nothing--" Proudfoot began.

Another scream. _A boy's...maybe... a man's?_

Tonks and Savage exchanged significant looks.

"I'll take the Forest's edge, you check the walkway up to the Castle, Go!" shouted Tonks, and they split ways.

They had to find where it was coming from, and fast.

Tonks was thankful she made it back to the front doors alive and with no interruptions. She didn't feel like having to explain the blood all over her clothes to anyone. It was getting darker outside now, a slight fog rising from the grounds. She began making her rounds, walking hurriedly past trees and brambles. There was another wild scream coming from a huge tree a good 100 feet away. She ran toward it hard, wiping off as much blood from her face with her sleeve as she could. She pulled out her wand and headed toward the sounds as fast as her feet would carry her. All the noise from her surroundings were strangely vacuumed out, she could only focus on that wailing voice-- Hagrid tried to shout at her to look out, but Tonks, being so focused, did not hear his warning. Before she knew what would hit her, a huge branch from the massive tree swooped its mighty wrath down upon her, smacking her hard and throwing her spine up against the tree's thick trunk. She fell heavily to the floor, scrambling desperately to get up. Her body was dizzy with pain.

_What the fuck was that?!_

As if in repose, another huge branch came throttling toward her. She immediately rolled as close to the tree's base as her body would allow. It had finally occurred to her that she had run directly into the vicious path of the legendary Whomping Willow. She made to pull herself up again when she felt her leg sink through a small hole in the ground at the base of the tree. She looked up just in time to see what appeared to be the tree's most evil branch heading straight for her skull. She had no choice--

Throwing her arms over her head, she slid her entire body over to where the hole was, missing the branch's fierce blow by the skin of her teeth. She was sliding quickly now though the hole, down a narrow sort of slide. The light from the early outside evening was quickly fading, turning into night in moments. She landed on the soft hearth with a thud, swallowed into a pit of pitch black darkness.

All was quiet.

She immediately grabbed her wand, praying to God it was not broken. She was in luck. She sent a patronus charm up through the slide from which she fell to send word that she was alive... barely.

Every part of her body was aching and bloody, her knuckles were white with cold. She could feel her tender spots everywhere from where bruises would soon appear, and she was suddenly quite thankful that she was one to heal quickly. The hearth beneath her was soggy and wet, dead leaves and animal skeletons littered everywhere. It smelled of old blood and rotting creatures' corpses. She pulled one of her coat sleeves down and held it over her face. This place was disgusting...

"Lumos" she whispered holding her wand up high.

Suddenly, there was another loud scream- the same one she had heard from the castle. It was definitely a man's but it sounded weak... There was something so vulnerable about it, and sad... like someone was being tortured and losing all self control at the same time... There was something very familiar about the way the screams echoed, something she'd heard before... In fact, everything about the place seemed familiar, but she could not place why for the life of her.

She stood up suddenly and walked down a narrow hallway, the end of which had a rotting old door held up against a shoddy frame. She looked at it apprehensively, not sure what to make of it.

"Is everyone alright in there?" she called out suddenly, opening the door slightly.

She walked over the threshold and into an empty room, the wailing growing stronger as she walked in. Tonks was absolutely amazed. It was as if the tree had provided her a trail so some secret house beneath the ground. There was a set of ancient looking stairs in the back left corner of the lodging... Blood stains painted the carpet, scraps of what she was praying was not old flesh littered the floors. The walls around her were cut and torn apart as if it had been attacked by some kind of vicious wild animal. There was something so familiar about the look and feel of the place, but yet she knew she had never been here before... There was something to sad about the place, something so tortured and weathered about it... As she placed her right foot on the first stair, she had never wished more that she weighed a whole lot less...

"Hello?" her voice rang softly ...

* * *

"Hello?" came a woman's voice from below. She was young by the sound of it, and way too familiar for him to be happy about hearing it.

Remus froze.

_No... Dear God, it couldn't be..._

He heard the woman's footsteps climbing the stairs slowly, each step creaking unsafely one by one. His nostril's flared at the scent he knew only too well as Vanilla... the animal in him noticed not the scent of vanilla, but the scent of a woman, young, and covered in fresh, fresh blood. He shook his head violently. His heart began racing as he ran to the bars by the window. The moon was almost up... He had not a second to lose. He grabbed for his wand.

_Please God, don't let her see me like this..._

"Hello, is anyone here? You're in no danger, I am an Auror of the Ministry of Magic, please reveal yourself..." she continued.

His heart was thumping so hard now, it was a miracle it did not rip a hole out of his chest. He looked at himself in horror. He had everywhere, naked inside his cage, preparing for terrible, unstoppable transformation. He was desperate to get out, to kill... he could smell blood... He was sick with the thought of it..._ her blood_... He had to act fast.

"GET OUT OF HERE!! NOW!!" he roared with all his might, his voice cold and hoarse, desperately reaching for the blanket in his cage that Tonks had given him two nights prior. He heard the woman give a small yelp of surprise, and to his horror, her footsteps grew faster and nearer. He had barely pulled the blanket around himself when she she kicked down the door, wand at the ready.

He could not look at her. He left his back to face her, crouching low in the corner. Maybe if she did not see his face he would just kill him and not try to speak with him...

"Show yourself, are you alright?!" she yelled fiercely as ever.

The perfect Auror.

"Lumos!" she shouted once more, the dark room lighting up.

She gasped in horror. Nothing could prepare her for what she saw next.

The room was filthy, dry blood spattered everywhere, bones littering the ground wherever they could find a place to sit. In the corner, a huge cage with mean, rusted bars, molding at the edges sat mercilessly glaring up at her. The chains rattled, the creature inside was panting, wheezing heavily... It was like the worst scene from a horror film. Flies circled the remains of anything that had once seen that room- before it was mutilated and consumed. She was choking on the smell of the rotting animal flesh. She was too frightened to move. She tried desperately to keep her breathing steady, every hair on her body standing up in alert, in fear. She saw through the grimy curtain of a barred up window a bunch of lights. It dawned on her suddenly that they were no longer underground, and that the passageway from Hogwarts led straight into a Village... Not just any village, but the village of Hogsmeade... and she suddenly knew exactly where she was.

She was inside the Shreiking shack.

She had no idea how she had gotten there from Hogwarts and so quickly, but here she was in the heart of the 'haunted' shack only miles away from the school. Reality hit her in the face- it could only mean one thing... The creature in the cage... the screaming voice... it wasn't a "creature" at all...

Her eyes grew wide.

"Remus?" she said in an exasperated whisper, falling to her knees. It was as if the wind was knocked out of her lungs with as much force as the Whomping Willow itself. She crawled over to the cage, abandoning her wand.

"Oh my God, Remus, are you alright?" she spoke fearfully, tears of sympathy in her eyes.

Remus would not turn to her. He couldn't even look at her. Not in this state. He wanted to die...

"Get out of here Tonks, you're running out of time--NO!" he yelled suddenly. She had undone the chain to the cage and swung open the door. She was inside with him within seconds.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YOU STUPID GIRL!" He screamed, shoving her away.

Tonks didn't care. She would rather die here tonight, holding Remus, werewolf or not, than let him be alone like this ever again.

He drew back his hand in shock. There was dry blood all over her face and down her chest, the smell of it and her vanilla perfume choking his senses. The animal inside of him wanted to escape now, taking control of her in whatever way he could. He wanted to attack her.. ... to kill her...or worse...

"NO!" he yelled as she moved forward to hold him.

He forced himself to claw at his own face, a slight howl escaping him.

It was how he controlled the urges before he changed into his animal form, forcing himself to focus on his pain instead of on his desires.

Tonks looked closer to see his wrists were chained to the bars of the cage. He tried desperately to shove her off, the sun now disappearing in the horizon. She wanted to hold him, to stroke his hair, make him alright... She touched his face

Remus fought desperately to turn his head from her. Her blood was now touching his face, taunting him, wanting him to devour her whole. Her fingertips stung his skin.

"Tonks- please get OUT of here, I'll KILL YOU if you stay!" he tried desperately, tears filling his eyes. He made himself sick-- wanting her, wanting her to save herself, wanting to rip into her with his teeth, wanting to lick the blood from her face, wanting to kill her, wanting her to stay, wanting her... he couldn't handle it. He felt like he was going insane.

Tonks knew not what to do. She couldn't leave him, not like this. Tears filled her eyes at the sight of the pillow she left for him...

"Remus..." she whispered her soft, wet eyes meeting his. They had no time...

"Dora get out of here-- now--"

"I won't leave you--"

"Get OUT! For God's sake Tonks if you love me get out of here--"

"Remus, how can you say that--"

"Do it for me Dora, please, I'm begging you--"

He thrust her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. She had never seen him so fearful. Every part of him was sickly thin and shaking.

"I can't leave you, not like this--"

"DORA DON'T BE PATHETIC!!" he shrieked, throwing her face from his hands and digging his nails deeply into his own thighs. "Dora please... leave. If you love me..." he started carefully "let me go..."

They stared into each others eyes, a look of passionate sympathy and understanding swimming in her dark, piercing ones. She looked at him, her entire body wanting to get out as quickly as she could and stay forever at the same time...

She pressed her lips to his, her face tear stained, and suddenly, something was not right... She shape of the lips that she knew well grew colder, and his face began ever so slightly to shift.

Lupin froze. He knew...

"Remus...?" she said softly, pulling away. His eyes were growing wider, a strange yellow taking them over... Then something shone on his scarred, terrified face... a thin ray of silver light from the mystic orb in the sky above...

His body went rigid, and started violently to shake as the moon grew higher into the sky.

"Kill me or Get out..Get out and Lock me in NOW. Please." he said his voice sounding funny. He began panting heavily, the beast inside taking over.

"Remus..." she said more urgently now.

Her eyes widened in horror. Lupin whipped around to glare at her. His hollowed chest was convulsing dangerously, the veins in his arms ready to burst out of his flesh; His eyes had changed, now demonic in appearance and unreal. They were no longer the soft blue, but his face was changing, his bones cracking into the most horrifying of form she could e'er have imagined-- he was becoming a beast... Every muscle in his body stretched and swelled as if the most atrocious, pitiless manifestation of sadistic cruelty were trying to rip itself out of his very soul...His neck cracked sickeningly as if someone had snapped it in two, and became longer, more gruesome, every nerve in his body shaking...

_He could smell her fear..._

The corners of his lips twitched with an evil snarl, as if the devil himself were taking control his whole face and smile. His calves swelled,, pulling his breaking skin in whatever direction, the putrid teeth in his terrifying grin growing longer and more menacing with each demontic, rattling, breath. It was the most terrifying thing Tonks had ever seen in her life.

Lupin had no other choice. It was clear to him she was too scared to move. It took all of his remaining self restraint to throw her from the cage, cutting into his own flesh violently immediately afterward so as not to never let his prey go.

"NOW!" he screamed, with a long, loud, haunting howl. Tonks slammed the cage door just in time. The wolf snarled from behind the bars, cutting himself with every attempt to break free. She grabbed her wand and ran, as fast as she could away from him. She could hear the rattling of chains from behind her, the sick, terrifying howls of the wolf growing more desperately. She was barely halfway back to the grounds of Hogwarts when she heard what was unmistakably the chains breaking and the lock that kept the beast at bay turning to dust. She ran as fast as she could back up the slimy chute, tripping and fumbling as she ran, as far and fast away from the terrifying beast that devoured Remus Lupin.

"Tonks!!" came a voice from behind her. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think...She saw the Tree's malicious branch coming for her and suddenly everything went black.


	23. Chapter 23: Lupin's Boggart

_If There's No one Beside You_

_When your Soul embarks_

_I will Follow You into the Dark_

* * *

It was Hagrid that had bounded toward her, picking up her limp body as fast as he could. He bolted back into his hut, slamming the door shut behind him.

It was a few minutes before Tonks came to, as pale and frightened as he'd e'er seen her before. He knew instantly what happened. Everything was a blur to her still...

"Find 'im did ye?" he asked lowly, handing the scared woman a mug of tea.

She nodded slowly, disbelievingly, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. She looked to him much like a little girl, dirty and bloody and terrified as if she had barely escaped from her worst nightmare. He pulled her into a suffocating hug, petting her hair with his large hands. Knowing what was coming next, he handed her a trash bin, and sure enough she released her sick. She came back up from the trash can, nodding her head to Hagrid in thanks, wiping her face. Every breath seemed to squeeze and suffocate her lungs, the cruel face of the beast unable to be shaken from her mind. She was trembling furiously.

"You saw it, you did. That's the only durn reason it's righ' that 'e wont 'ave ye" he said softly, letting her go.

She nodded slighlty, and sat back in her chair. For the next few hours, Tonks stared into Hagrid's fire, Lupin's many sad howls haunting her as she drifted into a deep deep sleep...

Her nightmares were drowning in images of Lupin slashing himself apart so as to avoid tearing her to shreds. She could see the pain in his face, the intense agony in which he could barely breathe... Images of The Shrieking shack collapsing, Lupin dying, or being the death of her continued until even in her dreams all her world went black...

* * *

Tonks awoke the next morning with a start. The fire had been lit by Hagrid and the Chilly fall air was nowhere to be found inside the cabin. She called out for Fang, but when no answer came, she walked over to the cupboard and managed to find a small note.

_Out with Fang- help yerself to some tea. Dumbledore took care of yer 'sick-day' notice fer ye._

_- Hagrid_

Tonks gave a shrug and set the kettle up on the stove. The aching in her back was starting to catch up with her, and she let out a large stretch and a yawn. She looked out the window to see the half naked trees and littered autumn colors on the ground. She took off her jacket and kicked off her shoes. Her hair still hung lank and brown like curtains on either side of her face. She checked her wrapped up wrists, feeling her swollen lip.

_Looks like I've had a hell of a night_, she thought.

She was just about to pour herself some tea when there was a rapid-fire knock on the door. She walked over, realizing for the first time it hurt to wlk, and opened it expecting it was Hagrid. Before her was an alarmingly thin, sick looking man covered in cuts and bruises and even more worn-down second hand robes. Her heart fluttered. He began talking in a panic before he even looked at her.

"Hagrid!! Have you seen Tonks--"

"Why yes Remus I have--"

"Yesterday- terrible-she..."

"Mmm-hmmm..." she said crossing her arms, wondering how long it would take Remus to realize he was indeed not talking to Hagrid.

"Oh God--was she al...Oh...Dora! Thank God..." he said looking up suddenly.

She gave him a half smile and opened the door further as to allow him in.

He went straight for her, embracing her. She wasn't sure how to feel about it, and so pulled away.

"Come on in, I've just set the kettle" she responded, turning her back to him. Remus looked slightly dumbfounded and let himself in after her. She had to look away from those eyes, so constantly full of sympathy and concern...

"So... so you're alright then..." he added smally.

Tonks thought about this statement a moment. She did not have it in her to fight him, not now. She was exhausted, and even looking at him, all tattered and weak, could make her fall to her knees. She had to get out of there.

"Listen, I'd better go, I'm late for work." she said curtly, handing him a mug of coffee.

She expected him to move away from the door, to let her out, but he didn't.

"Remus, you're sort of... blocking the door--" she tried with a smile on her face.

He didn't budge.

She could feel him staring at her, waiting for her to lift her eyes to his. She couldn't... she wouldn't... They were extremely close now. Remus still standing like a great stone wall between her and her way out of the cabin. He lifted her right wrist to him gingerly, the touch immediately sending her eyes to meet his. He surveyed her arm all black and blue, her face almost more pale than his.

"I've hurt you" he said quietly.

It killed her when he talked like that. She'd have preferred it if he had screamed at her: this pathetic softness is what drove her mad.

"N-no, that's been there for ages..." she tried lamely.

He moved his eyes to meet hers, not letting go. They stared at each other for a moment.

She retrieved her arm slowly, smiling. Remus's face displaying a hint of shock that she, for the first time he could remember, pulled away.

"Honest... Now I've got to go... feel better." she said trying once again to grab the doorknob. Remus didn't move.

"Tonks..." he began weakly. She looked up at him once more.

He hadn't called her Dora...

He wanted to hold her, ask her if she was alright, make her better, stare into her eyes as long as he wanted. He immediately pulled her into his arms again, settling for squeezing her, hard. He kissed her, slowly on the cheek.

"You too..." he added once again with a soft smile. And with that she was gone. Again. Remus sighed.

No matter what he did it hurt someone. He knew Tonks wouldn't want to talk about the previous night, but it ate him alive knowing how he hurt her. He was no fool, he could see past her front, she was scared, terrified of him... That night was by far the worst he had ever spent as a werewolf... alone, tormented, and choking on the scent of Vanilla, a pretty, pale faced witch dancing in the corners of his mind only to dis-hearten him more every time he thought of her. He set down his mug of coffee, not taking a sip, sick with sleep. He shoved his hand in his pocket, wanting to scream. He hated this. Tonks had grown to be one of his dearest friends, and now - what with Sirius gone- everything had become so complicated. He felt silly- like he should be used to feeling alone by now, but for some reason now it was so much worse... The problem was that before he would never allow himself to get closer to others let alone let other grow closer to and depend on him... but seeing as now he knew how to really love. He couldn't bare that she wouldn't speak to him, and felt helpless as to make her.

He questioned himself: Why not try to at least have a friendship with Nymphadora? He may not ever be able to have a romantic relationship with her, but the not talking nonsense was enough to drive anyone mad...

What was he, crazy? He'd almost killed the poor girl yesterday inside of a rusty cage, and now he'd wanted to invite her to tea... He remembered her scared face, and her bruises... and yet when he saw her moments earlier, she was anything but scared, really... _right?_

One way to find out.

Moments later he was walking briskly outside of Hagrid's hut, attempting tiredly to catch up with Tonks.

He saw her now, just a ten or so feet away.

"Tonks!" he called out. She stopped suddenly and turned around.

_Remus?_

She backtracked a few feet to meet the ex-professor halfway. He looked so sad, all pale with his wooden cane...

"What's up?" she asked nonchalantly.

She was too tired of the whole situation to be excited. He gave her a smile, and caught up to her.

"Your note says you have the day off today..." he added. She didn't understand.

"Bill and I have promised Molly to stop by this afternoon... I'm sure she'd love to see you..." he added trying desperately to hide the part of him that was begging her to join him. She looked at the ground thoughtfully for a moment before looking up at him.

"Well thank you much for the offer Remus, but I'm afraid I'd impose--"

"On Molly? That's not possible. Besides, don't make a liar out of me, I've already told her you're coming" he lied.

There was something strange going on here- something odd about Lupin's persistence. What was he up to? Normally an incident like had happened the night before would close him off for months from her...

"Besides... I owe you an apology..." he continued.

_Ah. There it was. Pity. _That's why he'd invited her. Her heart sank.

"And besides... I'd very much enjoy your company..."

"No thanks Remus you don't have to feel sorry for-- what?" she asked suddenly.

He smiled at her.

"I said I'd enjoy the company... we never talk anymore, I miss that..." he said scratching the back of his neck.

God she loved it when he did that. It was just one more of those adorable little things that he did... Suddenly she stopped herself.

"I quit" she said suddenly. He looked surprised.

"Sorry?" he asked lightly.

"I don't understand you Remus, I really don't. I mean one moment you're screaming for me to 'get away from you if I love you' and the next moment you're inviting me out for tea with Bill at Molly's! I mean honestly Remus, what would you like me to say?" she finished in a huff.

"I want you to say whatever you want to say..."

"Oh Jesus, Remus don't give me that bullshit. Tell me what you want!"

"What I want has nothing to do with anything, alright, forgive me for being courteous--"

"Oh courtesy! Oh yes, fine, sure, that's what that is, courtesy--"

"I knew this was a lousy idea--"

"What? _You_ have a lousy idea? Not possible Moony, I assure you--"

"What the hell has gotten into you--!-"

"Obviousely not any part of you!!" She shouted finally.

"I just-- what?!" he replied.

She gasped in horror at herself and immediately afterward clapped her hand over her mouth. He sighed heavily and shook his head.

"You are the most exasperating woman I have ever met, do you know that?" he asked suddenly, throwing his arms to his sides.

"Oh yeah? Same with you then love" she snapped, and with that she began to walk away.

"Tonks--"

"When you have the courage to buck up and invite me to tea because you want me to be with you --(at this Remus started laughing)-- instead of just because you're worried you scared me last night, then I will accompany you!" she finished furious at his laughter.

"I have already told you I am too old for you, I was just trying to be friendly." he spoke back at her carelessly.

There it was- the dagger in her heart. He stopped laughing suddenly, and realized too late he had said the wrong thing.

"Tonks--" he tried, but it was to late. Her eyes were glossy with tears, the liveliness of her arguing drained away till she was once again the numb, zombie likw woman he had seen the night before.

"You're right..." she began suddenly. His heart stopped. "I thank God you're thirteen years older than me- imagine if I was forced to listen to thirteen more years of why it is impossible for someone like you to ever love someone like me. If we had been the same age, I might have heard a fairerl reason."

Remus was struck dumb. He didn't know what to say. He didn't even know where to begin. There was a girl who had never been more wrong in her life, and yet, was completely convinced that she had never been more right. Love was a bitch. They stared at each other another moment before he spoke.

"I can't..."

"I know. You don't _always_ have to rub it in."

He watched her walk away from him yet again, a scene that was sadly all too familiar. He would have given anything just for once to have not seen the back of her... for just once to have her walk into his arms instead of further and further away from them.

But that was just the way it was: the cruel, hard reality of it.

_It was better this way... _he tried to convince himself.

Tonks didn't bother to look behind her. She knew too well he wouldn't be there to follow after her, and that she'd be left alone to mend the pieces of her yet again broken heart. She walked toward the school with a heavy sigh trying desperately not to think. How could she think... There were many more important things to be concerned about- things like the Order, and Dumbledore's plans, and the safety of the boy who lived...

_What would Sirius do..._

_

* * *

  
_

Remus left Molly a few hours after he had spoken to Tonks that morning, weaker than ever. He leaned against his cane, walking more slowly than usual. He decided it was better to walk short distances rather than apparating everywhere: his concentration was, after all, not where it needed to be to perform such magic correctly. The brilliant orange and yellow leaves that littered the ground and crunched loudly beneath his tired feet seemed to echo in his brain around the thoughts of Tonks that danced through his mind. He scoffed a little at the young woman- here was the tired old half breed walking around on a cane and there she was miles away still wishing he loved her. He could not for the life of him figure out why. He'd tried his hardest not to bring up Tonks in front of Molly and Bill, but was even more surprised that neither of them had said anything to him about her either. He made his way up the beaten path that led to the small grimy house that was Grimmauld place. He shut his tired eyes and remembered number 12, making his way into the building once the coast was clear. Jumbled memories attacked him all at once, happy times of Tonks in his arms and Sirius's barking laughter... and also sad times of Tonks' hair no longer pink, and Sirius retreating to the second floor to wait on Buckbeak... He heaved a heavy sigh and sat down as gingerly as he could manage, setting his cane on the wall beside him. The house was eerily quiet, the only noise coming from the scattering rats on the floors above. He decided to make his way to the kitchen and set the stove for a cup of tea.

The moment he turned the corner, he felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him, throwing him violently to his knees. His face was chalk white, his eyes wide and fearful. There in the middle of the floor lie Tonks' dead body, mangled and torn, as if some wild animal, some ferocious beast had ripped her apart with a vulgarity too horrible to imagine. His throat swelled to where he could not breathe, his body suddenly heavy as if the weight of the world had been thrust upon him. His shaky hand fumbled everywhere in his coat pocket for his wand, but he felt as if he couldn't move. All time seemed to stand still as the bloody mass on the ground became more and more real to him. Thick, wet blood drowned her face in a grisly puddle, tufts of her soft pink hair turning slowly black on the dirty ground beneath her, the bracelet he had given her broken in pieces on the ground, scattered about as carelessly and fragile as the leaves on the ground outside. His whole body began to shake and tremble, his lips parched and stinging. He wanted to scream- _where the fuck was his wand!_ - He fell to his knees, wanting to vomit...when suddenly--

"Ridikkulus!" said a voice in alarm.

Tonks' body turned into a puff of smoke. Remus whipped his head around quickly to see Bill standing there, his wand pointed directly at where Tonks' body used to be. He looked back to a light mist hovering over the once gruesome scene. His heart began beating quickly again, shaking as hard as ever while taking Bill's offered hand to help him up from his knees.

"Good thing Mum sent me after you- you forgot your cloak at the house. You alright?" he asked Remus calmly. He was stark white, as if he had been drained by a vicious hoard of dementors. Remus nodded his shaky head slightly, and tried to shake off the vision. His fearful eyes suddenly met Bill's sympathetic ones.

"T-thank you..." he muttered softly.

Bill released a heavy sigh as the two stood in silence a moment. Once Remus regained his composure and stopped shaking, he looked over again at Bill.

"I knew it was a boggart... but... usually it's just... the moon, you see..." he said quietly.

Bill looked at his tired old friend with pity and understanding in his eyes. Remus had never looked so shabby, his robes torn, the bags under his eyes big enough to be the all the Dursley's luggage. Lupin's cheeks were no longer round and full, but sallow and sunken in. His eyes were greatly defined by wrinkles to fit a man ten years older than he actually was.

"It's all right Moony. Just the other day I saw something very similar, only with Fleur... Boggarts can be nasty when they pop out of nowhere. If it wasn't for mum I'm not sure what I'd have done... you gonna be alright?" he finished suddenly.

Lupin nodded in silence, staring still at the spot where Tonks' body had been moments before. Bill ruffed the back of his hair thoughtfully before speaking again.

"Anyway I just wanted to let you know Tonks is going out of town for a few weeks. I thought you may want to say good luck or something..."

"Where is she going?" Lupin asked quicker than he intended.

"Not sure. She won't say exactly, I just know that she's not sure that she'll be back--"

"What do you mean she won't come back--?!"

"Remus relax, I'm sure it'll be fine! ... Besides she's a big girl she can handle herself..." he re-assured him.

Lupin sighed angrily and nodded. The last thing Remus wanted was for Tonks to disappear for a few weeks, especially when moments before he had seen her dead mangled body on the kitchen floor.

"I'll write her" he added hurriedly.

Bill left a few minutes later, the vision of Tonks' mangled body still in Lupin's mind. He would find out where she was going and 'happen' to be there at the same time. He had to know. He couldn't let her go alone...

This time he was going to protect her...

no matter what...


	24. Chapter 24: The Headmaster's Office

**AUTHORS'S NOTE:** Hey howdy hey! Here's a snippit chapter till some good stuff comes. I've just been really busy (sorry!!), but I promise I will finish this story soon :D

1,000 Hippogriff frequent flyer miles to all of you!

* * *

"Dumbledore, I'm going with her!--"

"Remus, please, let me explain--"

"Dumbledore--"

"Remus..."

"--WHERE ARE YOU SENDING HER!?"

"Remus!" yelled the weak Headmaster over Lupin's hoarse voice.

Once again, one of his favorite student-turned-professors was in uproar. He heaved a deep sigh and motioned his hand toward the other side of his desk.

"Have a seat, Remus, and I will explain everything" he said softly, taking a seat himself.

Remus' eyes were wide, his knuckles now white he was grabbing the top of his cane so hard. He couldn't believe it. Tonks was being sent on another mission and Dumbledore had not assigned it with him, let alone even told him about it.

"Dumbledore, why don't you ever tell me these things? This had better not involve anything lycan--" he said collapsing into the chair, more calmly now.

"I understand you are worried Remus, as you and I or anybody in the Order would be for anyone else..." Dumbledore began.

Remus did not like the way he said this. The twinkle in the old man's eye told Lupin this was exactly the emotion he'd wanted to evoke in him. He pretended not to notice. Dumbledore could see the deep worry in his younger friend's eyes. It was funny to him, because every time he had seen Remus before he would always still see the sixteen year old boy just not wanting to hurt anybody... but now he finally saw the thirty-something year old man angry for once that the one thing he wanted in life was now in danger. Remus had always been worried- never angry. The image in his mind of Tonks' orders to not tell Remus anything brought a small smile to his wrinkled, cheeky face.

"What are you smiling at me like that for" Remus now asked trying desperately not to sound like a petulant child.

"I am not at liberty, nor would I if I could, to tell you the exact mission or orders I have given to any one member of our little orginization--"

"Dumbledore--" Remus began, a small fire erupting in his heart.

"And I should hope that you will respect that--"

"Oh good God Dumbledore..."

"..."

Remus looked up at the Headmasters new silence. Dumbledore merely smiled and surveyed him.

"Are you quite finished interrupting me?" he asked kindly from behind his half moon spectacles. Lupin paused, then nodded.

"The reason I have chosen Tonks for such a mission is to get her away from all this. She has asked for more missions, and as she has excelled thus far, I have given them to her. She completes each one successfully and without your assistance, and has made sure to let me know that" he finished smally. Remus looked up. _What was that supposed to mean?_

"And tell me Remus..." he continued "If you love her so, why do you insist on pushing yourself away from the humongous happiness that is love in times so hard as these?"

"Who says I love her" Remus answered dully.

"Ah, my apologies, I should not have assumed. I merely wondered why you had reacted this way at the thought of losing Dear Tonks. You did not react this was when any of our other brothers were sent away-- Forgive me, with your actions of coming here today, offering your life for her, I had assumed that you did indeed love her. My mistake old friend." Dumbledore replied, eyes twinkling yet again.

Remus didn't speak a word; what could he say to that? He heaved a heavy sigh as his eyes dropped to the floor. There was a fire in his chest at the mere thought of haveing to lose Tonks or let her go forever.

"Dora is a very, very dear friend to me," he started weakly. The thought of why he had in fact reacted the way he did was racing through his mind..._ Why had he reacted like this?_

"She's what I've got left of Sirius. All I've got, actually... If anything happened to her... well what would be the point?" he spoke softly.

Dumbledore nodded slowly, his fingers interlaced as if in deep thought. After another moment's silence, he spoke.

"All right. The mission I had for Tonks has not yet been given to her. I merely told her she would be spending a few weeks away. I will give this mission to you, but I am warning you, it will not be easy"

Remus looked up finally. All this and he hadn't even given Tonks the actual mission yet? A deep wave of relief came over him quickly replaced by annoyance. It took a moment for him to realize Dumbledore was smiling at him.

"Ah Remus, you have more Sirius in you than you know!" he chuckled with a smile. "You and Nymphadora are both on the front line in these difficult times, I trust you to know that."

Lupin nodded.

"Very well," Dumbledore continued, "About the mission... I am sending you, most regrettably to the Underground again. It will be long, and it will be difficult, I can guarantee you that. What I can not guarantee you is that you will come back unscathed or alive even... but I must stress the importance that as much as it would be an unbearable tragedy to me should you not succeed, there are others who need you more than I in these times; therefor if you so choose I can pass this mission to someone else who is more fit--"

"I'll do it" Remus blurted. He may be older, he may be not as strong as say Shacklebolt, and using a cane, but no way was he going to give Dumbledore the opportunity to give anything dangerous to Nymphadora, not on his watch.

"Excellent!" clapped Dumbledore, bringing Remus back into the present moment. "As for Miss Tonks, I hope you shall see to it to let her do her job. No matter what." he finished.

_No matter what? What an odd thing to say..._

"Before you ask, Remus," Dumbledore began, reading his mind as he so often did, "Tonks will go to the underground as well. However--" he began before Remus could cut him off, "She will only be there as a backup and she will never be unaccompanied while she is there. I'm assigning Mundungus as her Ally--"

"Mundungus!!" Remus erupted suddenly, his eyes practically bulging out of his skull. This was too much.

"Yes, Remus, and I would greatly appreciate if you would lower your voice as I do get quite the headache as of late..." Dumbledore began, resting his hands on the table. It was the first time Remus had noticed it, but Dumbledore's hand had blackened-- it looked almost... dead...

"I see you have noticed my hand..." Dumbledore began quietly, a sad smile of his own crossing his face. "No matter, it is of no great importance. I'll merely ask that you ask no questions, so that I may tell you no lies..." he finished, drawing his long violet sleeve over his wound.

"I must say, Remus, I find this most unlike you. For you to worry, is your true character, but to put so little faith in my judgement... I would not have Given Nymphadora this task if I believed her to be unable to complete it with utmost success, nor would I have assigned her Mundungus as a detail"

"It is not your judgement I lack faith in, Dumbledore, it's my kind.." Lupin weighed his words carefully. "Nymphadora... she's exactly what a lycan wants. They prey on those that will show their pain when hurt, someone who's fear you can smell on them, someone that will feed both their anamilistic nature and their bloodlust.... do you understand?"

"Better than You believe I do, it seems" Dumbledore twinkled back.

Remus nodded. He wasn't sure what the Headmaster was hiding, but he knew better than to ask questions after a statement like that.

Lupin had left the Headmaster's office shortly afterward, a million things on his mind. He was sick with sleep, and was steadily finding himself barely able to walk without wanting to collapse. He had barely made it to his flat and began to pack when a soft knock was heard at his door. He carefully folded another shirt into his suitcase before heading over to answer it. He opened the door and his heart lurched.

"Wotcher" said the pale faced witch in his doorway. She was in her normal Tonks-ish attire (well, as normal as Tonks could be anyway), but her usual zest for life and ear to ear smile seemed to be not-so-mysteriously missing.

"Nymphadora-- to what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked, using whatever energy he had left in him to smile at her. She tried her damnedest not to show too much concern.

"Dumbledore's given me a letter to send your way. I would've owled it by, except I thought the information was a little too important to trust to a bird like the one I've got-- and hey, are you alright? You look peaky..." she said handing him the parcel and immediately fussing over his hair.

"Well, it was good of you to drop by, I'm glad to see you..." he began awkwardly. "-I'm fine. How've you been?"

"Fantastic. Good, actually. Busy... Well, terrible to be honest, just remind me to kick the next death eater I see in the face a little" she explained with a small smile.

Remus chuckled. He really did miss her.

"Anyway, good to see you Remus, but I've got to be going. Though I am glad, very glad, I got to see you before you leave... See you at Molly's tomorrow night then?" she added in a purely business like manner.

"Ah, yes, the meeting. Surely" he replied warmly, nodding the parcel at her.

"See you soon then... And take care of yourself. Molly wouldn't like very much to see you with a cane" she shrugged. Before he could answer her back fully she was already halfway down the staircase and out the front door of the building. He heaved a small sigh, and collapsed onto his tiny bed. It was always like this. He never realized how much he appreciated her until he saw her again. It was always something in the way that their eyes met, something in her smile... he could almost feel her heart flutter when she saw him. It was incredibly flattering, in many ways. She had such an appreciation for him that, while though he believed firmly that he didn't deserve it, he always felt as least for one split second that he was worth something to someone. He finished packing his things for the mission, the last article a gorgeous journal he tucked safely away, with thoughts of Dora in his mind...


	25. Chapter 25: Somewhere In Between

It was well after eight o'clock that night when Tonks found herself knocking on the door of the Weasley house. It was odd for them to have the meeting there, she thought, and also believed that Grimmauld place should have been the spot. _Why burden the Weasley's home with such troubling thoughts? Where would they escape to afterward and kick off their shoes, and shake of that horrible feeling that often followed their meetings?_

She sighed heavily, realizing of course that the Weasleys offered their home to not burden herself and Remus with the loss of Sirius by re-living the many memories of Grimmauld Place.

The air was chilly today, slightly more so than usual. Tonks wrapped her black cloak tightly around herself as she awaited an answer. She would be glad to see Molly after such a long day. Molly was always ready to make her feel better by saying just the right thing at the right time.

She was surprised to see not Molly at the door, but Remus.

"Wotcher" he said kindly, swinging the door back a bit further.

"Wot---- Hey, that's My line." she said feeling her face get hot. _He said 'wotcher'..._

"Molly is in the kitchen slaving away over a seventy-course meal of cours,e" he chuckled letting her in.

"Can I get you something to drink, while you wait? You're a bit early" he offered, leading her into the study.

"Oh I'm fine thanks. Am I really early? I thought I'd be late..." Tonks replied watching him pour a glass of wine.

She imagined in her mind's eye coming home to him in her flat, Remus pouring wine, leading her into the dining room... then the bedroom...

"Tonks?" Remus asked suddenly.

"hmmm...?" she asked dreamily. She snapped back into reality a moment later, flustered at Remus's expression of bewilderment.

"You looked a little spaced out... You feeling alright?"

Damn his eyes, always swimming with concern! .... It was maddening.

"Oh, I'm fine thanks" she replied with a small smile.

Remus surveyed her suddenly, taking in every detail as he always did. He was constantly wondering if something was wrong... _maybe because she was alright without him_... Remus screwed up his face at the thought. _That's no good..._

_Wait, What am I talking about?!_ he thought.

He wanted her to forget him. He was too old, too poor and not nearly enough of a man for Tonks. Nevertheless, he couldn't erase that part of him that wanted to embrace her when she walked through the door, or the part that loved that she was stationed in Hogsmeade every time he was nearby... Of course he knew he was only fooling himself in that she definitely couldn't still think she loved him now, she must've snapped out of it... _She was after all a very smart girl._.. His heart sank.

"So.." she began awkwardly, "Has Dumbledore explained to you the nature of your mission yet? I've only just begun my part, but he told me to ask if you knew I was your partner yet..."

Lupin's eyed widened. Dumbledore merely said he wanted Remus to promise to let Tonks do her job no matter what ... That she played a small role in it now, but not that they were once again partners... What if he failed her again? What if something went wrong?

_How am I supposed to be okay with this, how am I supossed to concentrate at all..._ he thought.

"Don't look so panicked Remus..." she began slowly, her eyes not meeting his. "Look, I know you'd much rather have someone else, but at least-- well, Dumbledore is convinced we make a good team, and I'll only be there for half a second, and I won't bother you too much...Well we'd better get in there, they should be starting soon--"

"I'm not panicked" said Remus suddenly, taking a sip of wine_. I'm such a liar..._

Tonks looked up suddenly. She didn't know what to think.

"You're not?" she asked suddenly.

The best Remus could do was shake his head.

He wanted to scream. _Damn Dumbledore and putting her in danger! Damn his Order sometimes! _

_..._But then he realized he was no longer a moody teenager and had to think about what was best for the World. The Greater good. He shook off his feelings of selfishness and smiled at her.

"Not at all. I rather much enjoy your company, if I didn't I wouldn't spend so much time trying to get some of it. And you're a much better Auror than you give yourself credit for. You've grown up quite a bit" he offered honestly.

Tonks smiled sadly and shook her head slightly.

"Well... Remus, I'm hoping that's a good thing..." she said bashfully.

Lupin shivered. He always loved it when he heard her say his name... The two once again exchanged one of their infamous glances at each other. She just couldn't understand... she loved him so much and yet she could do nothing. She changed her appearance for him, took certain missions for him, everything... it was all for him and he just didn't want it. What happened to the days when they were so happy just to be near each other? It used to be effortless for them, every moment they spent together. Why did he try to avoid her every chance he got? They were so happy... and everything about it was slipping away...

"Remus, I--"

"Tonks, listen--"

An awkward silence was shortly followed by nervous laughter.

"You go--"

"No, You--"

Remus sighed, and did his adorable bit of scratching the back of his neck with a nervous hand. Her heart fluttered... Was this it? Was he going to apologize? Allow her to love him, after all this time? She waited in anticipation, holding her breath...

He took a deep breath, his eyes glued to the floor.

"...I think we need to stay away from each other" he blurt out, exhaling rapidly.

Tonks went numb. There was no air left in her body. She couldn't speak. She couldn't breathe. This was what he wanted to tell her. This was all it was ever going to be like? Her sad, round eyes stared at him, cold and distant now. He hadn't even looked at her. He couldn't... it was too embarassing for him... How could she have been so stupid...

"Tonks?" he tried softly.

She nodded. It was all she could do. After another moment of tense silence, he walked toward her, kissed her on the forehead and walked through the door into the next room. Her face burned. Stifling her sobs, she walked over to the glass cabinet to check her reflection. Her hair was lank and mousy as ever. Her posture had her standing like a question mark, and no amount of makeup could change the fact that she looked so dead. Every part of her was lame and ignored. She wiped a few more tears and headed into the next room, leaving behind an empty wine glass that was so transparent the world could see right through...

"Meeting of the Order is called to Begin at 9:00pm on this second Tuesday of the month of September".

"We are here today..." Dumbledore began slowly, softly rubbing the tip of his finger round the edge of his goblet. He stared down the table in deep concern, his brows furrowed in deep thought. He looked weaker lately, the usual sparkle in the eyes that lived behind his half moon spectacles now dimming. "...To discuss just what is in store."

Everyone in the room was quiet. The tension of the room could be cut with a knife. Molly seated herself quietly beside Dumbledore and across from Arthur, hands folded obediently in her lap. The usual noise, the usual cheerfulness of their home was diminished, the aura of the room so serious nobody seemed to notice the mismatched chairs or animals that lay sleeping across the counters. It didn't seem right to Tonks. She could remember how happy the aging Headmaster was, talking about Quidditch matches and the house point system. She missed the days when times weren't so hard...

Dumbledore surveyed the room one last time before continuing.

"It is imperative, now more than ever before, that we swallow old grudges, put personal feelings whether good or bad aside, and come together to complete our goal. Voldemort is back. And he is not weak." he finished darkly. "Now is the time, if any, that we must come together. Divided we fall. With being a part of this congregation, comes much power, and much more responsibility. We may die at any moment. We may be the cause of someone else's death at any moment. We may... regrettably... lose the ones we love... at any moment."

Tonks shuddered. Lupin dropped his gaze to the table. Dumbledore let a moment of silence pass before he continued, his eyes not directly meeting those of Remus or Nymphadora.

"But this brings me to another point... Just because we lose those we love does not mean we must teach ourselves to believe that in not letting ourselves love we are lessening a future pain..." he added softly. Arthur's and Molly's eyes met a fleeting instant before hers traveled toward Remus. Remus did not react in the slightest. Nymphadora didn't move.

They knew the message was meant for them. Tonks felt embarrassed for Remus... she hadn't wanted the world to know.

"I just wanted to remind all of you; To love in this life is what we are fighting for. Should we refuse to do this, to love one another, then Lord Voldemort... has already won."

The silence in the room was so intense the clock from the other room could be heard. He let another moment pass before he continued.

"Now then--" he said clapping his hands together, attempting bravely to lighten the mood; this ended up just startling half the table. "Assignments. Molly and Arthur; do as you are doing. Any information you can pull from your work Arthur is extremely important. The line between the world of muggles and the world of wizards is no more, so I must pressure you into learning all that you can" he pressed, Arthur nodding in agreement. "Next is Hestia, Shacklebolt, Tonks and Alastor: The Ministry. Scrimgeour is after Harry, says he wants him to pretend the Ministry is doing well. This however we know is not true, and we just want to make sure that he will not be tolerated under any circumstances. I believe Kingsley, you've had some luck?"

"Yes, I have actually. By stationing Aurors such as Tonks and myself at Hogsmeade, the Minister has found it very difficult to find reason to enter the school grounds without it first coming by us. We've been able to keep him away by reminding him that on his orders we are not allowed to let anyone into the school for purposes other than speaking to the Headmaster or returning from Hogsmeade." he finished authoritatively.

"Excellent. Now, Remus and Nymphadora-- oh pardon me, I meant to say Tonks--" he adjusted accustomed to seeing her flinch. She offered a small smile in thanks for his attempt, but quickly erased it so Dumbledore could continue. Her eyes were now locked on him-- she refused to think of Remus.

"Remus I am sending you to the Underground, but this time for a little bit longer than you think. I believe we are making progress, and I think with just a little more time our friends will join us in the final battle. What is your take on this?"

"The problem I see is Fenrir. I am not popular to those who are close to him, as i bear many signs of trying to live among wizards... and he seems to know what to offer a lycan to get him away from our side. The interesting thing is that strangely enough, while he is not on our side, it is not exactly clear that he is in fact with Voldemort. Lycans hate 'normal' wizards because most seem to think that we ourselves are not judged fairly, or considered capable to do the same things."

"So the question is, what can we do, how can we change their minds, prove to them that this is not the case?" Dumbledore replied.

"Minus changing laws so that we are indeed looked upon fairly and considered for the same jobs and pay as a 'normal' capable wizard?-- pray and attempt to convince them that with Voldemort gone, things will change" he finished quietly, his eyes not meeting the Headmaster's. Dumbledore nodded his head slowly as if he understood.

"I understand. I know this task is very hard for you, and I can understand if you would like me to assign you to something that is not so personal" Dumbledore offered kindly. Remus smiled smally and shook his head.

"It's alright, I'm glad to do it" he replied generously.

"Tonks-- I am assigning you as a backup for Remus. If things get sticky, I need someone who is quick with a wand to be at his side. You will not be going underground with him per say, unless absolutely necessary. What I ask is that the two of you remain in as frequent and discreet contact as possible, let each other know what is going on at all times. Should Remus need help, I trust he will be responsible enough of himself to ask for it. Remember, Nymphadora, I'm putting you on this because you're a damn good Auror, and because the bond of friendship between you and Remus will keep you both on your toes. Are there any questions?" he finished, sinking a little that Tonks hadn't been cheered up by this.

Dumbledore had known the pains of an unrequited love, and saw, many times throughout his career as a Headmaster the affect it had on young women and their hearts. Tonks was an amazing young woman, and it disappointed him to see that someone so lovely was crushed by something that should have been so gentile and kind as true love.

Tonks nodded in accord, as if thanking him for the compliment. She appreciated that Dumbledore never treated her like 'the poor little heart broken girl' in front of the Order. He spared her the humiliation of losing her dignity.

"Right. Severus could not be here tonight as he is already on a mission: he has been to see me quite a few times with more and more news of the Dark Lord's plans. If that is all, and there are no questions, then I believe we shall end this meeting with a thank you to Arthur for his generosity, and to Molly for her always immaculate cooking." He finished with a smile. Molly flushed.

"Meeting of the Order called to close one this, the second Tuesday of September, at precisely 11:15 in the evening."

A few moments later, the members of the Order were bidding each other adieu, and exiting the Weasley home. She had barely turned around in time to see the back of Remus exiting though the door.

Molly seemed to catch wind of this, and rested a hand on Tonks' shoulder.

"He'll come to his senses dearie, you needn't worry. Times are hard now but, he'll learn. Just don't give up. He'll come 'round soon"

"I wish you were right" she said, hearing the lock click behind him. She took another look at the bracelet around her wrist...

He didn't even notice...


	26. Chapter 26: Tribunale di Trasformazione

Lupin made his way past several stone doors in the dark lair of the Underground. Several lycans snarled as he passed, surveying him as though he were an intruder. The constant buzzing of flies seemed to encircle the remains of creatures that had been dragged so mercilessly below by the underground village's occupants, each becoming less and less human with each month they inhabited the hovels below the London streets. Several dark murmurs could be heard as he passed, and he thought immediately of how thankful he was he could remain anonymous here. The only person who had seen the Underground and was not a lycan that lived to tell the tale was his old friend from Hogwarts, Amelia Scamander. The time Lupin had left Hogwarts to live amongst his wolven brethren, she had been the only one who knew where to find him to talk him to his senses.

The cobbled stones on the ground beneath his feet felt each like a sad reminder of how uncivilized the place had become. Several of the lycans that lived here had given up speaking all together, wanting to part themselves as far away from the wizarding world as they could.

He was making his way through the winding alleys and wide sewers, the haunting echoes of melancholy gypsy music reverberating off the sunken, grimy walls. He knew where he was headed. He was suddenly very glad that Tonks had never gone far from the entrance to the Underground. Even as a Lycan, every part of Lupin told him to keep his guard on high.

There were many fortune tellers and palm reader that lived in the lair, but they were nothing like the Professor that taught at the school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. In fact, these seers were more like gypsies, mostly ones that had been cursed themselves to be lycan and banned from their clan. Unfortunately for them, most of the Werewolves in the Underground saw them as being as close to wizards as anyone, so it was normal for them to be hiding in the murkiest of shadows. The lycans spat on them as they walked by, kicking dust rudely into their sallow faces: Lupin was almost positive the only reason the Gypsies were able to remain was due to the fact that their rage toward wizard kind was just as deep as the loathing the werefolk found in themselves.

He walked on past a few more cobbled and streets when he finally arrived at his destination.

_Il tribunale di trasformazione._

_The Court of Transformation._

This was the place he needed to be. Beneath the parapets of stone and foggy streets above him. The 'tribunal di trasformazione' or 'court of transformation' was as close to a town square as could be achieved in a place so macabre as the Underground. Lycans and Gypsies and dark creatures of all sorts would congregate here to watch the torture of victims or plot the demise of wizarding kind. Most of the lycans attended these dark conferences but there were few who, like Lupin, preferred to remain to his or herself. Some lycans were angry, jealous even that they could not be as wizards were; Some were lost in despair at being unable to change their grueling fate; Even more horrible were the ones that found their curse a privelige, an honor...Ones like Fenrir Greyback whose existence was dedicated to the torture and contamination of as many souls as he could lay his thick, dirty fingers on.

Those were the ones that he went to see speak in the square tonight. His hood hanging low over his face, he took a stand toward the back of a crowd, watching each corner of the room.

_Mundungus would look at home here_, he thought, looking at a particularly old wretched woman. She did not lift her eyes. Her lank gray hair lay thick over her spotted face, her rags allowing Lupin's cloak to seem like riches. By her feet was a small pile of bones, a smirk on her face. Though he could not see her eyes, her smirk was unmistakable. Shuddering, Lupin shifted his gaze to the scaffold in the center of the room. Ignoring the distant sounds of concertinas and violins, he heard only the bell that announced the message was about to begin.

The murmurs of those on the ground level turned into violent hisses and whispers. Lupin was not at all shocked to see that the man who had caused such a reaction in the crowd was in fact none other than Fenrir Greyback. From the corner of his eye, he saw the old Gypsy twitch nervously in her hole. She still did not raise her head.

Fenrir looked just as menacing as ever. His broad, muscular shoulders extended from his thick neck as mountains often do from sharp and dangerous yellowed, demon like eyes swept across the crowd, his vile tongue running over his sharp teeth wickedly. A hush fell over the crowd.

" A '_Day of wrath, that day, when the world will dissolve in ashes_', is what was prophesied centuries ago, by the Sibyl..." he began.

"I am here to tell you that day has come, and that we lycans are the fire that will bring down the very world above" he finished. His voice was low and malicious, his grin contorting his face into a terrifying state. Lupin remained quite still, listening intently.

The beggar woman rubbed the rosary within her hand, her face expressionless.

"There is a price the wizards must pay!" he shouted suddenly, so that his wicked voice echoed loudly throughout the room. "We are not cursed, but we are _chosen_ to end their fould kind... Why else would God grant us the immaculate feeling that is the lust for human blood?" he smiled.

Lupin's stomach lurched. Few shifted uncomfortably. Several more smiled.

Fenrir's exclamation continued in a low, harsh voice, and yet he spoke with so much power that as softly as he was speaking it was impossible for Lupin not to hear.

"If you are wizard, you will Die. If you pity or revere a wizard, you will die. And rest assured, my brothers... we _will_ know...You _will_ be found, and when you are... no one can spare you when we do."

Lupin cheated a glance at the tramp; she had suddenly disappeared.

"There is a war upon us! And almost all will lose everything!" he cried out in his peremptory baritone. "We deserve the blood of those who ever have found themselves worth of casting glances against us! We DESERVE the blood and flesh of the young who's wicked bearers have cast us to live here, in these sewers, in these festering catacombs beneath OUR city!"

Several of the werewolves were snarling in excitement, massive amounts of them nodding in agreement. Lupin continued to listen with rapt attention.

"We will USE those who call themselves the Death Eaters to destroy the likes of Albus Dumbledore and the child Harry Potter! It is the likes of THEM and the Ministry of Magic that have brought us to become no more than groveling thieves and wretched gypsies!"

The crowd was shouting it's support now, some of the whooping and clapping.

There was an air of evil so thick in the sewer air that Lupin was sure his life could end at any moment.

"Will you side with me, my friends?! Will you allow Lord Voldemort to take our fall so that we can in fact live as the Gods we Are?!"

Fenrir was very, very good.

The entire crowd now burst into applause. There were snarls and howls from the voices below, the nervous sweat from their bodies infecting the air. Lupin took this as his cue to begin slipping toward the nearest exit. Nobody seemed to notice.

"The times of wizard kind's rule is over! The Werewolves will take over this world as it is meant to be.... Let us burn every Muggle home, tear apart every child, infect every victim with our cause, so that they too can deserve the blood we try so hard to steal from their weak-minded bodies!"

Lupin felt nothing but horrified pity for the commiserable population of his race. The horrors that Fenrir began describing with a relish echoed off the walls, and ceilings. Fenrir's smug expression never changed. Lupin had heard enough.

He slipped away from the crowd, walking back down the damp bone crypts. The sounds of Fenrir's wicked voice and the echoes of his chorus rang throughout the air around him. Lupin kept his head down, thinking all the while that Dumbledore's hope for their minds to be changed was growing more hopeless as time went on. Fenrir had made glorifying promises that their world would be better once Voldemort had helped them succeed.

He thought violently of how unintelligible Fenrir was to believe that Voldemort cared at all what happened to Lycan kind.

Lupin hesitated a few times, now unabashedly aware of just how quiet his surroundings had become. He tried to hide his knowledge of the situation, and twice ignored the sounds of falling stones around him.

_Just the sewers..._ he thought to himself.

As if in anger to his simple thought, Two werewolves swung around the corner, following behind him. Lupin could just make out the lights to the entryway up ahead and carefully, with as much discretion as he could muster began to pick up speed. Up ahead, he saw the beggar-woman sitting, defeated at the end of the long atrium. Another werewolf began walking toward him from the opposite direction: there was no way Lupin was going to make if to the upper level again without a fight. He slowed his walking to a steady pace, meanwhile trying to make eye contact with the tramp on the ground. She did not react.

_Go, now..._ he had wanted to call to her, but the Gypsy remained frozen to the spot, her only movement that of her hand rubbing her grubby rosary clasped in it.

The Werewolf coming in front of him was now only feet away. Lupin's arm grew tense. He began to reach for his wand.

"You there... You look familiar..." came the voice from in front of him.

Just as Lupin was about to pull his wand from his coat pocket, the larger wolf had him pinned against the wall. His filthy sleeve pressed into his throat, his other massive arm pinning Lupin's own arm to his chest. He didn't reach his wand in time...

The two lycans that were tailing him immediately caught up to them, their light shining in the eyes of his captor. Suddenly Lupin's face contorted with rage: he recognized the larger man as Alecto, one of the pack that had threatened Tonks' life.

"You're back!" Alecto chided to the malicious laughter of the others.

Suddenly, from behind the three wolves, there was a loud, tumultuous _BANG!_ that shook the very ground that they stood on.

The two henchmen yelped in fear and ran, in the direction of Court of Transformation. Alecto turned, caught off guard as Lupin fell, fighting for breath to the floor.

"_Fiendfyre!" _came a fierce, hoarse voice from behind the pair. Lupin had to cover his face with his hands.

Brilliant white and gold flames erupted into a giant beast and clawed viciously at Alecto. The werewolf howled in pain, clawing for whatever was behind him, his screams of agony deafening them all.

"_WIZARD!!!_" he snarled at the top of his lungs.

Before Lupin knew what was happening to him, he felt a strong hand grab painfully at his arm, and his body felt as if it was being ripped down the hall.

Alecto remained screaming in agony behind him, shouting at those who heard him to "_FOLLOW THEM!!!"_

Lupin ran as fast as his feet would carry him catching his helper by the back of their cloak, and pulling them into a door frame. Without even looking at his cohort, he placed his hand firmly over their mouth, waiting. Not a second later did three werewolves run past them just at the end of the hall.

"They can't be far, I can smell them!!!" one shouted.

The group carried on down the opposite hall, and it wasn't until after two minutes of a dead silence that Lupin believed he and his savior were alone. It was so dark he couldn't make out their face.

"Are you alright?" he asked out of breath, grasping the stitch in his side.

Tonks immediately pulled of the wig that concealed her eyes and pushed Lupin gently against the door frame and into the light.

"I'm fine, Remus--- Are you alright? You look hurt---"

"Tonks!" she shouted in exasperation.

"_Shhh! Do you want them to hear us?!"_ she asked in a rushed whisper.

Lupin couldn't believe it.

"We'd better get out of here: Hang on to me...," she said quietly, "I'm going to help you apparate back."

She wrapped her arms around his chest as hard as she could and grabbed tightly on to the back of his robes.

A moment later they were above the Underground, their sweat now stinging their faces in the cold, clear air.

"Tonks, the tramp, that was you the whole time?!" he asked worriedly, not letting her go.

"Of course it was! You think I'd hear about Fenrir having a meeting at the _Tribunale di Trasformazione_ and let you go by yourself? What if you had been caught, or captured or _killed_?!" she asked strongly, brushing him off.

"Me?! _Me_ get caught?!" he shouted. He found her statement to be rather Ironic seeing as there was probably not a single werewolf in the room that thought she was actually a lycan.

"Calm down Remus, I'm a metamorphmagus, remember?"

"Yeah, one that hasn't been able to change in months!"

"Well I changed just fine today didn't I?!" she yelled back defensively. "And besides, I took polyjuice potion just in case, alright? Now are you hurt at all?"

"How did you even know what that foul place was?!" he retorted in panic.

Al this Tonks actually laughed out loud, furious.

"I'm an Auror Remus, it's my job to know!" she belted.

Lupin surveyed her for a moment fuming.

He could not believe her. She was so ridiculously out of hand in her actions, he too had to wonder if she had been driven mad. This was not the action of an intelligent, calculated Nymphadora, but of a desperate, overly risky one.

"Tonks if you have a death wish, going Underground without proper notification or protection is not the way to go about it!" he shouted finally.

"Oh, and here I thought I was the one saving YOUR ass, Clumsy me, I thought that's what PARTNERS were SUPPOSED TO DO!" she shrieked.

"I-----" Lupin could think of nothing to say.

"Besides, it's not like they'd have been able to catch me, You give me no credit---!"

"Oh please, Nymphadora, _Catching_ you would have been the easy part!"

"OH R_eally?! _I must have forgotten Remus, KEEPING me has been your real challenge!"

"HA! AS IF IT HAS!!" he shouted back, scornfully.

He immediately regret that decision.

Tonks looked as though he had slapped her hard in the face. Her cheeks turning pink and her eyes looking dangerous, she turned her heel and began walking quickly away from him.

"I trust you can find your way home from up here, without getting attacked?" she called out as she continued walking.

"Tonks, get back here! _TONKS!!!_" Lupin shouted in exasperation.

With another loud _CRACK!_ she was gone.

Lupin began swearing profusely and kicking up dirt from the ground around him. There was just no winning with her...


	27. Chapter 27: 27 Days Later

"27 days. Twenty-seven days, Molly and not one bloody word! I haven't even been able to see him since it happened..." Tonks cried loudly, slamming her mug of root beer on the table.

"Why do I even bloody bother..." she mumbled quietly.

Molly looked at her young friend with sympathy in her eyes. Tonks looked more drab than ever, her face no longer happy but empty, the little self confidence she used to have now nowhere to be found. Molly grabbed the rag from the kitchen sink and walked over to where her friend's drink had spilled. She didn't exactly know what to say. She felt bad putting Remus in his place, but at the same time, couldn't understand why on earth he would deny Tonks' love... Tonks was sweet, smart, outgoing and adorable! Granted, the poor thing was a little clingy, and clumsy at times but she thought that was just what Remus needed...

"Well... if you weren't already in love with him I'd tell you to get a move one and find someone else" she replied with a warm smile. Tonks sighed heavily. It didn't help.

"Listen, darling, if you saving his life wasn't enough for him to wake up and smell the pumpkin pasties... well, maybe it is better that way..." she began slowly, watching for any reaction from Tonks.

"That's just it isn't it..._ God, _I wish Sirius were here. To think we're two weeks from Christmas and I've no Sirius, no control over what I look like, and definately no Remus... Face it. I'm doomed. Voldemort can have me," she finished finally, slamming her forehead on the table.

"Ow.."

Molly choked on her tea.

"Tonks! How can you say such a thing!! After everything Sirius did for us, for everyone--!"

"I know, I know! I'm just... joshing..." she said morbidly, draining what was left of her root beer.

"Well Remus is a daft fool, in my opinion." she replied with a huff. She looked much rather like a fussy guinea pig. Her hair was now streaked with gray, her once round face seemed to fall flat and wrinkled. Tonks knew what the war had been doing to her, but she felt more sorry for Molly with each passing day.

"And now Dumbledore has banned me from going Underground, thanks to Mad-Eye over reacting... What if he gets hurt? What if he needs me to be there, like last time, but I can't go to him?" she asked, her eyes looking expectantly toward Molly. She didn't say anything, but merely kept fussing over the spilled drink as if trying desperately trying to find something to do other than look at her young friend.

"But that's the point isn't it... 'some things are worth dying for'... sure Dumbledore could say that, he's not in love with someone who is always two steps away from death or killing--"

"Oh Tonks, cheer up!" Molly cried, throwing her soggy kitchen rag into the sink,

"I understand that this is making you miserable, but you mustn't lose yourself in it! Remus is a fool, true, and you do love him, I know, but you can not expect love to prevail if it's so well hidden by your tears and remorse!" she offered toughly.

Tonks couldn't look at her. She was too ashamed.

Mrs. Weasley seemed to notice the affect this outburst had on her, and decided to cheerily change the topic.

"Tonks!" she began heartily, causing her to start. "Put your cloak on- we are going to do some Christmas shopping! We've got very little time before Bill and his precious Fleur come by, and I insist we have all our shopping done before then, that way she won't have to come with us. And don't give me the 'I'm too much of a depressed tomboy to love shopping' nonsense, because I won't have it! ALL women love shopping. Now let's go."

Before Tonks could respond, Molly had already bustled out of the kitchen and into the other room to grab their cloaks. She heaved another deep sigh, her eyes catching those of her reflection. Molly was right. She looked far too much like Sirius after his escape from Azkaban to reject an invitation to do anything with reminding her she was indeed a girl and not a thirty-something year old escaped convict.

"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" she said half-heartedly, hopping from her stool. Something told her this Christmas was going to be an incredibly long one.

* * *

It was well past midnight in the dank, rotting alleys of the Underground. Behind every corner, a snarl was heard, someone on the ground lie bleeding every twelve steps you took... The still, freezing air of the London streets above were nothing compared to the depths where the lycans resided, tormented below. Crisp frost littered the dirty streets, ice and sleet painting the already grimy walls with more mold and rot. Remus sat, freezing and alone inside the usual bar, more sick and pale than e'er he'd been before. The lair was danker and more dangerous than ever; Drugs had seem to taken over many sections of the Underground, addicting the lycans to heroin and other narcotics. He'd had some luck in the weeks that passed since the rescue of Tonks, but the werewolves that attacked him had gone mysteriously missing, keeping Remus worried. His hope of their demise rested on some knife or needle in their pockets, or other wise being being stabbed into their veins: they had disappeared that altogether... That is, until tonight.

The leader of the pack surveyed the feeble, run down lycan in the corner of the bar, making sure he was the one. They snarled silently at Lupin, stabbing him with eyes of hatred and spewing rage from across the room.

"Are you sure that's the one... the one that got saved by the woman..." said the somewhat familiar voice to one of the four who attacked Lupin.

"Aye... something about her didn't seem right. Almost as if... she wasn't a lycan..."

"That's because she's no...t" he whispered back.

"Then how could she know where we reside--!"

"Keep your voice down!" snarled Alecto.

He moved swiftly 'round a corner before Lupin could see them.

"It appears, our friend has more of a special spot for this woman than my pack and I had thought..." he whispered maliciously.

"What do you mean?" the other replied.

"We had a run in once... And that man-- he killed my brother for her..."

Saliva was dripping greedily down his deformed face, the anger rising within him, mixing rapidly with a sick, famished glee...

"I knew it... She's a metamorphmagus. That's the only way... Did any of your pack get a good enough look at her?" he asked, not taking his eyes off of Lupin.

"Sort of... she was devilishly fast... and she could look like anyone or anything if she's really a metamorphmagus..." he replied.

"So a hag... perhaps..." he whispered. It all seemed very clear to him now.

Alecto looked at his new acquaintance with the most vile of wicked grins. An evil chill ran down his spine, causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand like newly sharpened daggers.

"We must send our friend a little message. The first child like her you can find... kill it. And make it as gruesome as possible... I think our friend Fenrir would like to know about this, I think he'd be very pleased..."

The pack laughed wildly. None of them seemed to notice that Lupin was no longer sitting at the bar.


	28. Chapter 28: One Tough Cookie

**DISCLAIMER**: Some lines were kidnapped from Half-Blood Prince as to keep the storyline in perfect timing. All characters belong to the fabulous JKR. R&R! Thanks!

* * *

"BOLLOCKS!!" yelled the young Auror rushing toward the oven.

Apart from tripping on one sofa, three dress shirts and two pairs on combat boots, she was covered in baking chocolate and flour when she finally made it to her destination. She turned off the timer, and pulled out the sheet of cookies as soon as she could. She coughed through the thick black smoke that poured out, but smiled at them nevertheless. They may have been a shade or two darker than she had intended, but were edible nevertheless.

"Eigth time's the charm" she said to herself hurriedly putting them on the cooling rack, and turning down her painfully loud Irish muggle music.

In all the chaos, she could have sworn she heard footsteps coming up to her flat and rushed over to the door. She opened it, finally, frazzled to see no-one, but moments later, there stood Remus, a parcel in hand.

Her eyes grew wide and her face turned immediately red. Remus hated when she gave him that doe-eyed look, it made everything so much harder...

"Remus!" she said quietly, rubbing off her batter covered hands on her already un-salvageable apron.

"What are you doing here, are you all right?..."

She tried desperately to not sound over concerned. She hadn't seen him since that night in the underground and they were now only days away from Christmas. Harry and Ron had arrived at the Burrow earlier that day, but she found it increasingly odd that he would be above ground so close to a such a wizard-popular Holiday.

"I'm fine. Didn't mean to bother, just thought I'd drop this off... well I'd better be going..."

"Oh please stay, I've just made cookies!" she said excitedly. It was the first sign of that vibrant glow Tonks seemed to be lacking these days.

Remus looked toward the floor, handing her the parcel.

"No thank you, I'm actually quite busy..."

"Please?..." she asked weakly, taking it.

The softness in her voice couldn't cover the amount of hope in it that he would say yes... He heaved a deep sigh. He was growing quite tired of being forced to tell her 'no' all the time, it didn't seem fair.

"I can't..."

Tonks blinked away the hurt, a small, fake smile still plastered on her face.

"Some other time then..." she offered smally, hugging the parcel to her chest.

"Right. Bye..." he finished awkwardly before starting down the steps.

_Yep, there he goes again... Always seeing the back of him..._

Remus had never wanted to stay more... He could not remember ever seeing something so adorable in his life: Tonks was obviously being beaten once again by household chores, covered in flour, chocolate and what appeared to be pink sprinkles. Chocolate frosting was smeared on her cheeks, reminding him much of a chubby little toddler trying to bake for the first time... He was furious. He hadn't even knocked... he was just going to leave the parcel for her to find the next time she opened the door and leave her alone..._ I knew I should have owled the stupid thing..._

Tonks returned into her flat, throwing the parcel weakly on the desk she rarely used, not caring as it fell to the floor. She didn't want to open it... she didn't want to have anything to do with it, not now anyway... She returned into the kitchen and stared sadly at the cookies she'd been making. Grabbing the bowl of chocolate she began frosting them as carefully as she could. Remus may not have wanted them now, but seeing as they were part of his Christmas present, he'd better want them later... She sprinkled each one as carefully as she could, making sure every single cookie had an even amount of pink sprinkles. When Molly had asked her why she needed her sprinkles to be pink she replied that it was Remus's favorite hair color on her. Now she was not so sure. She wondered a lot, much against her better judgment to do so, whether or not Remus spared a thought for her occasionally, if he missed her even or not.

After packing the cookies away carefully, she plopped herself down on the couch, turning her muggle music up slightly. 'Always Be My Baby' was the song next up – thankfully is was the David Cook version. She had remembered her and Lupin's annoyance at the awful selection of music that came with attempted Holiday Cheer. She stared at the parcel on the floor and decided she'd better open it: Dumbledore'd have her head if Remus had left news of his mission and she had let it get eaten by the crevice between her wall and her desk.

_This whole place is a disaster _she thought to herself as she headed toward it.

As she fished for the parcel, her fingers grasped another slip of paper, this one smaller and... glossy?

All the breath was knocked out her body. She had done pretty well with coping with the loss of Sirius, but to out of nowhere have something as strong a remembrance as a photograph be thrown at her when she was feeling most vulnerable was not something she was ready to handle. There it was, the picture she was given months and months ago... a photo of Bill, Sirius, herself and Remus, happy and smiling as they'd ever been. She placed the parcel on the desk, her eyes glued to the old photograph. She wasn't sure what drove her to do it, but after a few long minutes of staring into their now un-existing happiness, she turned it over...

_Dear Tonks--_

Tonks Froze. She had never realized there was a message written on the back of it for her...

_I do love you...I care about you so much to the point where it drives me insane... I just wish you would understand that I do and have always cared about you. I am never going to stop caring about you. You have been such an important person to me in my life .... Like I've told you, I know how I feel and what I feel. I will always love you and care about you no matter where I am, who I'm with, or what I'm doing at that point in my life. I know how great and amazing of a person you are, and I am so sorry that I was foolish enough to allow a monster like myself to want more from you. I just want you to be you and happy. I know I hurt you and I have never purposely done it... I know there is no excuse for it, but I promise you that I pay for it, and dearly, every time I see a tear on your shining face... Out of everyone who has a place in my heart, you take up the most room. I will forever love you in my way and be there, should you need me._

_-- Remus J. Lupin_

She dropped the picture, clapping her hand over her mouth immediately. Her heart was beating so fast she thought she would pass out. The sound of all the blood rushing to her head was enough to make her scream... It couldn't be... she did not just read that...

_All this time... All this time... He denied..._

Nothing made sense anymore. Her world had turned upside down... Tears escaped onto her face at an alarming speed, as she sat, paralyzed. She had no idea what to do. Maybe it had been a cruel joke, a trick played on her by Bill or the twins... She hastily wiped her tears with a shaky hand and shoved the photograph into the garbage bin. This was not fair... he denied, constantly, that he was in love with her. He avoided her at any cost, ignored her, was as cold toward her as humanly possible... but then again, there were times where he'd give her small kisses on the forehead, offered words of comfort...

_No, no way. This was written ages ago._

_But then again you've loved him since then, and still do..._

_No way! It's not possible_

_But what if..._

She had no idea what to do. She wished she had just left the parcel alone, not found the photograph. As if seeing Sirius wasn't a big enough blow to her heart, now she had to see these words? I love you, signed by Remus Lupin?! She was so lost.. What was she supposed to do? Suddenly another thought struck her... What made him change his mind? Was it her mousy hair, her unkempt appearance?

Why couldn't she be beautiful?! Bill had practically abandoned his friendship with her and Remus for Fleur... maybe if she was beautiful too, Remus would drop his stupid beliefs about being a werewolf and go to her...

_Impossible... You can't even change your hair color at will anymore, let alone have nearly the amount of magic needed to make you look good..._

if it were even possible...

After a few more minutes of confused inner conflict, she opened up the parcel to see it was a letter from Molly Weasley inviting her to Christmas at the Burrow.

Remus would be there... She chanced a glance at her reflection, any signs of happiness dying at what she saw. Her face was wet and splotchy with tears, her eyes painted black...

_That's the reason he's not here..._

_Right there in the mirror... Not the full moon..._

Tossing the parcel into the same new home as the photograph, she stood up, wiped her tears, and prepared her apartment for the first Christmas she'd ever be spending alone.

* * *

Remus felt miserable.

He hadn't eaten, he hadn't slept, didn't have any money, couldn't find a job, was coming down with a cold, the full moon was in two days and he hadn't spoken to Tonks in what seemed like forever.

_What a swell Christmas this had turned out to be..._

For once in his life he was pleased to remember he promised Molly to join them for dinner tonight; this meant good food, and a lot of it. He stretched wildly, trying desperately to not let his mind wander into the hope that Nymphadora would also be there. He had to keep his distance from her. He had already hurt her heart more than he had ever meant to, and telling her how he really felt about her would not help her situation at all... Countless times, especially now what with all the memories of Sirius, he had wanted to appear at her front doorstep and upon her opening the door, sweep her into his arms and kiss her. He'd been such a fool... Here he was, acting like a schoolboy, rather than the weak old monster that he really was.

The clock on his wall chimed noon and he knew it would be time to head over soon. He picked up the half ruined package he had for Harry and wrapped his scarf around his neck.

_Maybe you should get something for her..._

_For who..._

_You know who... She'd like a gift_

_I have nothing to give someone like her_

_How about your acceptance_

_NO..._

The same battle raged on in his mind all the way to the door of the burrow. It was Molly that greeted him before he could even finish knocking.

"Remus!!" she said grandly, letting him in from the cold.

"How've you been?! You look ill, and hungry too I presume... Please, have a seat the children are playing Quidditch in the Yard--"

"I'm fine, Molly, Thank you... How is everyone, did we all make it alive?" he asked smiling smally. He loved Molly, she was so kind to him.

"Are we alive, have you looked in the mirror lately?" she asked shoving him into the chair.

Before he could exhale, a steaming cup of hot cocoa had been thrust in his hand, Molly leaning on the counter, surveying him closely. He sipped gladly, enjoying the sounds of his favorite students playing outside. It had been a long time since he'd heard the sound of fresh, genuine laughter in these times.

He looked up to see he was alone in the kitchen with Molly, and had a foreboding sense of what conversation was about to pop up. He chuckled at her look of sincerest pity hidden behind one of her infamous smiles. The war had taken it's toll on Mrs. Weasley. She looked exhausted, her fire engine red hair now flecked freely with gray...

"Alright, Molly, out with it, what's on your mind?" he asked her with a knowing smile.

"You tell me," she replied kindly.

Remus shook his head, sipping again. No matter how many times he made his own, there was just something about the way Mrs. Weasley did it.

"How do you make this so perfectly Molly?" he asked, draining the last of his cup, while changing the subject.

"Oh, I just put in a little helping of love Remus, even for those who claim they don't want it" she said in a sweetly warning huff.

Remus laughed: Molly smiled. There was no hiding anything from her.

Harry and Ron suddenly ran down the stairs followed shortly afterward by Bill, Fleur and Ginny. He had to admit he was feeling rather lonely: the only one who seemed to be not in a couple other than himself was Ron, but that of course was only so given that Hermione wasn't here for the Holidays.

A few moments later he heard a crash from the table and witnessed Bill refilling the gravy pot. Fleur looked adoringly at him, but then quickly afterwards changed her sight to Ron in not as sweet a manner.

"You are as bad as zat Tonks" she announced after quickly kissing Bill. "She is always knocking--"

"I invited_ dear _Tonks to come along today," Mrs. Weasley interjected setting down a plate of carrots rather violently, "But she wouldn't come. Have you spoken to her lately Remus?"

Remus knew where this was going.

"No, I haven't been in contact with anybody very much... But Tonks has got her own family to go to hasn't she?" he questioned, his eyes not meeting hers.

"Hmmm... Maybe. I got the impression she was planning to spend Christmas alone, actually." she seethed back at Remus. He pretended desperately not to notice.

"Tonks's patronus has changed it's form," came Harry's voice unexpectedly. Remus froze. "Snape said so anyway. I didn't know that could happen... Why would your patronus change?"

Remus chewed his turkey slowly, praying desperately that Harry wouldn't catch on to anything. His face was expressionless.

"Sometimes... a great shock... an emotional upheaval..."

"It looked big, and it had four legs... ---Hey it couldn't be -?"

"ARTHUR!" Molly yelled so suddenly, the pair of them jumped in surprise. "Arthur -- it's Percy!"

As if on cue, the entire room turned it's head to face the window, Ginny standing to get a better look.

"What?"

"Arthur he's - he's with the Minister!"

Remus lowered his gaze to the floor. A moment later, both Percy and the Minister of Magic were standing coldly at the door.

"Merry Christmas, Mother" Percy said stiffly.

"Oh, Percy!"

Molly immediately rushed over to him, throwing herself into his arms.

Remus wanted to be glad but he knew better. This visit had nothing to do with Percy, or with wishing them all a Merry Christmas. His eyes did not leave his plate, but his ears had never been more attentive to the commotion on the other side of the room.

Sure enough, moments later--

"... Ah, that young man's finished, why doesn't he take a stroll with me" came Scrimgeour's voice.

Lupin began to rise from his chair, but was stopped by Harry. Arthus seemed to be on the same page. The two men were very protective of Harry, each caring for him as his own son, and to see him take a 'stroll' around the garden with the Minister of Magic was never comforting, no matter who was in office at the time.

Remus was lost in thought. So much had gone one in the past four days it was incredible. Tonks's patronus had changed? When had this happened? The only other instance he had ever seen where a patronus was changed was his own when James and Lily died... This was something serious; no laughing matter at all. Tonks needed help and it tore him up inside that he couldn't be the one to provide it. He had never realized before how strong the intensity of her feelings for him had become... He was torn through his thoughts and back to the real world as he heard a deafening splat of what sounded like Mashed parsnips on face; sure enough he turned around in time to see Percy fail to dodge the loaded spoons of Ginny, Fred and George before he stormed off into the yard, covered in food. Molly did a bit of shouting, sending everyone outside.

"Outside, all of you!" she squawked in a watery anger. Remus was halfway out the door when Molly stopped him.

"Not you, Remus, you stay here! I need a word with you!" she cried in a huff.

He exchanged an awkward glance with Mr. Weasley before returning to his seat.

"Are you all right?" he asked gently once the others had cleared the room.

"Fine." she demanded. He paused to give her a moment to collect herself.

"Sorry." she tried, wiping off her flustered tears.

"It's alright. They're kids, they'll come 'round soon..." he tried, not even convincing himself. "You needed to speak to me?"

"Yes. Here." she said slamming three cookies on a plate for him.

The sight of the cookies surprised him. Of all the things he had ever seen Molly bake, these were the most disheveled and horrible looking... not 'Molly' perfect. He looked up at her with a quizzical expression on his face, Molly placing her hands on her hips.

"No I didn't make them, but you're going to eat them and you're going to like them, because someone worked very hard on them for you" she snapped back.

Remus goggled at her, the innocence in his round eyes making it nearly impossible for Mrs. Weasley to maintain her scowl and resist from laughing. He felt like a school boy being reprimanded by his mother. Her glare was a dangerous one: her eyebrows were furrowed together more meanly than he had ever seen before and suddenly understood the fear she evoked in Fred and George. Another moment passed and slowly, and like a wounded criminal raising his hands in the air to avoid being shot at, he grabbed a cookie, and slowly shoved it in his mouth. She didn't budge till he started slowly chewing, his doe-eyed gaze not leaving hers.

"How are they?" she asked warningly, her gaze not leaving his.

He slowly gave her the thumbs up, still chewing.

"Good. Now I can tell the poor girl that I've somehow gotten through to you..." she said, returning to her cooking. Remus swallowed slowly.

"These aren't... No I don't suppose she would.... nevermind." he said, wondering if Tonks had put some kind of elixir into the mix. He prayed if she had that it wasn't Veritaserum.

He looked down at his plate, sadly examining the other two cookies on it. That's what Tonks had been doing yesterday: losing a war for him. They looked like she had forgotten a holiday, making Valentine's day cookies instead: they were both, if crudely, heart shaped, chocolate covered, and drowning in bright pink sprinkles. They may have been slightly burnt, and they may have been sweet enough to decay his every tooth, but they were still the best cookies he had ever eaten in his life. He quietly shoved another one into his mouth, chewing sadly. Molly seemed to notice his guilt, and turned to him. He didn't look at her, but continued chewing. It was the saddest cookie he had ever eaten.

"I thought chocolate was supposed to up the happiness factor Mr. ex-professor" she said warming up slightly.

Remus looked up like an abashed toddler, shoving the last cookie into his mouth.

"That's your problem Remus..." she began pleadingly. "You always used to need the reassurance from others, you needed to feel liked... but when a wonderful woman like Tonks is, forgive me for being so blunt, but quite honestly throwing herself at you, you turn away... I mean you let the people that like you get away with everything-- I mean, Lord, Remus, you were friends with James and Sirius... but Tonks... you're letting get away altogether. Granted, the things she does are very different than the other people who like you... that is to say, true, her cookies may be more complicated, and --'burnt' out, if you excuse the phrase, but tell me... how would your Christmas have been without them?"

He was quiet a moment, wishing he still had more cookies on his now empty plate before he spoke.

"That's what she was doing yesterday wasn't it... " he asked quietly. Molly didn't have to answer.

"It's still not too late Remus.." she offered quietly as he shook his head. The same sad smile he always wore reappeared yet again on his face.

"Yes it is..."

"Of course it's not.." she pressed on gently.

"Even if it isn't, it can't change... The moments I've already selfishly taken from her were lovely, true, but they're gone now. I've got to-- to keep away from her or it'll only hurt the both of us. It's gone, it's done. I've got to stop." he said feeling foolish.

Molly placed three more cookies on his plate, a challenging look on her face.

"You can pretend it's gone all you want Remus, but mark my words: Tonks will always have more 'cookies' where those came from."

Remus looked up slightly shocked, but before he could answer, Harry, Ron, Ginny and a few other Weasleys made their way inside, all clearly trying not to laugh at the hidden impressions of Percy the Twins were performing every time Molly turned her back.

"She didn't get you too bad, did she Professor? -- Ahw, wicked, cookies!" Ron proclaimed with elation. Molly slapped his hand away before he could fully reach one.

"Ow, Mum, What was that for?!" he asked abashed.

"Those are not yours, they belong to Remus! And no sweets for anyone today, you don't deserve them!" she replied hotly.

"Be careful , don't think because you lack red hair and freckles she won't bite you as well!" Ron fumed before skulking away to join Harry.

Molly waited until Ron and the children were quite clearly our of earshot before giving him a small wink. He was just about to dig into another cookie when she suddenly snatched the plate from beneath him.

"Don't you have someone to thank for those?" she asked, one eyebrow aggressively raised.

Ron was right: Lupin never felt more like a Weasley.


	29. Chapter 29: Christmas

Three loud knocks were heard on the door. It was well after midnight on Christmas Eve, officially making it Christmas. Tonks ignored the sound. She didn't want to have anything to do with anyone, not today anyway. She continued putting small strands of tinsel on her makeshift tree, hoping the person behind the door would go away.

No such Luck.

She furrowed her brows, angrily shoving more decorations on. She was going to ignore the call whether the person at the door liked it or not. She just finished cleaning up the kitchen, manually to her dismay, and wasn't about to mess up her apartment all over again for a super late visitor. If it was work, it would just have to wait.

Another set of knocking.

"Nymphadora, it's Remus, open the bloody door".

She grumbled under her breath. _Jerk._ Chucking her small box of decorations so that it snagged the corner of the couch and spilled out onto the floor, she made her way to the front door in a huff. She unbolted the lock, and after a few minutes struggle managed to open the door.

"Yes, Remus, what do you want? And don't call me that." she asked a bit hardly.

Remus was not happy.

"I am too old, too poor, and too--- _wrong_ for you." he snapped back rather meanly.

"Oh Happy Christmas to you to" she said with false sweetness.

"I can not keep telling you this!"

"You know what Remus, I don't have tio listen to this---!"

"Will you _never _listen to reason?!"

"Oh look who's talking!"

"This has gone on far too long now, dammit, I am a werewolf! You and I can't be together, and I know you are smart enough to understand that!"

Every word stabbed deeper into her heart. She was furious, in shock. Her eyes locked with his, a tense, bitter silence between them.

"What is this? What is this?!" she exploded suddenly. "You come to my door in the middle of the night, screaming your bloody head off at me about how 'wrong' you are for me, and I'm supposed to sit here and bloody take it?! You're damned wrong, and you're a damned fool, and -- And to hell with you!" she screeched before trying to slam the door. Remus caught it with his hand, and swung it open with all his force. She was slightly surprised.

She absolutely could not believe this was happening to her. Every moment she had clinged on to the faint hope that Remus loved her seemed to be laughing at her very existence, adding onto her growing pain.

"Yes!" he bellowed loudly at her. She jumped slightly, trying to remain furious looking with all that was left in her.

"Yes, Nymphadora, and you had better take it, because this is the last time I am going to scream it at you! Anyone else in this situation could understand- they wouldn't bother! But you say you 'don't care'-- you HAVE to care! It's Pathetic!"

Remus was breathing hard now, choking on the scent of vanilla and cookies that filled the room like a thick smoke. Tonks eyes began to well with tears, the tip of her nose turning slightly red as it always did when she was about to cry. Remus did not soften his demeanor, but now quieted his voice so low it seemed to multiply in its fury.

"I am too old, too poor, and not good enough for you-- no amount of love from you can change that!" he said quietly.

She was trembling. She wanted to run right up to him and deck him in the face. She had worked so hard for hours, spent so many nights scheming and planning with Mrs. Weasley, all for this moment... It wasn't fair. Maybe Remus was right- maybe no amount of love could change certain things. She blinked her tears away desperately, jamming her fists into her pockets.

The fight was over.

"Fine then, go." she said crying.

There was a moment that hung in the air with nothing but the sound of soft music and Nymphadora's sobs.

"If that's what you want, fine then, just GO! GET OUT!" she screamed.

"Get out..." she sobbed, completely falling apart. She had nothing anymore. No will to go on, no will for him to stay... She just wanted to sit and cry for hours, letting the tears that fell fall and drown her.

After an eternity of silence Remus dropped the small parcel of cookies on the desk and flew out the door, slamming it behind him.

After hearing the muffled footsteps exit the front door, Tonks dropped to her knees, bawling. She had never cried so many tears in her life._ This wasn't Remus... this wasn't like him at all... _She sobbed for hours.

* * *

Remus barely made it out the front door of her building when he got sick on himself. He wiped his mouth, the freezing dry air suffocating him and making him dizzy. He could barely walk in a straight line, let alone think straight. He was sobbing, leaning against the wall like a madman in his anger. _Why had God hated him so much..._ _Why would he give to him a woman he could not bare to be without only to make him a werewolf so that he could not have her..._ He couldn't buy her chocolates on Valentines day, he couldn't hold her hand on Christmas, he couldn't wish her a happy birthday... He found a dark corner and slammed himself to the ground. He buried his face in his hands, the world around him spinning violently. He was shaking with cold, the putrid taste and smell of vomit not allowing him to breathe... He couldn't bare it.

He loved her so much it was literally making him go mad. There was only one thing he could do.

After regaining his full conciousness, he apparated to the one person who could know best how to make all his pain go away.

He banged on the door of Dumbledore's office.

The headmaster answered in his night gown, his face immediately buried in pity. No sooner than he had opened the door, he ushered Remus into a cozy armchair and knelt beside him.

It was just as it was in the days where Remus was a schoolboy. Crying and dirty, never willing to discuss why.

"Sometimes..." the headmaster began quietly, allowing Remus time to calm his breathing "... we forget the most beautiful thing is also the most powerful..."

Remus looked up suddenly, Dumbledore's sad gaze still concentrated on the floor.

"I want to go back to the Underground, this time to live there. I know you need me there and--" Remus stopped a moment, trying to look away from Dumbledores piteous gaze. "And now I've got nothing left to lose..."

Dumbledore thought hard for a moment. He was not sure what Remus meant by this, but understood what Remus had tried to do. Truth be told, Dumbledore did need Remus to go back, but he did not want Remus to endanger himself so much knowing how much he meant to Tonks.

"Spare me, please, of your wise advise... Now is just the time for me to be stupid. Let me do something, let me be happy with the knowledge that I'm not useless..." Remus said, cutting Dumbledore off and looking into his eyes pleadingly.

Dumbledore looked sadly upon his young friend, his eyes swimming with concern...

The twinkle in his eye looked as it never had before.

He nodded.

"As You Wish."


	30. Chapter 30: Cry Wolf

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Stuff stolen temporarily from JKR to keep the timeline correct. Thank you all for your sweet reviews, they mean so much to me!! I'm in the middle of moving, but I'll keep everyone posted, I'm uploading as fast as I can with the best material I can in a short amount of time!!

* * *

_I promise to stop loving you tomorrow_

_Today can be your last day in my arms again_

_I promise to stop thinking of you constantly_

_And wishing I could wake up every morning next to you_

_Darling yes its true_

_But today can we pretend its not too late?_

Months had passed since Remus and Tonks had last seen each other.

Remus had been sent to the Underground on a mission to not recruit, but to even more dangerously so, discover the Dark Lord's plans. Tonks was sick with worry, but knew she had to keep her head up and eyes and ears alert. The sooner the war was over and won Remus would give in: she had to believe that... no matter what else she, she had to believe the far was at fault for their not being together. The truly terrifying part about it all was that _nobody_ heard from Remus since Christmas... _What was he up to? Was he alright?_ She was going to go crazy... Remus could be dead or dying and nobody in the Order would care to do or let her do anything about it; in fact some of the _dumber _members (she thought viciously) were too busy thinking the reason Remus had not spoke to anyone was that he had in fact switched sides, or been imperiused in his weakened state. She heaved a heavy sigh, shaking off the thought and knicking an orange from the table in the Great Hall. _Remus could never do anything like that_ she thought, her stomach in knots.

_But then again, he could've been Imperiused, _a small voice reminded her.

Breakfast would be served to the students soon, so she decided it best to wait in the hallway on her watch today. If anything were getting ready to happen it would have to be soon now that everyone was getting ready for their end of term examinations.

She was standing just outside the door when as if on cue someone slammed into her from behind knocking her slightly into the wall. She turned to see who it was that passed her but didn't need to look before hearing the snicker of Malfoy and his two pet slugs, Crabbe and Goyle.

"You watch where you're bloody going you prat, I'm not a student you can push around" she spat savagely to the back of Malfoy.

He whipped around suddenly, a smile so vile he could only have learned it from his father. Yet there was something different about him- they both faltered a moment in their glares as if noticing the same thing about each other. Draco had deep circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept in weeks, his face as pale as new snow, and just as cold. His smirk was still there, bold as ever, but it seemed like the heart behind it was gone. Something had happened to this boy, and as much as she didn't like him, she knew it could only mean bad news.

"Funny. I thought Aurors were supposed to be doing something- not standing around a bunch of school children showing off that you're the most well developed. Not to mention attempting to seduce ex-professors. Quite frankly, you're just not pretty enough."

Lightning could have come out of her ears for the angry that she was. Her wand was lodged beneath his adam's apple sooner than he could laugh at his own vicious jest.

"Putting your father behind bars was the most enjoyable experience of my life," she snarled beneath her breath.

"Oh really- I suppose you _would_ have to cling onto something you're actually proud of, considering its _your_ fault the little girl in Manchester is dead."

Tonks lowered her wand slightly, confused. What was he on about? Malfoy seemed to notice the confused look in her eye and grinned wickedly.

"Oh, don't you know? Ripped open by a werewolf... Pity... and she was only just three years old..." he said slithering past her grip, leaving her frozen to the spot. The hall began to fill with students, laughing gaily as they headed down to breakfast.

"What's that got to do with me?" she asked trying to remain calm. _What did Malfoy know that she didn't..._

Draco moved slowly toward her trembling face, and whispered challengingly in her ear, the corridor becoming more and more full...

"Didn't I mention? ...She was a _metamorphmagus_. And the best part is... I hear... that the werewolf that did it was _killed _shortly afterward. Seems her parents didn't like fact a big bad wolf tried to cozy up to their little girl..."

She couldn't breathe.

_No way... impossible... NO..._

_It can't have been Remus, he's too careful... It was someone else, maybe Fenrir.._

Tonks was shaking. Was Malfoy lying? Would he lie? But then on the other hand, why hadn't anyone heard from Remus? If Remus had done anything, he would hide... tear himself from the world out of guilt... wasn't he in Manchester? But if the werewolf that did it died... and nobody had heard from him...Tonks swallowed back hard to refrain from becoming sick. She became very dizzy suddenly, and had to flatten herself against the wall to remain standing. She wanted to cry, but couldn't move. She felt sick and nauseous... Tears couldn't well in her eyes for the dizzy that she felt, the noise of the corridors sending her vision in circles.

_It can't be..._

Tonks closed her eyes for a long moment before she opened them again. The students were now all in the Great Hall, the corridors where she lay flattened to the wall empty, the only sounds she heard were of Malfoy's voice echoing loudly in her head.

_It had to be a lie. How would a git like Malfoy ever hear anything like that if not from the Prophet?_

Tonks couldn't shake her worry or the horrible things Draco said, true or not, from her mind for the rest of the day. She had even gone as far as to go to Dumbledore and demand information, but to no use as it turned out he was once again away. _Helping Lupin clean his tracks, perhaps..._ She tried desperately to shake the thought from entering her mind. It was late at night now, when she once again made it to the seventh floor of the castle and paced the seemingly empty corridor. As she drew nearer, she saw nothing, but heard the scuffling of footsteps. After a thump and a whir of an invisibility cloak flying off of someone, she looked at the ground to see Harry, once again, on the floor.

"Harry?" she asked quietly, walking toward him.

"What're you doing here?" he asked looking rather flushed.

"I came to see Dumbledore..."

"His office isn't here.. It's round the other side of the castle, behind the gargoyle--"

"I know, he's not there. Apparently he's gone away again."

"Has he?" asked Harry trying not to make terribly obvious the fact that he though Tonks looked god-awful. "Hey-- you don't know where he goes I suppose?"

"No" she replied unsmiling.

"What did you want to see him about?" he asked a little softer, He could tell something was bothering her...

Harry liked Tonks a great deal, but Ron's description of her at the Burrow couldn't have been more dead on target. She looked pale, sickly even. Harry worried.

"Nothing in particular, I just thought he might know what's going on... I've heard rumors... people getting hurt..."

"Yeah I know, it's all been in the papers. That little kid trying to kill his--"

"The Prophet's often behind the times--"

She paused. She scowered every Prophet that had been released since she had spoken to Remus last, the only werewolf attack story supposedly launched by Fenrir: this was the only thing that made her hope Malfoy was just trying to scare her... Regardless, what if Remus had been made to take the fall? Was it not true that the Ministry often punished the innocent to appear as if they were making a difference in the state of things?

Suddenly, an idea struck her: _If Remus wrote anyone it'd be Harry!_

"You haven't had any letters from any one in the Order have you?"

"No one from the Order writes me anymore..."

Harry kept talking, but Tonks' mind was elsewhere. Her hope was lost. It can't be... Her eyes suddenly welled up with tears, and noticed Harry was looking at her funny.

"What?-- Well... I'll see you around Harry..." she said hurriedly before turning a heel and walking back down the stairs.

She found the nearest classroom and closed herself inside of it. _Could Remus really be-- dead?_

_And worse still --- if Remus had not been so weakened by her actions toward him, what if their arguing had been what weakened him so much as to make him an easy target for the Imperius curse?_

Tears poured softly down her cheeks, her body cold and rigid with the thought. She had already lost Sirius, it being her fault- and if the death of this little girl, and in the end Remus's death was her fault-- she could never forgive herself... She wanted to die, right there on the stone cold floor of the classroom.

There was no 'tracking down Remus' this time... if he was dead, she could never find him... Her throat was so swollen nobody could hear her cry, but nevertheless tears like she had never cried before drowned her sweet face. If Remus was dead... there was nothing to live for, nothing to fight for... Love lost... Dumbledore was wrong...

Abandoning her post, she walked as far as the entrance to Hogsmeade where she could apparate freely back to her apartment. She picked up The Prophet: Everything added up... Remus was missing, the girl attacked was an metamorphmagus... _Maybe he thought it was me, since I used to go to find him... It's my fault..._ _The lycan who did it was found and killed... Remus was not that strong..._

All of the young Auror's strength, all of her self resolve suddenly melted quickly away. She fell to pieces.

"NO!!" she screamed wretchedly, throwing everything from her desk in an angry heave, crashing it all to the ground. She ripped apart every picture every letter she could find, punching her walls as hard as she could till her knuckles bled, splattering her carpets and photographs... It was impossible... _First Remus... _The Prophet didn't say anything about the girl's age, only Malfoy knew... _then a three year old girl? A little girl, with a family, and her whole life ahead of her._

Her rage and devastation completely took her over, as if possessing her very spirit. Catching her reflection, she grabbed and threw her mirrors savagely to the ground, unable to look at herself. She tore at her own skin, itching to get out of it, wanting with every breath in her body to just be somebody else. Glass was everywhere on the floors to her apartment, mirrors shattered, pieces of everything in shambles on the ground. Tonks was enraged, inconsolable. The furniture was all broken in piles at her feet; She was in a frenzy, unable to find something else to crash to pieces or break violently apart. Every ounce of her, every emotion, every time she held back were now flowing physically out of her, unstoppably breaking, destroying, doing to her possessions what the world was doing to her love for Remus...

When she no longer had the physical strength to stand and destroy, she collapsed into a heap on the floor, shrieking with tears, completely and utterly falling apart.

_Remus..._

Her whirlwind of anger and hatred for the world quieted into a tearful sorrow. She heaved defeated, shaken breaths, no more tears left in her to cry, no more voice left in her to shout in futility or scream at the God that had so cursed her.

She no doubt had awakened her entire building with her screaming but she didn't care... Remus was gone... the love of her life... her best friend...Nothing made sense to her anymore. Her fists were bloody and swollen from her rage, her clothes a wreck in her once content apartment. Every jagged piece of glass, every blade within reach reflected the hysterical madness within her. A silent gloom spread around her, as if a violent storm had finally given way...

She felt like a coward; Remus, Sirius, and an innocent three year old girl died... _why was she still alive?_... She found no reason that appeased her.

She closed her eyes, conquered by her grief, her mind thinking only of a vast expanse of black...

//

Remus saw that her door was unlocked, and opened it, stumbling in tiredly. He had to see her. The death of a metamorphmagus girl was a sign that Nymphadora was next in line and it was Remus's fault for getting her involved. Scared that she would think the worst, and not understand or receive the entirety of the news and it's message, he abandoned his post and fled to her flat to make sure she was alright... and to make sure it wasn't her already and that the word on the street had somehow not been mistaken in the girl's age.

What he saw beyond the threshold broke his heart. All he could hear was a silent sob from a small shivering figure, curled up like a wounded creature in the corner of the room. Broken glass and papers were littered everywhere, blood stains marked the wall in the forms of where knuckles hit, fingernail scratches cutting across them all. The lamp on the desk was shattered into a million pieces... he had no sooner seen her in the corner, sobbing, buried beneath the broken objects and torn up cushions then he whimpered her name.

"Dora..." he said softly.

Still sobbing, Tonks looked up with a terrified, heart broken gaze; Remus had never seen this look before in his life.

She couldn't believe her eyes-- there in her doorway was Remus Lupin...alive ... The glass crunching beneath her hands and boots as she fought to raise herself up and go to him made him fight his way past the mess to hold her even faster. Tonks was sobbing, so uncontrollably she could barely speak. Within a moment, Remus had swept her up in his arms, holding her as closely to him as he had ever held anything in his life. He let her cry on him for what seemed like forever as he stroked her hair, assuring her everything would be alright. Neither would let go of the other for the world.

"I-- I thought you were dead--" she barely sobbed out on him.

"Its okay, I'm here now... I'm okay, dear friend..." he said, a pained expression on his face.

"I thought-- the little girl-- maybe you thought she was-- I was..."

"Shhh..." he whispered softly in her ear.

She pulled away from him quickly, just enough to see his face, and look into his eyes as if she couldn't believe it were true.

"You shouldn't leave your door unlocked like that, what if it hadn't been me?" he asked kindly, warmth radiating from his loving gaze.

"Oh God Remus, if it wasn't you it wouldn't have mattered--" she said before fiercely hugging him again.

"Tonks, you can't think like that..."

"God, I don't care, just please don't let me go..." she said, sobbing into him still.

He sighed, wanting just as much as she did to do just that. Remus pulled her slightly away so he could hold her face in his hands, and wipe away some of her tears.

"Tonks, this was a message... they know about you and..." he paused a moment, taking in every detail of her face "...and what you mean to me."

"Oh my God... Remus, that little girl... they chose her because of me..." she squeaked quietly, an upwelling of tears flowing into her sad eyes.

"... I believe that is why they chose an metamorphmagus, yes... but that doesn't make it your fault" he said, the last part more strongly.

He placed his other arm around her waist as she held tightly onto the neck of his robes, feeling every inch of his chest and shoulders to make sure he was real.

"Tonks... you are my best friend, and I would never let anything hurt you for the world... An innocent little girl died because the lycans on Voldemort's side, know that what I've saaid is true. If they so much as thought that I loved-- that we..." Remus thought a moment. He had to be very careful how he worded this.

"...Well, you understand now, don't you?" he said quietly, running his fingers through her hair.

Her eyes looked quickly up into his, her sobbing halted, her gaze as fierce as ever.

"What I understand is that when I thought you dead I didn't care if I lived or died. I care, yes, about the life of that little girl... but my life isn't worth living without you--"

"Tonks, we've got to stop this!..." he whispered urgently.

She could tell he was exhausted: exhausted of the mission, of life, of the same argument over and over again... It broke his heart just as much to hear it as it broke hers not to hear it from him.

"Remus, I love you..."

"Please..."

A small silence ensued, broken only by the small hiccups of tears that Tonks was fighting back. He didn't take his arm from around her waist, or his gaze off her downcast eyes. Neither knew what to do or say... To deny that one loved the other was insanity, but to be together now seemed all the more ludicrous...

"A werewolf killed a little girl... if that monster--- well what if that lycan lived and it was me? Then what?"

Tonks looked into his eyes, suddenly. She looked speechless. She didn't know how to answer him- the idea itself was preposterous, not Remus... _but then Remus wasn't exactly himself on the night of a full moon... and certainly not himself if he had been imperiused..._

"B-but it wasn't you, it was someone--" she tried weakly.

"But what if it was?" he asked quietly.

"But... You'd never, Remus... You just couldn't..."

"Lycans have no control when they are in such a form, Dora and you know that, firsthand... It could have been me".

He left a silent moment between them before he spoke again.

"You see now, don't you... You_ do_ care: and I would never expect any less than that from someone like you..."

"But Remus, I love you no matter what form you may be in--"

"But the fact that I am lycan can not be loved by anyone, not be me, not even by you, and I understand that... I've learned also I cannot possibly expect that from anyone... The world would think us mad and who could blame them. You are too young and too loving of anyone to understand..." he said with a hint of sadness this time.

"It's a big enough risk to even greedily call myself your friend--"

"Enough--," she said suddenly, cutting him off.

"You do not 'call' yourself my friend, you are my friend, and you do not need to 'hope' that I love you, because I do".

"How many times must you make me deny you?" he asked quietly, holding her still.

"Until you've had enough of denying me.... until you'll have me" she whispered back confidently.

Looking into her eyes, at her soft lips: it was killing him inside.

He loved this young woman so much he couldn't breathe, and he knew she loved him before he walked into the mangled flat, he didn't even need that proof.

"You care, my darling, I know that... but you choose not to face facts because of your feelings for me. If I didn't at least know that, I would not fight so hard to make you see all of this from my side, nor would you spend so much energy trying to show me how much you love me..."

"This conversation is not fair, Remus. You can't say 'what if' I hurt someone--"

"And you can't say that I can't! Don't you see? Nobody can say the truth, nobody knows for sure--"

"If you don't love me, don't blame us not being together on my love not being enough to cover the base of you being a lycan--"

"And if I did not love you I would not be here to let you know I am alive still, and stop your heart from breaking too much! ... I still think this a mistake in my head, but for some foolish reason my heart decided you needed to know, and it won. I didn't take the easy way out, I chose to battle you once again because its as close as I can be to you, I wish you could understand that."

"What is the point of all this love if you will not fight to keep it? To decide to side against it?"

"As I said, Dora- if you are looking for a valid point, there is none other than what I have just told you"

"I understand what you're telling me Remus, but I don't accept it."

"Then why ask 'what is the point'?"

She thought a moment before answering.

"...You're right, so I won't ask!" she said with a watery challenge.

Tonks bit her bottom lip hard to stop herself from crying.

"Please... Stay with me. If just for tonight, that'll do for now, but please Remus I am begging you-- as your friend or whatever else you want to call me that I am to you please do not let me wake up tomorrow morning to think you being alive is just a dream, and have you not be here beside me... I couldn't bear it..."

Remus thought quietly about this. He had seen what she did to her apartment alone without him, and couldn't bare to think what she'd do to herself if she woke up to think she was still dreaming. One night: she'd asked for just one night from him, to make her sure she wasn't going crazy. Her eyes stared at him expectantly, awaiting an answer.

"I will stay for a while longer, but please don't ask me more that that--"

"Does my loving you mean so little and annoy you so much you can't bare sleep here one night--?!"

"No, for God's sake, Dora, it means so much that I couldn't stay a night because then we may as well BOTH be dead tomorrow morning when I leave!" he shouted at her.

A tense silence passed between the two of them.

"Please... don't talk that way?" she asked pleadingly.

She braved to speak again.

"Please... as my dear friend, and my cousin's best... stay... I need you with me tonight..." she said quietly, her face so close to his he couldn't move.

Her eyes were glossy with all the tears she had cried for him. He saw her knuckles for the first time on the neck of his robes, crusted blood caking on top of each delicate one, little cuts and large bruises devouring her hands. Her face was flushing pink slightly, but the dark circles beneath her eyes and the roundness in her cheeks that was now missing reminded him so of Sirius-- and how much he didn't want this beautiful girl to wind up so lost and alone inside as him.

After a long pause, he nodded. Tonks raised her lips to his, and planted a soft kiss on his lips that he did not return for the fear he would never let go. It left a warmth he had not felt in so long he could barely stop his knees from buckling.

"Thank You" she whispered as soon as she pulled away.

"Go on- clean yourself up and I'll tidy up a bit in here. I'll get you some tea in a minute."

Tonks finally pulled away from him but did not yet leave the room. Remus sighed with a half smile, and scratched the back of his neck in the same adorable manner that he always did.

"I promise." he said, reading her mind. She mustered as much of a smile as she could manage, and left for the bathroom.

Remus could feel that staying was a really bad idea... but he couldn't leave her, not like this. Especially since it was all his fault.

Within minutes all the mirrors were replaced, her torn papers re-made and the lamp on her desk glowing brightly. Remus had made a bed for himself on the couch, and once the kettle went off, set the tea up on a small tray in her room. He walked toward the bathroom door and knocked.

"Tonks? Tea's ready--" Remus froze.

Before he could finish his sentence, Tonks had opened the door in nothing but a white towel, hair shaken out, and glowing. It seemed impossible to him that even without her pink hair in makeup she was still the prettiest thing he'd ever seen.

She blushed a little before trying to make his way past him.

"Sorry... I didn't hear you knock, I promise... 'Scuse me" she said smally as she walked into her bedroom and closed the door behind her.

Remus suddenly felt very sorry he knocked in the first place rather than just opening the door.

He shook off the thought, feeling like a pervert, and laid himself on the couch to go to sleep.

Tonks came out a moment later in a rather see through white tank top and a pair of Snoopy pajama pants. She held out her hand to him, surveying the apartment in awe.

"Thank you... even with spells I'd have taken days and it still wouldn't look as lovely..."

"Funny, I thought the same thing when you walked past into your room just now..." he mumbled, not realizing he'd said it aloud.

His eyes widened, and Tonks did him the grace of pretending not to notice.

"Well, come on" she said, her hand still held out before him.

"Tonks..." He said in a slightly warning tone, knowing what she was asking.

"I won't do anything... just... trust me?"

_Damnit, why does she have to be so bloody adorable about everything?_ He thought in exasperation.

"Fine. Have it your way." she said in playful indignation as she crammed herself onto the couch with him.

"Tonks, I think your couch is about to die..."

"Oh thank you , I know I'm fat but honestly, I have lost_ some_ weight through this nightmare..."

"I didn't mean that" he said with a tired sigh.

_Women._

He chuckled at the fact that they were now having what seemed like a normal conversation..._ A normal conversation between a couple..._

"Well then what did you mean?" she asked curling up in his arms and resting her head by his chest.

"I just mean that you and I are quite tall, you see. I'm 6'2" and you're what, 5'8"?"

"No- you're about 'alive' and I'm about 'In love with you' I'm quite sure...And you're not 6'2 either, over-exaggerator."

"Tonks..." he sighed.

She purred softly into his chest.

_Damn it, she's so adorable!_ he thought in frustration.

"You know it can't always be like this...Tomorrow will come, and I will have to leave... and quite possibly have to leave your side forever. It's too dangerous, and I curse the heavens for ruining you by forcing you to ever meet or care for me... It could happen to any one of us at any time. We're part of a war... And as much as I'd like to think I could be so lucky as to have this life forever, one with me here and you beside me... it can't be. I'm sorry..."

Tonks was silent a moment before she spoke. She wiggled her way up slightly and planted a soft, warm kiss on his neck.

"Then I hope tomorrow never comes. Goodnight... baby."

She was asleep a moment later. Remus gave up. Pulling her closer to him, and kissing her softly on the forehead, he closed his eyes.

He tried desperately not to notice her loose breasts in her shirt as they rose and fell with each breath she took... He tried not to notice her soft, warm skin, her long legs, her large, plush lips, and where her hips began and ended... He tried not thinking about how beautiful she would look, here beside him, a gold ring on her delicate left hand...

This may be the last time he could ever hold her in his arms... He thought about it sadly, brushing her damp, strawberry smelling hair every so gently from her face. The most adorable young woman in the world... The most unforgettable...

_If Heaven and Hell decide_

_that they both are satisfied_

_Illuminate the NO's on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you_

_When your Soul embarks_

_Then I will Follow You Into the Dark_

He placed the smallest kiss on her lips that he could muster.

"Good night, Dora".

* * *

AUTHORS NOTE: So I decided this chapter had to end slightly happy, because poor Remus and Tonks go through quite a bit :D Love love!


	31. Chapter 31: Caught Off Guard

_You loved me 'cause I'm fragile._

_When I thought that I was strong._

_But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone._

_Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity._

_Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be._

_But you're on to me and all over me._

_

* * *

  
_

Morning came, Tonks sitting up with a start once realizing she was on her bed, and not on the couch. She immediately felt nauseous, trying to quickly slide herself off the bed to find Remus. Before she could fully slide off however, Remus opened the door, a small tray of tea in his hands. She halfway let out a sigh of relief, and before she could finish her arms were wrapped around Remus's neck, the tray forgotten on the desk.

"Oh thank God you're here" she said, swaying slightly in his arms.

"What's the matter? Are you alright?" he asked lightly pulling away enough to see her face. She immediately kissed him softly on the cheek.

_Dear lord, not even thirty seconds and already she's covering me in kisses..._

He looked at her sad face, watching her eyes lock on the sight of his lips. The hardest thing for him to see and pretend constantly to not notice was the way she parted her lips ever so slightly when there was something she wanted... He tried to shake the thought from his mind, wanting with everything in himself to close her soft lips with his.

"Not anymore..." she said eying his lips hungrily. She was about to lean in when he pulled her arms from around his neck and stepped smally away. She looked up at him suddenly, her constantly glossy eyes meeting his vigorously tired ones.

"Tonks... I've got to get going-- but I won't go if you won't be okay by yourself..." he said softly, trying desperately not to melt in her naive gaze.

"You've got to leave...? Well-- why so soon?" she asked trying to hold his hands, clearly not understanding.

He closed his eyes slowly, pulling his hands away.

"You are my dearest friend, and you know I am always thinking of you... that's got to be enough. I am sorry, really I am, about everything that you went through for my sake yesterday- you've no idea how long and how hard I've prayed and still do pray that you never would or ever did go through so much strife for me... But... as much as it touched my heart..."

"Remus, don't do this..."

"It can't change... between us, I mean..."

"Remus, please"

"Tonks... I've already put you in danger more times than you could ever deserve, especially from someone-- well someone like me!"

"Remus I can't handle this..."

"You've got to... You're strong, and I know you can... please don't cry..." he said softly, looking up as she shuddered a watery breath.

Tonks's throat was swollen from all the tears she cried for him... She hadn't eaten a proper meal in two weeks, making herself sick with nerves...

"Is there nothing I can do, nothing I can say to prove I will die if you can not love me?! Have I nothing? No good left in me to beg of you to accept me so that you may let me love you, to make you try and love whatever is left of me?!"

Her voice grew more angry, her face more hot with every word. This was unbelievable to her...

"Am I SO empty now that I have nothing left to give to you, that all of me can Never BE Good Enough?!" she cried hysterically.

It seemed a miracle to her she could speak through her panicked sobs at all. All her dignity seemed to melt away, Her face splotchy and red, the rest of her shaking, weak body now ghost white.

She let herself fall sitting on the edge of her bed as tears began to pour down her face. That was it-- she couldn't live though it, not this time. She would die, alone in her room, crying on a mattress that had swallowed so many of her tears it may as well have been a water bed. She didn't have the air in her lungs, the strength in her body, the will in her heart to get her through another breakdown of tears... There was too much pain, too much suffering, too many memories, too much fighting, too much denying, too much love, too much of her lost-- just too much...

Remus released a heavy sigh, his heart stuck in his throat. He felt sick and dizzy... he knelt down beside her, trying desperately to pry her hands away from her crying face.

"Dora I hate to see you cry, please... don't do this to yourself..." he whispered. Tonks was going down and fast... She lost so much of herself in loving him, her patronus had even changed it's form: if she wasn't careful, she could lose a lot more...

He managed to free one of her hands, braiding his fingers in hers, rubbing softly at her wounded knuckles.

Nothing felt worse then that horrible, sick feeling of crying right after waking up in a cold sweat, heart still wrung out and beaten from the evening before. She felt the need to gag, but could not, she felt the need to scream, but no sound came out other than a half silent exasperated cry...

He'd had enough: he couldn't bare to see her like this, it wasn't normal, it wasn't her!

He lifted himself onto her bed, pulling her from round the waist to lay next to her. She tried with the little energy she had left to push him away from her, but Remus held her so close and so tightly against himself, she felt almost suffocated in him.

"Nothing makes sense to me anymore!! You do not and can not love me, yet you pull me close and refuse to let me fight you away!!" she heaved, coughing and choking on her tears.

Her entire body was freezing, Remus trying desperately to keep her warm with whatever he could- he fought her kicking to entwine himself with her, covering the both of them with a blanket.

Tonks was sick- he couldn't see her like this, it was killing the both of them,

After many long minutes of slowly dying tears, and shuddering breaths, Tonks' heartbeat finally began slowing down, the fight in her completely gone. She stopped trying to physically push him away as she had no strength in her body left to do so. She turned to face him, their bodies still entwined.

"This world is making me go crazy and I've had enough... Remus, I've had enough... I can't bare it anymore...why live in a world where the only thing you love will not have you...? By _choice, _no less, by choosing to give up!!!" She said sadly, wiping tears off her peeling face.

"If it were not you I loved, if it was somehow someone else, and you held me as a friend now, what could you say to me? What could you possibly tell me?" she asked sobbing still.

Remus shut his eyes tightly in concentration, unable think clearly. She bit her lip to refrain from crying more, but still couldn't look at him. She rubbed her cold legs against his, shaking still, trying desperately not to think...

"I'd tell you... to smile. That I can't remember the last time I saw you laughing, and I know this is not you... I'd tell you to not be afraid to let yourself show who you are to the world, and forget any old fool that did not have the courage to show who he truly was, even if the prize for doing so was something and someone as perfect as you..." he spoke to her softly, wiping her mousy hair off her face, staring into the purpled lids of her downcast eyes.

She bit her lip, letting him calm her down by running his fingers through her hair.

"Remus, what's happened to you?" she whispered slowly, in disappointment.

"I know the man you truly are, I've seen your true self, and that's why I love you... don't be afraid to let that man show... Your fear of... getting close, making a decision... it's killing me."

He was never more scared in his life. His eyes were wide, watching Tonks as if she was slipping away right before his eyes. He couldn't say anything. No matter what he did, it would hurt her... If he admit he loved her, it would surely be the death of her, yet telling her he did not love her was killing her... right before his very eyes...

To die before his eyes, or at his word... It was a catch-22...

"I thought love was supposed to be beautiful... Isn't that what we're fighting for?" she whispered weakly.

"Sometimes we forget... that the most beautiful thing can also be the most powerful..." He hated himself for saying it.

"And sometimes the most powerful can be the most deadly... " he finished.

He slid off the bed, and was at the door frame to her room when suddenly--

"It can also be the only thing that can save a life..."

He looked at her, weak and crumpled on the bed, her skin sagging slightly, looking like a tortured angel, now forever cursed to the ground, whose spirit no longer had the wings left in her to fly...

He walked slowly back up to the bed, leaned over, and planted on her lips the sweetest, most perfect kiss on her hot chapped lips, and was gone from the room a moment later...

_Her best friend..._

Tears slipped down her already wet cheeks as she lifted her fingertips to feel her lips where he kissed them.

* * *

_I live here on my knees as I _

_try to make you see that you're _

_everything I think I need here on the ground._

_But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go._

_The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down_

Tonks hadn't spoken to anyone for weeks. The drizzling end to spring turned into the beginning of a gray summer. Remus was constantly dropping in to see the Weasleys, constantly asking if they had heard anything from Tonks. All he had heard was that she was hardly ever at meetings for the order anymore; it seemed her office friends had practically abandoned her, and already the world seemed a little less bright. Molly was hardly ever quite as cheerful... People had been making it obvious they were walking on eggshells around him ever since word got out the little girl attacked was a metamorphmagus. Every corner he walked around, he could swear he saw her, every laugh he heard 'cross the room he could swear was hers. She was never home, and not once did she try to contact him since the last time the spoke: He even tried to visit her at her ministry job once, but remembered Dolores Umbridge, undoubtedly lying to his face, and telling him she was not there... He remembered Tonks's sad face the last time he'd seen her, drowning in sorrow, crying so hard she had no time to breathe between her sobs... It hurt his head just thinking about it. It was a particularly unusual day today. Remus himself was more of a mess than he realized. Thin as a pole, and worn down to a pulp, it was a miracle his cane had not become too heavy for him to carry. His transformations were taking more and more out of him. Molly was particularly worried- if Tonks lost a lot of weight, she would at least be normally proportionate, but as Remus was already so skinny, you could practically see his ribs through his shirts. There were some particularly hard times for him when the fact that he'd lost his best friends hit him so hard, he himself couldn't find the drive to get up and move along.

What hurt the most was that he, yet again, could not save her... He'd have stayed up with her that whole night if he could, and the following day if he had even the faintest idea of how to bring back the old Tonks. He missed her desperately. It was painful, bitter-sweetly so to wake up every night from visions of the happier times the two of them shared. He remembered the first time he met her- two mismatching gloves, her hair in so many different colors... the day she ran into the glass door, and when they danced for the first time... He'd remembered his heart slowly changing from seeing her almost as a student who grew up into a beautiful young woman that for some insane reason or another wanted him- loved him so passionately, that the world was forced to see it... It seemed impossible that one heart could endure so much pain and feel so strongly for another, still, even if that other person was the very cause for her pain. No potion, no magic from any wand could re-create even half of the power this woman had within her... and yet she thought herself worthless because a run down lycan would rather die than admit that he loved her because she was in fact too good to be wasted on the likes of him...

He was now completely alone. His best friend was lost to him: he finally understood what she meant by how impossible it was to need him as a best friend but not be able to have him because the reason she needed help was also his fault in the first place.

Tonks had many things to think about as well: Remus had challenged her quite well. Did she care Remus was a lycan? Or was it a tactic of his to make her think so, so that she could forget him. She knew she cared about the little girl... she cared that a man as kind as Remus had to have the pains inside of becoming a monster every month with no choice to change what he was... The only reason what he said made sense to her was because she still thought of being a lycan as an uncontrollable disease... and this meant she pitied him for having no control... If she pitied him that meant it mattered to her...

But on the other hand-- she didn't care! So what, he couldn't change what he was, and the only reason she'd want him to is so he would love himself enough to let her in! People hurt people, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not, but that was life! Hurt was a part of life. Some people killed with wands, and hate- Remus killed with fangs and when he could not control it. So was an accidental murder he had no control to stop to be looked at as worse than a wizard who killed millions because they had married muggles and learned to accept people for being good, as opposed to family heritage, of age, or money?

No. She didn't care. Even after he had challenged her by really making her disect the situation, she didn't care. Being a lycan was a part of Remus-- Remus was not a part of being a lycan. Every time she had to travel to the Castle or to Hogsmeade, she made sure to stay away from being out in the open in case Remus walked by. She had seen him many a time, and used all of her self control not to run up to him say something. She had to stay away. For her to fall apart was one thing - but the words that Molly had said to her so long go rang as clearly as a bell to her.

She _could not_ lose her mind.. and could not be the reason for Remus losing his when his lycanthropy already tested the boundaries of his control.

She had also decided to cut all contact with Remus because of something that happened when they last saw each other. He called love the most powerful, powerful enough to destroy: she challenged him that love was sometimes the only thing powerful enough to save... and he kissed her. In that moment, she was ready to die- yet, ages after she thought she would be unable to so much as leave her house, she was able to stop herself from talking to him immediately, and do her duty with her mind actually being on her mission... because that kiss was no ordinary kiss... To her, that was him saving her. That kiss meant he loved her: him loving her was the only thing that could have brought her to her senses enough to face the world again-- no it did not change everything: she could not change her hair, or the shape of her nose-- but it was enough at least for her to have just enough fight left to ask him once more if he loved her. It didn't change that they weren't together, but there was an unexplainable truth; a certain sense of inner peace in the knowledge that he was, if not anything else, at least in love with her.

It was coming upon night in Hogsmeade, the sky a thick, charcoal gray, sending a dark chill of horrible foreboding to all that wandered the streets.

As fate would have it, Remus and Tonks collided with each other at that exact moment, both coming round the same corner at the exact same time from completely different directions.

They both instantly froze, barely able to comprehend the vision of the other.

Then he did something she never thought he would do; He forced her back gently into the alley, and backwards round the corner so that he pinned her to the wall.

"You're okay..." he whispered, releasing what sounded like the most baited breath in the history of mankind. He punched the wall beside her lightly, leaning against it, shoving his other trembling fist into his pocket.

"I'm alive, yes--" she began slightly confused.

"I could kill you." he said a touch more fiercely than he had intended.

_What on earth had gotten into him?_

"Okay... Remus are you alright--?"

His expression changed almost instantly from one of exhausted confusion to a ferocious anger that could only be matched by his wolf form.

"No, I'm not bloody alright you damned hyena!!" he said, raising his voice and turning to face her.

"I have called on you, written you countless letters, barged into numerous houses, been refused by Dolores Umbridge no less to get a hold of you, and you didn't think just maybe you should have the decency to LET ME KNOW YOU WERE OKAY?! _ALIVE EVEN?!_" He said, his voice becoming slightly hoarse.

Tonks had never seen him like this. She felt like she was being reprimanded by her big brother.

"Well I--" she began smally.

"WELL WHAT?!" he hissed.

He seemed to notice her guilt, so he lowered his volume slightly, although his tone still just as furious.

"I have not slept a solid hour in two weeks, eaten a decent meal in three or been so miserable in all my life! You were completely irresponsible, childish, selfish and out of line! Molly and Arthur are worried sick about you, Dumbledore wondering where the hell you've been and your landlord is wondering why your 'father' keeps dropping by, and Breaking down your DOOR!! You SELFISHLY ignored your friends, you ignored me, and worst you ignored your duty to Dumbledore! , so let me ask you this-- are you happy now? Proud of what you've done?! You make even Sirius look responsible! We half thought you to be Dead!! I was ready to kill myself--..." He spat in a vicious whisper.

He paused suddenly, noticing that all he'd said was a step too much.

_It made him even more angry that she appeared so immaculately beautiful..._

"Tell Me Remus..." she said her eyes not leaving the floor. "Must I be thought dead for you to admit you love me?"

She looked up suddenly, Remus becoming instantly defensive, turning pink at the question. Though he would never let her know it, she had a point... Countless hours were spent, him swearing he would proclaim his love for her and live with her the rest of his days if he would only find her alive and well...

Now of course he was far too angry to sweep her off to his flat, though he was sure there would be plenty of time to do so later.

"For Christ's sake Nymphadora, do you think I would do you ridiculous thing you think a privilege of telling you I love you after you've bloody driven us all mad?! I've been worried sick about you, you selfish girl of COURSE I Lo-- What is it?" he said, his tone immediately changing to honest, focused concern the moment he'd seen her face.

She was looking in the direction of the castle, her eyes wide, and pale as a ghost. He had never, ever in his life seen her face filled with so much horror. A clap of thunder was heard, and as soon as he looked toward the school he understood everything...

"Oh My God..."

Ripping their wands from their robes, they ran toward the castle as fast as their feet could carry them.

* * *

_Something always brings me back to you._

_It never takes too long._


	32. Chapter 32: Battle on the Grounds

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Ok, guys-- I just wanted to thank everyone again for their reviews, and their support in my slow updating ;D lol Anyway, here we go-- enjoy! I'd also like to offer that if wanted I can extend the fic to go through what I think will happen in book 7, or I can start another fic. Lemme know your thoughts and R&R!!

and disclaimer-- kindapping of lines from JKR: I had to, this scene wouldn't be the same without them ;) Brace yourselves! This scene is what made Tonks and Lupin 3

* * *

"Remus, what the bloody hell is going on?!" she shouted, running fast toward the school.

"I got the same order, and so did Bill-- Hurry up!" he shouted, picking up speed.

It was almost unreal that Remus moved so swiftly and gracefully despite his age.

Thunder clapped dangerously as the blackening night sky surrounded the castle. Something was wrong-- It felt as though every Dementor in all the world had surrounded Hogwarts, somehow made it past the many enchantments they had laid out previously to protect it from such invasions... The school was drowning in darkness, as if a force field had left Hogsmeade alone and swallowed the school whole. Every star in the sky seemed to disappear, leaving the outside world pitch black. Tonks' heart was pounding with such ferocity she thought for sure it would rip it's way out of her chest. Remus was running faster now, the bottom of his cloak whipping against the sides of his thin legs with so much force he was sure it was bruising them. The lights were still on in the castle, too eerily calm to actually be at peace.

"Up the stairs-- go right" he said once they had reached the front gates.

_Perfect Timing, Dumbledore--_ Tonks thought bitterly. Remus was completely alert- wide awake to his surroundings.

Another nightmare. The halls of the castle seemed to reverberate evil, as if consuming those inside of it's walls.

Suddenly, as soon as they'd turned the corner, Ron, Ginny, and Neville came flying toward them. Tonks had never seen the young girl looks so terrified.

"Ginny what's the matter- what's happened--"

"Malfoy: ran out the room of requirement and -- it went black, and--"

"The room of what?" Tonks asked, breathless

"Was He Alone--?" Interrupted Remus, trying desperately to keep his calm.

"We couldn't see, but there were footsteps, a lot of them--I think they were heading for the astronomy tower--"

"Ginny listen to me very carefully. Find Minerva- find her as quickly as you can, tell her everything that's happened, and to summon the Order-- now GO!" Tonks cried, running through them. Lupin was hot on her heels.

Ginny, Neville and Ron all exchanged worried glances, and hit the ground running to find her.

Tonks would have bet her life that Malfoy was not alone- and that those he brought with him were not on their side.

"Death Eaters" Remus said breathing hard, quickening his pace.

"No way!! How could he have gotten them past us--?"

"I don't know, but he's brought them through from the inside, I'd guarantee it!!"

It was impossible! No way would Death Eaters be able to get in to the Castle, and no way would they have followed Malfoy's orders to do so... Yet something very peculiar was going on, and she had no idea how to explain it.

The halls were dark, when from behind them, a familiar voice called out:

"Remus! Tonks!" Bill cried, running toward them. He was not the only one that joined them.

They paused just long enough for Bill and Mad-Eye to catch up before continuing.

"I heard footsteps from this direction, whats going on--?"

"We're not sure, we-- Remus Look Out!!"

Out of nowhere, a jet of green light came straight toward them, causing Bill, Remus and Tonks to flatten themselves on the ground to avoid it: Mad-Eye had majestically slammed his staff down, creating a sort of protective orb that engulfed the four of them and dissolved the spell that shot toward them. Up ahead there were 9 or 10 death eaters running toward the Astronomy Tower.

"Gibbon-- GO!! NOW!! _PREPARE EVERYTHING!_" a huge blond man shouted. Remus knew him anywhere...

_It couldn't be--_

The battle had begun.

Remus, Tonks, and Bill all immediately jumped to their feet, chasing the Death Eaters as they dispersed throughout the castle. Jolts of horrible red and green sparks were being thrown with such speed it would have made the Weasley twins' fireworks look weak. Tonks could not believe her eyes.

_Death Eaters?? At Hogwarts?! How could this happen?! And more importantly, where one earth was Dumbledore?!_

She continued brandishing her wand as quickly as her sore arms would let her. Remus was now facing Alecto, and one other Death Eater that Tonks did not recognize. Bill was now taking on Fenrir, who was trying desperately to get to Remus-- Tonks was in shock that Mafloy was throwing curses at them. _Had he gone Mad?!_

More and more Death Eaters made their way at an alarming speed to the astronomy tower as the battle raged on, Snape, thankfully, hot on their heels. Tonks saw from the corner of her eye the shapes of Kingsley, Mad-Eye and what looked to be like Ginny, Ron and Neville joining in the fray. Remus was caught off guard, glad Snape was finally proving useful, and a moment later felt himself being thrown down the stairs, falling just in time to miss Amycus's killing curse-- which hit Gibbon straight in the chest; the force of it sent him flying to the ground in a bloody heap. Remus got up half a heartbeat later, wand still miraculously in hand. As he moved to battle Amycus further on, Tonks rushed past him, attacking a huge albino man she had finally placed as being none other than Alectin- the lycan whose brother Remus killed, and tried raping Nymphadora. Tonks had seen him about to attack Lupin when she charged at him with full speed.

"YOU!!" He roared, swinging at her with all his might. "I'll kill you-- you _and_ that weakling that KILLED MY BROTHER!!"

He was moving so fast, it took everything in her just to keep up. Alectin bared his teeth, Ripping out a piece of her lank hair and throwing her against the wall, causing her to scream in pain. She prayed desperately that Remus was still alive behind her, and only at Amycus's pained cry did she believe it so.

"Finally--," snarled Alectin "I can tear into a metamorphmagus that's actually gonna fight back!"

Remus on the other hand, heard only Nymphadora screaming, and his anger grew so quickly and so wildly that three death eaters were at his feet in the time it took him to turn around.

"TONKS!!"

"REMUS LOOK OUT!" shouted Bill, immediately stunning Greyback just in time. Remus's eyes grew large, and no sooner was he saved than two more Death Eaters were hounding him, trying desperately to kill him personally and keep him away from his beloved Nymphadora...

"Sorry half-breed: Your girlfriend is _FINISHED!!-_-"

Remus had this Death Eater to the wall and bleeding so quickly, it made Fenrir seem forgiving.. The entire room was quickly becoming a fiery blood bath, Remus so enraged, he couldn't think straight.

"_NOT WHILE I'M ALIVE, SHE ISN'T!!_" He shouted, taking on several more. "_Dora!!_" he called out breathlessly, desperate for an answer.

There she was-- on the steps--

He saw two others charging at her from behind, when he ran with such agility he barely made it in time. He leapt up the steps, taking three or four at a time, throwing her down to the ground with him so fast they had just escaped another killing curse. She was now flat on her back underneath him, seeing only his bloody face above her, tears of anger in his eyes.

"Wotcher..." she grunted weakly.

"Dora are you okay?!" he yelled over all the noise, his entire body now so close to hers they may as well have been one person. She saw from the corner of her eye Alectin coming straight toward them, and with all her strength, she managed to shove Remus off just in time to hop to her feet and defend him. The battle between them continued to rage on as Remus took on the next Death Eater unfortunate enough to cross his path.

_She's alive-- its okay-- now where the FUCK is Dumbledore?!_

Tonks was fighting fiercely as ever, her heart skipping as she saw Snape, then Malfoy run past. Suddenly, She heard Bill's pained cry, and her eyes grew wide in fell, his face crashing to the ground, the pool of fresh blood by his head growing steadily larger. Fenrir sounded, the most terrifying sound trapped between a scream and a howl, Bill's blood dripping from his face.

"NO!!" Shouted Remus and Tonks at the same time: Tonks for his falling, Remus knowing it was Fenrir that had attacked. _Not Bill..._

Suddenly, Alectin set off a spell so fierce, half the ceiling caved in, taking several death eaters and Professor Flitwick down with it.

The Order was losing, and losing badly.

Kingsley immediately took on Fenrir, and Remus -- seeing Neville fail to make his way to the Astronomy tower behind Snape, attempted valiantly with the same result. Something was blocking him, some kind of magical barrier. How Snape got through and Remus couldn't was beyond him... Moments later, he saw Harry whirring past, flying down the steps so quickly he had no time to ask what had happened. Hermione and Luna had now joined in the battle, their wands waving as quickly as they could manage: It was a miracle they were all still alive-- Tonks' eyes took a fleeting second, her stomach jumping to her throat at the sight of Bill still unconscious on the ground in a pool of his own blood.

_Where on earth was Dumbledore?!_

Lupin remembered the feeling of salvation that came with Dumbledore entering the battle at the Ministry... he was not so sure they would be saved this time around. The battle was in full rage, Death Eaters and members of the Order and Harry's classmates both falling as quickly as they'd come up to fight in the first place. The tower was in complete ruin, Neville was now on the ground, clutching his stomach beside Bill, McGonagall fighting fiercely with Alecto, and Ginny trying desperately to avoid the flighty hexes of Amycus. Tonks was now heavily engaged in fighting the Alectin, who was shooting off sparks in every direction: it was quite clear now that he did not know quite how to use a wand, denying himself the habits of the wizarding world, but there was no denying the amount of power behind each and every spell he attempted to cast.

Over all the noise, she suddenly heard Snape's voice shouting-- but what she couldn't exactly make out... _'The deed is done...' ?_

Remus caught sight of Fenrir, ready to rip the throat out of Tonks, and watched in horror as the beast pulled her down with him. Her face was bleeding profusely, and his just as scarred.

Tonks felt the remains of Bills brood drop into her mouth as Fenrir pinned her down to the floor.

"Hello, pretty" he spat maniacly. He was just about to dig his yellowed teeth into the flesh of her face when she felt him shoved violently off of her.

Lupin charged at Fenrir valiantly, his victim moving too quickly for him. Slicing his thick nails across Remus's face, he bounded off of him, and followed Snape out of the hall. Tonks screamed and pulled Remus down to her, firing one last attempt at a stunning spell as Alectin, too, began to run after Snape. In fact, all the death eaters were now following suit-- _what was going on?! And why the hell was Dumbledore nowhere to be seen?!_ Harry was now also nowhere to be seen, nor was Hagrid; The Death Eaters seemed to take after Snape and run toward the Entrance Hall doors, trying to escape. Though it seemed impossible, they had managed to keep the Death Eaters at bay. Students and members to the Order alike lie bloodied up everywhere, as those who could run tried to chase down the villains 'till they could run no more. As soon as the coast was clear, Tonks ran to Bill, trying desperately to shake him to consciousness with tears in her eyes: Remus ran immediately to help up McGonagall.

She had never seen a face so mangled... Slivers of flesh were missing, his skin looking as though huge chunks had beed ripped off of his skull with Fenrir's teeth. Tonks was gonna be sick, her tears falling onto Bill's sanguined face...

Lupin and Minerva made their way over to Tonks and Bill, Lupin gasping at the sight of Bill's mangled face. McGonagall's expression was stony, as she surveyed the students, sick from battle and weaker than ever, pulling themselves together to assemble by her. The entire room was painted in blood and sweat, and Flitwick still lay unconscious on the ground. Luna ran to aid Neville and Hermione and Ron found each other's embrace. McGonagall immediately sent her patronus for Madame Pomfrey who was beside them moments later. She looked incredibly beaten, and sickly-- she swallowed hard before she could speak. Remus knelt across from Tonks, hiding Bill's face just before Ginny got within distance enough to see it.

"Bill!" Ginny cried out, seeing her eldest brother in a pool of his own dark blood.

"It's alright-- he's alive. He was attacked by Fenrir, but he's going to make it..." Remus said as calmly as he could, his eyes hesitatingly meeting hers.

Ginny nodded smally: she was perhaps a touch too clever for her own good.

"Ginny-- find Harry, and Hagrid-- anyone else involved in this. The rest of you: to the Hospital wing. Ginny, you and Potter will meet us there." Minerva ordered her.

Tonks saw Ginny's tear stained face once more before the young girl turned quickly on her heel to find Harry: Ginny was not stupid- she knew Fenrir was a werewolf, and that that was not a good thing.

"Those of up who can, try apparating-- for some reason, I think we'll be able to..." Minerva said unsurely.

"Come on you lot," Tonks said weakly to the students, "Remus and I will walk you up,"

Madame Pomfrey quickly magicked the bodies of Flitwick and Bill immediately to the Hospital wing, Remus still incredibly worried about Harry and Dumbledore, wondering why he had not seen them at all during the battle...

"Alastor, Kingsley-- help who you can."

Without another word, the group made their way tiredly up to the Hospital wing. Remus and Tonks were the last in the line, behind the students. At first no one spoke a word, until Remus - still looking dead ahead - addressed Tonks.

"Did they hurt you, are you okay?" he asked hoarsely, fighting everything in him that made him want to collapse.

He had almost lost Tonks- for good tonight. He wanted to steal her away from all this mess... Tonks swallowed hard.

"If it weren't for you I'd be dead... if that's what you mean." she whispered back, staring wistfully with a teary eye at Ron who was now holding Hermione as they walked, Luna making herself into Neville's crutch. It was almost unbearable to see such love from people so young as this... especially knowing that Remus was being so cold as to not even hold her hand...

"... I hope Bill will turn out...alright... " he whispered with great difficulty.

Bill was attacked by a werewolf. He had never known a werewolf to attack in his man form, and he knew not what this meant for the wedding of Bill and Fleur...

"I'd like to thank you... Remus... for saving me..." she said, choking quietly on her last words. Her eyes were hot with tears now, her heart beating so quickly in her numb body she thought she was going to collapse.

"Nonsense... I was only doing my duty..." he replied quietly. He stopped walking immediately, noticing that Tonks froze in her steps.

She walked directly up to him, Remus praying in the meantime that no students could hear, and he knew immediately it was the completely wrong thing to say. He didn't save her because of duty alone, and he was a fool to think either of them could believe that. He almost died to save her because he was so in love with her he couldn't bare to live if she were no longer in his life. But for some reason, he could not say this to her...

_Tonight proves more than ever that I am too dangerous... too old..._

"How dare you..." She began so softly he could barely hear.

"How_ dare_ you..." she spat slowly, breathing in sharply afterward to resist from breaking down. It was barely more than a whisper, and yet the way she said it was more painful than any part of his body that ached from any physical battle. She was furious: Her face contorted with all forms pain and rage. For a moment, Remus thought she was going to hit him, when suddenly---

_SLAP._

Tonks slapped him so hard in the mouth, his entire body shook, and he was sure, that although they were the only ones still in the hall at this point, that everyone else could at least hear the echo. Remus adjusted his jaw, his face painted in complete shock. He was furious.

He looked up after a moment, his eyes welling up with pain and fury; He made to grab her arm and spin her round only to see that she was already gone, had already walked away. He felt his face, growing hotter still where she had slapped him and jammed his fists in his pocket. Never in his life had anyone done to him what she did to him... And in this case that was definitely not a good thing.

A few minutes later, they were all in the hospital wing, nobody talking until the arrival of Harry. Tonks and Lupin could not so much as look at each other, both seemingly lost in their thoughts of each other, their concern for Bill, and their worry of where on earth Dumbledore was. Lupin kept attempting to steal glances at Tonks, visions of how morbid their future would be if they were together swimming in his mind... Bill was now mangled on a hospital bed, and who could say what Fleur would do. Someone as beautiful and talented as Fleur would surely leave Bill's side- and Remus could not feel the guiltier. _Maybe if Tonks sees that Fleur would give up, she can understand..._ He instantly felt guilty... turning Bill's live-changing tragedy into a sick pity-fest for himself... rather than worrying that Bill would be able to lead a normal life, he was thinking bitterly that this was why he wouldn't let Tonks love him-- one small occurrence and she'd leave him abandoned as soon as Fleur would abandon Bill... The only difference is Bill had people that loved him still... Remus had no one... no one but her.

The door immediately burst open, Harry, Ginny, and Hagrid coming through them looking morbid and defeated. Hermione ran to him, Lupin rising himself, anxiously walking forward.

"Are you all right Harry?" Lupin said hastily, his stomach in his throat.

"I'm fine... How's Bill?"

A hush came over the entire room. Where on earth was Dumbledore... Remus was lost in his thoughts, brought back only by Ron's worried, half-expectant gaze.

_Bill._

"No, I don't think that Bill will be a true werewolf, but that does not mean there won't be some contamination..." he said softly, his gaze traveling to Nymphadora. She was still holding Bill's hand, though her eyes were downcast. He could tell she was trying desperately to fight away her tears. "Those wounds are cursed... They are unlikely to ever heal fully, and-- and Bill might have some wolfish characteristics from now on..." he said, his eyes still locked on Nymphadora. He could tell she was comparing their situation to Bill's as well... It was amazing how their minds were always thinking the same thing but from opposite perspectives.

"Dumbledore might know something that'll work, though," Ron said, bringing Lupin once again back into reality. His eyes were still however locked on Nymphadora...

"Where is he? Bill fought those maniacs on Dumbledore's orders, Dumbledore owes him, he can't leave him in this state--"

"Ron-- Dumbledore's dead," said Ginny

Lupin immediately whipped around to face Harry, his eyes wide. Tonks had looked up as well, horror stricken. It couldn't be...

"No!" Lupin shouted, looking wildly between Ginny and Harry, praying one would contradict the other.

No one spoke.

Lupin collapsed suddenly in his chair, completely falling apart. _Dumbledore... dead... _There was no way out. Everything was lost... He had lost James, Lily, Sirius, possibly Bill and now... Dumbledore? It was too much for him to bear... He buried his face in his hands, feeling like a lost sixteen year old once more... just a lost boy with no one to turn to... Nobody to accept him for being a lycan, no one to be there for him when he needed someone the most... He looked up from his hands, his eyes puffy and red to meet Ron's... it was confirmed. The beloved Headmaster, the man the entire world revered... was dead.

_We've Lost..._

Lupin sat there, weakly shaking... Nobody could look at him, it was so humiliating... it was as if they were intruding on him... nobody had ever seen Remus fall apart like this... Tonks bit her quivering lip, trying desperately not to react. She wanted to hold him... she wanted to send away everyone in the room and just take care of him, make him believe everything was going to be alright...

_Dumbledore... Gone... _Dumbledore was the only man that believed in what she did: He was the only person that believed love could conquer all, the only man that didn't think she was crazy for falling in love with Remus... He was the only one to tell her to fight on for love, to persevere... She stared, heartbroken at Remus in the chair across from her, unable to do a thing..

"How did he die?" she whispered Lupin's thoughts, as he could no longer speak. "How did it happen..."

Harry explained everything, each sentence more horrific than the next... Snape. Everything made sense... Gibbon to set off the Dark Mark and lure Dumbledore to the Astronomy tower, causing the battle as a decoy 'till the deed was done, Draco Malfoy having a protector... everything fit... and no one saw it coming...Fawkes's mournful cry was heard throughout the castle grounds, echoing off of the heavy air, a melody so sad and calming at the same time, the only thing that brought them back to the present was the abrupt entrance of Arthur, Molly and soon to be - or so was hoped – the future Mrs. Fleur Weasley.

Tonks and Lupin immediately surrendered their seats, and wound up somehow, standing quite close to one another. McGonagall tried to soothe the horrified mother and fiancée as Lupin attempted to tell Arthur as delicately as possible that he was not sure what exactly would happen, only that he would not be a full werewolf-- but his once handsome son would remain forever with the scars of a beast... If anything was harder than being a lycan himself it was telling his close friend that his son would forever be affected by a monster of his race. Remus wanted to fall apart. He remembered explaining to Bill what being a werewolf was like, and the horrors of it all... he remembered Bill's petrified face...

"Of course, it doesn't matter how he looks... It's not really important... he was a very handsome b-boy... always very handsome..." Mrs. Weasley sobbed.

Remus glued his eyes to the floor, trying desperately not to cry or look at Tonks, who he could feel was breathing very rapidly beside him...

"...And he was g-going to be married!" Molly sobbed once more.

"And what do you mean by zat?" Fleur burst so loudly, everyone jumped. "What do you mean ' 'e was going to be married?'"

"Well -- only that --"

"You theenk Bill will not wish to marry me anymore?" she demanded of a startled Molly.

Tonks's heart was racing... Remus remained still.

"You theenk, because of these bites, he will not love me?"

"No, that's not what I --"

"Because 'e will!" Fleur shouted defiantly, drawing herself up to her full height.

Tears were now streaming freely down Nymphadora's ivory face, her hands balling up into iron fists. Remus could not believe his ears-- Fleur thought he wouldn't love her because _he_ looked like that? _Was she insane--?_ And then suddenly... it made sense... He could now see what Tonks had been trying to tell him for so long...

"It would take more zan a werewolf to stop Bill loving me!"

"Well, yes, I'm sure" Molly began, slightly confused. "But I thought -- perhaps -- given how -- how he--"

"You thought I would not weesh to marry him? Or per'aps, you hoped?!" Said Fleur, her nostrils flaring.

"What do I care how he looks? I am good-looking enough for both of us, I theenk! All these scars show is zat my husband is brave! And I shall do zat!" she said defiantly, ripping the medicine from her soon to be mother in law.

It was something like Remus had never seen before... a perfectly beautiful girl loved this man, this man who was now so scarred by his lycan attack that he was barely recognizable... He could Feel Tonks trembling beside him... He would be lying if he said he wasn't scared of Tonks from her outbreak at her apartment. In fact he was terrified, and with good reason. He was afraid if he hurt her again, intentionally or not, she would go literally insane and try to kill herself.

She was a volcano, ready to erupt... Molly and Fleur were now sobbing into each other's arms-- _here it comes_ -- when Tonks could contain herself no more.

"You see!" came the young Auror's strained voice. She turned now to face Lupin, glaring. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!" She yelled increasing in volume.

Arthur was smiling smally in spite of himself. Remus's eyes were still glued to the floor.

"It's different," said Lupin, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. He was almost scared by her outburst. He didn't know what he would do if she broke down. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely--"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front of his robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times..."

This was a different Tonks. This was a Tonks that rose to her greatness as Phoenixes do, not one that would lose the battle to her broken heart, and fall to pieces. There was a beast in her that could not be slain.

The smell of Vanilla was choking him, the warmth of her skin driving him mad--

"And I've told you a million times," said Lupin unable to control himself, staring at the floor still "that I am too old for you, too poor... too dangerous..."

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus" chimed Mrs. Weasley over Fleur's shoulder, patting her back.

"I am not being ridiculous," Remus began, feeling like a fool: all his old students were goggling at him, Alastor now snickering... He felt like he was the ass of everyone's joke, just like how it was at school..."Tonks deserves somebody young and whole," he said steadily.

Now it was Arthur's turn.

_Will no one grant me dignity?_

"But she wants you," Arthur said, with a small smile. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so," he said, gesturing sadly at his son.

He was trapped.

"This is... not the moment to discuss it," said Lupin, avoiding everybody's eyes as he looked around distractedly. "Dumbledore is dead..."

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think there was a little more love in the world" said McGonagall curtly.

_MINERVA KNEW TOO?!_

Hagrid burst through the door suddenly, for which Remus was eternally thankful as all eyes were no longer strictly on him. He took advantage of the fact that McGonagall and Hagrid were talking to whisper to Nymphadora, still not looking at her.

"I don't believe you... In front of all my students no less..." he said, barely moving his lips.

"Would you care to discuss it at my flat, then, or shall I continue this argument here" she whispered back, her lips parting in that unfairly sensual way they always did.

"You wouldn't dare..." he challlenged angrily, so low she could barely hear him.

"...Wouldn't I?" she whispered seductively back, her lips still parted...

He didn't know whether to be furious or incredibly turned on.

"... And tell them they can apparate... as soon as they get there I will place the magic back on the castle, but for now we must not waste time..." broke Minerva's voice.

McGonagall then left the room, Hagrid and Harry following close behind. It was Arthur who spoke next. Remus immediately dropped his gaze from her lips back to the floor again, his mind now completely back to the Weasleys... _well, sort of_...

"I think we ought to leave Fleur and Bill alone...Tonks? Remus?" Arthur said, as he ushered his wife and his children out the door.

Tonks and Lupin did not exchange another word with the other until they were both on the other side of the Hospital Wing door and the coast was completely clear. Tonks spoke first.

"My flat. Two Minutes -- and no. You don't have a choice."

Before he could protest she was gone. There was no way out of it this time.


	33. Chapter 33: Ill Follow You into the Dark

Tonks had just barely gotten inside of her flat when from directly behind her, she heard a loud _CRACK!_

"HOW DARE YOU MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!" Remus shouted. She had never seen him so enflamed.

"Glad you could make it _coward!_" she shouted back.

The _real_ battle began.

"You Selfish CHILD!!! Have you any IDEA what you have just done?! In front of all of my students, my mentors, my co-workers, our _friends--- Disregarded_ Dumbledore's _Death_ just to make me look a fool!"

"You didn't need any help Remus! And how DARE you have the audacity to say that I don't care about Dumbledore's death when I---"

"YOU HAVE USED YOUR QUOTA FOR THE DAY OF THE PHRASE '_I DON'T CARE_' NYMPHADORA!"

"DON'T ---- _CALL ME -----_NYMPHADORA!!!!" She screamed.

Remus fumed. They were both glaring at each other dangerously, as if electricity were being shot through their bodies in a violent rage.

Remus waited a moment before he continued.

"You had absolutely _No Right_ to do what you did to me in that room---"

"For God's sake Remus, will you stop making this about being embarassed?! Fleur doesn't care, and she can shout it from the rooftops, well I don't care Remus, I just don't _care!" _she shouted back.

"YOU HAVE TO CARE! The cases are completely different Dora---"

"How?! _HOW are they bloody different Remus, I ---LOVE --- You, _and I---"

"Well, cease your loving me then! Turn another corner, walk away---"

"As if YOU were capable of _living _without me!! You said it yourself Remus, You would _Die_ without me---"

"That's not the point----!"

"OH REALLY!?" She screamed.

Before Remus could get another word in she had jumped on him, knocking him backward, her face enveloping his. Many objects fell to the floor, crashing around them as Lupin began pulling on her hair, unsure if his actions were out of rage or eroticism. He shoved her off of himself, gasping for breath.

"NYMPHADORA, CONTROL YOURSELF!" he shouted at her.

"Why?!" she shouted back.

He hadn't thought of that.

"Because! I am TOO poor, TOO _Old_ and Too---"

"Stupid to think of a _Good reason?!"_

"Nymphadora I don't---"

"DON'T CALL MY NYMPHADORA----"

"OH SHUT UP WITH THAT WILL YOU----"

"SHUT UP YOURSELF REMUS OR I'LL---"

"_OR YOU'LL WHAT?!"_

_"OR I'LL MAKE YOU!!!" _and with that, she tackled him again, this time kissing him deeper, almost choking him, her tongue halfway down his throat.

Before he could stop himself, he felt himself pushing back, and yet not pushing her away. He had not felt her so alive since he had seen her with pink hair, changing noses at the dinner table in the Burrow. There was nothing left of the childish young thing in her, but she was now at full force, a woman of such intensity he was sure his heart were going to explode.

He was furious, and yet angrily shocked when it was her that finally pulled her face away. There was such a fire in her eyes, he was amazed to not be swallowed whole into flames.

"Will You shut up and listen to me now?!" she asked catching her breath.

Remus fumed. _I made her lose her breath... NO! Focus on remaining furious, it's your only chance!_

"I love you Remus, and everything about you tells me that you love me right back! No matter how cruel to me you have sometimes been, no matter how evasive or negligent, no matter how straight up _stupid_ some of the things you have said to me have been, I _know_ that I am hopelessly in love with you, and that you are just as incapable of functioning without me! I know you're older, and I know you're better, and I also know you're a werewolf, and a down right FOOL, but God help me, I -- DON'T --- CARE!!! I. Don't. _Care." _she finished, breathing heavily, wiping the sweat off of his brow.

Lupin surveyed her.

"You do not have to evoke Anger in me to recieve some kind of passion, or lust, because I _swear to God_ Remus, you can have all of me, without asking, with no question, and no judgement..." she said more calmly now.

"I don't care how long it takes, I don't care how much I have to deal with Remus -- I will follow you into death if that's what it takes----"

"Enough" he said quietly.

She finally settled down.

Remus closed his eyes as if in an immense amount of pain. _The cards were finally on the table... _He slowly opened his eyes and bored into hers. There was no insanity here, no ungrounded arguement... there was only a small smirk played across her lips, one that he was never able to resist.

_'You Love Me'_ her eyes told him, _'I've already won you...'_

Lupin couldn't speak. So mesmerized by her eyes was he that he could barely breathe. He had no idea what to say. _She would follow him into death_ she had said... it had sounded so much like a vow. She had the world completely figured out this whole time, but now she finally knew it...

"I love you, Remus Lupin... and if you cannot love me, then I stand before you, honest, and with every bout of passion that I have... and ask for you give me a shot."

The warm lights of the candles about them flickered dangerously around them, the soft, warm light resting on her young, glowing face.

She took one step toward him, her smirk still on her face with a quiet power.

Remus did not step away.

For once in his life, it was not because he was frozen to the spot, or afraid... He didn't move away, because he had absolutely no desire to.

Her eyes cautiously met his, searching for any sign of fight or restraint. Remus' eyes remained expressionless as if in a daze, and yet his gaze could still not break hers. She was in total control of him, and yet if he wanted to leave, he knew he'd have been allowed...

"Tonks..." he said quietly to her.

"Yes, Remus?" she asked sweetly.

Remus, for the first time that he could remember, smiled.

Tonks' smirk grew wider, but her eyes remained with the same calm power.

He looked up at her forehead, and pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. He allowed his hand to trace the silhouette of her face.

Tonks kept her ground.

Lupin's eyes met hers in the dark firelight, something blazing in them that Tonks couldn't quite place.

Their War was Over.

Slowly, he placed her face in both his hands and leaned in, finally, to kiss her.

_

* * *

  
_

Tonks and Lupin awoke beside each other the following morning, with not so much as a sheet between them. Lupin kept his eyes closed as he woke up, not sure of what he would see. He took in the smell of her hair, the warmth of the sunlight as it hit his face, the feeling of her legs entwined in his, and and her hand resting gently on his chest. He wanted to make sure to remember this moment for the rest of his life, now that he knew it belonged to Nymphadora.

Tonks realised she was lying in Lupin's arm, her sleepy face nuzzled on Lupin's warm shoulder. She immediately squirmed closer into him, smiling dreamily. She braved open one of her eyes, to see that Lupin had still made sure his eyes remained closed.

"Wotcher," she said sweetly, planting a kiss on his cheek. He peeked down at her, cautiously, and allowed himself a smile.

"Hi..." he said quietly, closing his eyes again.

"What time is it?" he asked throwing one arm behind his neck and stretching.

"No idea" she said, resting her head back onto him.

He wanted to linger a moment longer in this state, remembering how she looked in his arms, curled up in her violet sheets, her pink hair softly framing her face...

_Pink..._

His eyes shot open.

He looked back down at the girl burrowed into his chest and sat up violently. Tonks furrowed her brows.

"Mpfhh...." she grunted, wanting him to lie back down.

Remus' face turned into the squirrley-est smile he could muster. He rolled his eyes..._Guess there's no getting away fromt he pink after all_, he thought. He could not remember the last time he had felt so overwhelmed by happiness.

"You're welcome" he said slyly, and falling back into his pillow.

Tonks looked up at him, doe-eyed.

"Whassit?" she asked

"Oh, nothing" he said holding back laughter. Despite the tragic events of the following evening, he could barely resist the urge to burst into a fit of giggles.

Tonks was sitting up now, an eyebrow raised.

"You say _'you're welcome'?"_ she asked playfully.

"I don't know, maybe you should further investigate" he replied in a tone of mock seriousness.

Tonks grabbed for his shirt and threw it on before walking toward her bathroom.

Not a second after she left the room---

"Oh!" she cried out from the hall.

Lupin couldn't resist from laughing.

She ran back toward the room and stopped at the door.

"But it... how...?" she asked, her cheeks as pink as her bubblegum hair.

Lupin merely smiled at her, looking smugly pleased with himself.

"I told you you were welcome" he teased, closing his eyes again. He opened one eye just to see her jump toward him with a massive pillow, aiming straight for his face. He immediately grabbed her arms and pinned her down against the bed.

"You jerk!" she laughed out, beaming.

Lupin was overjoyed at seeing her so happy.

It was as if his soul were thirsting to see her, bright eyed and smiling up at him, it had been so long.

Tonks studied every line of his sweet face, looking down at her. She freed one of her hands to run his fingers through his hair.

_He's really here_ she though, glowing.

Lupin leaned down on her to kiss her, and then gently rolled to her side.

They were silent for a moment, braiding their fingers through each others' hands. Lupin wrapped his arms around her.

Slowly, images from last night went tearing though her mind, though she remained, if sadly, smiling.

"He's really gone, isn't he...?" she asked.

Lupin planted kisses on her forehead and down her face slowly, until his eyes were level with her.

"I'm afraid so," he said softly, and squeezing her tight.

Tonks was sure that despite this perfect morning, of what was coming next.

"I expect... that his funeral will be today, then" she replied.

_Please don't... Please don't bring it up today..._

"I suspect..."

_I have to tell her_ Lupin thought.

_Maybe after this kiss_... he thought, planting another one on her peprfect lips.

There was something in the way Tonks looked at him as he drew back that allowed him to believe she knew what was coming.

"Tonks..." he began, propping himself up on his elbow. She scrunched up her nose.

_Here it comes_...

"Yes, love?" she asked, looking up at him. Her fingers were still braided in his.

"This is the happiest I have ever felt in the whole of my life..." he began, not being able to look at her right away.

Tonks smiled sadly.

"Me too."

Lupin took a breath before he continued.

"Then I hope you understand how difficult this is for me..."

Tonks said nothing, for which Lupin was grateful.

"And while it is true, that I do love you... we are facing the most dangerous of times, in which we could die at any moment... And it is for that reason..."

"That I am prepared..." she said, her eyes meeting his now, her fingers held up to his lips.

"To spend whatever time is left of my life with you, until death takes us both," she finished, smiling knowingly.

There was no fight in it, no argument, or fear; just a pure truth that only the great Universe could understand.

And Lupin knew.

That no matter how dark the path was ahead...

No matter how difficult the times...

Nymphadora would be forever by his side....

Loving him...

Until death, would they part.

* * *

_If Heaven and Hell decide_

_That they both are Satisfied_

_Illuminate the NO's on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you_

_When your soul embarks_

_I will Follow You into the Dark..._

_I will Follow You into the Dark_


End file.
